
Y^Y^jU-1 

/707 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT 



A TRAMP ABROAD 



By mark TWAIN 



ILLUSTRATED 



Vol. L 




KjX^i-^^U^r 



NEW YORK AND LONDON 
HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS 



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the deluge of blows began 
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sunrise at mount riga . . 



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CONTENTS 



CHAPTER I. 
A Tramp over Europe — Hamburg — Frankfort-on-the-Main — 
How it Won its Name — A Lesson in Political Economy — 
Rhine Legends — " The Knave of Bergen " ..,>... g 

CHAPTER H. 
Heidelberg — Arrival of the Empress — The Schloss Hotel — ■ Lo- 
cation of Heidelberg — River Neckar — Heidelberg Castle — 
Meeting a Raven — ■ Language of Animals — Jim Baker , , 15 

CHAPTER in. 
Baker's Blue-Jay Yarn — Jay Language — The Cabin — Attempt 
to fill a Knot Hole — Friends Called In — Great Mystery — 
A Discovery — ■ A Rich Joke 27 

CHAPTER IV. 
Student Life — The Five Corps — The Beer King — Attending 
Lectures — An Immense Audience — Scenes at the Castle 
Garden — How the Ladies Advertise 33 

CHAPTER V, 

The Students' Dueling Room — The Duelists — Protection against 
Injury — The First Duel — A Drawn Battle — The Second 
Duel — Cutting and Slashing — The Surgeon . . . o . 41 

CHAPTER VI. 
The Third Duel — Sickening Spectacle — Dinner between Fights 
— The Last Duel — Faces and Heads Mutilated — Great 
Nerve of Duelists — The World's View of these Fights ... 48 

(V) 



vi Contents 

CHAPTER VII. 

Corps-laws and Usages — Wounds Honorable — Scarred Faces 
Abundant — Bismarck as a Duelist — Statistics — Sword Prac- 
tice — Color of the Corps — Corps Etiquette 54 

CHAPTER VIII. 

The Great French Duel — Outbreak in the French Assembly — 
Calmness of M. Gambetta — I Volunteer as Second — The 
Challenge and its Acceptance — The Duel and Result ... 62 

'■ - - CHAPTER IX. 

At the Opera — The Orchestra — A Curious Play — Germans fond 
of Opera — Funerals Needed — A Private Party — What I 
Overheard — Unpleasantly Conspicuous 77 

CHAPTER X. 

Four Hours with Wagner — Emotional Germans — A Wise Custom 

— Late Comers Rebuked — No Interruptions Allowed — A 
Royal Audience — Magnanimity of the King 84 

CHAPTER XI. 

Lessons in Art — My Great Picture of Heidelberg Castle — Mis- 
taken for a Turner — A Tramp Decided On — The Start for 
Heilbronn — Wimpfen — A Famous Room ...... 95 

CHAPTER XII. 

The Rathhaus — An Old Robber Knight — His Famous Deeds — 
Square Tower — Curious Old Church — Legend — Model 
Waiter — An Old Town — The Worn Stones . . . < . .103 

CHAPTER XIII. 
Early to Bed — Lonesome — Nervous Excitement — Disturbed by 
a Mouse — The old Remedy — Result — Hopelessly Awake 

— A Cruise in the Dark — A General Smash-up . . . „ no 

CHAPTER XIV. 
A Famous Turn-out — Log Rafts on the Neckar — A Sudden 
Idea — To Heidelberg on a Raft — Delicious Journeying — 
View of the Banks — Compared with Railroading . . , .119 



Contents vil 

CHAPTER XV. 
Down the River — German Women's Duties — Bathing as We 
Went — Girls in the Willows — Dinner on Board — Legend 
" Ca,ve of the Spectre " — The Crusader 126 

CHAPTER XVI. 
An Ancient Legend of the Rhine — " The Lorelei " — Sad Effect 
on Count Hermann — The Song and Music — Different Trans- 
lations — Curiosities in Titles . ....._ 1 36 

CHAPTER XVII. 
Another Legend — The Unconquered Monster — Victory for the 
Fire Extinguisher — The Knight Rewarded — Danger to the 
Raft — Springing a Leak — Safe Ashore — A Night's Troubles I48 

CHAPTER XVIII. 
Breakfast in a Garden — The Old Raven — Castle of Hirschhorn — 
High Dutch — What I Found Out about the Students — A 
Good German Custom — Harris Practices It ...... 160 

CHAPTER XIX. 
At Neckarsteinach — Castle of Dilsberg — A Walled Town — A 
Queer Old Place — Ancient Well — Legend of Dilsberg Castle 
— Turning Pilot — Disaster to the Raft 172 

CHAPTER XX. 
Keramics — My Collection of Bric-a-brac — Tear Jug, Henri II. 
Plate, old Blue China — An Antique — To Baden-Baden — 
Meeting an Old Acquaintance — Embryo Horse Doctor . . 186 

CHAPTER XXI. 
Baden-Baden — Energetic Girls — A Beggar's Trick — The Bath 
Woman — Insolence of Shop Keepers — An Old Cemetery -^ 
A Pious Plag — Curious Table Companions 197 

CHAPTER XXIL 
The Black Forest — A Grandee and his Family — The Wealthy 
Nabob — New Standard of Wealth — Natural History — The 
Ant a Fraud — -A German Dish 210 



viii Contents 

CHAPTER XXIII. 
Off for a Day's Tramp — Tramping and Story Telling — Nicodemus 
Dodge — Seeking a Situation — Jimmy Finn's Skeleton — 
Unexpected Notoriety 225 

CHAPTER XXIV. 
Sunday on the Continent — A Day of Rest — An Incident at Church 

— Royalty at Church — Public Grounds Concert — Power and 
Grades of Music — Hiring a Courier 236 

CHAPTER XXV. 

Lucerne — Beauty of its Lake — The Wild Chamois — A Great 
Error Exposed — Marking Alpenstocks — An American Party 

— An Unexpected Acquaintance — A Happy Half-hour . . 245 

CHAPTER XXVI. 
Commerce of Lucerne — A Bit of History — Home of Cuckoo 
Clocks — Man who Put Up at Gadsby's — Wanted to be Post- 
master — A Tennessean at Washington 263 

CHAPTER XXVII. 
The Glacier Garden — Excursion on the Lake — Life on the Moun- 
tains — A Specimen Tourist — " Where' re you From?" — 
The Guide-book Student — " I Believe that's All" . . . . 278 

CHAPTER XXVIII. 
The Rigi-Kulm — Its Ascent — Railroad up the Mountain — The 
Jodlers — The Felsenthor — Too Late — The Alpine Horn — 
Sunrise at Night 292 

CHAPTER XXIX. 

Everything Convenient — Looking for a Western Sunrise — Mutual 
Recrimination — View from the Summit — Down the Moun- 
tain — Railroading — Confidence Wanted and Acquired . . 307 



A TRAMP ABROAD 



U./ 



VAh'A' 



CHAPTER I. 

ONE day it occurred to me that it had been many 
years since the world had been afforded the 
spectacle of a man adventurous enough to under- 
take a journey through Europe on foot. After 
much thought, I decided that I was a person fitted 
to furnish to mankind this spectacle. So I deter- 
mined to do it. This was in March, 1878. 

I looked about me for the right sort of person to 
accompany me in the capacity of agent, and finally 
hired a Mr. Harris for this service. 

It was also my purpose to study art while in 
Europe. Mr. Harris was in sympathy with me in 
this. He was as much of an enthusiast in art as I 
was, and not less anxious to learn to paint. I de- 
sired to learn the German language; so did Harris. 

Toward the middle of April we sailed in the 
Holsatiay Captain Brandt, and had a very pleasant 
trip, indeed. 

After a brief rest at Hamburg, we made prepara- 
tions for a long pedestrian trip southward in the soft 
spring weather, but at the last moment we changed 
the programme, for private reasons, and took the 
express train. 

(9) 



10 A Tramp Abroad 

We made a short halt at Frankfort-on-the-Maln, 
and found it an interesting city. I would have liked 
to visit the birthplace of Gutenberg, but it could 
not be done, as no memorandum of the site of the 
house has been kept. So we spent an hour in the 
Goethe mansion instead. The city permits this 
house to belong to private parties, instead of gracing 
and dignifying herself with the honor of possessing 
and protecting it. 

Frankfort is one of the sixteen cities which have 
the distinction of being the place where the follow- 
ing incident occurred. Charlemagne, while chasing 
the Saxons (as he said), or being chased by them 
(as they said), arrived at the bank of the river at 
dawn, in a fog. The enemy were either before him 
or behind him ; but in any case he wanted to get 
across, very badly. He would have given anything 
for a guide, but none was to be had. Presently he 
saw a deer, followed by her young, approach the 
water. He watched her, judging that she would 
seek a ford, and he was right. She waded over, 
and the army followed. So a great Prankish victory 
or defeat was gained or avoided ; and in order to 
commemorate the episode, Charlemagne commanded 
a city to be built there, which he named Frankfort, 
— the ford of the Franks. None of the other cities 
where this event happened were named from it. 
This is good evidence that Frankfort was the first 
place it occurred at. 

Frankfort has another distinction, — it is the birth- 



A Tramp Abroad 11 

place of the German alphabet; or at least of the 
German word for alphabet, — Buchstaben. They 
say that the first movable types were made on birch 
sticks, — Buchstabe, — hence the name. 

I was taught a lesson in political economy in 
Frankfort. I had brought from home a box containing 
a thousand very cheap cigars. By way of experiment, 
I stepped into a little shop in a queer old back street, 
took four gaily decorated boxes of wax matches and 
three cigars, and laid down a silver piece worth 48 
cents. The man gave me 43 cents change. 

In Frankfort everybody wears clean clothes, and 
I think we noticed that this strange thing was the 
case in Hamburg, too, and in the villages along the 
road. Even in the narrowest and poorest and most 
ancient quarters of Frankfort neat and clean clothes 
were the rule. The little children of both sexes were 
nearly always nice enough to take into a body's lap. 
And as for the uniforms of the soldiers, they were 
newness and brightness carried to perfection. One 
could never detect a smirch or a grain of dust upon 
them. The street car conductors and drivers wore 
pretty uniforms which seemed to be just out of the 
bandbox, and their manners were as fine as their 
clothes. 

In one of the shops I had the luck to stumble 
upon a book which has charmed me nearly to death. 
It is entitled ' * The Legends of the Rhine from Basle 
to Rotterdam, by Fo J. Kiefer; Translated by L. W. 
Garnham, B.A." 



12 A Tramp Abroad 

All tourists mention the Rhine legends, — in that 
sort of way which quietly pretends that the men- 
tioner has been familiar v/Ith them all his life, and 
that the reader cannot possibly be ignorant of 
them, — but no tourist ever tells them. So this 
little book fed me in a very hungry place; and I, in 
my turn, intend to feed my reader, with one or two 
little lunches from the same larder. I shall not mar 
Garnham's translation by meddling with its English; 
for the most toothsome thing about it is its quaint 
fashion of building English sentences on the German 
plan, — and punctuating them according to no plan 
at all. 

In the chapter devoted to "Legends of Frank- 
fort," I find the following: 

"the knave of BERGEN." 

" In Frankfort at the Romer was a great mask- 
ball, at the coronation festival, and in the illuminated 
saloon, the clanging music invited to dance, and 
splendidly appeared the rich toilets and charmiS of 
the ladies, and the festively costumed Princes and 
Knights. All seem.ed pleasure, joy, and roguish 
gayety, only one of the numerous guests had a 
gloomy exterior; but exactly the black armor in 
which he walked about excited general attention, 
and his tall figure, as well as the noble propriety of 
his movements, attracted especially the regards of 
the ladies. Who the Knight was? Nobody could 
guess, for his Vizier was well closed, and nothing 



A Tramp Abroad 13 

made him recognizable. Proud and yet modest he 
advanced to the Empress; bowed on one knee be- 
fore her seat, and begged for the favor of a waltz 
with the Queen of the festival. And she allowed 
his request. With light and graceful steps he 
danced through the long saloon, with the sovereign 
who thought never to have found a more dexterous 
and excellent dancer. But also by the grace of his 
manner, and fine conversation he knew to win the 
Queen, and she graciously accorded him a second 
dance for which he begged, a third, and a fourth, as 
well as others were not refused him. How all re- 
garded the happy dancer, how many envied him 
the high favor; how increased curiosity, who the 
masked knight could be. 

"Also the Emperor became more and more excited 
with curiosity, and with great suspense one awaited 
the hour, when according to mask-law, each masked 
guest must make himself known. This moment 
came, but although all others had unmasked ; the 
secret knight still refused to allow his features to be 
seen, till at last the Queen driven by curiosity, and 
vexed at the obstinate refusal ; commanded him to 
open his Vizier. He opened \t, and none of the 
high ladies and knights knew him. But from the 
crowded spectators, 2 officials advanced,* who 
recognized the black dancer, and horror and terror 
spread in the saloon, as they said who the supposed 
knight was. It was the executioner of Bergen. But 
glowing with rage, the King commanded to seize 



14 A Tramp Abroad 

the criminal and lead him to death, who had ven- 
tured to dance, with the queen ; so disgraced the 
Empress, and insulted the crown. The culpable 
threw himself at the feet of the Emperor, and said, — 

" ' Indeed I have heavily sinned against all noble 
guests assembled here, but most heavily against you 
my sovereign and my queen. The Queen is in- 
sulted by my haughtiness equal to treason, but no 
punishment even blood, will not be able to wash 
out the disgrace, which you have suffered by me. 
Therefore oh King ! allow me to propose a remedy, 
to efface the shame, and to render it as if not done. 
Draw your sword and knight me, then I will throw 
down my gauntlet, to every one who dares to speak 
disrespectfully of my king. 

" The Emperor was surprised at this bold pro- 
posal, however it appeared the wisest to him ; ' You 
are a knave he replied after a moment's considera- 
tion, however your advice is good, and displays 
prudence, as your offense shows adventurous cour- 
age. Well then, and gave him the knight-stroke, 
so I raise you to nobility, who begged for grace for 
your offense now kneels before me, rise as knight; 
knavish you have acted, and Knave of Bergen shall 
you be called henceforth, and gladly the Black 
knight rose; three cheers were given in honor of 
the Emperor, and loud cries of joy testified the ap- 
probation with which the Queen danced still once 
with the Knave of Bergen." 



CHAPTER II. 



HEIDELBERG 



WE stopped at a hotel by the railway station. 
Next morning, as we sat in my room waiting 
for breakfast to come up, we got a good deal inter- 
ested in something which was going on over the 
way, in front of another hotel. First, the personage 
who is called the portier (who is not the porter, but 
is a sort of first-mate of a hotel)* appeared at the 
door in a spick and span new blue cloth uniform, 
decorated with shining brass buttons, and with bands 
of gold lace around his cap and wristbands ; and he 
wore white gloves, too. He shed an official glance 
upon the situation, and then began to give orders. 
Two women servants came out with pails and 
brooms and brushes, and gave the sidewalk a 
thorough scrubbing ; meanwhile two others scrubbed 
the four marble steps which led up to the door; 
beyond these we could see some men-servants taking 
up the carpet of the grand staircase. This carpet 
was carried away and the last grain of Just beaten 



* See Appendix A. 

(15) 



16 A Tramp Abroad 

and banged and swept out of it ; then brought back 
and put down again. The brass stair rods received 
an exhaustive poHshing and were returned to their 
places. Now a troop of servants brought pots and 
tubs of blooming plants and formed them into a 
beautiful jungle about the door and the base of the 
staircase. Other servants adorned all the balconies 
of the various stories with flowers and banners; 
others ascended to the roof and hoisted a great flag 
on a staff there. Now came some more chamber- 
maids and retouched the sidewalk, and afterward 
wiped the marble steps with damp cloths and finished 
by dusting them off with feather brushes. Now a 
broad black carpet was brought out and laid down 
the marble steps and out across the sidewalk to the 
curbstone. The portier cast his eye along it, and 
found it was not absolutely straight; he commanded 
it to be straightened ; the servants made the effort, — 
made several efforts, in fact, — but the portier was 
not satisfied. He finally had it taken up, and then 
he put it down himself and got it right. 

At this stage of the proceedings, a narrow bright 
red carpet was unrolled and stretched from the top 
of the marble steps to the curbstone, along the 
center of the black carpet. This red path cost the 
portier more trouble than even the black one had 
done. But he patiently fixed and re-fixed it until it 
was exactly right and lay precisely in the middle of 
the black carpet. In New York these performances 
would have gathered a mighty crowd of curious and 



A Tramp Abroad 17 

intensely interested spectators; but here it only 
captured an audience of half-a-dozen little boys, 
who stood in a row across the pavement, some with 
their school knapsacks on their backs and their 
hands in their pockets, others with arms full of 
bundles, and all absorbed in the show. Occasionally 
one of them skipped irreverently over the carpet 
and took up a position on the other side. This 
always visibly annoyed the portier. 

Now came a waiting interval. The landlord, in 
plain clothes, and bareheaded, placed himself on 
the bottom marble step, abreast the portier y who 
stood on the other end of the same steps; six or 
eight waiters, gloved, bareheaded, and wearing their 
whitest linen, their whitest cravats, and their finest 
swallow-tails, grouped themselves about these chiefs, 
but leaving the carpet-way clear. Nobody moved 
or spoke any more but only waited. 

In a short time the shrill piping of a coming train 
was heard, and immediately groups of people began 
to gather in the street. Two or three open carriages 
arrived, and deposited some maids of honor and 
some male officials at the hotel. Presently another 
open carriage brought the Grand Duke of Baden, a 
stately man in uniform, who wore the handsome 
brass-mounted, steel-spiked helmet of the army on 
his head. Last came the Empress of Germany and 
the Grand Duchess of Baden in a close carriage; 
these passed through the low-bowing groups of 
servants and disappeared in the hotel, exhibiting to 



18 A Tramp Abroad 

us only the backs of their heads, and then the show 
vvas over. 

It appears to be as difficult to land a monarch as 
it is to launch a ship. 

But as to Heidelberg. The weather was growing 
pretty warm, — very warm, in fact. So we left the 
valley and took quarters at the Schloss Hotel, on 
the hill, above the Castle. 

Heidelberg lies at the mouth of a narrow gorge — 
a gorge the shape of a shepherd's crook; if one 
looks up it he perceives that it is about straight, for 
a mile and a half, then makes a sharp curve to the 
right and disappears. This gorge, — along whose 
bottom pours the swift Neckar, — is confined be- 
tween (or cloven through) a couple of long, steep 
ridges, a thousand feet high and densely wooded 
clear to their summits, with the exception of one 
section which has been shaved and put under culti- 
vation. These ridges are chopped off at the mouth 
of the gorge and form two bold and conspicuous 
headlands, with Heidelberg nestling between them ; 
from their bases spreads away the vast dim expanse 
of the Rhine valley, and into this expanse the 
Neckar goes wandering in shining curves and is 
presently lost to view. 

Now if one turns and looks up the gorge once 
more, he will see the Schloss Hotel on the right, 
perched on a precipice overlooking the Neckar, — a 
precipice which is so sumptuously cushioned and 
draped with foliage that no glimpse of the rock ap- 



A Tramp Abroad 19 

pears. The building seems very airily situated. It 
has the appearance of being on a shelf half way up 
the wooded mountain side ; and as it is remote and 
isolated, and very white, it makes a strong mark 
against the lofty leafy rampart at its back. 

This hotel had a feature which was a decided 
novelty, and one which might be adopted with ad- 
vantage by any house which is perched in a com- 
manding situation. This feature may be described 
as a series of glass-enclosed parlors clinging to the 
outside of the house, one against each and every bed- 
chamber and drawing-room. They are like long, 
narrow, high-ceiled bird-cages hung against the 
building. My room was a corner room, and had 
two of these things, a north one and a west one. 

From the north cage one looks up the Neckar 
gorge ; from the west one he looks down it. This 
last affords the most extensive view, and it is one of 
the loveliest that can be imagined, too. Out of a 
billowy upheaval of vivid green foliage, a rifle-shot 
removed, rises the huge ruin of Heidelberg Castle,* 
with empty window arches, ivy-mailed battlements, 
moldering towers — the Lear of inanimate nature, — 
deserted, discrowned, beaten by the storms, but 
royal still, and beautiful. It is a fine sight to see 
the evening sunlight suddenly strike the leafy de- 
clivity at the Castle's base and dash up it and drench 
it as with a luminous spray, while the adjacen*' 
groves are in deep shadow. 

* See Appendix B. 
B« 



20 A Tramp Abroad 

Behind the Castle swells a great dome-shaped hill, 
forest-clad, and beyond that a nobler and loftier 
one. The Castle looks down upon the compact 
brown-roofed town ; and from the town two pictur- 
esque old bridges span the river. Now the view 
broadens; through the gateway of the sentinel head- 
lands you gaze out over the wide Rhine plain, which 
stretches away, softly and richly tinted, grows 
gradually and dreamily indistinct, and finally melts 
imperceptibly into the remote horizon. 

I have never enjoyed a view which had such a 
serene and satisfying charm about it as this one 
gives. 

The first night we were there, we went to bed and 
to sleep early; but I awoke at the end of two or 
three hours, and lay a comfortable while listening to 
the soothing patter of the rain against the balcony 
windows. I took it to be rain, but it turned out to 
be only the murmur of the restless Neckar, tumbling 
over her dikes and dams far below, in the gorge. I 
got up and went into the west balcony and saw a 
wonderful sight. Away down on the level, under 
the black mass of the Castle, the town lay, stretched 
along the river, its intricate cobweb of streets jeweled 
with twinkling lights ; there were rows of lights on 
the bridges; these flung lances of light upon the 
water, in the black shadows of the arches ; and away 
at the extremity of all this fairy spectacle blinked 
and glowed a massed multitude of gas jets which 
seemed to cover acres of ground ; it was as if all 



A Tramp Abroad 2i 

the diamonds in the world had been spread out 
there. I did not know before, that a half mile of 
sextuple railway tracks could be made such an 
adornment. 

One thinks Heidelberg by day — with its sur- 
roundings — is the last possibility of the beautiful : 
but v/her he sees Heidelberg by night, a fallen Milky 
Way, with that glittering railway constellation pinned 
to the border, he requires time to consider upon the 
verdict. 

One never tires of poking about in the dense 
woods that clothe all these lofty Neckar hills to their 
tops. The great deeps of a boundless forest have a 
beguiling and impressive charm in any country; but 
German legends and fairy tales have given these an 
added charm. They have peopled all that region 
with gnomes, and dwarfs, and all sorts of mysterious 
and uncanny creatures. At the time I am writing 
of, I had been reading so much of this literature that 
sometimes I was not sure but I was beginning to 
believe in the gnomes and fairies as realities. 

One afternoon I got lost in the woods about a 
mile from the hotel, and presently fell into a train of 
dreamy thought about animals which talk, and 
kobolds, and enchanted folk, and the rest of the 
pleasant legendary stuff; and so, by stimulating my 
fancy, I finally got to imagining I glimpsed small 
flitting shapes here and there down the columned 
aisles of the forest. It was a place which was 
peculiarly meet for the occasion. It was a pine 



22 A Tramp Abroad 

wood, with so thick and soft a carpet of brown 
needles that one's footfall made no more sound than 
if he were treading on wool ; the tree-trunks were as 
round and straight and smooth as pillars, and stood 
close together; they were bare of branches to a 
point about twenty-five feet'above ground, and from 
there upward so thick with boughs that not a ray of 
sunlight could pierce through. The world was 
bright with sunshine outside, but a deep and mellow 
twilight reigned in there, and also a silence so pro- 
found that I seemed to hear my own breathings. 

When I had stood ten minutes, thinking and 
imagining, and getting my spirit in tune with the 
place, and in the right mood to enjoy the super- 
natural, a raven suddenly uttered a horse croak over 
my head. It made me start; and then I was angry 
because I started. I looked up, and the creature 
was sitting on a Hmb right over me, looking down at 
me. I felt something of the same sense of humilia- 
tion and injury which one feels when he finds that a 
human stranger has been clandestinely inspecting 
him in his privacy and mentally commenting upon 
him. I eyed the raven, and the raven eyed me. 
Nothing was said during some seconds. Then the 
bird stepped a little way along his limb to get a 
better point of observation, lifted his wings, stuck 
his head far down below his shoulders toward me, 
and croaked again — a croak with a distinctly in- 
sulting expression about it. If he had spoken in 
English he could not have said any more plainly 



A Tramp Abroad 23 

than he did say in raven, *' Well, what do j^ou want 
here?" I felt as foolish as if I had been caught in 
some mean act by a responsible being, and reproved 
for it. However, 1 made no reply; I would not 
bandy words with a raven. The adversary waited a 
while, with his shoulders still lifted, his head thrust 
down between them, and his keen bright eye fixed 
on me; then he threw out two or three more insults, 
which I could not understand, further than that I 
knew a portion of them consisted of language not 
used in church. 

I still made no reply. Now the adversary raised 
his head and called. There was an answering croak 
from a little distance in the wood, — evidently a 
croak of inquiry. The adversary explained with 
enthusiasm, and the other raven dropped everything 
and came. The two sat side by side on the limb 
and discussed me as freely and offensively as two 
great naturalists might discuss a new kind of bug. 
The thing became more and more embarrassing. 
They called in another friend. This was too much. 
I saw that they had the advantage of me, and so I 
concluded to get out of the scrape by walking out of 
it. They enjoyed my defeat as much as any low 
white people could have done. They craned their 
necks and laughed at me (for a raven can' laugh, 
just like a man), they squalled insulting remaiks 
after me as long as they could see me. They were 
nothing but ravens — I knew that, — what they 
thought about me could be a matter of no conse- 



24 A Tramp Abroad 

quence,— -and yet when even a raven shouts after 
you, "What a hat!" ** Oh, pull down your vest!" 
and that sort of thing, it hurts you and humih'ates 
you, and there is no getting around it with fine 
reasoning and pretty arguments. 

Animals talk to each other, of course. There can 
be no question about that ; but I suppose there are 
very few people who can understand them. I never 
knew but one man who could. I knew he could, 
however, because he told me so himself. He was a 
middle-aged, simple-hearted miner who had lived in 
a lonely 'corner of California, among the woods and 
mountains, a good many years, and had studied the 
ways of his only neighbors, the beasts and the birds, 
until he believed he could accurately translate any 
remark which they made. This was Jim Baker. 
According to Jim Baker, some animals have only a 
limited education, and use only very simple words, 
and scarcely ever a comparison or a flowery figure; 
whereas, certain other animals have a large vocabu- 
lary, a fine command of language and a ready and 
fluent delivery; consequently these latter talk a 
great deal ; they like it ; they are conscious of their 
talent, and they enjoy " showing off." Baker said, 
that after long and careful observation, he had come 
to the conclusion that the bluejays were the best 
talkers he had found among birds and beasts. Said 
he: 

** There's more to ^ bluejay than any other crea- 
ture. He has got more moods, and more different 



A Tramp Abroad 25 

kinds of feelings than other creatures; and, mind 
you, whatever a bluejay feels, he can put into 
language. And no mere commonplace language, 
either, but rattling, out-and-out book-talk — and 
bristling with metaphor, too — just bristling! And 
as for command of language — why you never see a 
bluejay get stuck for a word. No man ever did. 
They just boil out of him ! And another thing : 
I've noticed a good deal, and there's no bird, or 
cow, or anything that uses as good grammar as a 
bluejay. You may say a cat uses good grammar. 
Well, a cat does — but you let a cat get excited 
once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another 
cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that 
will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think 
it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so 
aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening gram- 
mar they use. Now I've never heard a jay use bad 
grammar but very seldom; and when they do, they 
are as ashamed as a human; they shut tight down 
and leave. 

" You may call a jay a bird. Well, so he is, in a 
measure — because he's got feathers on him, and 
don't belong to no church, perhaps; but otherwise 
he is just as much a human as you be. And I'll 
tell you for why. A jay's gifts, and instincts, and 
feelings, and interests, cover the whole ground. A 
jay hasn't got any more principle than a Congress- 
man. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will 
deceive, a jay will betray; and four times out of 



26 A Tramp Abroad 

five, a jay will go back on his solemnest promise. 
The sacredness of an obligation is a thing which you 
can't cram into no bluejay's head. Now, on top 
of all this, there's another thing; a jay can out- 
swear any gentleman in the mines. You think a cat 
can swear. Well, a cat can ; but you give a blue- 
jay a subject that calls for his reserve-powers, and 
where is your cat? Don't talk to 7ne — I know too 
much about this thing. And there's yet another 
thing; in the one little particular of scolding — just 
good, clean, out-and-out scolding — a bluejay can 
lay over anything, human or divine. Yes, sir, a 
jay is everything that a man is. A jay can cry, a 
jay can laugh, a jay can feel shame, a jay can reason 
and plan and discuss, a jay likes gossip and scandal, 
a jay has got a sense of humor, a jay knows when 
he is an ass just as well as you do — maybe better. 
If a jay ain't human, he better take in his sign, 
that's all. Now I'm going to tell you a perfectly 
true fact about some bluejays." 



CHAPTER III. 

baker's blue; ay yarn 
tfW/HEN I first begun to understand jay language 
W correctly, there was a little incident hap- 
pened here. Seven years ago, the last man in this 
region but me moved away. There stands his 
house, — been empty ever since; a log house, with 
a plank roof — just one big room, and no more; no 
ceiling — nothing between the rafters and the floor. 
Well, one Sunday morning 1 was sitting out here in 
front of my cabin, with my cat, taking the sun, and 
looking at the blue hills, and listening to the leaves 
rustling so lonely in the trees, and thinking of the 
home away yonder in the states, that I hadn't heard 
from in thirteen years, when a bluejay lit on that 
house, with an acorn in his mouth, and says, 
»' Hello, I reckon I've struck something.' When he 
spoke, the acorn dropped out of his mouth and 
rolled down the roof, of course, but he didn't care ; 
his mind was all on the thing he had struck. It 
was a knot-hole in the roof. lie cocked his head to 
one side, shut one eye and put the other one to the 
hole, like a 'possum looking down a jug; then he 

(87) 



28 A Tramp Abroad 

glanced up with his bright eyes, gave a wink or two with 
his wings — which signifies gratification, you under- 
stand, — and says, * It looks like a hole, it's located 
h'ke a hole, — blamed if I don't believe it is a hole !' 
*' Then he cocked his head down and took another 
look; he glances up perfectly joyful, this time; 
winks his wings and his tail both, and says, ' Oh, 
no, this ain't no fat thing, I reckon ! If I ain't in 
luck! — why it's a perfectly elegant hole!' So he 
flew down and got that acorn, and fetched it up and 
dropped it in, and was just tilting his head back, 
with the heavenliest smile on his face, when all of a 
sudden he was paralyzed into a listening attitude and 
that smile faded gradually out of his countenance 
like breath off' n a razor, and the queerest look of 
surprise took its place. Then he says, * Why, I 
didn't hear it fall!' He cocked his eye at the hole 
again, and took a long look; raised up and shook 
his head ; stepped around to the other side of the 
hole and took another look from that side ; shook 
his head again. He studied a while, then he just 
went into the ^^tails — walked round and round the 
hole and spied into it from every point of the com- 
pass. No use. Now he took a thinking attitude^ 
on the comb of the roof and scratched the back of 
his head with his right foot a minute, and finally 
says, 'Well, it's too many for me, that's certain; 
must be a mighty long hole; however, I ain't got 
no time to fool around here, I got to 'tend to busi- 
ness; I reckon it's all right — chance it, anyway.* 



A Tramp Abroad 29 

"So he flew off and fetched another acorn and 
dropped it in, and tried to flirt his eye to the hole 
quick enough to see what become of it, but he was 
too late. He held his eye there as much as a min- 
ute; then he raised up and sighed, and says, ' Con- 
found it, I don't seem to understand this thing, no 
way; however, I'll tackle her again.' He fetched 
another acorn, and done his level best to see what 
become of it, but he couldn't. He says, ' Well, 1 
never struck no such a hole as this before; I'm of 
the opinion. it's a totally new kind of a hole.' Then 
he begun to get mad. He held in for a spell, walk- 
ing up and down the comb of the roof and shaking 
his head and muttering to himself; but his feelings 
got the upper hand of him, presently, and he broke 
loose and cussed himself black in the face. I never 
see a bird take on so about a little thing. When he 
got through he walks to the hole and looks in again 
for half a minute; then he says, 'Well, you're a 
long hole, and a deep hole, and a mighty singular 
hole altogether — but I've started in to fill you, and 
I'm d — d if I don't fill you, if it takes a hundred 
years ! ' 

"And with that, away he went. You never see 
a bird work so since you was born. He laid into 
his work like a nigger, and the way he hove acorns 
into that hole for about two hours and a half was 
one of the most exciting and astonishing spectacles 
I ever struck. He never stopped to take a look any 
more — he just hove 'em in and went for more, 
3'" 



30 A Tramp Abroad 

Well, at last he could hardly flop his wings, he was 
so tuckered out. He comes a-drooping down, once 
more, sweating like an ice-pitcher, drops his acorn 
in and says, 'Now I guess I've got the bulge on 
you by this time!' So he bent down for a look. 
If you'll believe me, when his head come up again 
he was just pale with rage. He says, ' I've shoveled 
acorns enough in there to keep the family thirty 
years, and if I can see a sign of one of 'em I wish I 
may land in a museum with a belly full of sawdust 
in two minutes !' 

" He just had strength enough to crawl up on to 
the comb and lean his back agin the chimbly, and 
then he collected his impressions and begun to free 
his mind, I see in a second that what I had mis- 
took for profanity in the mines was only just the 
rudirnents, as you may say. 

" Another jay was going by, and heard him doing 
his devotions, and stops to inquire what was up. 
The sufferer told him the whole circumstance, and 
says, ' Now yonder's the hole, and if you don't be- 
lieve me, go and look for yourself.' So this fellow 
went and looked, and comes back and says, * How 
many did you say you put in there?' * Not any 
less than two tons,' says the sufferer. The other 
jay went and looked again. He couldn't seem to 
make it out, so he raised a yell, and three more jays 
come. They all examined the hole, they all made 
the sufferer tell it over again, then they all discussed 
it, and got off as many leather-headed opinions 



A Tramp Abroad 31 

about it as an average crowd of humans could hav*. 
done. 

" They called in more jays; then more and more, 
till pretty soon this whole region 'peared to have s 
blue flush about it. There must have been five 
thousand of them; and such another jawing and 
disputing and ripping and cussing, you never heard. 
Every jay in the whole lot put his eye to the hole 
and delivered a more chuckle-headed opinion about 
the mystery than the jay that went there before him. 
They examined the house all over, too. The door 
was standing half open, and at last one old jay hap- 
pened to go and light on it and look in. Of course, 
that knocked the mystery galley- west in a second. 
There lay the acorns, scattered all over the floor. 
He flopped his wings and raised a whoop. ' Come 
here!' he says, 'Come here, everybody; hang'd if 
this fool hasn't been trying to fill up a house with 
acorns!' They all came a-swooping down like a 
blue cloud, and as each fellow lit on the door and 
took a glance, the whole absurdity of the contract 
that that first jay had tackled hit him home and he 
fell over backwards suffocating with laughter, and 
the next jay took his place and done the same. 

"Well, sir, they roosted around here on the 
housetop and the trees for an hour, and guftawed 
over that thing like human beings. It ain't any use 
to tell me a bluejay hasn't got a sense of humor, 
because I know better. And memory, too. They 
brought jays here from all over the United States to 



32 A Tramp Abroad 

look down that hole, every summer for three years. 
Other birds, too. And they could all see the point, 
except an owl that come from Nova Scotia to visit 
the Yo Semite, and he took this thing in on his way 
back. He said he couldn't see anything funny in 
it. But then he was a good deal disappointed about 
Yo Semite, too." 



CHAPTER IV. 

STUDENT LIFE 

THE summer semester was in full tide; conse- 
quently the most frequent figure in and about 
Heidelberg was the student. Most of the students 
were Germans, of course, but the representatives of 
foreign lands were very numerous. They hailed 
from every corner of the globe, — for instruction is 
cheap in Heidelberg, and so is living, too. The 
Anglo-American Club, composed of British and 
American students, had twenty-five members, and 
there was still much material left to draw from. 

Nine-tenths of the Heidelberg students wore no 
badge or uniform; the other tenth wore caps of 
various colors, and belonged to social organizations 
called "corps." There were five corps, each with 
a color of its own; there were white caps, blue caps, 
and red, yellow, and green ones. The famous duel- 
fighting is confined to the "corps" boys. The 
** kneip^* seems to be a specialty of theirs, too. 
Kneips are held, now and then, to celebrate great 
occasions, like the election of a beer king, for in- 
stance. The solemnity is simple; the five corps 
3» (33) 



34 A Tramp Abroad 

assemble at night, and at a signal they all fall load 
ing themselves with beer, out of pint-mugs, as fast 
as possible, and each man keeps his own count, — ■ 
usually by laying aside a lucifer match for each mug 
he empties. The election is soon decided. When 
the candidates can hold no more, a count is insti- 
tuted and the one who has drank the greatest num- 
ber of pints is proclaimed king. I was told that the 
last beer king elected by the corps, — or by his own 
capabilities, — emptied his mug seventy-five times. 
No stomach could hold all that quantity at one time, 
of course, — but there are ways of frequently creat- 
ing a vacuum, which those who have been much at 
sea will understand. 

One sees so many students abroad at all hours, 
that he presently begins to wonder if they ever have 
any working hours. Some of them have, some of 
them haven't. Each can choose for himself whether 
he will work or play ; for German university life is a 
very free life ; it seems to have no restraints. The stu- 
dent does not live in the college buildings, but hires 
his own lodgings, in any locality he prefers, and he 
takes his meals when and where he pleases. He 
goes to bed when it suits him, and does not get up 
at all unless he wants to. He is not entered at the 
university for any particular length of time; so he 
is likely to change about. He passes no examina- 
tion upon entering college. He merely pays a 
trifling fee of five or ten dollars, receives a card 
entitling him to the privileges of the university, and 



A Tramp Abroaa 35 

that is the end of it. He is now ready for business, 
— or play, as he shall prefer. If he elects to work, 
he finds a large list of lectures to choose from. He 
selects the subjects which he will study, and enters 
his name for these studies ; but he can skip attend- 
ance. 

The result of this system is, that lecture-courses 
upon specialties of an unusual nature are often 
delivered to very slim audiences, while those upon 
more practical and every-day matters of education 
are delivered to very large ones. I heard of one 
case where, day after day, the lecturer's audience 
consisted of three students, — and always the same 
three. But one day two of them remained away. 
The lecturer began as usual, — 

" Gentlemen," — 

— then, without a smile, 
he corrected himself, saying, — 
••Sir,"— 

— and went on with his 
discourse. 

It is said that the vast majority of the Heidelberg 
students are hard workers, and make the most of 
their opportunities ; that they have no surplus means 
to spend in dissipation, and no time to spare for 
frolicking. One lecture follows right on the' heels 
of another, with very little time for the student to 
get out of one hall and into the next; but the indus- 
trious ones manage it by going on a trot. The 
professors assist them in the saving of their time by 



36 A Tramp Abroad 

being promptly in their little boxed-up pulpits when 
the hours strike, and as promptly out again when 
the hour finishes. I entered an empty lecture-room 
one day just before the clock struck. The place 
had simple, unpainted pine desks and benches for 
about 200 persons. 

About a minute before the clock struck, a hun- 
dred and fifty students swarmed in, rushed to their 
seats, immediately spread open their note-books and 
dipped their pens in the ink. When the clock began 
to strike, a burly professor entered, was received 
with a round of applause, moved swiftly down the 
center aisle, said '* Gentlemen," and began to talk 
as he climbed his pulpit steps ; and by the time he 
had arrived in his box and faced his audience, his 
lecture was well under way and all the pens were 
going. He had no notes, he talked with prodigious 
rapidity and energy for an hour, — then the students 
began to remind him in certain well understood 
ways that his time was up ; he seized his hat, still 
talking, proceeded swiftly down his pulpit steps, got 
out the last word of his discourse as he struck the 
floor; everybody rose respectfully, and he swept 
rapidly down the aisle and disappeared. An in- 
stant rush for some other lecture room followed, 
and in a minute I was alone with the empty benches 
once more. 

Yes, without doubt, idle students are not the 
rule. Out of eight hundred in the town, I knew 
the faces of only about fifty ; but these I saw every- 



A Tramp Abroad "^l 

where, and daily. They walked about the streets 
and the wooded hills, they drove in cabs, they 
boated on the river, they sipped beer and coffee, 
afternoons, in the Schloss gardens. A good many 
of them wore the colored caps of the corps. They 
were finely and fashionably dressed, their manners, 
were quite superb, and they led an easy, careless, 
comfortable life. If a dozen of them sat together, 
and a lady or a gentleman passed whom one of them 
knew and saluted, they all rose to their feet and 
took off their caps. The members of a corps always 
received a fellow-member in this way, too ; but they 
paid no attention to members of other corps ; they 
did not seem to see them. This was not a dis- 
courtesy; it was only a part of the elaborate and 
rigid corps-etiquette. 

There seems to be no chilly distance existing be- 
tween the German students and the professor; but, 
on the contrary, a companionable intercourse, the 
opposite of chilliness and reserve. When the pro- 
fessor enters a beer hall in the evening where stu- 
dents are gathered together, these rise up and take 
off their caps, and invite the old gentleman to sit 
with them and partake. He accepts, and the pleas- 
ant talk and the beer flow for an hour or two, and 
by and by the professor, properly charged* and 
comfortable, gives a cordial good night, while the 
students stand bowing and uncovered ; and then 
he moves on his happy way homeward with all 
his vast cargo of learning afloat in his hold. 



38 A Tramp Abroad 

Nobody finds fault or feels outraged ; no harm has 
been done. 

It seemed to be a part of corps-etiquette to keep a 
dog or so, too. I mean a corps-dog, — the common 
property of the organization, like the corps-steward 
or head servant; then there are other dogs, owned 
by individuals. 

On a summer afternoon in the Castle gardens, I 
have seen six students march solemnly into the 
grounds, in single file, each carrying a bright Chinese 
parasol and leading a prodigious dog by a string. 
It was a very imposing spectacle. Sometimes there 
would be about as many dogs around the pavilion as 
students; and of all breeds and of all degrees of 
beauty and ugliness. These dogs had a rather dry 
time of it ; for they were tied to the benches and 
had no amusement for an hour or two at a time ex- 
cept what they could get out of pawing at the gnats, 
or trying to sleep and not succeeding. However, 
they got a lump of sugar occasionally — they were 
fond of that. 

It seemed right and proper that students should 
indulge in dogs; but everybody else had them, too, 
— old men and young ones, old women and nice 
young ladies. If there is one spectacle that 
is unpleasanter than another, it is that of an 
elegantly dressed young lady towing a dog by 
a string. It is said to be the sign and symbol of 
blighted love. It seems to me that some other 
way of advertising it might be devised, which would 



A Tramp Abroad 39 

be just as conspicuous and yet not so trying to the 
proprieties. 

It would be a mistake to suppose that the easy- 
going pleasure-seeking student carries an empty 
head. Just the contrary. He has spent nine years 
in the gymnasium, under a system which allowed 
him no freedom, but vigorously compelled him to 
work like a slave. Consequently, he has left the 
gymnasium with an education which is so extensive 
and complete, that the most a university can do for 
it is to perfect some of its profounder specialties. 
It is said that when a pupil leaves the gymnasium, 
he not only has a comprehensive education, but he 
knows what he knows, — it is not befogged with un- 
certainty, it is burnt into him so that it will stay. 
For instance, he does not merely read and write 
Greek, but speaks it; the same with the Latin. 
Foreign youth steer clear of the gymnasium ; its 
rules are too severe. They go to the university to 
put a mansard roof on their whole general educa- 
tion ; but the German student already has his man- 
sard roof, so he goes there to add a steeple in the 
nature of some specialty, such as a particular branch 
of law, or medicine, or philology — like international 
law, or diseases of the eye, or special study of the 
ancient Gothic tongues. So this German attends 
only the lectures v/hlch belong to the chosen branch, 
and drinks his beer and tows his dog around and has 
a general good time the rest of the day. He has 
been in rigid bondage so long that the large liberty 



40 A Tramp Abroad 

of university lite is just what he needs and likes and 
thoroughly appreciates ; and as it cannot last for- 
ever, he makes the most of it while it does last, and 
so lays up a good rest against the day that must see 
him put on the chains once more and enter the 
slavery of official or professional life. 



CHAPTER V. 

AT THE students' DUELING GROUND 

ONE day in the interest of science my agent ob- 
tained permission to bring me to the students' 
duehng place. We crossed the river and drove up 
the bank a few hundred yards, then turned to the 
left, entered a narrow alley, followed it a hundred 
yards and arrived at a two-story public house ; we 
were acquainted with its outside aspect, for it was 
visible from the hotel. We went up stairs and 
passed into a large whitewashed apartment which 
was perhaps fifty feet long by thirty feet wide and 
twenty or twenty-five high. It was a well-lighted 
place. There was no carpet. Across one end and 
down both sides of the room extended a row of 
tables, and at these tables some fifty or seventy-five 
students* were sitting. 

Some of them were sipping wine, others were 
playing cards, others chess, other groups were chat- 
ting together, and many were smoking cigarettes 
while they waited for the coming duels. Nearly all 

* See Appendix C. 

(41) 



42 A Tramp Abroad 

of them wore colored caps; there were white caps, 
green caps, blue caps, red caps, and bright yellow 
ones; so, all the five corps were present in strong 
force. In the windows at the vacant end of the 
room stood six or eight long, narrow-bladed swords 
with large protecting guards for the hand, and out- 
side was a man at work sharpening others on a 
grindstone. He understood his business; for when 
a sword left his hand one could shave himself with it. 
It was observable that the young gentlemen neither 
bowed to nor spoke with students whose caps 
differed in color from their own. This did not mean 
hostility, but only an armed neutrality. It was con- 
sidered that a person could strike harder in the duel, 
and with a more earnest interest, if he had never 
been in a condition of comradeship with his antago- 
nist; therefore, comradeship between the corps was 
not permitted. At intervals the presidents of the 
five corps have a cold official intercourse with each 
other, but nothing further. For example, when the 
regular dueling day of one of the corps approaches, 
its president calls for volunteers from among the 
membership to offer battle; three or more respond, 
— but there must not be less than three ; the presi- 
dent lays their names before the other presidents, 
with the request that they furnish antagonists for 
these challengers from among their corps. This 
is promptly done. It chanced that the present 
occasion was the battle day of the Red Cap 
Corps. They were the challengers, and certain 



A Tramp Abroad 43 

caps of other colors had volunteered to meet them. 
The students fight duels in the room which I have 
described, two days in every week during seven and 
a half or eight mo7iths in every year. This custom 
has continued in Germany two hundred and fifty 
years. 

To return to my narrative. A student in a white 
cap met us and introduced us to six or eight friends 
of his who also wore white caps, and while we stood 
conversing, two strange-looking figures were led in 
from another room. They were students panoplied 
for the duel. They were bareheaded ; their eyes 
were protected by iron goggles which projected an 
inch or more, the leather straps of which bound 
their ears flat against their heads ; their necks were 
wound around and around with thick wrappings 
which a sword could not cut through ; from chin to 
ankle they were padded thoroughly against injury ; 
their arms were bandaged and re-bandaged, layer 
upon layer, until they looked like solid black logs. 
These weird apparitions had been handsome youths, 
clad in fashionable attire, fifteen minutes before, but 
now they did not resemble any beings one ever sees 
unless in nightmares. They strode along, with their 
arms projecting straight out from their bodies ; they 
did not hold them out themselves, but fellow students 
walked beside them and gave the needed support. 

There was a rush for the vacant end of the room, 
now, and we followed and got good places. The 
combatants were placed face to face, each with 



44 A Tramp Abroad 

several members of his own corps about him to 
assist; two seconds, well padded, and with swords 
in their hands, took near stations ; a student belong- 
ing to neither of the opposing corps placed himself 
in a good position to umpire the combat; another 
student stood by with a watch and a memorandum- 
book to keep record of the time and the number 
and nature of the wounds; a gray-haired surgeon 
was present with his lint, his bandages, and his 
instruments. After a moment's pause the duelists 
saluted the umpire respectfully, then one after 
another the several officials stepped forward, grace- 
fully removed their caps and saluted him also, and 
returned to their places. Everything was ready 
now; students stood crowded together in the fore- 
ground, and others stood behind them on chairs and 
tables. Every face was turned toward the center of 
attraction. 

The combatants were watching each other with 
alert eyes; a perfect stillness, a breathless interest 
reigned. I felt that I was going to see some wary 
work. But not so. The instant the word was 
given, the two apparitions sprang forward and began 
to rain blows down upon each other with such light- 
ning rapidity that I could not quite tell whether I 
saw the swords or only the flashes they made in the 
air; the rattling din of these blows, as they struck 
steel or paddings was something wonderfully stirring, 
and they were struck with such terrific force that I 
could not understand why the opposing sword was 



A Tramp Abroad 45 

not beaten down under the assault. Presently, in 
the midst of the sword-flashes, I saw a handful of 
hair skip into the air as if it had lain loose on the 
victim's head and a breath of wind h^d puffed it 
suddenly away. 

The seconds cried "Halt!" and knocked up the 
combatants' swords with their own. The duelists 
sat down ; a student-official stepped forward, exam- 
ined the wounded head and touched the place with a 
sponge once or twice ; the surgeon came and turned 
back the hair from the wound — and revealed a 
crimson gash two or three inches long, and pro- 
ceeded to bind an oval piece of leather and a bunch 
of lint over it; the tally-keeper stepped up and 
tallied one for the opposition in his book. 

Then the duelists took position again ; a small 
stream of blood was flowing down the side of the 
injured man's head, and over his shoulder and down 
his body to the floor, but he did not seem to mind 
this. The word was given, and they plunged at 
each other as fiercely as before; once more the 
blows rained and rattled and flashed; every few 
moments the quick-eyed seconds would notice that a 
sword was bent — then they called " Halt!" struck 
up the contending weapons, and an assisting student 
straightened the bent one. 

The wonderful turmoil went on — presently a 

bright spark sprung from a blade, and that blade, 

broken in several pieces, sent one of its fragments 

flying to the ceiling. A new sword was provided, 

4* 



46 A Tramp Abroad 

and the fight proceeded. The exercise was tremen- 
dous, of course, and in time the fighters began to 
show great fatigue. They were allowed to rest a 
moment, every little while ; they got other rests by 
wounding each other, for then they could sit down 
while the doctor applied the hnt and bandages. 
The law is that the battle must continue fifteen 
minutes if the men can hold out; and as the pauses 
do not count, this duel was protracted to twenty or 
thirty minutes, I judged. At last it was decided 
that the men were too much wearied to do battle 
longer. They were led away drenched with crimson 
from head to foot. That was a good fight, but it 
could not count, partly because it did not last the 
lawful fifteen minutes (of actual fighting), and partly 
because neither man was disabled by his wounds. 
It was a drawn battle, and corps law requires that 
drawn battles shall be re-fought as soon as the 
adversaries are well of their hurts. 

During the conflict, I had talked a little, now and 
then, with a young gentleman of the White Cap corps, 
and he had mentioned that he was to fight next, — 
and had also pointed out his challenger, a young 
gentleman who was leaning against the opposite wall 
smoking a cigarette and restfully observing the duel 
then in progress. 

My acquaintanceship with a party to the coming 
contest had the effect of giving me a kind of per- 
sonal interest in it; I naturally wished he might win, 
and it was the reverse of pleasant to learn that he 



A Tramp Abroad 47 

probably would not, because, although he was a 
notable swordsman, the challenger was held to be 
his superior. 

The duel presently began and in the same furious 
way which had marked the previous one. 1 stood 
close by, but could not tell which blows told and 
which did not, they fell and vanished so like flashes 
of light. They all seemed to tell ; the swords always 
bent over the opponents' heads, from the forehead 
back over the crown, and seemed to touch, all the 
way; but it was not so, — a protecting blade, in- 
visible to me, was always interposed between. At 
the end of ten seconds each man had struck twelve 
or fifteen blows, and warded off twelve or fifteen, 
and no harm done; then a sword became disabled, 
and a short rest followed whilst a new one was 
brought. Early in the next round the white corps 
student got an ugly wound on the side of his head 
and gave his opponent one like it. In the third 
round the latter received another bad wound in the 
head, and the former had his under-lip divided. 
A.fter that, the White Corps student gave many 
severe wounds, but got none of consequence in re- 
turn. At the end of five minutes from the begin- 
ning of the duel the surgeon stopped it ; the chal- 
lenging party had suffered such injuries that any 
addition to them might be dangerous. These injuries 
were a fearful spectacle, but are better left unde- 
scribed. So, against expectation, my acquaintance 
was the victor. 



CHAPTER VI. 

THE third duel was brief and bloody. The sur- 
geon stopped it when he saw that one of the 
men had received such bad wounds that he could not 
fight longer without endangering his life. 

The fourth duel was a tremendous encounter; but 
at the end of five or six minutes the surgeon inter- 
fered once more : another man so severely hurt as to 
render it unsafe to add to his harms. I watched this 
engagement as I had watched the others, — with rapt 
interest and strong excitement, and with a shrink and 
a shudder for every blow that laid open a cheek or a 
forehead ; and a conscious paling of my face when I 
occasionally saw a wound of a yet more shocking 
nature inflicted. My eyes were upon the loser of 
this duel when he got his last and vanquishing 
wound, — it was in his face and it carried away his 
— but no matter, I must not enter into details. I 
had but a glance, and then turned quickly away, but 
I would not have been looking at all if I had known 
what was coming. No, that is probably not true; 
one thinks he would not look if he knew what was 
coming, but the interest and the excitement are so 

(48) 



A Tramp Abroad 49 

powerful that they would doubtless conquer all other 
feelings; and so, under the fierce exhilaration of the 
clashing steel, he would yield and look, after all. 
Sometimes spectators of these duels faint, — and it 
does seem a very reasonable thing to do, too. 

Both parties to this fourth duel were badly hurt; 
so much so that the surgeon was at work upon them 
nearly or quite an hour,— a fact which is suggestive. 
But this waiting interval was not wasted in idleness 
by the assembled students. It was past noon; 
therefore they ordered their landlord, dov/n stairs, 
to send up hot beefsteaks, chickens, and such things, 
and these they ate, sitting comfortably at the several 
tables, whilst they chatted, disputed and laughed. 
The door to the surgeon*s room stood open, mean- 
time, but the cutting, sewing, splicing, and bandaging 
going on in there in plain view did not seem to dis- 
turb anyone's appetite. I went in and saw the sur- 
geon labor awhile, but could not enjoy it; it was 
much less trying to see the wounds given and re- 
ceived than to see them mended ; the stir and tur- 
moil, and the music of the steel, were wanting here, 
— one's nerves were wrung by this grisly spectacle, 
whilst the duel's compensating pleasurable thrill was 
lacking. 

Finally the doctor finished, and the men who were 
to fight the closing battle of the day came forth, A 
good many dinners were not completed, yet, but no 
matter, they could be eaten cold, after the battle; 
therefore everybody crowded forward to see. This 



50 A Tramp Abroad 

was not a love duel, but a "satisfaction" affair. 
These two students had quarreled, and were here to 
settle it. They did not belong. to any of the corps, 
but they were furnished with weapons and armor, 
and permitted to fight here by the five corps as a 
courtesy. Evidently these two young men were 
unfamiliar with the dueling ceremonies, though they 
were not unfamiliar with the sword. When they 
were placed in position they thought it was time to 
begin, — and they did begin, too, and with a most 
impetuous energy, without waiting for anybody to 
give the word. This vastly amused the spectators, 
and even broke down their studied and courtly gravity 
and surprised them into laughter. Of course the 
seconds struck up the swords and started the duel 
over again. At the word, the deluge of blows 
began, but before long the suigeon once more inter- 
fered, — for the only reason which ever permits him 
to interfere, — and the day's wai was over. It was 
now two in the afternoon, and I had been present 
since half past nine in the morning. The field of 
battle was indeed a red one by this time ; but some 
sawdust soon righted that. There had been one 
duel before I arrived. In it one of the men received 
many injuries, while the other one escaped without 
a scratch. 

I had seen the heads and faces of ten youths 
gashed in every direction by the keen two-edged 
blades, and yet had not seen a victim wince, nor 
heard a moan, or detected any fleeting expression 



A Tramp Abroad 5i 

which contessed the sharp pain the hurts were inflict- 
ing. This was good fortitude, indeed. Such endur- 
ance is to be expected in savages and prize fighters, 
for they are born and educated to it ; but to find it 
in such perfection in these gently-bred and kindly- 
natured young fellows is matter for surprise. It was 
not merely under the excitement of the sword-play 
that this fortitude was shown ; it was shown in the 
surgeon's room where an uninspiring quiet reigned, 
and where there was no audience. The doctor's 
manipulations brought out neither grimaces nor 
moans. And in the fights it was observable that 
these lads hacked and slashed with the same tre- 
mendous spirit, after they were covered with stream- 
ing wounds, which they had shown in the beginning. 
The world in general looks upon the college duels 
as very farcical affairs : true, but considering that the 
college duel is fought by boys ; that the swords are 
real swords ; and that the head and face are exposed, 
it seems to me that it is a farce which has quite a 
grave side to it. People laugh at it mainly because 
they think the student is so covered up with armor 
that he cannot be hurt. But it is not so ; his eyes 
and ears are protected, but the rest of his face and 
head are bare. He cannot only be badly wounded, 
but his life is in danger; and he would sometimes 
lose it but for the interference of the surgeon. It is 
not intended that his life shall be endangered. Fatal 
accidents are possible, however. For instance, the 
student's sword may break, and the end of it fly up 



52 A Tramp Abroad 

behind his antagonist's ear and cut an artery which 
could not be reached if the sword remained whole. 
This has happened, sometimes, and death has re- 
sulted on the spot. Formerly the student's armpits 
were not protected, — and at that time the swords 
were pointed, whereas they are blunt, now; so an 
artery in the armpit was sometimes cut, and death 
followed. Then in the days of sharp-pointed swords, 
a spectator was an occasional victim, — the end of a 
broken sword flew five or ten feet and buried itself 
in his neck or his heart, and death ensued instantly. 
The student duels in Germany occasion two or three 
deaths every year, now, but this arises only from the 
carelessness of the wounded men ; they eat or drink 
imprudently, or commit excesses in the way oi over- 
exertion ; inflammation sets in and gets such a head- 
way that it cannot be arrested. Indeed, there is 
blood and pain and danger enough about the college 
duel to entitle it to a considerable degree of respect. 

All the customs, all the laws, all the details, per- 
taining to the student duel are quaint and nafve. 
The grave, precise, and courtly ceremony with which 
the thing is conducted, invests it with a sort of 
antique charm. 

This dignity, and these knightly graces suggest the 
tournament, not the prize fight. The laws are as 
curious as they are strict. For instance, the duelist 
may step forward from the line he is placed upon, 
if he chooses, but never back of it. If he steps back 
of it, or even leans back, it is considered that he did 



A Tramp Abroad 53 

it to avoid a blow or contrive an advantage ; so he 
is dismissed from his corps in disgrace. It would 
seem but natural to step from under a descending 
sword unconsciously, and against one's will and in- 
tent, — yet this unconsciousness is not allowed. 
Again : if undei the sudden anguish of a wound the 
receiver of it makes a grimace, he falls some degrees 
in the estimation of his fellows ; his corps are ashamed 
of him : they call him ' ' hare foot, ' ' which is the 
German equivalent for chicken-hearted. 



CHAPTER VII. 

IN addition to the corps laws, there are some corps- 
usages which have the force of laws. 
Perhaps the president of a corps notices that one of 
the membership who is no longer an exempt, — that 
is a freshman, — has remained a sophomore some 
little time without volunteering to fight ; some day, 
the president, instead of calling for volunteers, will 
appoint this sophomore to measure swords with a 
student of another corps; he is free to decline — 
everybody says so, — there is no compulsion. This 
is all true, — but I have not heard of any student 
who did decline. He would naturally rather retire 
from the corps than decline; to decline, and still re- 
main in the corps would make him unpleasantly con- 
spicuous, and properly so,, since he knew, when he 
joined, that his main business, as a member, would 
be to fight. No, there is no law against declining, 
— except the law of custom, which is confessedly 
stronger than written law, everywhere. 

The ten men whose duels I had witnessed did not 
go away when their hurts were dressed, as I had sup- 
posed they would, but came back, one after another, 

(54) 



A Tramp Abroad 55 

as soon as they were free of the surgeon, and mingled 
with the assemblage in the dueling room. The 
white-cap student who won the second fight witnessed 
the lemaining three, and talked with us during the 
intermissions. He could not talk very well, because 
his opponent's sword had cut his under lip in two, 
and then the surgeon had sewed it together and over- 
laid it with a profusion of white plaister patches; 
neither could he eat easily, still he contrived to ac- 
complish a slow and troublesome luncheon while the 
last duel was preparing. The man who was the worst 
hurt of all played chess while waiting to see this en- 
gagement. A good part of his face was covered 
with patches and bandages, and all the rest of his 
head was covered and concealed by them. It is said 
that the student likes to appear on the street and in 
other public places in this kind of array, and that 
this predilection often keeps him out when exposure 
to rain or sun is a positive danger for him. Newly 
bandaged students are a very common spectacle in 
the public gardens of Heidelberg. It is also said 
that the student is glad to get wounds in the face, 
because the scars they leave will show so well there ; 
and it is also said that these face wounds are so prized 
that youths have even been known to pull them apart 
from time to time and put red wine in them to make 
them heal badly and leave as ugly a scar as possible. 
It does not look reasonable, but it is roundly asserted 
and maintained, nevertheless; I am sure of one 
thing, — scars are plenty enough in Germany, among 



56 A Tramp Abroad 

the young men ; and very grim ones they are, too. 
They criss-cross the face in angry red welts, and are 
permanent and ineffaceable. Some of these scars are 
of a very strange and dreadful aspect ; and the effect 
is striking when several such accent the milder ones, 
which form a city map on a man's face; they sug- 
gest the "burned district" then. We had often 
noticed that many of the students wore a colored 
silk band or ribbon diagonally across their breasts. 
It transpired that this signifies that the wearer has 
fought three duels in which a decision was reached 

— duels in which he either whipped or was whipped 

— for drawn battles do not count.* After a student 
had received his ribbon, he is " free " ; he can cease 
from fighting, without reproach, — except some one 
insult him; his president cannot appoint him to 
fight; he can volunteer if he wants to, or remain 
quiescent if he prefers to do so. Statistics show that 
he does not prefer to remain quiescent. They show 
that the duel has a singular fascination about it some- 
where, for these free men, so far from^ resting upon 
the privilege of the badge, are always volunteering. 



* From my Diary. — Dined in a hotel a few miles up the Neckar, 
in a room whose walls were hung all over with framed portrait-groups of 
the Five Corps; some were recent, but many antedated photography, 
and were pictured in lithography — the dates ranged back to forty or 
fifty years ago. Nearly every individual wore the ribbon across his 
breast. In one portrait-group representing (as each of these pictures 
did) an entire Corps, I took pains to count the ribbons: there were 
twenty-seven members, and twenty-one of them wore that significant 
badge. 



A Tramp Abroad 57 

A corps student told me it was of record that Prince 
Bismarck fought thirty-two of these duels in a single 
summer term when he was in college. So he fought 
twenty-nine after his badge had given him the right 
to retire from the field. 

The statistics may be found to possess interest in 
several particulars. Two days in every week are 
devoted to dueling. The rule is rigid that there 
must be three duels on each of these days; there 
are generally more, but there cannot be fewer. 
There were six the day I was present; sometimes 
there are seven or eight. It is insisted that eight 
duels a week, — four for each of the two days, — is 
too low an average to draw a calculation from, but I 
will reckon from that basis, preferring an understate 
ment to an overstatement of the case. This requires 
about four hundred and eighty or five hundred duel- 
ists in a year, — -for in summer the college term is 
about three and a half months, and in winter it is four 
months and sometimes longer. Of the seven hun- 
dred and fifty students in the university at the time I 
am writing of, only eighty belonged to the five corps, 
and it is only these corps that do the dueling; occa- 
sionally other students borrow the arms and battle- 
ground of the five corps in order to settle a quarrel, 
but this does not happen every dueHng day.* Con- 

* They have to borrow the arms because they could not get them 
elsewhere or otherwise. As I understand it, the public authorities, all 
over Germany, allow the five G>rps to keep swords, but do not 
aUo%o them to use them. This law is rigid; it is only the executicn of it 
tbatisjax. 



58 A Tramp Abroad 

sequently eighty youths furnish the material for some 
two hundred and fifty duels a year. This average 
gives six fights a year to each of the eighty. This 
large work could not be accomplished if the badge- 
holders stood upon their privilege and ceased to 
volunteer. 

Of course, where there is so much fighting, the 
students make it a point to keep themselves in con- 
stant practice with the foil. One often sees them, at 
the tables in the Castle grounds, using their whips or 
canes to illustrate some new sword trick which they 
have heard about; and between the duels, on the 
day whose history I have been writing, the swords 
were not always idle ; every now and then we heard a 
succession of the keen hissing sounds which the sword 
makes when it is being put through its paces in the 
air, and this informed us that a student was practic- 
ing. Necessarily, this unceasing attention to the art 
develops an expert occasionally. He becomes 
famous in his ov/n university, his renown spreads to 
other universities. He is invited to Gottingen, to 
fight with a Gottingen expert; if he is victorious, 
he will be invited to other colleges, or those colleges 
will send their experts to him. Americans and 
Englishmen often join one or another of the five 
corps. A year or two ago, the principal Heidelberg 
expert was a big Kentuckian ; he was invited to the 
various universities and left a wake of victory behind 
him all about Germany ; but at last a little student 
in Strasburg defeated him. There was formerly a 



A Tramp Abroad 



59 



student in Heidelberg who had picked up somewhere 
and mastered a peculiar trick of cutting up under 
instead of cleaving down from above. While the 
trick lasted he won in sixteen successive 
duels in his own university ; but by that 
time observers had discovered what his 
charm was, and how to break it, there- 
fore his championship ceased. 

The rule which forbids social inter- 
course between members of different 
corps is strict, in the dueling house, in 
the parks, on the street, and anywhere 
and everywhere that students go, caps of 
a color group themselves together. If 
all the tables in a public garden were 
crowded but one, and that one had two 
red-cap students at it and ten vacant 
places, the yellow caps, the blue caps, the 
white caps, and the green caps, seeking 
seats, would go by that table and not 
seem to see it, nor seem to be aware 
that there was such a table in the grounds. 
The student by whose courtesy we had 
been enabled to visit the dueling place, 
wore the white cap, — Prussian Corps. 
He introduced us to many white caps 
but to none of another color. The 
corps etiquette extended even to us, 
strangers, and required us to group with the white 
corps only, and speak only with the white corps, 




who 



were 



60 A Tramp Abroad 

while we were their guests, and keep aloof from caps 
of the other colors. Once I wished to examine 
some of the swords, but an American student said, 
*'It would not be quite polite; these now in the 
windows all have red hilts or blue ; they will bring 
in some with white hilts presently, and those you can 
handle freely." When a sword was broken in the 
first duel, I wanted a piece of it; but its hilt was 
the wrong color, so it was considered best and 
politest to await a properer season. It was brought 
to me after the room was cleared, and I will now 
make a "life-size" sketch of it by tracing a line 
around it with my pen, to show the width of the 
weapon. The length of these swords is about three 
feet, and they are quite heavy. One's disposition to 
cheer, during the course of the duels or at their 
close, was naturally strong, but corps etiquette for- 
bade any demonstrations of this sort. However 
brilliant a contest or a victory might be, no sign or 
sound betrayed that any one was moved. A dignified 
gravity and repression were maintained at all times. 

When the dueling was finished and we were ready 
to go, the gentlemen of the Prussian Corps to whom 
we had been introduced took off their caps in the 
courteous German way, and also shook hands; their 
brethren of the same order took off their caps and 
bowed, but without shaking hands ; the gentlemen 
of the other corps treated us just as they would have 
treated white caps, — they fell apatt, apparently 
unconsciously, and left us an unobstructed pathway, 



A Tramp Abroad 61 

but did not seem to see us or know we were there. 
If we had gone thither the following week as guests 
of another corps, the white caps, without meaning 
any offense, would have observed the etiquette of 
their order and ignored our presence. 

[How strangely are comedy and tragedy blended in this life ! I had 
not been home a full half hour, after witnessing those playful sham-duels, 
when circumstances made it necessary for me to get ready immediately 
to assist personally at a real one — a duel with no effeminate limitations 
in the matter of results, but a battle to the death. An account of it, in 
the next chapter, will show the reader that duels between boys, for fun, 
and duels between men in earnest, are very different affairs.] 

5* 



CHAPTER VIII. 

THE GREAT FRENCH DUEL 

MUCH as the modern French duel is ridiculed by 
certain smart people, it is in reality one of the 
most dangerous institutions of our day. Since it is 
always fought in the open air the combatants are 
nearly sure to catch cold. M. Paul de Cassagnac, 
the most inveterate of the French duelists, has 
suffered so often in this way that he is at last a con- 
firmed invalid ; and the best physician in Paris has 
expressed the opinion that if he goes on dueling for 
fifteen or twenty years more, — unless he forms the 
habit of fighting in a comfortable room where damps 
and draughts cannot intrude, — he will eventually 
endanger his life. This ought to moderate the talk 
of those people who are so stubborn in maintaining 
that the French duel is the most health-giving of 
-recreations because of the open-air exercise it affords. 
And it ought also to moderate that foolish talk about 
French duelists and socialist-hated monarchs being 
the only people who are immortal. 

But it is time to get at my subject. As soon as 1 
heard of the late fiery outbreak between M. Gambetta 

(6a) 



A Tramp Abroad 63 

and M. Fourtou in the French Assembly, I kne^^ 
that trouble must follow. I knew it because a long 
personal friendship with M. Gambetta had revealed 
to me the desperate and implacable nature of the 
man. Vast as are his physical proportions, I knew 
that the thirst for revenge would penetrate to the 
remotest frontiers of his person. 

I did not wait for him to call on me, but went at 
once to him. As I had expected, I found the brave 
fellow steeped in a profound French calm. I say 
French calm, because French calmness and English 
calmness have points of difference. He was moving 
swiftly back and forth among the debris of his furni- 
ture, now and then staving chance fragments of it 
across the room with his foot ; grinding a constant 
grist of curses through his set teeth; and halting 
every little while to deposit another handful of his 
hair on the pile which he had been building of it on 
the table. 

He threw his arms around my neck, bent me over 
his stomach to his breast, kissed me on both cheeks, 
hugged me four or five times, and then placed me in 
his own armchair. As soon as I had got well again, 
\\'e began business at once. 

I said I supposed he would wish me to act as his 
second, and he said, " Of course." I said I must 
be allowed to act under a French name, so that I 
might be shielded from obloquy in my country, in 
case of fatal results. He winced here, probably at 
the suggestion that dueling was not regarded with 



64 A Tramp Abroad 

respect in America. However, he agreed to my re- 
quirement. This accounts for the fact that in all the 
newspaper reports M. Gambetta's second was appar- 
ently a Frenchman. 

First, we drew up my principal's will. I insisted 
upon this, and stuck to my point. I said I had 
never heard of a man in his right mind going out to 
fight a duel without first making his will. He said 
he had never heard of a man in his right mind doing 
anything of the kind. When he had finished the 
will, he wished to proceed to a choice of his "last 
words." He wanted to know how the following 
words, as a dying exclamation, struck me: 

" I die for my God, for my country, for freedom 
of speech, for progress, and the universal brother- 
hood of man! *' 

I objected that this would require too lingering a 
death ; it was a good speech for a consumptive, but 
not suited to the exigencies of the field of honor. 
We wrangled over a good many ante-mortem out- 
bursts, but I finally got him to cut his obituary down 
to this, which he copied into his memorandum book, 
purposing to get it by heart : 

**I DIE THAT FRANCE MAY LIVE." 

I said that this remark seemed to lack relevancy; 
but he said relevancy was a matter of no consequence 
in last words, what you wanted was thrill. 

The next thing in order was the choice of weapons. 
My principal said he was not feeling well, and would 



A Tramp Abroad 65 

leave that and the other details of the proposed meet- 
ing to me. Therefore I wrote the following note and 
carried it to M. Fourtou's friend: 

*' Sir: M, Gambetta accepts M. Fourtou's chal- 
lenge, and authorizes me to propose Plessis-Piquet as 
the place of meeting; to-morrow morning at day- 
break as the time ; and axes as the weapons. 
I am, sir, with great respect, 

Mark Twain." 

M. Fourtou's friend read this note, and shuddered. 
Then he turned to me, and said, with a suggestion 
of severity in his tone : 

** Have you considered, sir, what would be the 
inevitable result of such a meeting as this? " 

" Well, for instance, what would it be? " 

"Bloodshed!" 

" That's about the size of it," I said. ** Now, if 
it is a fair question, what was your side proposing to 
shed?" 

I had him there. He saw he had made a blunder, 
so he hastened to explain it away. He said he had 
spoken jestingly. Then he added that he and his 
principal would enjoy axes, and indeed prefer them, 
but such weapons were barred by the French code, 
and so I must change my proposal. 

I walked the floor, turning the thing over in my 
mind, and finally it occurred to me that Gatling guns 
at fifteen paces would be a likely way to get a ver- 
dict on the field of honor. So I framed this idea 
into a proposition. 
5* 



66 A Tramp Abroad 

But it was not accepted. The code was in the way 
again. I proposed rifles; then double-barreled shot- 
guns; then, Colt's navy revolvers. These being all 
rejected, I reflected awhile, and sarcastically sug- 
gested brickbats at three-quarters of a mile. I 
always hate to fool away a humorous thing on a per- 
son who has no perception of humor; audit filled 
me with bitterness when this man went soberly away 
to submit the last proposition to his principal. 

He came back presently and said his principal was 
charmed with the idea of brickbats at three-quarters 
of a mile, but must decline on account of the danger 
to disinterested parties passing between. Then I 
said: 

*' Well, I am at the end of my string, now. Per- 
haps j/ou would be good enough to suggest a weapon? 
Per'haps you have even had one in your mind all 
the time? " 

His countenance brightened, and he said with 
alacrity, — 

" Oh, without doubt, monsieur! " 

So he fell to hunting in his pockets, — pocket after 
pocket, and he had plenty of them, — muttering all 
the while, "Now, what could I have done with 
them?" 

At last he was successful. He fished out of his 
vest pocket a couple of little things which I carried 
to the light and ascertained to be pistols. They 
were single-barreled and silver-mounted, and very 
dainty and pretty. I was not able to speak for 



A Tramp Abroad 67 

emotion. I silently hung one of them on my watch 
chain, and returned the other. My companion in 
crime now unrolled a postage-stamp containing 
several cartridges, and gave me one of them. I 
asked if he meant to signify by this that our men 
were to be allowed but one shot apiece. He replied 
that the French code permitted no more. I then 
begged him to go on and suggest a distance, for my 
mind was growing weak and confused under the 
strain which had been put upon it. He named sixty- 
five yards. I nearly lost my patience. I said : 

"Sixty-five yards, with these instruments? 
Squirt-guns would be deadlier at fifty. Consider, 
my friend, you and I are banded together to de- 
stroy life, not make it eternal." 

But with all my persuasions, all my arguments, I 
was only able to get him to reduce the distance to 
thirty-five yards ; and even this concession he made 
with reluctance, and said with a sigh,"*! wash my 
hands of this slaughter; on your head be it." 

There was nothing for me but to go home to my 
old lion-heart and tell my humiliating story. When 
I entered, M. Gambetta was laying his last lock of 
hair upon the altar. He sprang toward me, 
exclaiming, 

"You have made the fatal arrangements, — 'I see 
it in your eye ! " 

"I have." 

His face paled a trifle, and he leaned upon the 
table for support. He breathed thick and heavily 



68 A Tramp Abroad 

for a moment or two, so tumultuous were his feel- 
ings ; then he hoarsely whispered : 

"The weapon, the weapon! Quick! what is the 
weapon? " 

"This!'" and I displayed that silver-mounted 
thing. He cast but one glance at it, then swooned 
ponderously to the floor. 

When he came to, he said mournfully: 

"The unnatural calm to which I have subjected 
myself has told upon my nerves. But away with 
weakness ! I will confront my fate like a man and 
a Frenchman." 

He rose to his feet, and assumed an attitude which 
for sublimity has never been approached by man, 
and has seldom been surpassed by statues. Then 
he said, in his deep bass tones: 

"Behold, I am calm, I am ready; reveal to me 
the distance." 

"Thirty-five yards." 

I could not lift him up, of course; but I rolled 
him over, and poured water down his back. He 
presently came to, and said: 

"Thirty-five yards, — without a rest? But why 
ask? Since murder was that man's intention, why 
should he palter with small details? But mark you 
one thing : in my fall the world shall see how the 
chivalry of France meets death." 

After a long silence he asked : 

" Was nothing said about that man's family stand- 
ing up with him, as an offset to my bulk? But no 



A Tramp Abroad 69 

matter; I would not stoop to make such a sugges- 
tion ; if he is not noble enough to suggest it himself, 
he is welcome to this advantage, which no honorable 
man would take." 

He now sank into a sort of stupor of reflection, 
which lasted some minutes; after which he broke 
silence with : 

"The hour,™ what is the hour fixed for the 
collision? " 

"Dawn, to-morrow.'* 

He seemed greatly surprised, and immediately 
said: 

" Insanity! I never heard of such a thing. No- 
body is abroad at such an hour.'* 

" That is the reason I named it. Do you mean to 
say you want an audience? " 

" It is no time to bandy words. I am astonished 
that M. Fourtou should ever have agreed to so 
strange an innovation. Go at once and require a 
later hour." 

I ran down stairs, threw open the front door, and 
almost plunged into the arms of M. Fourtou's 
second. He said: 

' ' I have the honor to say that my principal stren- 
uously objects to the hour chosen, and begs you will 
consent to change it to half past nine." 

" Any courtesy, sir, which it is in our power to 
extend is at the service of your excellent principal. 
We agree to the proposed change of time." 

" I beg you to accept the thanks of my client." 



70 A Tramp Abroad 

Then he turned to a person behind him, and said, 
" You hear, M. Noir, the hour is altered to half past 
nine." Whereupon M. Noir bowed, expressed his 
thanks, and went away. My accomplice continued: 

" If agreeable to you, your chief surgeons and 
ours shall proceed to the field in the same carriage, 
as is customary." 

" It is entirely agreeable to me, and I am obliged 
to you for mentioning the surgeons, for I am afraid 
I should not have thought of them. How many 
shall I want? I suppose two or three will be 
enough? " 

' ' Two is the customary number for each party. 
I refer to ' chief ' surgeons ; but considering the ex- 
alted positions occupied by our clients, it will be well 
and decorous that each of us appoint several con- 
sulting surgeons, from among the highest in the pro- 
fession. These will come in their own private car- 
riages. Have you engaged a hearse? " 

"Bless my stupidity, I never thought of it! I 
will attend to it right away. I must seem very igno- 
rant to you ; but you must try to overlook that, be- 
cause I have never had any experience of such a 
swell duel as this before. I have had a good deal 
to do with duels on the Pacific coast, but I see now 
that they were crude affairs. A hearse, — sho ! we 
used to leave the elected lying around loose, and let 
anybody cord them up and cart them off that wanted 
to. Have you anything further to suggest? " 

" Nothing, except that the head undertakers shall 



A Tramp Abroad H 

ride together, as is usual. The subordinates and 
mutes will go on foot, as is also usual. I will see 
you at eight o'clock in the morning, and we will then 
arrange the order of the procession. I have the 
honor to bid you a good day." 

I returned to my chent, who said, "Very well; 
at what hour is the engagement to begin? " 
* Half past nine." 

" Very good indeed. . Have you sent the fact to 
the nev/spapers? " 

" Sir/ If after our long and intimate friendship 
you can for a moment deem me capable of so base 
a treachery " — 

"Tut, tut! What words are these, my dear 
friend? Have I wounded you? Ah, forgive me; I 
am overloading you with labor. Therefore go on 
with the other details, and drop this one from your 
list. The bloody-minded Fourtou will be sure to 
attend to it. Or I myself — yes, to make certain, I 
will drop a note to my journalistic friend, M. Noir ' ' — 

" Oh, come to think of it, you may save yourself 
the trouble; that other second has informed M. 
Noir." 

"H'm! I might have known it. It is just like 
that Fourtou, who always wants to make a display." 

At half past nine in the morning the procession 
approached the field of Plessis-Piquet in the follow- 
ing order: first came our carriage, — nobody in it 
but M. Gambetta and myself; then a carriage con- 
taining M. Fourtou and his second; then a carriage 



72 A Tramp Abroad 

containing two poet-orators who did not believe in 
God, and these had MS. funeral orations projecting 
from their breast pockets; then a carriage contain- 
ing the head surgeons and their cases of instruments ; 
then eight private carriages containing consulting 
surgeons ; then a hack containing a coroner ; then 
the two hearses ; then a carriage containing the head 
undertakers ; then a train of assistants and mutes on 
foot ; and after these came plodding through the fog 
a long procession of camp followers, police, and citi- 
zens generally. It was a noble turnout, and would 
have made a fine display if v/e had had thinner weather. 

There was no conversation. I spoke several times 
to my principal, but I judge he was not aware of it, 
for he always referred to his note-book and mut- 
tered absently, " I die that France may live." 

Arrived on the field, my fellow-second and I paced 
off the thirty-five yards, and then drew lots for choice 
of position. This latter was but an ornamental 
ceremony, for all the choices were alike in such 
weather. These preliminaries being ended, I went 
to my principal and asked him if he was ready. He 
spread himself out to his full width, and said in a 
stern voice, " Ready ! Let the batteries be charged." 

The loading was done in the presence of duly con- 
stituted witnesses. We considered it best to perform 
this delicate service with the assistance of a lantern, 
on account of the state of the weather. We now 
placed our men. 

At this point the police noticed that the public had 



A Tramp Abroad 73 

massed themselves together on the right and left of 
the field ; they therefore begged a delay, while they 
should put these poor people in a place of safety. 

The request was granted. 

The police having ordered the two multitudes to 
take positions behind the duelists, we were once more 
ready. The weather growing still more opaque, it 
was agreed between myself and the other second that 
before giving the fatal signal we should each deliver a 
loud whoop to enable the combatants to ascertain 
each other's whereabouts. 

I now returned to my principal, and was distressed 
to observe that he had lost a good deal of his spirit. 
I tried my best to hearten him. I said, "Indeed, 
sir, things are not as bad as they seem. Considering 
the character of the weapons, the limited number of 
shots allowed, the generous distance, the impen- 
etrable solidity of the fog, and the added fact that 
one of the combatants is one-eyed and the other 
cross-eyed and nearsighted, it seems to me that this 
conflict need not necessarily be fatal. There are 
chances that both of you may survive. Therefore, 
cheer up ; do not be downhearted.'* 

This speech had so good an effect that my princi- 
pal immediately stretched forth his hand and said, 
*' I am myself again; give me the weapon." 

I laid it, all lonely and forlorn, in the center of the 
vast solitude of his palm. He gazed at it and shud- 
dered. And still mournfully contemplating it, he 
murmured, in a broken voice : 



74 A Tramp Abroad 

"Alas, it is not death I dread, but mutilation." 

I heartened him once more, and with such success 
that he presently said, "Let the tragedy begin. 
Stand at my back ; do not desert me in this solemn 
hour, my friend." 

I gave him my promise. I now assisted him to 
point his pistol toward the spot where I judged his 
adversary to be standing, and cautioned him to listen 
well and further guide himself by my fellow second's 
whoop. Then I propped myself against M. Gam- 
betta's back, and raised a rousing " Whoop-ee ! " 
This was answered from out the far distances of the 
fog, and I immediately shouted : 

" One, — two, — three, — fire ! " 

Two little sounds like s/>it ! spit ! broke upon my 
ear, and in the same instant I was crushed to the 
earth under a mountain of flesh. Bruised as I was, 
I was still able to catch a faint accent from above, 
to this effect: 

" I die for ... for .. . perdition take it, what 
w it I die for? . . . oh, yes, — FRANCE! I die 
that France may live ! " 

The surgeons swarmed around with their probes 
in their hands, and applied their microscopes to the 
whole area of M. Gambetta's person, with the 
happy result of finding nothing in the nature of a 
wound. Then a scene ensued which was in every 
<vay gratifying and inspiriting. 

The two gladiators fell upon each other's necks, 
with floods of proud and happy tears; that other 



A Tramp Abroad 75 

second embraced me; the surgeons, the orators, the 
undertakers, the poHce, everybody embraced, every- 
body congratulated, everybody cried, and the whole 
atmosphere was filled with praise and with joy 
unspeakable. 

It seemed to me then that I would rather be a 
hero of a French duel than a crowned and sceptred 
monarch. 

When the commotion had somewhat subsided, the 
body of surgeons held a consultation, and after a 
good deal of debate decided that with proper care 
and nursing there was reason to believe that I 
would survive my injuries. My internal hurts were 
deemed the most serious, since it was apparent that 
a broken rib had penetrated my left lung, and that 
many of my organs had been pressed out so far to 
one side or the other of where they belonged, that 
it was doubtful if they would ever learn to perform 
their functions in such remote and unaccustomed 
localities. They then set my left arm in two places, 
pulled my right hip into its socket again, and re- 
elevated my nose. I was an object of great interest, 
and even admiration ; and many sincere and warm- 
hearted persons had themselves introduced to me, 
and said they were proud to know the only man who 
had been hurt in a French duel in forty years. 

I was placed in an ambulance at the very head of 
the procession ; and thus with gratifying ^clat I was 
marched into Paris, the most conspicuous figure in 
that great spectacle, and deposited at the hospital. 



76 A Tramp Abroad 

The cross of the Legion of Honor has been con- 
ferred upon me. However, few escape that distinc- 
tion. 

Such is the true version of the most memorable 
private conflict of the age. 

I have no complaints to make against anyone. I 
acted for myself, and I can stand the consequences. 

Without boasting, I think I may say I am not 
afraid to stand before a modern French duelist, but 
as long as I keep in my right mind I will never con- 
sent to stand behind one again. 



CHAPTER IX„ 

ONE day we took the train and went down to 
Mannheim to see King Lear played in Ger- 
man. It was a mistake. We sat in our seats three 
whole hours and never understood anything but the 
thunder and lightning; and even that was reversed 
to suit German ideas, for the thunder came first and 
the lightning followed after. 

The behavior of the audience was perfect. There 
were no rustlings, or whisperings, or other little dis- 
turbances ; each act was listened to in silence, and 
the applauding was done after the curtain was down. 
The doors opened at half past four, the play began 
promptly at half past five, and within two minutes 
afterward all who were coming were in their seats, 
and quiet reigned. A German gentleman in the 
train had said that a Shakespearian play was an ap- 
preciated treat in Germany and that we should find 
the house filled. It was true; all the six tiers were 
filled, and remained so to the end, — -which suggested 
that it is not only balcony people who like Shake- 
speare in Germany, but those of the pit and the 
gallery, too.. 

6* (77) 



78 A Tramp Abroad 

Another time, wt went to Mannheim and attended 
a shivaree, — otherwise an opera, — the one called 
Lohengrin. The banging and slamming and boom- 
ing and crashing were something beyond belief. 
The racking and pitiless pain of it remains stored up 
in my memory alongside the memory of the time 
that I had my teeth fixed. There were circum- 
stances which made it necessary for me to stay 
through the four hours to the end, and I stayed; but 
the recollection of that long, dragging, relentless 
season of suffering is indestructible. To have to 
endure it in silence, and sitting still, made it all the 
harder. I was in a railed compartment with eight 
or ten strangers, of the two sexes, and this com- 
pelled repression ; yet at times the pain was so ex- 
quisite that I could hardly keep the tears back. At 
those times, as the howlings and wailings and 
shriekings of the singers, and the ragings and roar- 
ings and explosions of the vast orchestra rose higher 
and higher, and wilder and wilder, and fiercer and 
fiercer, I could have cried if I had been alone. 
Those strangers would not have been surprised to 
see a man do such a thing who was being gradually 
skinned, but they would have marveled at "it here, 
and made remarks about it no doubt, whereas there 
was nothing in the present case which Avas an advan- 
tage over being skinned. There was a wait of half 
an hour at the end of the first act, and I could have 
gone out and rested during that time, but I could 
not trust myself to do it, for I felt that I should 



A Tramp Abroad 79 

desert and stay out. There was another wait of 
half an hour toward nine o'clock, but I had gone 
through so much by that time that I had no spirit 
left, and so had no desire but to be let alone. 

I do not wish to suggest that the rest of the peo- 
ple there were like me, for, indeed, they were not. 
Whether it was that they naturally liked that noise, 
or whether it was that they had learned to like it by 
getting used to it, I did not at that time know ; but 
they did like it, — this was plain enough. While it 
was going on they sat and looked as rapt and grate- 
ful as cats do when one strokes their backs ; and 
whenever the curtain fell they rose to their feet, in 
one solid mighty multitude, and the air was snowed 
thick with waving handkerchiefs, and hurricanes of 
applause swept the place. This was not compre- 
hensible to me. Of course, there were many people 
there who were not under compulsion to stay ; yet 
the tiers were as full at the close as they had been 
at the beginning. This showed that the people 
liked it. 

It was a curious sort of a play. In the matter of 
costumes and scenery it was fine and showy enough ; 
but there was not much action. That Is to say, 
there was not much really done, it was only talked 
about; and always violently. It was what one 
might call a narrative play. Everybody had a 
narrative and a grievance, and none were reasonable 
about it, but all in an offensive and ungovernable 
state. There was little of that sort of customary 



80 A Tramp Abroad 

thing where the tenor and the soprano stand down 
by the footh'ghts, warbling, with blended voices, and 
keep holding out their arms toward each other and 
drawing them back and spreading both hands over 
first one breast and then the other with a shake and 
a pressure, — no, it was every rioter for himself and 
no blending. Each sang his indictive narrative in 
turn, accompanied by the whole orchestra of sixty 
instruments, and when this had continued for some 
time, and one was hoping they might come to an 
understanding and modify the noise, a great chorus 
composed entirely of maniacs would suddenly break 
forth, and then during two minutes, and sometimes 
three, I lived over again all that I had suffered the 
time the orphan asylum burned down. 

We only had one brief little season of heaven and 
heaven's sweet ecstasy and peace during all this long 
and diligent and acrimonious reproduction of the 
other place. This was while a gorgeous procession 
of people marched around and around, in the third 
act, and sang the Wedding Chorus. To my un- 
tutored ear that was nmsic, — almost divine music. 
While my seared soul was steeped in the healing 
balm of those gracious sounds, it seemed to me that 
I could almost re-suffer the torments which had 
gone before, in order to be so healed again. There 
is where the deep ingenuity of the operatic idea is 
betrayed. It deals so largely in pain that its scat- 
tered delights are prodigiously augmented by the 
contrasts. A pretty air in an opera is prettier there 



A Tramp Abroad 81 

than it could be anywhere else, I suppose, just as 
an honest man in politics shines more than he would 
elsewhere. 

I have since found out that there is nothing the 
Getmans like so much as an opera. They like it, 
not in a mild and moderate way, but with their 
whole hearts. This is a legitimate result of habit 
and education. Our nation will like the opera, too, 
by and by, no doubt. One in fifty of those who 
attend our operas likes it already, perhaps, but I 
think a good many of the other forty-nine go in 
order to learn to like it, and the rest in order to be 
able to talk knowingly about it. The latter usually 
hum the airs while they are being sung, so that their 
neighbors may perceive that they have been to 
operas before. The funerals of these do not occul 
often enough. 

A gentle, old-maidish person and a sweet young 
girl of seventeen sat right in front of us that night 
at the Mannheim opera. These people talked, be- 
tween the acts, and I understood them, though I 
understood nothing that was uttered on the distant 
stage. At first they were guarded in their talk, but 
after they had heard my agent and me conversing in 
English they dropped their reserve and I picked up 
many of their little confidences; no, I mean many 
of her little confidences, — meaning the elder party, 
— for the young girl only listened, and gave assent- 
ing nods, but never said a word. How pretty she 
was, and how sweet she was ! I wished she would 
6» 



82 A Tramp Abroad 

speak. But evidently she was absorbed in her own 
thoughts, her own young-girl dreams, and found a 
dearer pleasure in silence. But she was not dream- 
ing sleepy dreams, — no, she was awake, alive, alert, 
she could not sit still a moment. She was an en- 
chanting study. Her gown was of a soft white silky 
stuff that clung to her round young figure hke a 
fish's skin, and it was rippled over with the grace- 
fullest little fringy films of lace; she had deep, 
tender eyes, with long, curved lashes; and she had 
peachy cheeks, and a dimpled chin, and such a dear 
little dewy rosebud of a mouth; and she was so 
dove-like, so pure, and so gracious, so sweet and 
bewitching. For long hours I did mightily wish she 
would speak. And at last she did; the red lips 
parted, and out leaped her thought, — and with such 
a guileless and pretty enthusiasm, too: "Auntie, I 
just know I've got five hundred fleas on me !"" 

That was probably over the average. Yes, it 
must have been very much over the average. The 
average at that time in the Grand Duchy of Baden 
was forty-five to a young person (when alone) , ac- 
cording to the official estimate of the home secretary 
for that year; the average for older people was 
shifty and indeterminable, for whenever a whole- 
some young girl came into the presence of her elders 
she immediately lowered their average and raised her 
own. She became a sort of contribution-box. This 
dear young thing in the theater had been sitting 
there unconsciously taking up a collection. Many 



V 



A Tramp Abroad 83 

a skinny old being in our neighborhood was the 
happier and the restfuller for her coming. 

In that large audience, that night, there were eight 
very conspicuous people. These were ladies who 
had their hats or bonnets on. What a blessed thing 
it would be if a lady could make herself conspicuous 
in our theaters by wearing her hat. It is not usual 
in Europe to allow ladies and gentlemen to take 
bonnets, hats, overcoats, canes, or umbrellas into 
the auditorium, but in Mannheim this rule was not 
enforced because the audiences were largely made 
up of people from a distance, and among these were 
always a few timid ladies who were afraid that if 
they had to go into an anteroom to get their things 
when the play was over, they would miss their train. 
But the great mass of those who came from a dis- 
tance always ran the risk and took the chances, pre- 
ferring the loss of the train to a breach of good 
manners and the discomfort of being unpleasantly 
conspicuous during a stretch of three or four hours 



CHAPTER X. 

THREE or four hours. That is a long time to sit 
in one place, whether one be conspicuous or 
not, yet some of Wagner's operas bang along for 
six whole hours on a stretch ! But the people sit 
there and enjoy it all, and wish it would last longer. 
A German lady in Munich told me that a person 
could not like Wagner's music at first, but must go 
through the deliberate process of learning to like 
it, — then he would have his sure reward ; for when 
he had learned to like it he would hunger for it and 
never be able to get enough of it. She said that 
six hours of Wagner was by no means too much. 
She said that this composer had made a complete 
revolution in music and was burying the old masters 
one by one. And she said that Wagner's operas 
differed from all others in one notable respect, and 
that was that they were not merely spotted with 
music here and there, but were all music, from the 
first strain to the last. This surprised me. I said I 
had attended one of his insurrections, and found 
hardly a)iy music in it except the Wedding Chorus. 
She said Lohengrin was noisier than Wagner's other 



A Tramp Abroad 85 

operas, but that if I would keep on going to see it I 
would find by and by that it was all music, and 
therefore would then enjoy it. I could have said, 
"But would you advise a person to deliberately 
practice having the toothache in the pit of his 
stomach for a couple of years in order that he might 
then come to enjoy it?" But I reserved that remark. 

This lady was full of the praises of the head-tenor 
who had performed in a Wagner opera the night 
before, and went on to enlarge upon his old and 
prodigious fame, and how many honors had been 
lavished upon him by the princely houses of Ger- 
many. Here was another surprise. I had attended 
that very opera, in the person of my agent, and had 
made close and accurate observations. So I said : 

"Why, madam, my experience warrants me in 
stating that that tenor's voice is not a voice at all, 
but only a shriek, — the shriek of a hyena." 

"That is very true," she said; " he cannot sing 
now; it is already many years that he has lost his 
voice, but in other times he sang, yes, divinely ! 
So whenever he comes now, you shall see, yes, that 
the theater will not hold the people. Jawohl bei 
Gott ! his voice is wimdersckon in that past time." 

I said she was discovering to me a kindly trait in 
the Germans which was worth emulating. I - said 
that over the water we were not quite so generous; 
that with us, when a singer had lost his voice and a 
jumper had lost his legs, these parties ceased to 
draw. J said I had been to the opera in Hanove:, 



86 A Tramp Abroad 

once, and in Mannheim once, and in Munich 
(through my authorized agent) once, and this 
large experience had nearly persuaded me that the 
Germdins preferred singers who couldn't sing. This 
was not such a very extravagant speech, either, for 
that burly Mannheim tenor's praises had been the 
talk of all Heidelberg for a week before his perform- 
ance took place, — yet his voice was like the dis- 
tressing noise which a nail makes when you screech 
it across a window-pane. I said so to Heidelberg 
friends the next day, and they said, in the calmest 
and simplest way, that that was very true, but that 
in earlier times his voice had been wonderfully fine. 
And the tenor in Hanover was just another example 
of this sort. The English-speaking German gentle- 
man who went with me to the opera there was brim- 
ming with enthusiasm over that tenor. He said : 

*'' Ach Gott ! a great man! You shall see him. 
He is so celebrate in all Germany, — and he has a 
pension, yes, from the government. He not 
obliged to sing now, only twice every year ; but if 
he not sing twice each year they take him his 
pension away." 

Very well, we went. When the renowned old 
tenor appeared, I got a nudge and an excited 
whisper : 

" Now you see him !'* 

But the "celebrate" was an astonishing disap- 
pointment to me. If he had been behind a screen 
I should have supposed they were performing a 



A Tramp Abroad 87 

surgical operation on him. I looked at my friend, — 
to my great surprise he seemed intoxicated with 
pleasure, his eyes were dancing with eager delight. 
When the curtain at last fell, he burst into the 
stormiest applause, and kept it up, — as did the 
whole house, — until the afflictive tenor had come 
three times before the curtain to make his bow. 
While the glowing enthusiast was swabbing the per- 
spiration from his face, I said : 

"I don't mean the least harm, but really, now, 
do you think he can sing?" 

'* Him? No ! Gott im Himmel, aber, how he has 
been able to sing twenty-five years ago?" [Then 
pensively.] *^ Ach, no, now he not sing any more, 
he only cry. When he think he sing, now, he not 
sing at all, no, he only make like a cat which is 
unwell." 

Where and how did we get the idea that the Ger- 
mans are a stolid, phlegmatic race? In truth, they 
are widely removed from that. They are warm- 
hearted, emotional, impulsive, enthusiastic, their 
tears come at the mildest touch, and it is not hard 
to move them to laughter. They are the very chil- 
dren of impulse. We are cold and self-contained, 
compared to the Germans. They hug and kiss and 
cry and shout and dance and sing; and where we 
use one loving, petting expression they pour out a 
score. Their language is full of endearing diminu- 
tives ; nothing that they love escapes the application 
of a petting diminutive, — neither the house, nor the 



88 A Tramp Abroad 

dog, nor the horse, nor the grandmother, nor any 
other creature, animate or inanimate. 

In the theaters at Hanover, Hamburg, and Mann- 
heim, they had a wise custom. The moment the 
curtain went up, the Hghts in the body of the house 
went down. The audience sat in the cool gloom of 
a deep twilight, which greatly enhanced the glowing 
splendors of the stage. It saved gas, too, and peo- 
ple were not sweated to death. 

When I saw King Lear played, nobody was 
allowed to see a scene shifted ; if there was nothing 
to be done but slide a forest out of the way and 
expose a temple beyond, one did not see that forest 
split itself in the middle and go shrieking away, 
with the accompanying disenchanting spectacle of 
the hands and heels of the impelling impulse, — no, 
the curtain was always dropped for an instant, — one 
heard not the least movement behind it, — but when 
it went up, the next instant, the forest was gone. 
Even when the stage was being entirely re-set, one 
heard no noise. During the whole time that King 
Lear was playing, the curtain was never down two 
minutes at any one time. The orchestra played 
until the curtain was ready to go up for the first 
time, then they departed for the evening. Where 
the stage-waits never reach two minutes there is no 
occasion for music. I had never seen this two- 
minute business between acts but once before, and 
that was when the " Shaughraun " was played at 
Wallack's. 



'A Tramp Abroad 89 

I was at a concert in Munich one night, the peo- 
ple were streaming in, the clock-hand pointed to 
seven, the music struck up, and instantly all move- 
ment in the body of the house ceased, — nobody 
was standing, or walking up the aisles, or fumbling 
with a seat, the stream of incomers had suddenly 
dried up at its source. I hstened undisturbed to a 
piece of music that was fifteen minutes long, — 
always expecting some tardy ticket-holders to come 
crowding past my knees, and being continuously 
and pleasantly disappointed, — but when the last 
note was struck, here came the stream again. You 
see, they had made those late comers wait in the 
comfortable waiting-parlor from the time the music 
had begun until it was ended. 

It was the first time I had ever seen this sort of 
criminals denied the privilege of destroying the com- 
fort of a house full of their betters. Some of these 
were pretty fine birds, but no matter, they had to 
tarry outside in the long parlor under the inspection 
of a double rank of liveried footmen and waiting- 
maids who supported the two walls with their backs 
and held the wraps and traps of their masters and 
mistresses on their arms. 

We had no footmen to hold our things, and it 
was not permissible to take them into the concert 
room ; but there were some men and women to take 
charge of them for us. They gave us checks for 
them and charged a fixed price, payable in ad- 
vance, — five cents. 



90 A Tramp Abroad 

In Germany they always hear one thing at an 
opera which has never yet been heard in America, 
perhaps, — I mean the closing strain of a fine solo 
or duet. We always smash into it with an earth- 
quake of applause. The result is that we rob our- 
selves of the sweetest part of the treat ; we get the 
whisky, but we don't get the sugar in the bottom of 
the glass. 

Our way of scattering applause along through an 
act seems to me to be better than the Mannheim 
way 'of saving it all up till the act is ended. I do 
not see how an actor can forget himself and portray 
hot passion before a cold still audience. I should 
think he would feel foolish. It is a pain to me to 
this day, to remember how that old German Lear 
raged and wept and howled around the stage, with 
never a response from that hushed house, never a 
single outburst till the act was ended. To me there 
was something unspeakably uncomfortable in the 
solemn dead silences that always followed this old 
person's tremendous outpourings of his feelings. I 
could not help putting myself in his place, — I 
thought I knew how sick and flat he felt during 
those silences, because I remembered a case which 
came under my observation once, and which, — but 
I will tell the incident : 

One evening on board a Mississippi steamboat, a 
boy of ten years lay asleep in a berth, — a long, 
slim-legged boy, he was, encased in quite a short 
shirt ; it was the first time he had ever made a trip 



A Tramp Abroad 91 

on a steamboat, and so he was troubled, and scared, 
and had gone to bed with his head filled with im- 
pending snaggings, and explosions, and conflagra- 
tions, and sudden death. About ten o'clock some 
twenty ladies were sitting around about the ladies' 
saloon, quietly reading, sewing, embroidering, and 
so on, and among them sat a sweet, benignant old 
dame with round spectacles on her nose and her 
busy knitting-needles in her hands. Now all of a 
sudden, into the midst of this peaceful scene burst 
that slim-shanked boy in the brief shirt, wild-eyed, 
erect-haired, and shouting, "Fire, ^xq\ jump and 
ruHy the boat's afire and there ain't a minute to 
lose r' All those ladies looked sweetly up and 
smiled, nobody stirred, the old lady pulled her 
spectacles down, looked over them, and said, 
gently : 

"But you mustn't catch cold, child. Run and 
put on your breast-pin, and then come and tell us 
all about it." 

It was a cruel chili to give to a poor little devil's 
gushing vehemence. He was expecting to be a sort 
of hero — the creator of a wild panic — and here 
everybody sat and smiled a mocking smile, and an 
old woman made fun of his bugbear. I turned and 
crept humbly away — for I was that boy — and 
never even cared to discover whether I had dreamed 
the fire or actually seen it. 

I am told that in a German concert or opera, they 
hardly ever encore a song ; that though they may 



92 A Tramp Abroad 

be dying to hear it again, their good breeding usually 
preserves them against requiring the repetition. 

Kings may encore; that is quite another matter; 
it delights everybody to see that the King is pleased ; 
and as to the actor encored, his pride and gratifica- 
tion are simply boundlcaS. Still, there are circum- 
stances in which even a royal encore 

But it is better to illustrate. The King of Bavaria 
is a poet, and has a poet's eccentricities — with the 
advantage over all other poets of being able to 
gratify them, no matter what form they may take. 
He is fond of the opera, but not fond of sitting in 
the presence of an audience; therefore, it has some- 
times occurred, in Munich, that when an opera has 
been concluded and the players were getting off 
their paint and finery, a command has come to them 
to get their paint and finery on again. Presently 
the King would arrive, solitary and alone, and the 
players would begin at the beginning and do the 
entire opera over again with only that one individual 
in the vast solemn theater for audience. Once he 
took an odd freak into his head. High up and out 
of sight, over the prodigious stage of the court 
theater is a maze of interlacing water-pipes, so 
pierced that in case of fire, innumerable little thread- 
like streams of water can be caused to descend ; and 
in case of need, this discharge can be augmented to 
a pouring flood. American managers might make 
a note of that. The King was sqle audience. The 
opera proceeded, it was a piece with a storm in it; 



A Tramp Abroad 93 

the mimic thunder began to mutter, the mimic wind 
began to wail and sough, and the mimic rain to 
patter. The King's interest rose higher and higher; 
it developed into enthusiasm. He cried out: 

'* It is good, very good, indeed ! But I will have 
real rain ! Turn on the water !" 

The manager pleaded for a reversal of the com- 
mand ; said it would ruin the costly scenery and the 
splendid costumes, but the King cried : 

"No matter, no matter, I will have real rain! 
Turn on the water!" 

So the real rain was turned on and began to 
descend in gossamer lances to the mimic flower beds 
and gravel walks of the stage. The richly-dressed 
actresses and actors tripped about singing bravely 
and pretending not to mind it. The King was de- 
lighted, — his enthusiasm grew higher. He cried 
out: 

" Bravo, bravo ! More thunder I more h'ghtning ! 
turn on more rain!" 

The thunder boomed, the lightning glared, the 
storm-winds raged, the deluge poured down. The 
mimic royalty on the stage, with their soaked satins 
cHnging to their bodies, slopped around ankle deep 
in water, warbling their sweetest and best, the fid- 
dlers under the eaves of the stage sawed away for 
dear life, with the cold overflow spouting down the 
backs of their necks, and the dry and happy King 
sat in his lofty box and wore his gloves to ribbons 
applauding. 
7* 



94 A Tramp Abroad 

"More yet!" cried the King; " more yet, — let 
loose all the thunder, turn on all the water ! I will 
hang the man that raises an umbrella !" 

When this most tremendous and effective storm 
that had ever been produced in any theater was at 
last over, the King's approbation was measureless. 
He cried : 

"Magnificent, magnificent! Encore! Do it 



agam 



But the manager succeeded in persuading him to 
recall the encore, and said the company would feel 
sufficiently rewarded and complimented in the mere 
fact that the encore was desired by his Majesty, 
without fatiguing him with a repetition to gratify 
their own vanity. 

During the remainder of the act the lucky per- 
formers were those whose parts required changes of 
dress; the others were a soaked, bedraggled, and 
uncomfortable lot, but in the last degree picturesque. 
The stage scenery was ruined, trap-doors were so 
swollen that they wouldn't work for a week after- 
ward, the fine costumes were spoiled, and no end of 
minor damages were done by that remarkable storm. 

It was a royal idea — that storm — and royally 
carried out. But observe the moderation of the 
King; he did not insist upon his encore. If he had 
been a gladsome, unreflecting American opera- 
audience, he probably would have had his storm 
repeated and repeated until he drowned all those 
people. 



CHAPTER XL 

'"PHE summer days passed pleasantly in Heidel- 
I berg. We had a skilled trainer, and under his 
instructions we were getting our legs in the right 
condition for the contemplated pedestrian tours ; we 
were well satisfied with the progress which we had 
made in the German language,* and more than 
satisfied with what we had accomplished in art. 
We had had the best instructors in drawing and 
painting in Germany, — Hammerling, Vogel, Miiller, 
Dietz, and Schumann. Hammerling taught us land- 
scape painting, Vogel taught us figure drawing, 
Miiller taught us to do still-life, and Dietz and 
Schumann gave us a finishing course in two special- 
ties, — battle pieces and shipwrecks. Whatever I 
am in Art I owe to these men. I have something 
of the manner of each and all of them ; but they all 
said that I had also a manner of my own, and that 
it was conspicuous. They said there was a marked 
individuality about my style, — insomuch that if I 
ever painted the commonest type of a dog, I should 
be sure to throw a something into the aspect of that 

* See Appendix P for infonnation concerning this feaxful tongue. 

(95) 



96 A Tramp Abroad 

dog which would keep him from being mistaken for 
the creation of any other artist. Secretly I wanted 
to believe all these kind sayings, but I could not; I 
was afraid that my masters' partiality for me, and 
pride in me, biased their judgment. So I resolved 
to make a test. Privately, and unknown to any one, 
I painted my great picture, " Heidelberg Castle 
Illuminated," — my first really important work in 
oils, — and had it hung up in the midst of a wilder- 
ness of oil pictures in the Art Exhibition, with no 
name attached to it. To my great gratification it was 
instantly recognized as mine. All the town flocked 
to see it, and people even came from neighboring 
localities to visit it. It made more stir than any 
other work in the Exhibition. But the most gratify- 
ing thing of all was, that chance strangers, passing 
through, who had not heard of my picture, were 
not only drawn to it, as by a lode-stone, the moment 
they entered the gallery, but always took it for a 
"Turner." 

Mr. Harris was graduated in Art about the same 
time with myself, and we took a studio together. 
We waited awhile for some orders; then as time 
began to drag a little, we concluded to make a 
pedestrian tour. After much consideration, we 
determined on a trip up the shores of the beautiful 
Neckar to Heilbronn. Apparently nobody had ever 
done that. There were ruined castles on the over- 
hanging cliffs and crags all the way; these were said 
to have their legends, like those on the Rhine, and 



A Tramp Abroad 97 

ivhat was better still, they had never been in print. 
There was nothing in the books about that lovely 
region; it had been neglected by the tourist, it was 
virgin soil for the literary pioneer. 

Meantime the knapsacks, the rough walking suits 
and the stout walking shoes which we had ordered, 
were finished and brought to us. A Mr. X. and a 
young Mr. Z. had agreed to go with us. We went 
around one evening and bade good-bye to our 
friends, and afterward had a little farewell banquet 
at the hotel. We got to bed early, for we wanted 
to make an early start, so as to take advantage of 
the cool of the morning. 

We were out of bed at break of day, feeling fresh 
and vigorous, and took a hearty breakfast, then 
plunged down through the leafy arcades of the 
Castle grounds, toward the town. What a glorious 
summer morning it was, and how the flowers did 
pour out their fragrance, and how the birds did sing ! 
It was just the time for a tramp through the woods 
and mountains. 

We were all dressed alike: broad slouch hats, to 
keep the sun off ; gray knapsacks ; blue army shirts ; 
blue overalls; leathern gaiters buttoned tight from 
knee down to ankle; high-quarter coarse shoes 
snugly laced. Each man had an opera glass, a 
canteen, and a guidebook case slung over his shoul- 
der, and carried an alpenstock in one hand and a 
sun umbrella in the other. Around our hats were 
wound many folds of soft white muslin, with the 
7* 



98 A Tramp Abroad 

ends hanging and flapping down our backs, — -an 
idea brought from the Orient and used by tourists 
all over Europe. Harris carried the little watch- 
like machine called a " pedometer," whose office is 
to keep count of a man's steps and tell how far he 
has walked. Everybody stopped to admire our 
costumes and give us a hearty ** Pleasant march to 
you!" 

When we got down town I found that we could 
go by rail to within five miles of Heilbronn. The 
train was just starting, so we jumped aboard and 
went tearing away in splendid spirits. It was agreed 
all around that we had done wisely, because it would 
be just as enjoyable to walk down the Neckar as up 
it, and it could not be needful to walk both ways. 
There were some nice German people in our com- 
partment. I got to talking some pretty private 
matters presently, and Harris became nervous; so 
he nudged me and said : 

" Speak in German, — these Germans may under- 
stand English." 

I did so, and it was well I did; for it turned out 
that there was not a German in that party who did 
not understand English perfectly. It is curious how 
widespread our language is in Germany. After a 
while some of those folks got out and a German 
gentleman and his two young daughters got in. I 
spoke in German to one of the latter several times, 
but without result. Finally she said : 

'*Ich verstehe nur Deutch und Englishe," — or 



A Tramp Abroad ^ 

words to that effect. That is, "I don't understand 
any language but German and English." 

And sure enough, not only she but her father and 
sister spoke English. So after that we had all the 
talk we wanted; and we wanted a good deal, for 
they were very agreeable people. They were greatly 
interested in our costumes; especially the alpen- 
stocks, for they had not seen any before. They 
said that the Neckar road was perfectly level, so we 
must be going to Switzerland or some other rugged 
country; and asked us if we did not find the walk- 
ing pretty fatiguing in such warm weather. But we 
said no. 

We reached Wimpfen,-— 1 think it was Wimpfen, 
— in about three hours, and got out, not the least 
tired; found a good hotel and ordered beer and 
dinner, — then took a stroll through the venerable 
old village. It was very picturesque and tumble- 
down, and dirty and interesting. It had queer 
houses five hundred years old in it, and a miHtary 
tower, 115 feet high, which had stood there more 
than ten centuries. I made a little sketch of it. I 
kept a copy, but gave the original to the Burgo- 
master. I think the original was better than the 
copy, because it had more windows in it and the 
grass stood up better and had a brisker look. There 
was none around the tower, though ; I composed the 
grass myself, from studies I made in a field by 
Heidelberg in Hammerling's time. The man on 
top, looking at the view, is apparently too large. 



ibo 



A Tramp Abroad 



but I found he could not be made smaller, con- 
veniently. I wanted him there, and I wanted him 

visible, so I thought 
out a way to manage 
it; I composed the 
picture from two 
points of view; the 
spectator is to ob- 
serve the man from 
about where that flag 
is, and he must ob- 
serve the tower itself 
from the ground. 
This harmonizes the 
seeming discrepancy. 
Near an old cathe- 
dral, under a shed, 
were three crosses of 
stone, — moldy and damaged things, bearing life- 
size stone figures. The two thieves were dressed in 
the fanciful court costumes of the middle of the 
sixteenth century, while the Saviour was nude, with 
the exception of a cloth around the loins. 

We had dinner under the green trees in a garden 
belonging to the hotel and overlooking the Neckar; 
then, after a smoke, we went to bed. We had a 
refreshing nap, then got up about three in the after- 
noon and put on our panoply. As we tramped 
gaily out at the gate of the town, we overtook a 
peasant's cart, partly laden with odds and ends of 




THE TOWER. 



A Tramp Abroad 101 

cabbages and similar vegetable rubbish, and drawn 
by a small cow and a smaller donkey yoked together. 
It was a pretty slow concern, but it got us into 
Heilbronn before dark, — ■ five miles, or possibly it 
was seven. 

We stopped at the very same inn which the 
famous old robber knight and rough fighter, Gotz 
von Berlichingen, abode in after he got out of cap- 
tivity in the Square Tower of Heilbronn between 
three hundred and fifty and four hundred years ago, 
Harris and I occupied the same room which he had 
occupied and the same paper had not all peeled off 
the walls yet. The furniture was quaint old carved 
stuff, full four hundred years old, and some of the 
smells were over a thousand. There was a hook in 
the wall, which the landlord said the terrific old Gotz 
used to hang his iron hand on when he took it off 
to go to bed. This room was very large, — it might 
be called immense, — and it was on the first floor; 
which means it was in the second story, for in 
Europe the houses are so high that they do not 
count the first story, else they would get tired 
climbing before they got to the top. The wall paper 
was a fiery red, with huge gold figures in it, well 
smirched by time, and it covered all the doors. 
These doors fitted so snugly and continued the 
figures of the paper so unbrokenly, that when they 
were closed one had to go feeling and searching 
along the wall to find them. There was a stove in 
the corner, — one of those tall, square, stately white 



102 A Tramp Abroad 

porcelain things that looks Hke a monument and 
keeps you thinking of death when you ought to be 
enjoying your travels. The windows looked out on 
a little alley, and over that into a stable and some 
poultry and pig yards in the rear of some tenement 
houses. There were the customary two beds in the 
room, one in one end of it, the other in the other, 
about an old-fashioned brass-mounted, single- 
barreled pistol-shot apart. They were fully as 
narrow as the usual German bed, too, and had the 
German bed's ineradicable habit of spilling the 
blankets on the floor every time you forgot yourself 
and went to sleep. 

A round table as large as King Arthur's stood in 
the center of the room ; while the waiters were get- 
ting ready to serve our dinner on it we all went out 
to see the renowned clock on the front of the 
municipal buildings. 



CHAPTER XII. 

THE RathkauSy or municipal building, is of the 
quaintest and most picturesque Middle-Age 
architecture. It has a massive portico and steps, 
before it, heavily balustraded, and adorned with 
life-size rusty iron knights in complete armor. The 
clock-face on the front of the building is very large 
and of curious pattern. Ordinarily, a gilded angel 
strikes the hour on a big bell with a hammer ; as 
the striking ceases, a life-size figure of Time raises 
its hourglass and turns it ; two golden rams advance 
and butt each other ; a gilded cock lifts its wings ; 
but the main features are two great angels, who 
stand on each side of the dial with long horns at 
their lips ; it was said that they blew melodious blasts 
on these horns every hour, — but they did not do it 
for us. We were told, later, that they blew only at 
night, when the town was still. 

Within the Rathhaus were a number of huge wild 
boars' heads, preserved, and mounted on brackets 
along the wall ; they bore inscriptions telling who 
killed them and how many hundred years ago it was 
done. One room in the building was devoted to 

(103) 



104 A Tramp Abroad 

the preservation of ancient archives. There they 
showed us no end of aged documents ; some were 
signed by Popes, some by Tilly and other great 
generals, and one was a letter written and subscribed 
by Gotz von Berlichingen in Heilbronn in 15 19 just 
after his release from the Square Tower. 

This fine old robber-knight was a devoutly and 
sincerely religious man, hospitable, charitable to the 
poor, fearless in fight, active, enterprising, and pos- 
sessed of a large and generous nature. He had in 
him a quality which was rare in that rough time, — 
the quality of being able to overlook moderate in- 
juries, and of being able to forgive and forget mortal 
ones as soon as he had soundly trounced the authors 
of them. He was prompt to take up any poor 
devil's quarrel and risk his neck to right him. The 
common folk held him dear, and his memory is still 
green in ballad and tradition. He used to go on 
the highway and rob rich wayfarers; and other 
times he would swoop down from his high castle on 
the hills of the Neckar and capture passing cargoes 
of merchandise. In his memoirs he piously thanks 
the Giver of all Good for remembering him in his 
needs and delivering sundry such cargoes into his 
hands at times when only special providences could 
have relieved him. He was a doughty warrior and 
found a deep joy in battle. In an assault upon a 
stronghold in Bavaria when he was only twenty- 
three years old, his right hand was shot away, but 
he was so interested in the fight that he did not 



A Tramp Abroad 105 

observe it for a while. He said that the iron hand 
which was made for him afterward, and which he 
wore for more than half a century, was nearly as 
clever a member as the fleshy one had been. I was 
glad to get a facsimile of the letter written by this 
fine old German Robin Hood, though I was not 
able to read it. He was a better artist with his sword 
than with his pen. 

We went down by the river and saw the Square 
Tower. It was a very venerable structure, very 
strong, and very unornamental. There was no 
opening near the ground. They had to use a ladder 
to get into it, no doubt. 

We visited the principal church, also, — a curious 
old structure, with a tower-like spire adorned with 
all sorts of grotesque images. The inner walls of 
the church were placarded with large mural tablets 
of copper, bearing engraved inscriptions celebrating 
the merits of old Heilbronn worthies of two or three 
centuries ago, and also bearing rudely-painted 
effigies of themselves and their families tricked out 
in the queer costumes of those days. The head of 
the family sat in the foreground, and beyond him 
extended a sharply receding and diminishing row of 
sons ; facing him sat his wife, and beyond her ex- 
tended a long row of diminishing daughters. The 
family was usually large, but the perspective bad. 

Then we hired the hack and the horse which Gotz 
von Berlichingen used to use, and drove several 
miles into the country to visit the place called 



106 A Tramp Abroad 

Weibertreu, — Wife's Fidelity I suppose it means. 
It was a feudal castle of the Middle Ages. When 
A^e reached its neighborhood we found it was beau- 
tifully situated, but on top of a mound, or hill, 
round and tolerably steep, and about two hundred 
feet high. Therefore, as the sun was blazing hot, 
we did not climb up there, but took the place on 
trust, and observed it from a distance while the 
horse leaned up against a fence and rested. The 
place has no interest except that which is lent it by 
its legend, which is a very pretty one — to this 
effect : 

THE LEGEND 
In the Middle Ages, a couple of young dukes, 
brothers, took opposite sides in one of the wars, the 
one fighting for the Emperor, the other against him. 
One of them owned the castle and village on top of 
the mound which I have been speaking of, and in 
his absence his brother came with his knights and 
soldiers and began a siege. It was a long and 
tedious business, for the people made a stubborn 
and faithful defense. But at last their supplies ran 
out and starvation began its work; more fell by 
hunger than by the missiles of the enemy. They 
by and by surrendered, and begged for charitable 
terms. But the beleaguering prince was so incensed 
against them for their long resistance that he said he 
would spare none but the women and children, — all 
the men should be put to the sword without excep- 
tion, and all their goods destroyed. Then the 



A Tramp Abroad 107 

women came and fell on their knees and begged for 
the lives of their husbands. 

" No," said the prince, " not a man of them shall 
escape alive; you yourselves shall go with your 
children into houseless and friendless banishment; 
but that you may not starve I grant you this one 
grace, that each woman may bear with her from this 
place as much of her most valuable property as she 
is able to carry." 

Very well, presently the gates swung open and 
out filed those women carrying their husbands on 
their shoulders. The besiegers, furious at the trick, 
rushed forward to slaughter the men, but the Duke 
stepped between and said : 

"No, put up your swords, — a prince's word is 
inviolable." 

When we got back to the hotel. King Arthur's 
Round Table was ready for us in its white drapery, 
and the head waiter and his first assistant, in swallow- 
tails and white cravats, brought in the soup and the 
hot plates at once. 

Mr. X. had ordered the dinner, and when the wine 
came on, he picked up a bottle, glanced at the label, 
and then turned to the grave, the melancholy, the 
sepulchral head waiter and said it was not the sort 
of wine he had asked for. The head waiter picked 
up the bottle, cast his undertaker-eye on it and said : 

" It is true; 1 beg pardon." Then he turned on 
his subordinate and calmly said, "Bring another 
label." 



108 A Tramp Abroad 

At the same time he shd the present label off with 
his hand and laid it aside; it had been newly put on, 
its paste was still wet. When the new label came, 
he put it on; our French wine being now turned 
into German wine, according to desire, the head 
waiter went blandly about his other duties, as if the 
working of this sort of miracle was a common and 
easy thing to him. 

Mr. X. said he had not known, before, that there 
were people honest enough to do this miracle in 
public, but he was aware that thousands upon thou- 
sands of labels were imported into America from 
Europe every year, to enable dealers to furnish to 
their customers in a quiet and inexpensive way all 
the different kinds of foreign wines they might 
require. 

We took a turn around the town, after dinner, and 
found it fully as interesting in the moonlight as it 
had been in the daytime. The streets were narrow 
and roughly paved, and there was not a sidewalk or 
a street lamp anywhere. The dwellings were cen- 
turies old, and vast enough for hotels. They 
widened all the way up ; the stories projected further 
and further forward and aside as they ascended, and 
the long rows of lighted windows, filled with little 
bits of panes, curtained with figured white muslin 
and adorned outside with boxes of flowers, made a 
pretty effect. The moon was bright, and the light 
and shadow very strong; and nothing could be 
more picturesque than those curving streets, with 



A Tramp Abroad 109 

their rows of huge high gables leaning far over 
toward each other in a friendly gossiping way, and 
the crowds below drifting through the alternating 
blots of gloom and mellow bars of moonlight. 
Nearly everybody was abroad, chatting, singing, 
romping, or massed in lazy comfortable attitudes in 
the doorways. 

In one place there was a public building which 
was fenced about with a thick, rusty chain, which 
sagged from post to post in a succession of low 
swings. The pavement, here, was made of heavy 
blocks of stone. In the glare of the moon a party 
of barefooted children were swinging on those chains 
and having a noisy good time. They were not the 
first ones who had done that; even their great- 
great-grandfathers had not been the first to do it 
when they were children. The strokes of the bare 
feet had worn grooves inches deep in the stone 
flags; it had taken many generations of swinging 
children to accomplish that. Everywhere in the 
town were the mould and decay that go with 
antiquity, and evidence it ; but I do not know that 
anything else gave us so vivid a sense of the old age 
of Heilbronn as those footworn grooves in the 
paving-stones. 

8* 



CHAPTER XIII. 

WHEN we got back to the hotel I wound and set 
the pedometer and put it in my pocket, for I 
was to carry it next day and keep record of the 
miles we made. The work which we had given the 
instrument to do during the day which had just 
closed had not fatigued it perceptibly. 

We were in bed by ten, for we wanted to be up 
and away on our tramp homeward with the dawn. 
I hung fire, but Harris went to sleep at once. I 
hate a man who goes to sleep at once; there is a 
sort of indefinable something about it which is not 
exactly an insult, and yet is an insolence ; and one 
which is hard to bear, too. I lay there fretting over 
this injury, and trying to go to sleep ; but the harder 
I tried, the wider awake I grew. I got to feeling 
very lonely in the dark, with no company but an 
undigested dinner. My pind got a start by and by, 
and began to consider the beginning of every sub- 
ject which has ever been thought of ; but it never 
went further than the beginning ; it was touch and 
go; it fled from topic to topic with a frantic speed. 
At the end of an hour my head was in a perfect 
whirl and I was dead tired, fagged out. 

(no) 



A Tramp Abroad 111 

The fatigue was so great that it presently began to 
make some head against the nervous excitement; 
while imagining myself wide awake, I would really 
doze into momentary unconsciousness, and come 
suddenly out of them with a physical jerk which 
nearly wrenched my joints apart, — the delusion of 
the instant being that I was tumbling backwards over 
a precipice. After I had fallen over eight or nine 
precipices and thus found out that one-half of my 
brain had been asleep eight or nine times without 
the wide-awake, hard-working other half suspecting 
it, the periodical unconsciousnesses began to extend 
their spell gradually over more of my brain-territory, 
and at last I sank into a drowse which grew deeper 
and deeper and was doubtless just on the very point 
of becoming a solid, blessed, dreamless stupor, 
when, — what was that? 

My dulled faculties dragged themselves partly 
back to life and took a receptive attitude. Now out 
of an immense, a limitless distance, came a some- 
thing which grew and grew, and approached, and 
presently was recognizable as a sound, — it had 
rather seemed to be a feeling, before. This sound 
was a mile away, now — -perhaps it was the murmur 
of a storm ; and now it was nearer, — not a quarter 
of a mile away ; was it the muffled rasping and grind- 
ing of distant machinery? No, it came still nearer; 
was it the measured tramp of a marching troop? 
But it came nearer still, and still nearer, — and at last 
it was right in the room : it Was merely a mouse 



112 A Tramp Abroad 

gnawing the woodwork. So I had held my breath 
all that time for such a trifle. 

Well, what was done could not be helped ; I would 
go to sleep at once and make up the lost time. That 
was a thoughtless thought. Without intending it, — 
hardly knowing it, — I fell to listening intently to that 
sound, and even unconsciously counting the strokes 
of the mouse's nutmeg-grater. Presently I was deriv- 
ing exquisite suffering from this employment, yet 
maybe I could have endured it if the mouse had at- 
tended steadily to his work ; but he did not do that ; 
he stopped every now and then, and I suffered more 
while waiting and listening for him to begin again 
than I did while he was gnawing. Along at first I 
was mentally offering a reward of five, — six, — seven, 

— ten — dollars for that mouse ; but toward the last 
I was offering rewards which were entirely beyond 
my means. I close-reefed my ears, — that is to say, 
I bent the flaps of them down and furled them into 
five or six folds, and pressed them against the hear- 
ing-orifice, — but it did no good : the faculty was so 
sharpened by nervous excitement that it was become 
a microphone and could hear through the overlays 
without trouble. 

My anger grew to a frenzy. I finally did what all 
persons before me have done, clear back to Adam, 

— resolved to throw something. I reached down and 
got my walking-shoes, then sat up in bed and listened, 
in order to exactly locate the noise. . But I couldn't 
dp it;, it was as unlocatable as a cricket's noise; and 



A Tramp Abroad II3 

where one thinks that that is, is always the very place 
where it isn't. So I presently hurled a shoe at ran- 
dom, and with a vicious vigor. It struck the wall 
over Harris's head and fell down on him; I had not 
Imagined I could throw so far. It woke Harris, and 
I was glad of it until I found he was not angry ; 
then I was sorry. He soon went to sleep again, 
which pleased me ; but straightway the mouse began 
again, which roused my temper once more. I did 
not want to wake Harris a second time, but the 
gnawing continued until I was compelled to throw 
the other shoe. This time I broke a mirror, — there 
were two in the room, — I got the largest one, of 
course. Harris woke again, but did not complain, 
and I was sorrier than ever. I resolved that I would 
suffer all possible torture before I would disturb him 
a third time. 

The mouse eventually retired, and by and by I 
was sinking to sleep, when a clock began to strike; I 
counted till it was done, and was about to drowse 
again when another clock began; I counted; then 
the two great Rathhaus clock angels began to send 
forth soft, rich, melodious blasts from their long 
trumpets. I had never heard anything that was so 
lovely, or weird, or mysterious, — but when they got 
to blowing the quarter-hours, they seemed to me to 
be overdoing the thing. Every time I dropped off 
for a moment, a new noise woke me. Each time I 
woke I missed my coverlet, and had to reach down 
to the floor and get it again. 
8* 



114 A Tramp Abroad 

At last all sleepiness forsook me. I recognized 
the fact that I was hopelessly and permanently wide- 
awake. Wide-awake, and feverish and thirsty. 
When I had lain tossing there as long as I could 
endure it, it occurred to me that it would be a good 
idea to dress and go out in the great square and take 
a refreshing wash in the fountain, and smoke and 
reflect there until the remnant of the night was gone. 

I believed I could dress in the dark without waking 
Harris. I had banished my shoes after the mouse, 
but my slippers would do for a summer night. So 
I rose softly, and gradually got on everything, — 
down to one sock. I couldn't seem to get on the 
track of that sock, any way I could fix it. But.I 
had to have it; so I went down on my hands and 
knees, with one slipper on and the other in my hand, 
and began to paw gently around and rake the floor, 
but with no success. I enlarged my circle, and went 
on pawing and raking. With every pressure of my 
knee, how the floor creaked ! and every time I 
chanced to rake against any article, it seemed to give 
out thirty-five or thirty-six times more noise than it 
would have done in the daytime. In those cases I 
always stopped and held my breath till I was sure 
Harris had not awakened, — then I crept alcng again. 
I moved on and on, but I could not find the sock; 
I could not seem to find anything but furniture. I 
could not remember that there was much furniture 
in the room when I went to bed, but the place was 
alive with it now, — especially chairs, — chairs every- 



A Tramp Abroad 115 

where, — had a couple of families moved in, in the 
meantime? And I never could seem to glance on 
one of those chairs, but always struck it full and 
square with my head. My temper rose, by steady 
and sure degrees, and as I pawed on and on, I fell 
to making vicious comments under my breath. 

Finally, with a venomous access of irritation, I said 
I would leave without the sock; so I rose up and 
made straight for the door, — as I supposed, — and 
suddenly confronted my dim spectral image in the 
unbroken mirror. It startled the breath out of me, 
for an instant ; it also showed me that I was lost, and 
had no sort of idea where I was. When I realized 
this, I was so angry that I had to sit down on the 
floor and take hold of something to keep from lifting 
the roof off with an explosion of opinion. If there 
had been only one mirror, it might possibly have 
helped to locate me; but there were two, and two 
were as bad as a thousand ; besides, these were on 
opposite sides of the room. I could see the dim 
blur of the windows, but in my turned-around condi- 
tion they were exactly where they ought not to be, 
and so they only confused me instead of helping 
me. 

I started to get up, and knocked down an umbrella; 
it made a noise like a pistol-shot when it struck that 
hard, slick, carpetless floor; I grated my teeth and 
held my breath, — Harris did not stir. I set the 
umbrella slowly and carefully on end against the 
wall, but as soon as I took my hand away, its heel 



116 A Tramp Abroad 

slipped from under it, and down it came again with 
another bang. I shrunk together and listened a 
moment in silent fury, — no harm done, everything 
quiet. With the most painstaking care and nicety I 
stood the umbrella up once more, took my hand 
away, and down it came again. 

I have been strictly reared, but if it had not been 
so dark and solemn and awful there in that lonely, 
vast room, I do believe I should have said something 
then which could not be put into a Sunday-school 
book without injuring the sale of it. If my reason- 
ing powers had not been already sapped dry by my 
harassm.ents, I would have known better than to try 
to set an umbrella on end on one of those glassy 
German floors in the dark; it can't be done in the 
daytime without four failures to one success. I had 
one comfort, though, — Harris was yet still and 
silent, — he had not stirred. 

The umbrella could not locate me, — there were 
four standing around the room, and all alike. I 
thought I would feel along the wall and find the door 
in that way. I rose up and began this operation, 
but raked down a picture. It was not a large one, 
but it made noise enough for a panorama. Harris 
gave out no sound, but I felt that if I experimented 
any further with the pictures I should be sure to wake 
him. Better give up trying to get out. Yes, I 
would find King Arthur's Round Table once more, 
— I had already found it several times, — and use it 
for a base of departure on an exploring tour for my 



A Tramp Abroad 117 

bed ; if I could find my bed I could then find my 
water-pitcher ; I would quench my raging thirst and 
turn in. So I started on my hands and knees, be- 
cause I could go faster that way, and with more con- 
fidence, too, and not knock down things. By and 
by I found the table, — with my head, — rubbed the 
bruise a little, then rose up and started, with hands 
abroad and fingers spread, to balance myself. I 
found a chair; then the wall; then another chair; 
then a sofa ; then an alpenstock, then another sofa ; 
this confounded me, for I had thought there was only 
one sofa. I hunted up the table again and took a 
fresh start; found some more chairs. 

It occurred to me, now, as it ought to have done 
before, that as the table was round, it was therefore 
of no value as a base to aim from ; so I moved off 
once more, and at random among the wilderness of 
chairs and sofas, — wandered off into unfamiliar 
regions, and presently knocked a candlestick off a 
mantelpiece ; grabbed at the candlestick and knocked 
off a lamp, grabbed at the lamp and knocked off a 
water-pitcher with a rattling crash, and thought to 
myself, "I've found you at last, — I judged I was 
close upon you." Harris shouted "murder," and 
"thieves," and finished with "I'm absolutely 
drowned." 

The crash had roused the house. Mr. X. pranced 
in, in his long night-garment, with a candle, young 
Z. after him with another candle; a procession swept 
in at another door, with candles and lanterns, — land- 



118 A Tramp Abroad 

lord and two German guests in their nightgowns, and 
a chambermaid in hers. 

I looked around ; I was at Harris's bed, a Sab- 
bath day's journey from my own. There was only 
one sofa; it was against the wall; there was only 
one chair where a body could get at it, — I had been 
revolving around it like a planet, and colliding with 
it like a comet half the night. 

I explained how I had been employing myself, 
and why. Then the landlord's party left, and the 
rest of us set about our preparations for breakfast, for 
the dawn was ready to break. I glanced furtively 
at my pedometer, and found I had made 47 miles. 
But I did not care, for I had come out for a pedes- 
trian tour anyway. 



CHAPTER XIV. 

WHEN the landlord learned that I and my agents 
were artists, our party rose perceptibly in his 
esteem; we rose still higher when he learned that 
we were making a pedestrian tour of Europe. 

He told us all about the Heidelberg road, and 
which were the best places to avoid and which the 
best ones to tarry at ; he charged me less than cost 
for the things I broke in the night; he put up a fine 
luncheon for us and added to it a quantity of great 
light-green plums, the pleasantest fruit in Germany ; 
he was so anxious to do us honor that he would not 
allow us to walk out of Heilbronn, but called up 
Gotz von Berlichingen's horse and cab and made us 
ride. 

I made a sketch of the turnout. It is not a Work, it 
is only what artists call a * ' study ' ' — a thing to 
make a finished picture from. This sketch has sev- 
eral blemishes in it ; for instance, the wagon is hot 
traveling as fast as the horse is. This is wrong. 
Again, the person trying to get out of the way is too 
small; he is out of perspective, as we say. The 
two upper lines are not the horse's back, they are 

(119) 



120 



A Tramp Abroad 




the reins ; — there seems 
to be a wheel missing 
— this would be cor- 
rected in a finished 
Work, of course. That 
thing flying out behind 
is not a flag, it is a 
curtain. That other 
thing up there is the 
sun, but I didn't get 
enough distance on it. 
I do not remember, 
now, what that thing 
is that is in front of the 
man who is running, but 
I think it is a haystack 
or a woman. This study 
was exhibited in the 
Paris Salon of 1879, 
but did not take any 
medal , they do not give 
medals for studies. 

We discharged the 
carriage at the bridge. 
The river was full of 
logs, — long, slender, 
barkless pine logs, — 
and we leaned on the 
rails of the bridge, and 
watched the men put 



A Tramp Abroad 121 

them together Into rafts. These rafts were of a 
shape and construction to suit the crookedness and 
extreme narrowness of the Neckar. They were from 
50 to 100 yards long, and they gradually tapered 
from a 9-log breadth at their sterns, to a 3 -log 
breadth at their bow-ends. The main part of the 
steering is done at the bow, with a pole; the 3-log 
breadth there furnishes room for only the steersman, 
for these little logs are not larger around than an 
average young lady's waist. The connections of the 
several sections of the raft are slack and pliant, so 
that the raft may be readily bent into any sort of 
curve required by the shape of the river. 

The Neckar is in many places so narrow that a 
person can throw a dog across it, if he has one; 
when it is also sharply curved in such places, the 
raftsman has to do some pretty nice snug piloting 
to make the turns. The river is not always allowed 
to spread over its whole bed — which is as much as 
30, and sometimes 40 yards wide, — but is split into 
three equal bodies of water, by stone dikes which 
throw the main volume, depth, and current into 
the central one. In low water these neat narrow- 
edged dikes project four or five inches above the sur- 
face, like the comb of a submerged roof, but in high 
water they are overflowed. A hatful of rain makes 
high water in the Neckar, and a basketful produces 
an overflow. . 

There are dikes abreast the Schloss Hotel, and the 
current is violently swift at that point. I used to sit 



122 A Tramp Abroad 

for hours in my glass cage, watching the long, nar- 
row rafts slip along through the central channel, graz- 
ing the right-bank dike and aiming carefully for the 
middle arch of the stone bridge below; I watched 
them in this way, and lost all this time hoping to see 
one of them hit the bridge-pier and wreck itself 
sometime or other, but was always disappointed. 
One was smashed there one morning, but I had just 
stepped into my room a moment to light a pipe, 
so I lost it. 

While I was looking down upon the rafts that 
morning in Heilbronn, the dare-devil spirit of adven- 
ture came suddenly upon me, and I said to my 
comrades : 

"/am going to Heidelberg on a raft. Will you 
venture with me ? ' ' 

Their faces paled a little, but they assented with as 
good a grace as they could. Harris wanted to cable 
his mother, — thought it his duty to do that, as he 
was all she had in this world, — so, while he attended 
to this, I went down to the longest and finest raft 
and hailed the captain with a hearty "Ahoy, ship- 
mate! " which put us upon pleasant terms at once, 
and we entered upon business. I said we were on a 
pedestrian tour to Heidelberg, and would Hke to 
take passage with him. I said this partly through 
young Z, who spoke German very well, and partly 
through Mr. X, who spoke it peculiarly. I can 
imderstajid German as well as the maniac that in- 
vented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter. 



A Tramo Abroad 123 

The captain hitched up his trousers, then shifted 
his quid thoughtfully. Presently he said just what I 
was expecting he would say, — that he had no license 
to carry passengers, and therefore was afraid the law 
would be after him in case the matter got noised 
about or any accident happened. So I chartered 
the raft and the crew and took all the responsibilities 
on myself. 

With a rattling song the starboard watch bent to 
their work and hove the cable short, then got the 
anchor hom.e, and our bark moved off with a stately 
stride, and soon was bowling along at about two 
knots an hour. 

Our party were grouped amidships. At first the 
talk was a little gloomy, and ran mainly upon the 
shortness of life, the uncertainty of it, the perils 
which beset it, and the need and wisdom of being 
always prepared for the worst; this shaded off into 
low- voiced references to the dangers of the deep, and 
kindred matters ; but as the gray east began to red- 
den and the mysterious solemnity and silence of the 
dawn to give place to the joy-songs of the birds, the 
talk took a cheerier tone, and our spirits began to 
rise steadily. 

Germany, in the summer, is the perfection of the 
beautiful, but nobody has understood, and reaUzed, 
and enjoyed the utmost possibilities of this soft and 
peaceful beauty unless he has voyaged down the 
Neckar on a raft. The motion of a raft is the need- 
ful motion; it is gentle, and gliding, and smooth, 



124 A Tramp Aoroad 

and noiseless ; it calms down all feverish activities, 
it soothes to sleep all nervous hurry and impatience ; 
under Its re'^tful influence all the troubles and vexa- 
tions and sorrows that harass the mind vanish away, 
and existence becomes a dream, a charm, a deep 
and tranquil ecstasy. How it contrasts with hot and 
perspiring pedestrianism, and dusty and deafening 
railroad rush, and tedious jolting behind tired horses 
over blinding white roads ! 

We went slipping silently along, between the green 
and fragrant banks, with a sense of pleasure and 
contentment that grew, and grew, all the time. 
Sometimes the banks were overhung with thick 
masses of willows that wholly hid the ground be- 
hind ; sometimes we had noble hills on one hand, 
clothed densely with foliage to their tops, and on 
the other hand open levels blazing with poppies, or 
clothed in the rich blue of the corn-flower ; some- 
times we drifted in the shadow of forests, and some- 
times along the margin of long stretches of velvety 
grass, fresh and green and bright, a tireless charm 
to the eye. And the birds ! — they were every- 
where; they swept back and forth across the 
river constantly, and their jubilant music was never 
stilled. 

It was a deep and satisfying pleasure to see the 
sun create the new morning, and gradually, patiently, 
lovingly, clothe it on with splendor after splendor, 
and glory after glory, till the miracle was complete. 
How different is this marvel observed from a raft, 



A Tramp Abroad 125 

from what it is when one observes it through the 
dingy windows of a railway station in some wretched 
village while he munches a petrified sandwich and 
waits for the train. 

n* 



CHAPTER XV3 

DOWN THE RIVER 

MEN and women and cattle were at work in the 
dewy fields by this time. The people often 
stepped aboard the raft, as we glided along the 
grassy shores, and gossiped with us and with the 
crew for a hundred yards or so, then stepped ashore 
again, refreshed by the ride. 

Only the men did this; the women were too 
busy. The women do all kinds of work on the con- 
tinent. They dig, they hoe, they reap, they sow, 
they bear monstrous burdens on their backs, they 
shove similar ones long distances on wheelbarrows, 
they drag the cart when there is no dog or lean cow 
to drag it, — and when there is, they assist the dog 
or cow. Age is no matter, — the older the woman 
the stronger she is, apparently. On the farm a 
woman's duties are not defined, — she does a little 
of everything; but in the towns it is different, there 
she only does certain things, the men do the rest. 
For instance, a hotel chambermaid has nothing to 
do but make beds and fires in fifty or sixty rooms, 
bring towels and candles, and fetch several tons of 

(ia6) 



A Tramp Abroad 127 

water up several flights of stairs, a hundred pounds 
at a time, in prodigious metal pitchers. She does 
not have to work more than eighteen or twenty 
hours a day, and she can always get down on her 
knees and scrub the floors of halls and closets when 
she is tired and needs a rest. 

As the morning advanced and the weather grew 
hot, we took off our outside clothing and sat in a 
row along the edge of the raft and enjoyed the 
scenery, with our sun umbrellas over our heads and 
our legs dangling in the water. Every now and 
then we plunged in and had a swim. Every pro- 
jecting grassy cape had its joyous group of naked 
children, the boys to themselves and the girls to 
themselves, the latter usually in care of some 
motherly dame who sat in the shade of a tree with 
her knitting. The Httle boys swanET out to us, some- 
times, but the little maids stood knee deep in the 
water and stopped their splashing and frolicking to 
inspect the raft with their innocent eyes as it drifted 
by. Once we turned a corner suddenly and sur- 
prised a slender girl of twelve years or upward, just 
stepping into the water. She had not time to run, 
but she did what answered just as well ; she promptly 
drew a lithe young willow bough athwart her whi.te 
body with one hand, and then contemplated us with 
a simple and untroubled interest. Thus she stood 
while we glided by. She was a pretty creature, and 
she and her willow bough made a very pretty pic- 
ture, and one wMch could not offtl^d the mod^ty 



128 A Tramp Abroad 

of the most fastidious spectator. Her white skin 
had a low bank of fresh green willows for back- 
ground and effective contrast, — for she stood against 
them, — and above and out of them projected the 
eager faces and white shoulders of two smaller girls. 

Toward noon we heard the inspiriting cry : 

"Sail ho!" 

** Where away?" shouted the captain. 

" Three points off the weather bow !" 

We ran forward to see the vessel. It proved to 
be a steamboat, — for they had begun to run a 
steamer up the Neckar, for the first time in May. 
She was a tug, and one of very peculiar build and 
aspect. I had often watched her from the hotel, 
and wondered how she propelled herself, for appar- 
ently she had no propeller or paddles. She came 
churning along, now, making a deal of noise of one 
kind and another, and aggravating it every now and 
then by blowing a hoarse whistle. She had nine 
keel-boats hitched on behind and following after her 
in a long, slender rank. We met her in a narrow 
place, between dikes, and there was hardly room for 
us both in the cramped passage. As she went 
grinding and groaning by, we perceived the secret of 
her moving impulse. She did not drive herself up 
the river with paddles or propeller, she pulled her- 
self by hauling on a great chain. This chain is laid 
in the bed of the river and is only fastened at the 
two ends. It is seventy miles long. It comes in 
over the boat's bow, passes around a drum, and is 



A Tramp Abroad 12Q 

payed out astern. She pulls on that chain, and so 
drags herself up the river or down it. She has 
neither bow nor stern, strictly speaking, for she has 
a long-bladed rudder on each end and she never 
turns around. She uses both rudders all the time, 
and they are powerful enough to enable her to turn 
to the right or the left and steer around curves, in 
spite of the strong resistance of the chain. I would 
not have believed that that impossible thing could 
be done; but I saw it done, and therefore I know 
that there is one impossible thing which can be done. 
What miracle will man attempt next? 

We met many big keel-boats on their way up, 
using sails, mule power, and profanity — a tedious 
and laborious business. A wire rope led from the 
foretopmast to the file of mules on the tow-path a 
hundred yards ahead, and by dint of much banging 
and swearing and urging, the detachment of drivers 
managed to get a speed of two or three miles an 
hour out of the mules against the stiff current. The 
Neckar has always been used as a canal, and thus 
has given employment to a great many men and 
animals ; but now that this steamboat is able, with a 
small crew and a bushel or so of coal, to take nine 
keel-boats farther up the river in one hour than 
thirty men and thirty mules can do it in two, it is 
believed that the old-fashioned towing industry is on 
its death-bed. A second steamboat began work in 
the Neckar three months after the first one was put 
in service. 
9. 



130 A Tramp Abroad 

At noon we stepped ashore and bought some 
bottled beer and got some chickens cooked, while 
the raft waited; then we immediately put to sea 
again, and had our dinner while the beer was cold 
and the chickens hot. There is no pleasanter place 
for such a meal than a raft that is gliding down the 
winding Neckar past green meadows and wooded 
hills, and slumbering villages, and craggy heights 
graced with crumbling towers and battlements. 

In one place we saw a nicely dressed German 
gentleman without any spectacles. Before I could 
come to anchor he had got away. It was a great 
pity. I so wanted to make a sketch of him. The 
captain comforted me for my loss, however, by say- 
ing that the man was Avithout any doubt a fraud 
who had spectacles, but kept them in his pocket in 
order to make himself conspicuous. 

Below Hassmersheim we passed Romberg, Gotz 
von Berlichingen's old castle. It stands on a bold 
elevation 200 feet above the surface of the river ; it 
has high vine-clad walls enclosing trees, and a 
peaked tower about 75 feet high. The steep hill- 
side, from the castle clear down to the water's edge, 
is terraced, and clothed thick with grapevines. 
This is like farming a mansard roof. All the steeps 
along that part of the river which furnish the proper 
exposure, are given up to the grape. That region 
is a great producer of Rhine wines. The Germans 
are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines; they are put 
up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a 



A Tramp Abroad 13I 

pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by 
the label. 

The Hornberg hill Is to be tunneled, and the new 
railway will pass under the castle. 

THE CAVE OF T^E SPECTER 
Two miles below Hornberg castle is a cave in a 
low cliff, which the captain of the raft said had once 
been occupied by a beautiful heiress of Hornberg, — 
the Lady Gertrude, — in the old times. It was seven 
hundred years ago. She had a number of rich and 
noble lovers and one poor and obscure one, Sir 
Wendei Lobenfeld. With the native chuckletieaded- 
ness of the heroine of romance, she preferred the 
poor and obscure lover. With the native sound* 
judgment of the father of a heroine of romance, the 
von Berlichingen of that day shut his daughter up 
in his donjon keep, or his oubliette, or his culverin, 
or some such place, and resolved that she should 
stay there until she selected a husband from among 
her rich and noble lovers. The latter visited her 
and persecuted her with their supplications, but 
without effect, for her heart was true to her poor 
despised Crusader, who was fighting in the Holy 
Land. Finally, she resolved that she would endure 
the attentions of the rich lovers no longer; so one 
stormy night she escaped and went down the river 
and hid herself in the cave on the other side. Her 
father ransacked the country for her, but found not 
a trace of her. As the days went by, and still no 



132 A Tramp Abroad 

tidings of her came, his conscience began to torture 
him, and he caused proclamation to be made that if 
she were yet living and would return, he would op- 
pose her no longer, she might marry whom she 
would. The months dragged on, all hope forsook 
the old man, he ceased from his customary pursuits 
and pleasures, he devoted himself to pious works, 
and longed for the deliverance of death. 

Now just at midnight, every night, the lost heiress 
stood in the mouth of her cave, arrayed in white 
robes, and sang a little love ballad which her 
Crusader had made for her. She judged that if he 
came home alive the superstitious peasants would 
tell him about the ghost that sang in the cave, and 
that as soon as they described the ballad he would 
know that none but he and she knew that song, 
therefore he would suspect that she was aUve, and 
would come and find her. As time went on, the 
people of the region became sorely distressed about 
the Specter of the Haunted Cave. It was said that 
ill luck of one kind or another always overtook any 
one who had the misfortune to hear that song. 
Eventually, every calamity that happened there- 
abouts was laid at the door of that music. Conse- 
quently, no boatman would consent to pass the cave 
at night; the peasants shunned the place, even in 
the day time. 

But the faithful girl sang on, night after night, 
month after month, and patiently waited ; her reward 
must come at last. Five years dragged by, and 



A Tramp Abroad 133 

still, every night at midnight, the plaintive tones 
floated out over the silent land, while the distant 
boatmen and peasants thrust their fingers into their 
ears and shuddered out a prayer. 

And now came the Crusader home, bronzed and 
battle-scarred, but bringing a great and splendid 
fame to lay at the feet of his bride. The old lord 
of Hornberg received him as a son, and wanted him 
to stay by him and be the comfort and blessing of 
his age; but the tale of that young girl's devotion 
to him and its pathetic consequences made a 
changed man of the knight. He could not enjoy 
his well-earned rest. He said his heart was broken, 
he would give the remnant of his life to high deeds 
in the cause of humanity, and so find a worthy 
death and a blessed reunion with the brave true heart 
whose love had more honored him than all his vic- 
tories in war. 

When the people heard this resolve of his, they 
came and told him there was a pitiless dragon in 
human disguise in the Haunted Cave, a dread 
creature which no knight had yet been bold enough 
to face, and begged him to rid the land of its deso- 
lating presence. He said he would do it. They 
told him about the song, and when he asked what 
song it was, they said the memory of it was gone, 
for nobody had been hardy enough to listen to it 
for the past four years and more. 

Toward midnight the Crusader came floating down 
the river in a boat, with his trusty crossbow in his 



134 A Tramp Abroad 

hands. He drifted silently through the dim reflec- 
tions of the crags and trees, with his intent eyes 
fixed upon the low cliff which he was approaching. 
As he drew nearer, he discerned the black mouth of 
the cave. Now, — is that a white figure? Yes. 
The plaintive song begins to well forth and float 
away over meadow and river, — the crossbow is 
slowly raised to position, a steady aim is taken, the 
bolt flies straight to the mark, — the figure sinks 
down, still singing, the knight takes the wool out of 
his ears, and recognizes the old ballad, — too late! 
Ah, if he had only not put the wool in his ears ! 

The Crusader went away to the wars again, and 
presently fell in battle, fighting for the Cross. 
Tradition says that during several centuries the spirit 
of the unfortunate girl sang nightly from the cave at 
midnight, but the music carried no curse with it; 
and although many listened for the mysterious 
sounds, few were favored, since only those could 
hear them who had never failed in a trust. It is 
believed that the singing still continues, but it is 
known that nobody has heard it during the present 
century. 



A Tramp Abroad 



135 




fia>^ Ox^rn^'^a ^>tm,i^y,^/0<'£[:i^:^.,^ J*t^ 



iX^ ^e.^^ ^^o 




RAFTING ON THE NECKAR 



CHAPTER XVI. 

AN ANCIENT LEGEND OF THE RHINE 

THE last legend reminds one of the " Lorelei "— 
a legend of the Rhine. There is a song called 
••The Lorelei." 

Germany is rich in folk-songs, and the words and 
airs of several of them are peculiarly beautiful, — 
but "The Lorelei" is the people's favorite. I 
could not endure it at first, but by and by it began 
to take hold of me, and now there is no tune which 
I like so well. 

It is not possible that it is much known In 
America, else I should have heard it there. The 
fact that I never heard it there, is evidence that there 
are others in my country who have fared likewise ; 
therefore, for the sake of these, I mean to print the 
words and the music in this chapter. And I will 
refresh the reader's memory by printing the legend 
of the Lorelei, too. I have it by me in the 
" Legends of the Rhine," done into English by the 
wildly gifted Garnham, Bachelor of Arts. I print 
the legend partly to refresh my own memory, too, 
for I have never read it before. 

(136) 



A Tramp Abroad 137 

THE LEGEND 

Lore (two syllables) was a water nymph who 
used to sit on a high rock called Ley or Lei (pro- 
nounced Hke our word lie) in the Rhine, and lure 
boatmen to destruction in a furious rapid which 
marred the channel at that spot. She so bewitched 
them with her plaintive songs and her wonderful 
beauty that they forgot everything else to gaze up at 
her, and so they presently drifted among the broken 
reefs and were lost. 

In those old, old times, the Count Bruno lived in 
a great castle near there with his son, the Count 
Hermann, a youth of twenty. Hermann had heard 
a great deal about the beautiful Lore, and had 
finally fallen very deeply in love with her without 
having yet seen her. So he used to wander to the 
neighborhood of the Lei, evenings, with his Zither 
and "Express his Longing in low Singing," as 
Garnham says. On one of these occasions, " sud- 
denly there hovered around the top of the rock a 
brightness of unequaled clearness and color, which, 
in increasingly smaller circles thickened, was the en- 
chanting figure of the beautiful Lore. 

" An unintentional cry of Joy escaped the Youth, 
he let his Zither fall, and with extended arms -he 
called out the name of the enigmatical Being, who 
seemed to stoop lovingly to him and beckon to him 
in a friendly manner; indeed, if his ear did not de- 
ceive him, she called his name with unutterable 
sweet Whispers, proper to love. Beside himself 



138 A Tramp Abroad 

with delight the youth lost his Senses and sank 
senseless to the earth." 

After that he was a changed person. He went 
dreaming about, thinking only of his fairy and 
caring for naught else in the world. "The old 
count saw with affliction this changement in his 
son," whose cause he could not divine, and tried to 
divert his mind into cheerful channels, but to 
no purpose. Then the old count used authority. 
He commanded the youth to betake himself to 
the camp. Obedience was promised. Garnham 
says: 

" It was on the evening before his departure, as 
he wished still once to visit the Lei and offer to the 
Nymph of the Rhine his Sighs, the tones of his 
Zither, and his Songs. He went, in his boat, this 
time accompanied by a faithful squire, down the 
stream. The moon shed her silvery light over the 
whole Country; the steep bank mountains appeared 
in the most fantastical shapes, and the high oaks on 
either side bowed their Branches on Hermann's 
passing. As soon as he approached the Lei, and 
was aware of the surf -waves, his attendant was 
seized with an inexpressible Anxiety and he begged 
permission to land ; but the Knight swept the strings 
of his Guitar and sang : 

"Once I saw thee in dark night. 

In supernatural Beauty bright; 
Of Light-rays, was the Figure wove, 

To share its light, locked'haii' strove. 



A Tramp Abroad 139 

*'Thy Garment color wave-dove. 

By thy hand the sign of love. 
Thy eyes sweet enchantment, 

Raying to me, oh ! entrancement. 

" O, wert thou but my sweetheart. 

How willingly thy love to part 1 
With delight I should be bound 

To thy rocky house in deep ground." 

That Hermann should have gone to that place at 
all, was not wise; that he should have gone with 
such a song as that in his mouth was a most serious 
mistake. The Lorelei did not "call his name in 
unutterable sweet Whispers" this time. No, that 
song naturally worked an instant and thorough 
" changement " in her; and not only that, but it 
stirred the bowels of the whole afflicted region round 
about there, — for 

** Scarcely had these tones sounded, everywhere 
there began tumult and sound, as if voices above 
and below the water. On the Lei rose flames, the 
Fairy stood above, as that time, and beckoned with 
her right hand clearly and urgently to the infatuated 
Knight, while with a staff in her left she called the 
waves to her service. They began to mount heaven- 
ward ; the boat was upset, mocking every exertion ; 
the waves rose to the gunwale, and splitting on the 
hard stones, the Boat broke into Pieces. The youth 
sank into the depths, but the squire was thrown on 
shore by a powerful wave." 

The bitterest things have been said about the 
Lorelei during many centuries, but surely her con- 



140 A Tramp Abroad 

duct upon this occasion entitles her to our respect. 
One feels drawn tenderly toward her and is moved 
to forget her many crimes and remember only the 
good deed that crowned and closed her career. 

"The Fairy was never more seen; but her en- 
chanting tones have often been heard. In the beau- 
tiful, refreshing, still nights of .spring, when the 
moon pours her silver light over the Country, the 
listening shipper hears from the rushing of the 
waves, the echoing Clang of a wonderfully charming 
voice, which sings a song from the crystal castle, 
and with sorrow and fear he thinks on the young 
Count Hermann, seduced by the Nymph." 

Here is the music, and the German words by 
Heinrich Heine. This song has been a favorite in 
Germany for forty years, and will remain a favorite 
always, maybe (see pp. 142-143) : 

I have a prejudice against people who print things 
in a foreign language and add no translation. When 
I am the reader, and the author considers me able 
to do the translating myself, he pays me quite a 
nice compliment, — but if he would do the translating 
for me I would try to get along without the compli- 
ment. 

If I were at home, no doubt I could get a transla- 
tion of this poem, but I am abroad and can't; there- 
fore I will make a translation myself. It may not 
be a good one, for poetry is out of my line, but it 
will serve my purpose, — which is, to give the un- 
German young girl a jingle of words to hang the 



A Tramp Abroad 141 

tune on until she can get hold of a good version, 
made by some one who is a poet and knows how to 
convey a poetical thought from one language to 
another. 

THE LORELEI. 

I cannot divine what it meaneth, 

This haunting nameless pain: 
A tale of the bygone ages 

Keeps brooding through my brain: 

The faint air cools in the gloaming, 

And peaceful flows the Rhine, 
The thirsty summits are drinking 

The sunset's flooding wine; 

The loveliest maiden is sitting 

High-throned in yon blue air. 
Her golden jewels are shining, 

She combs her golden hair; 

She combs with a comb that is golden, 

And sings a weird refrain 
That steeps in a deadly enchantment 

The list'ner's ravished brain: 

The doomed in his drifting shallop. 
Is tranced vnth the sad sweet tone, 

He sees not the yawning breakers. 
He sees but the maid alone: 

The pitiless billows engulf him ! — 

So perish sailor and bark; 
And this, with her baleful singing, 

Is the Lorelei's grewsome work. 

I have a translation by Garnham, Bachelor of 
Arts, in the " Legends of the Rhine," but it would 
not answer the purpose I mentioned above, because 
the measure is too nobly irregular; it don't fit the 



142 



A Tramp Abroad 




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144 A Tramp Abroad 

tune snugly enough ; in places it hangs over at the 
ends too far, and in other places one runs out of 
words before he gets to the end of a bar. Still, 
Garnham's translation has high merits, and I am not 
dreaming of leaving it out of my book. I believe 
this poet is wholly unknown in America and Eng- 
land ; I take peculiar pleasure in bringing him for- 
ward because I consider that I discovered him : 

THE LORELEI. 
Translated by L. IV. Garnham, B.A. 
I do not„ know what it signifies. 

That I am so sorrowful? 
A fable of old Times so terrifies, 
Leaves my heart so thoughtful. 

The air is cool and it darkens, 

And calmly flows the Rhine; 
The summit of the mountain hearkens 

In evening sunshine line. 

The most beautiful Maiden entrances 

Above wonderfully there, 
Her beautiful golden attire glances. 

She combs her golden hair. 

With golden comb so lustrous, 

And thereby a song sings. 
It has a tone so wondrous. 

That powerful melody rings. 

The shipper in the little ship 

It effects vnth woes sad might; 
He does not see the rocky clip, 

He only regards dreaded height. 

I believe the turbulent waves 

Swallow at last shipper and boat; 

She with her singing craves 
All to visit her magic moat. 



A Tramp ADroad 145 

No translation could be closer. He has got in all 
the facts; and in their regular order, too. There is 
not a statistic wanting. It is as succinct as an in- 
voice. That is what a translation ought to be ; it 
should exactly reflect the thought of the original. 
You can't sing "Above wonderfully there," be- 
cause it simply won't go to the tune, without 
damaging the singer; but it is a most cHngingly 
exact translation of Dort oben witnderbar, — fits it 
like a blister. Mr. Garnham's reproduction has other 
merits, — a hundred of them, — but it is not neces- 
sary to point them out. They will be detected. 

No one with a specialty can hope to have a 
monopoly of it. Even Garnham has a rival. Mr. 
X. had a small pamphlet with him which he had 
bought while on a visit to Munich. It was entitled 
" A Catalogue of Pictures in the Old Pinacotek," 
and was written in a peculiar kind of English. Here 
are a few extracts : 

" It is not permitted to make use of the work in 
question to a publication of the same contents as 
well as to the pirated edition of it." 

"An evening landscape. In the foreground near 
a pond and a group of white beeches is leading a 
footpath animated by travelers." 

" A learned man in a cynical and torn dress hold- 
ing an open book in his hand." 

" St. Bartholomew and the Executioner with the 
knife to fulfill the martyr." 

" Portrait of a young man. A long while this 
10 • 



146 A Tramp Abroad 

picture was thought to be Bindi Altoviti's portrait; 
now somebody will again have it to be the self- 
portrait of Raphael." 

*' Susan bathing, surprised by the two old man. 
In the background the lapidation of the condemned." 

(" Lapidation " is good; it is much more elegant 
that "stoning.") 

• ' St. Rochus sitting in a landscape with an angel 
who looks at his plague-sore, whilst the dog the 
bread in his mouth attents him." 

" Spring. The Goddess Flora, sitting. Behind 
her a fertile valley perfused by a river." 

"A beautiful bouquet animated by May-bugs, 
etc." 

" A warrior in armor with a gypseous pipe in his 
hand leans against a table and blows the smoke far 
away of himself. ' ' 

"A Dutch landscape along a navigable river 
which perfuses it till to the background." 

" Some peasants singing in a cottage. A woman 
lets drink a child out of a cup." 

" St. John's head as a boy, — painted in fresco on 
a brick." (Meaning a tile.) 

" A young man of the Riccio family, his hair cut 
off right at the end, dressed in black with the same cap. 
Attributed to Raphael, but the signation is false." 

"The Virgin holding the Infant. It is very 
painted in the manner of Sassoferrato." 

* * A Larder with greens and dead game animated 
by a cook-maid and two kitchen-boys." 



A Tramp Abroad 147 

However, the English of this catalogue is at least 
as happy as that which distinguishes an inscription 
upon a certain picture in Rome, — to wit: 

"Revelations-View. St. John in Patterson's 
Island." 

But meantim j the raft is moving on. 



CHAPTER XVII. 

A MILE or two above Eberbach we saw a peculiar 
ruin projecting above the foliage which clothed 
the peak of a high and very steep hill. This ruin 
consisted of merely a couple of crumbling masses of 
masonry which bore a rude resemblance to human 
faces; they leaned forward and touched foreheads, 
and had the look of being absorbed in conversation. 
This ruin had nothing very imposing or picturesque 
about it, and there was no great deal of it, yet it was 
called the " Spectacular Ruin." 

LEGEND OF THE "SPECTACULAR RUIN" 
The captain of the raft, who was as full of history 
as he could stick, said that in the IVIiddle Ages a 
most prodigious fire-breathing dragon used to live 
in that region, and made more trouble than a tax 
collector. He was as long as a railway train, and 
had the customary impenetrable green scales all over 
him. His breath bred pestilence and conflagration, 
and his appetite bred famine. He ate men and 
cattle impartially, and was exceedingly unpopular. 
The German emperor of that day made the usual 

(I48y 



A Tramp Abroad 149 

offer: he would grant to the destroyer of the 
dragon, any one solitary thing he might ask for; 
for he had a surplusage of daughters, and it was 
customary for dragon-killers to take a daughter for 
pay. 

So the most renowned knights came from the four 
corners of the earth and retired down the dragon's 
throat one after the other. A panic arose and 
spread. Heroes grew cautious. The procession 
ceased. The dragon became more destructive than 
ever. The people lost all hope of succor, and fled 
to the mountains for refuge. 

At last Sir Wissenschaft, a poor and obscure 
knight, out of a far country, arrived to do battle 
with the monster. A pitiable object he was, with 
his armor hanging in rags about him, and his strange 
shaped knapsack strapped upon his back. Every- 
body turned up their noses at him, and some openly 
jeered him. But he was calm. He simply inquired 
if the emperor's offer was still in force. The em- 
peror said it was, — but charitably advised him to go 
and hunt hares and not endanger so precious a life 
as his in an attempt which had brought death to so 
many of the world's most illustrious heroes. 

But this tramp only asked, — " Were any of these 
heroes men of science?" This raised a laugh, of 
course, for science was despised in those days. But 
the tramp was not in the least ruffled. He said he 
might be a little in advance of his age, but no 
matter, — ■ science would come to be honored, some 



150 A Tramp Abroad 

time or other. He said he would march against 
the dragon in the morning. Out of compassion, 
then, a decent spear was offered him, but he de- 
clined, and said, "spears were useless to men of 
science." They allowed him to sup in the servants' 
hall, and gave him a bed in the stables. 

When he started forth in the morning, thousands 
were gathered to see. The emperor said : 

" Do not be rash, take a spear, and leave off your 
knapsack." 

But the tramp said : 

•'It is not a knapsack," and moved straighten. 

The dragon was waiting and ready. He was 
breathing forth vast volumes of sulphurous smoke 
and lurid blasts of flame. The ragged knight stole 
warily to a good position, then he unslung his 
cylindrical knapsack, — which was simply the com- 
mon fire-extinguisher known to modern times, — and 
the first chance he got he turned on his hose and 
shot the dragon square in the center of his cavernous 
mouth. Out went the fires in an instant, and the 
dragon curled up and died. 

This man had brought brains to his aid. He had 
reared dragons from the egg, in his laboratory, he 
had watched over them like a mother, and patiently 
studied them and experimented upon them while 
they grew. Thus he had found out that fire was 
the life principle of a dragon; put out the dragon's 
fires and it could make steam no longer, and must 
4ie. He could not put out a fire with a spear, 



A Tramp Abroad 151 

therefore he invented the extinguisher. The dragon 
being dead, the emperor fell on the hero's neck and 
said: 

"Deliverer, name your request," at the same 
time beckoning out behind with his heel for a de- 
tachment of his daughters to form and advance- 
But the tramp gave them no observance. He 
simply said: 

" My request is, that upon me be conferred the 
monopoly of the manufacture and sale of spectacles 
in Germany." 

The emperor sprang aside and exclaimed : 

" This transcends all the impudence I ever heard ! 
A modest demand, by my halidome ! Why didn't 
you ask for the imperial revenues at once, and be 
done with it?" 

But the monarch had given his word, and he kept 
it. To everybody's surprise, the unselfish monopo- 
list immediately reduced the price of spectacles to 
Such a degree that a great and crushing burden was 
removed from the nation. The emperor, to com- 
memorate this generous act, and to testify his appre- 
ciation of it, issued a decree commanding everybody 
to buy this benefactor's spectacles and wear them, 
whether they needed them or not. 

So originated the widespread custom of wearing 
spectacles in Germany ; and as a custom once estab- 
lished in these old lands is imperishable, this one 
remains universal in the empire to this day. Such 
is the legend of the monopolist's once stately and 



152 A Tramp Abroad 

sumptuous castle, now called the "Spectacular 
Ruin." 

On the right bank, two or three miles below the 
Spectacular Ruin, we passed by a noble pile of castel- 
lated buildings overlooking the water from the crest 
of a lofty elevation. A stretch of two hundred 
yards of the high front wall was heavily draped with 
ivy, and out of the mass of buildings within rose 
three picturesque old towers The place was in fine 
order, and was inhabited by a family of princely 
rank. This castle had its legend, too, but I should 
not feel justified in repeating it because I doubted 
the truth of some of its minor details. 

Along in this region a multitude of Italian laborers 
were blasting away the frontage of the hills to make 
room for the new railway. They were fifty or a 
hundred feet above the river. As we turned a sharp 
corner they began to wave signals and shout warn- 
ings to us to look out for the explosions. It was 
all very well to warn us, but what could we do? 
You can't back a raft up stream, you can't hurry it 
down stream, you can't scatter out to one side when 
you haven't any room to speak of, you won't take 
to the perpendicular cliffs on the other shore when 
they appear to be blasting there, too. Your re- 
sources are limited, you see. There is simply noth- 
ing for it but to watch and pray. 

For some hours we had been making three and a 
half or four miles an hour and we were still making 
that. We had been dancing right along until those 



A Tramp Abroad 153 

men began to shout ; then for the next ten minutes 
it seemed to me that I had never seen a raft go so 
slowly. When the first blast went off we raised our 
sun-umbrellas and waited for the result. No harm 
done ; none of the stones fell in the water. Another 
blast followed, and another and another. Some of 
the rubbish fell in the water just astern of us. 

We ran that whole battery of nine blasts in a row, 
and it was certainly one of the most exciting and 
uncomfortable weeks I ever spent, either aship or 
ashore. Of course we frequently manned the poles 
and shoved earnestly for a second or so, but every 
time one of those spurts of dust and dibris shot aloft 
every man dropped his pole and looked up to get 
the bearings of his share of it. It was very busy 
times along there for a while. It appeared certain 
that we must perish, but even that was not the 
bitterest thought; no, the abjectly unheroic nature of 
the death,-^— that was the sting, — ^that and the 
bizarre wording of the resulting obituary: ^''Shoi 
with a rock, on a raft. ' ' There would be no poetry 
written about it. None . could be written about it. 
Example : 

Not by war's shock, or war's shaft, — 
Shot, with a rock, on a raft. 

No poet who valued his reputation would touch 
such a theme as that. I should be distinguished as 
the only "distinguished dead" who went down to 
the grave unsonneted, in 1878. 

But we escaped, and I have never regretted it. 



154 A Tramp Abroad 

The last blast was a peculiarly strong one, and after 
the small rubbish was done raining around us and we 
were just going to shake hands over our deliverance, 
a later and larger stone came down amongst our 
little group of pedestrians and wrecked an umbrella. 
It did no other harm, but we took to the water just 
the same. 

It seems that the heavy work in the quarries and 
the new railway gradings is done mainly by Italians. 
That was a revelation. We have the notion in our 
country that Italians never do heavy work at all, but 
confine themselves to the lighter arts, like organ- 
grinding, operatic singing, and assassination. We 
have blundered, that is plain. 

All along the river, near every village, we saw 
little station houses for the future railway. They 
were finished and waiting for the rails and business. 
They were as trim and snug and pretty as they could 
be. They were always of brick or stone ; they were 
of graceful shape, they had vines and flowers about 
them already, and around them the grass was bright 
and green, and showed that it was carefully looked 
after. They were a decoration to the beautiful 
landscape, not an offense. Wherever one saw a 
pile of gravel or a pile of broken stone, it was always 
heaped as trimly and exactly as a new grave or a 
stack of cannon-balls ; nothing about those stations 
or along the railroad or the wagon road was allowed 
to look shabby or be unornamental. The keeping a 
country in such beautiful order as Germany exhibits, 



A Tramp Abroad 155 

has a wise practical side to it, too, for it keeps thou- 
sands of people in work and bread who would 
otherwise be idle and mischievous. 

As the night shut down, the captain wanted to tie 
up, but I thought maybe we might make Hirsch- 
horn, so we went on. Presently the sky became 
overcast, and the captain came aft looking uneasy. 
He cast his eye aloft, then shook his head, and said 
it was coming on to blow. My party wanted to 
land at once, — therefore I wanted to goon. The 
captain said we ought to shorten sail anyway, out of 
common prudence. Consequently, the larboard 
watch was ordered to lay in his pole. It grew 
quite dark, now, and the wind began to rise. It 
wailed through the swaying branches of the trees, 
and swept our decks in fitful gusts. Things were 
taking on an ugly look. The captain shouted to the 
steersman on the forward log: 

" How's she heading?" 

The answer came faint and hoarse from far for- 
ward : 

" Nor'-east-and-by-nor*, — east-by-east, half-east, 
sir." 

" Let her go off a point !" 

"Ay-aye, sir!" 

*' What water have you got?" 

" Shoal, sir. Two foot large, on the stabboard, 
two and a half scant on the labboard 1" 

" Let her go off another point!" 

"Ay-aye, sir!" 



156 A Tramp Abroad 

"Forward, men, all of you! Lively, now! 
Stand by to crowd her round the weather corner!" 

"Ay-aye, sir!" 

Then followed a wild running and trampling and 
hoarse shouting, but the forms of the men were lost 
in the darkness and the sounds were distorted and 
confused by the roaring of the wind through the 
shingle-bundles. By this time the sea was running 
inches high, and threatening every moment to en- 
gulf the frail bark. Now came the mate, hurrying 
aft, and said, close to the captain's ear, in a low, 
agitated voice : 

"Prepare for the worst, sir, — we have sprung a 
leak!" 

"Heavens! where?" 

" Right aft the second row of logs." 

" Nothing but a miracle can save us! Don't let 
the men know, or there will be a panic and mutiny ! 
Lay her in shore and stand by to jump with the 
stern-line the moment she touches. Gentlemen, I 
must look to you to second my endeavors in this 
hour of peril. You have hats, — go forrard and bail 
for your lives !" 

Down swept another mighty blast of wind, 
clothed in spray and thick darkness. At such 
a moment as this, came from away forward 
that most appalling of all cries that are ever heard at 
sea: 

" Man overboard r* 

The captain shouted : 






A Tramp Abroad 157 

** Hard a-port! Never mind the man! Let him 
climb aboard or wade ashore ! ' ' 

Another cry came down the wind : 

*' Breakers ahead !" 

"Where away?" 

" Not a log's length off her port fore-foot!" 

We had groped our slippery way forward, and 
were now bailing with the frenzy of despair, when 
we heard the mate's terrified cry, from far aft: 

' ' Stop that dashed bailing, or we shall be 
aground !" 

But this was immediately followed by the glad 
shout: 

' ' Land aboard the starboard transom ! ' * 

'* Saved!" cried the captain. "Jump ashore and 
take a turn around a tree and pass the bight aboard 1 ' ' 

The next moment we were all on shore weeping 
and embracing for joy, while the rain poured down 
in torrents. The captain said he had been a mariner 
for forty years on the Neckar, and in that time had 
seen storms to make a man's cheek blanch and his 
pulses stop, but he had never, never seen a storm 
that even approached this one. How familiar that 
sounded ! For I have been at sea a good deal and 
have heard that remark from captains with a fre- 
quency accordingly. 

We framed in our minds the usual resolution of 
thanks and admiration and gratitude, and took the 
first opportunity to vote it, and put it in writing and 
present it to the captain, with the customary speech 



158 A Tramp Abroad 

We tramped through the darkness and the drench- 
ing summer rain full three miles, and reached " The 
Naturalist Tavern ' ' in the village of Hirschhorn just 
an hour before midnight, almost exhausted from 
hardship, fatigue, and terror. I can never forget 
that night. 

The landlord was rich, and therefore could afford 
to be crusty and disobliging; he did not at all like 
being turned out of his warm bed to open his house 
for us. But no matter, his household got up and 
cooked a quick supper for us, and we brewed a hot 
punch for ourselves, to keep off consumption. After 
supper and punch we had an hour's soothing smoke 
while we fought the naval battle over again and 
voted the resolutions ; then we retired to exceedingly 
neat and pretty chambers up stairs that had clean, 
comfortable beds in them with heirloom pillow- 
cases most elaborately and tastefully embroidered by 
hand. 

Such rooms and beds and embroidered linen are 
as frequent in German village inns as they are rare 
in ours. Our villages are superior to German villages 
in more .merits, excellences, conveniences, and 
privileges than I can enumerate, but the hotels do 
not belong in the list. 

'* The Naturalist Tavern " was not a meaningless 
name ; for all the halls and all the rooms were lined 
with large glass cases which were filled with all sorts 
of birds and animals, glass-eyed, ably stuffed, and 
set up in the most natural and eloquent and dramatic 



A Tramp Abroad 159 

attitudes. The moment we were abed, the rain 
cleared away and the moon came out. I dozed off 
to sleep while contemplating a great white stuffed 
owl which was lookingly intently down on me from 
a high perch with the air of a person who thought 
he had met me before, but could not make out for 
certain. 

But young Z. did not get off so easily. He said 
that as he was sinking deliciously to sleep, the moon 
lifted away the shadows and developed a huge cat, 
on a bracket, dead and stuffed, but crouching, with 
every muscle tense, for a spring, and with its glitter- 
ing glass eyes aimed straight at him. It made Z. 
uncomfortable. He tried closing his own eyes, but 
that did not answer, for a natural instinct kept 
making him open them again to see if the cat was 
still getting ready to launch at him, — which she 
always was. He tried turning his back, but that 
was a failure ; he knew the sinister eyes were on him 
still. So at last he had to get up, after an hour or 
two of worry and experiment, and set the cat out 
in the hall. So he won, that time. 



CHAPTER XVIII. 

IN the morning we took breakfast in the garden, 
under the trees, in the delightful German summer 
fashion. The air was filled with the fragrance of 
flowers and wild animals; the living portion of the 
menagerie of the " Naturalist Tavern " was all about 
us. There were great cages populous with fluttering 
and chattering foreign birds, and other great cages 
and greater wire pens, populous with quadrupeds, 
both native and foreign. There were some free 
creatures, too, and quite sociable ones they were. 
White rabbits went loping about the place, and oc- 
casionally came and sniffed at our shoes and shins ; 
a fawn, with a red ribbon on its neck, walked up and 
examined us fearlessly ; rare breeds of chickens and 
doves begged for crumbs, and a poor old tailless 
raven hopped about with a humble, shame-faced 
mien which said, " Please do not notice my ex- 
posure, — think how you would feel in my circum- 
stances, and be charitable." If he was observed too 
much, he would retire behind something and stay 
there until he judged the party's interest had found 
another object. I never have seen another dumb 
creature that was so morbidly sensitive. Bayard 

(x6o) 



A Tramp Abroad 161 

Taylor, who could interpret the dim reasonings of 
animals, and understood their moral natures better 
than most men, would have found some way to 
make this poor old chap forget his troubles for a 
while, but we had not his kindly art, and so had to 
leave the raven to his griefs. 

After breakfast we climbed the hill and visited the 
ancient castle of Hirschhorn, and the ruined church 
near it. There were some curious old bas-reliefs 
leaning against the inner walls of the church, — 
sculptured lords of Hirschhorn in complete armor, 
and ladies of Hirschhorn in the picturesque court 
costumes of the Middle Ages. These things are 
suffering damage and passing to decay, for the last 
Hirschhorn has been dead two hundred years, and 
there is nobody now who cares to preserve the 
family relics. In the chancel was a twisted stone 
column, and the captain told us a legend about it, 
of course, for in the matter of legends he could not 
seem to restrain himself ; but I do not repeat his tale 
because there was nothing plausible about it except 
that the Hero wrenched this column into its present 
screw-shape with his hands, — just one single wrench. 
All the rest of the legend was doubtful. 

But Hirschhorn is best seen from a distance, down 
the river. Then the clustered brown towers perched 
on the green hilltop, and the old battlemented stone 
wall, stretching up and over the grassy ridge and disap- 
pearing in the leafy sea beyond, make a picture 
whose grace and beauty entirely satisfy the eye. 



162 A Tramp Abroad 

We descended from the church by steep stone stair- 
ways which curved this way and that down narrow 
alleys between the packed and dirty tenements of the 
village. It was a quarter well stocked with de- 
formed, leering, unkempt and uncombed idiots, who 
held out hands or caps and begged piteously. The 
people of the quarter were not all idiots, of course, 
but all that begged seemed to be, and were said to 
be. 

I was thinking of going by skiff to the next town, 
Neckarsteinach ; so I ran to the river side in advance 
of the party and asked a man there if he had a boat 
to hire. I suppose I must have spoken High-Ger- 
man, — Court German, — I intended it for that, any- 
way, — so he did not understand me. I turned and 
twisted my question around and about, trying to 
strike that man's average, but failed. He could not 
make out what I wanted. Now Mr. X. arrived, 
faced this same man, looked him in the eye, and 
emptied this sentence on him, in the most glib and 
confident way : 

" Can man boat get here? " 

The mariner promptly understood and promptly 
answered. I can comprehend why he was able to 
understand that particular sentence, because by mere 
accident all the words in it except '* get" have the 
same sound and the same meaning in German that 
they have in English; but how he managed to 
understand Mr. X.'s next remark puzzled me. I 
will insert it, presently. X. turned away a moment. 



A Tramp Abroad I63 

and I asked the mariner if he could not find a board, 
and so construct an additional seat. I spoke in the 
purest German, but I might as well have spoken in 
the purest Choctaw for all the good it did. The 
man tried his best to understand me; he tried, and 
kept on trying, harder and harder, until I saw it was 
really of no use, and said : 

"There, don't strain yourself, — it is of no con- 
sequence." 

Then X. turned to him and crisply said : 

" Machen Sie a flat board." 

I wish my epitaph may tell the truth about me if 
the man did not answer up at once, and say he 
would go and borrow a board as soon as he had lit 
the pipe which he was filling. 

We changed our mind about taking a boat, so we 
did not have to go. I have given Mr. X.'s two re- 
marks just as he made them. Four of the five words 
in the first one were English, and that they were 
also German was only accidental, not intentional; 
three out of the five words in the second remark 
were English, and English only, and the two German 
ones did not mean anything in particular, in such a 
connection. 

X. always spoke English, to Germans, but his plan 
was to turn the sentence wrong end first and upside 
down, according to German construction, and sprinkle 
in a German word without any essential meaning to 
it, here and there, by way of flavor. Yet he always 
made himself understood. He could make those 



164 A Tramp Abroad 

dialect-speaking raftsmen understand him, some- 
times, when even young Z. had failed with them; 
and young Z. was a pretty good German scholar. 
For one thing, X. always spoke with such con- 
fidence, — perhaps that helped. And possibly the 
raftsmen's dialect was what is cdWtd platt-Deutsch, 
and so they found his English more familiar to their 
ears than another man's German. Quite indifferent 
students of German can read Fritz Reuter's charming 
platt-Deutsch tales with some little facility because 
many of the words are English. I suppose this is 
the tongue which our Saxon ancestors carried to 
England with them. By and by I will inquire of 
some other philologist. 

However, in the meantime it had transpired that 
the men employed to caulk the raft had found that 
the leak was hot a leak at all, but only a crack be- 
tween the logs, — a crack which belonged there, and 
was not dangerous, but had been magnified into a 
leak by the disordered imagination of the mate. 
Therefore we went aboard again with a good de- 
gree of confidence, and presently got to sea without 
accident. As we swam smoothly along between 
the enchanting shores, we fell to swapping notes 
about manners and customs in Germany and else- 
where. 

As I write, now, many months later, I perceive 
that each of us, by observing and noting and inquir- 
ing, diligently and day by day, had managed to lay 
in a most varied and opulent stock of misinformation. 



A Tramp Abroad I63 

But this is not surprising; it is very difficult to get 
accurate details in any country. 

For example, I had the idea, once, in Heidelberg, 
to find out all about those five student-corps. I 
started with the White Cap corps. I began to in- 
quire of this and that and the other citizen, and here 
is what I found out : 

1 . It is called the Prussian Corps, because none 
but Prussians are admitted to it. 

2. It is called the Prussian Corps for no particu- 
lar reason. It has simply pleased each corps to 
name itself after some German State. 

3. It is not named the Prussian Corps at all, but 
only the White Cap Corps. 

4. Any student can belong to it who is a German 
by birth. 

5 . Any student can belong to it who is European 
by birth. 

6. Any European-born student can belong to it, 
except he be a Frenchman. 

7. Any student can belong to it, no matter where 
he was born. 

8. No student can belong to it who is not of 
noble blood. 

9. No student can belong to it who cannot show 
three full generations of noble descent. 

10. Nobility is not a necessary qualification. 

1 1 . No moneyless student can belong to it. 

12. Money qualification is nonsense — such a 
thing has never been thought of. 



166 A Tramp Abroad 

I got some of this information from students them- 
selves, — students who did not belong to the corps, 

I finally went to headquarters, — to the White 
Caps, — where I would have gone in the first place 
if I had been acquainted. But even at headquarters 
I found difficulties ; I perceived that there were things 
about the White Cap Corps which one member knew 
and another one didn't. It was natural; for very 
few members of any organization know all that can 
be known about it. I doubt if there is a man or a 
woman in Heidelberg who would not answer promptly 
and confidently three out of every five questions 
about the White Cap Corps which a stranger might 
ask ; yet it is a very safe bet that two of the three 
answers would be incorrect every time. 

There is one German custom which is universal, — 
the bowing courteously to strangers when sitting 
down at table or rising up from it. This bow startles 
a stranger out of his self-possession, the first time 
it occurs, and he is likely to fall over a chair or 
something, in his embarrassment, but it pleases him, 
nevertheless. One soon learns to expect this bow 
and be on the lookout and ready to return it; but to 
learn to lead off and make the initial bow one's self 
is a difficult matter for a diffident man. One thinks, 
" If I rise to go, and tender my bow, and these ladies 
and gentlemen take it into their heads to ignore the 
custom of their nation, and not return it, how shall 
I feel, in case I survive to feel anything." There- 
fore he is afraid to venture. He sits out the dinner, 



A Tramp Abroad 167 

and makes the strangers rise first and originate the 
bowing. A table d'hote dinner is a tedious affair 
for a man who seldom touches anything after the 
three first courses; therefore I used to do some 
pretty dreary waiting because of my fears. It took 
me months to assure myself that those fears were 
groundless, but I did assure myself at last by ex- 
perimenting diligently through my agent. I made 
Harris get up and bow and leave ; invariably his bow 
was returned, then I got up and bowed myself and 
retired. 

Thus my education proceeded easily and comfort- 
ably for me, but not for Harris. Three courses of 
a table d'hote dinner were enough for me, but Harris 
preferred thirteen. 

Even after I had acquired full confidence, and no 
longer needed the agent's help, I sometimes en- 
countered difficulties. Once at Baden-Baden I 
nearly lost a train because I could not be sure that 
three young ladies opposite me at table were Ger- 
mans, since I had not heard them speak ; they might 
be American, they ipight be English, it was not 
safe to venture a bow ; but just as I had got that far 
with my thought, one of them began a German re- 
mark, to my great relief and gratitude; and before 
she had got out her third word, our bows had been 
delivered and graciously returned, and we were off. 

There is a friendly something about the German 
character which is very winning. When Harris and 
I were making a pedestrian tour through the Black 



168 A Tramp Abroad I 

Forest, we stopped at a little country inn for dinner 
one day ; two young ladies and a young gentleman 
entered and sat down opposite us. They were 
pedestrians, too. Our knapsacks were strapped 
upon our backs, but they had a sturdy youth along 
to carry theirs for them. All parties were hungry, 
so there was no talking. By and by the usual bows 
where exchanged, and we separated. 

As we sat at a late breakfast in the hotel at Aller- 
heiligen, next morning, these young people entered 
and took places near us without observing us ; but 
presently they saw us and at once bowed and smiled ; 
not ceremoniously, but with the gratified look of 
people who have found acquaintances where they 
were expecting strangers. Then they spoke of the 
weather and the roads. We also spoke of the 
weather and the roads. Next, they said they had 
had an enjoyable walk, notwithstanding the weather. 
We said that that had been our case, too. Then 
they said they had walked thirty English miles the 
day before, and asked how many we had walked. I 
could not lie, so I told Harris to do it. Harris told 
them we had made thirty English miles, too. That 
was true; we had "made" them, though we had 
had a Httle assistance here and there. 

After breakfast they found us trying to blast some 
information out of the dumb hotel clerk about routes, 
and observing that we were not succeeding pretty 
well, they went and got their maps and things, and 
pointed out and explained our course so clearly 



A Tramp Abroad 169 

that even a New York detective could have followed 
it. And when we started they spoke out a hearty 
good-bye and wished us a pleasant journey. Per- 
haps they were more generous with us than they 
might have been with native wayfarers because we 
were a forlorn lot and in a strange land; I don't 
know; I only know it was lovely to be treated so. 

Very well, I took an American young lady to one 
of the fine balls in Baden-Baden, one night,- and at 
the entrance door up stairs we were halted by an 
official, — something about Miss Jones's dress was 
not according to rule; I don't remember what it was, 
now ; something was wanting, — her back hair, or a 
shawl, or a fan, or a shovel, or something. The 
official was ever so polite, and ever so sorry, but the 
rule was strict, and he could not let us in. It was 
very embarrassing, for many eyes were on us. 
But now a richly-dressed girl stepped out of the ball- 
room, inquired into the trouble, and said she could 
fix it in a moment. She took Miss Jones to the rob- 
ing-room, and soon brought her back in regulation 
trim, and then we entered the ballroom with this 
benefactress unchallenged. 

Being safe, now, I began to puzzle through my 
sincere but ungrammatical thanks, when there was a- 
sudden mutual recognition, — the benefactress and I 
had met at Allerheiligen. Two weeks had not 
altered her good face, and plainly her heart was in 
the right place yet, but there was such a difference 
between these clothes and the clothes J had seen her 



170 A Tramp Abroad 

in before, when she was walking thirty miles a day 
in the Black Forest, that it was quite natural that I 
had failed to recognize her sooner. I had on my 
other suit, too, but my German would betray me to 
a person who had heard it once, anyway. She 
brought her brother and sister, and they made our 
way smooth for that evening. 

Well, — months afterward, I was driving through 
the streets of Munich in a cab with a German lady, 
one day, when she said : 

" There, that is Prince Ludwig and his wife, walk- 
ing along there." 

Everybody was bowing to them, — cabmen, little 
children, and everybody else, — and they were re- 
turning all the bows and overlooking nobody, when 
a young lady met them and made a deep curtsy. 

" That is probably one of the ladies of the court," 
said my German friend. 

I said: 

"She is an honor to it, then. I know her. I 
don't know her name, but I know her. I have 
known her at Allerheiligen and Baden-Baden. She 
ought to be an Empress, but she may be only a 
Duchess; it is the way things go in this world." 

If one asks a German a civil question, he will be 
quite sure to get a civil answer. If you stop a Ger- 
man in the street and ask him to direct you to a cer- 
tain place, he shows no sign of feeling offended. If 
the place be difficult to find, ten to one the man will 
drop his own matters and go with you and show you. 



A Tiamp Abroad 171 

In London, too, many a time, strangers have 
walked several blocks with me to show me my way. 

There is something very real about this sort of 
politeness. Quite often, in Germany, shopkeepers 
who could not furnish me the article I wanted have 
sent one of their employes with me to show me a 
place where it could be had- 



CHAPTER XIX. 

HOWEVER, I wander from the raft. We made 
the port of Neckarsteinach in good season, and 
went to the hotel and ordered a trout dinner, the 
same to be ready against our return from a two-hour 
pedestrian excursion to the village and castle of Dils- 
berg, a mile distant, on the other side of the river. 
I do not mean that we proposed to be two hours 
making two miles, — no, we meant to employ most 
of the time in inspecting Dilsberg. 

For Dilsberg is a quaint place. It is most quaintly 
and picturesquely situated, too. Imagine the beauti- 
ful river before you ; then a few rods of brilliant 
green sward on its opposite shore; then a sudden 
hill, — no preparatory gently rising slopes, but a sort 
of instantaneous hill, — a hill two hundred and fifty 
or three hundred feet high, as round as a bowl, with 
the same taper upward that an inverted bowl has, 
and with about the same relation of height to diameter 
that distinguishes a bowl of good honest depth, — a 
hill which is thickly clothed with green bushes, — a 
comely, shapely hill, rising abruptly out of the dead 
level of the surrounding green plains, visible from a 

(173) 



A Tramp Abroad 173 

great distance down the bends of the river, and with 
just exactly room on the top of its head for its 
steepled and turreted and roof-clustered cap of archi- 
tecture, which same is tightly jammed and compacted 
within the perfectly round hoop of the ancient vil- 
lage wall. 

There is no house outside the wall on the whole 
hill, or any vestige of a former house ; all the houses 
are inside the wall, but there isn't room for another 
one. It is really a finished town, and has been 
finished a very long time. There is no space be- 
tween the wall and the first circle of buildings; no, 
the village wall is itself the rear wall of the first circle 
of buildings, and the roofs jut a little over the wall 
and thus furnish it with eaves. The general level of 
the massed roofs is gracefully broken and relieved 
by the dominating towers of the ruined castle and 
the tall spires of a couple of churches; so, from a 
distance Dilsberg has rather more the look of a king's 
crown than a cap. That lofty green eminence and 
its quaint coronet form quite a striking picture, you 
may be sure, in the flush of the evening sun. 

We crossed over in a boat and began the ascent 
by a narrow, steep path which plunged us at once 
into the leafy deeps of the bushes. But they were 
not cool deeps by any means, for the sun's rays 
were weltering hot and there was little or no breeze 
to temper them. As we panted up the sharp ascent, 
we met brown, bareheaded and barefooted boys and 
girls, occasionally, and sometimes men; they came 



174 A Tramp Abroad 

upon us without warning, they gave us good-day, 
flashed out of sight in the bushes, and were gone as 
suddenly and mysteriously as they had come. They 
were bound for the other side of the river to work. 
This path had been traveled by many generations of 
these people. They have always gone down to the 
valley to earn their bread, but they have always 
climbed their hill again to eat it, and to sleep in their 
snug town. 

It is said that the Dilsbergers do not emigrate 
much ; they find that living up there above the world, 
in their peaceful nest, is pleasanter than living down 
in the troublous world. The seven hundred inhab- 
itants are all blood-kin to each other, too ; they have 
always been blood-kin to each other for fifteen hun- 
dred years ; they are simply one large family, and 
they like the home folks better than they like 
strangers, hence they persistently stay at home. 
It has been said that for ages Dilsberg has been 
merely a thriving and diligent idiot factory. I sav/ 
no idiots there, but the captain said, " Because of 
late years the government has taken to lugging them 
off to asylums and otherwheres; and government 
wants to cripple the factory, too, and is trying to get 
these Dilsbergers to marry out of the family, but 
they don't like to." 

The captain probably imagined all this, as modern 
science denies that the intermarrying of relatives 
deteriorates the stock. 

Arrived within the wall, we found the usual village 



A Tramp Abroad 175 

sights and life. We moved along a narrow, crooked 
lane which had been paved in the Middle Ages. A 
strapping, ruddy girl was beating flax or some such 
stuff in a little bit of a goods-box of a barn, and she 
swung her flail with a will, — if it was a flail ; I was 
not farmer enough to know what she was at; a 
frowsy, barelegged girl was herding half a dozen 
geese with a stick, — driving them along the lane and 
keeping them out of the dwellings ; a cooper was at 
work in a shop which I know he did not make so 
large a thing as a hogshead in, for there was not 
room. In the front rooms of dwellings girls and 
women were cooking or spinning, and ducks and 
chickens were waddling in and out, over the thresh- 
old, picking up chance crumbs and holding 
pleasant converse; a very old and wrinkled man 
sat asleep before his door, with his chin upon his 
breast and his extinguished pipe in his lap ; soiled 
children were playing in the dirt everywhere along 
the lane, unmindful of the sun. 

Except the sleeping old man, everybody was at 
work, but the place was very still and peaceful, 
nevertheless; so still that the distant cackle of the 
successful hen smote upon the ear but little dulled 
by intervening sounds. That commonest of village 
sights was lacking here, — the public pump, with its 
great stone tank or trough of limpid water, and its 
group of gossiping pitcher-bearers; for there is no 
well or fountain or spring on this tall hill; cisterns of 
rain water are used. 



176 A Tramp Abroad 

Our alpenstocks and muslin tails compelled atten- 
tion, and as we moved through the village we 
gathered a considerable procession of little boys and 
girls, and so went in some state to the castle. It 
proved to be an extensive pile of crumbling walls, 
arches, and towers, massive, properly grouped for 
picturesque effect, weedy, grass-grown, and satisfac- 
tory. The children acted as guides ; they walked us 
along the top of the highest wall, then took us up 
into a high tower and showed us a wide and beautiful 
landscape, made up of wavy distances of woody 
hills, and a nearer prospect of undulating expanses 
of green lowlands, on the one hand, and castle-graced 
crags and ridges on the other, with the shining 
curves of the Neckar flowing between. But the 
principal show, the chief pride of the children, was 
the ancient and empty well in the grass-grown court 
of the castle. Its massive stone curb stands up three 
or four feet above ground, and is whole and unin- 
jured. The children said that in the Middle Ages 
this well was four hundred feet deep, and furnished 
all the village with an abundant supply of water, in 
war and peace. They said that in that old day its 
bottom was below the level of the Neckar, hence the 
water supply was inexhaustible. 

But there were some who believed it had never 
been a well at all, and was never deeper than it is 
now, — eighty feet; that at that depth a subter- 
ranean passage branched from it and descended 
gradually to a remote place in the valley, where it 



A Tramp Abroad 177 

opened into somebody's cellar or other hidden re- 
cess, and that the secret of this locality is now lost. 
Those who hold this belief say that herein lies the 
explanation that Dilsberg, besieged by Tilly and 
many a soldier before him, was never taken: after 
the longest and closest sieges the besiegers were 
astonished to perceive that the besieged were as fat 
and hearty as ever, and as well furnished with muni- 
tions of war, — therefore it must be that the Dils- 
bergers had been bringing these things in through 
the subterranean passage all the time. 

The children said that there was in truth a sub- 
terranean outlet down there, and they would prove 
it. So they set a great truss of straw on fire and 
threw it down the well, while we leaned on the curb 
and watched the glowing mass descend. It struck 
bottom and gradually burned out. No smoke came 
up. The children clapped their hands and said : 

"You see! Nothing makes so much smoke as 
burning straw — now where did the smoke go to, if 
there is no subterranean outlet? " 

So it seemed quite evident that the subterranean 
outlet indeed existed. But the finest thing within 
the ruin's limits was a noble linden, which the 
children said was four hundred years old, and no 
doubt it was. It had a mighty trunk and a mighty 
spread of limb and foliage. The limbs near the 
ground were nearly the thickness of a barrel. 

That tree had witnessed the assaults of men in 
mail, — how remote such a time seems, and how 
12. 



178 A Tramp Abroad 

ungraspable is the fact that real men ever did fight 
in real armor ! — and it had seen the time when these 
broken arches and crumbling battlements were a trim 
and strong and stately fortress, fluttering its gay 
banners in the sun, and peopled with vigorous 
humanity, — how impossibly long ago that seems ! 
— and here it stands yet, and possibly may still be 
standing here, sunning itself and dreaming its histor- 
ical dreams, when to-day shall have been joined to 
the days called " ancient." 

Well, we sat down under the tree to smoke, and 
the captain delivered himself of his legend : 

THE LEGEND OF DILSBERG CASTLE 

It was to this effect. In the old times there was 
once a great company assembled at the castle, and 
festivity ran high. Of course there was a haunted 
chamber in the castle, and one day the talk fell upon 
that. It was said that whoever slept in it would not 
wake again for fifty years. Now when a young 
knight named Conrad von Geisberg heard this, he said 
that if the castle were his he would destroy that 
chamber, so that no foolish person might have the 
chance to bring so dreadful a misfortune upon him- 
self and afiflict such as loved him with the memory of 
it. Straightway, the company privately laid their 
heads together to contrive some way to get this 
superstitious young man to sleep in that chamber. 

And they succeeded — in this way. They per- 
suaded his betrothed, a lovely mischievous young 



A Tramp Abroad 179 

creature, niece of the lord of the castle, to help them 
in their plot. She presently took him aside and had 
speech with him. She used all her persuasions, but 
could not shake him; he said his belief was firm, 
that if he should sleep there he would wake no more 
for fifty years, and it made him shudder to think of 
it. Catharina began to weep. This was a better 
argument; Conrad could not hold out against it. 
He yielded and said she should have her wish if she 
would only smile and be happy again. She flung 
her arms about his neck, and the kisses she gave him 
showed that her thankfulness and her pleasure were 
very real. Then she flew to tell the company her 
success, and the applause she received made her 
glad and proud she had undertaken her mission, 
since all alone she had accomplished what the multi- 
tude had failed in. 

At midnight, that night, after the usual feasting, 
Conrad was taken to the haunted chamber and left 
there. He fell asleep, by and by. 

When he awoke again and looked about him, his 
heart stood still with horror ! The whole aspect of 
the chamber was changed. The walls were mouldy 
and hung with ancient cobwebs; the curtains and 
beddings were rotten ; the furniture was rickety and 
ready to fall to pieces. He sprang out of bed, but 
his quaking knees sunk under him and he fell to the 
floor. 

" This is the weakness of age," he said. 

He rose and sought his clothing. It was clothing 



180 A Tramp Abroaa 

no longer. The colors were gone, the garments 
gave way in many places while he was putting them 
on. He fled, shuddering, into the corridor, and 
along it to the great hall. Here he was met by a 
middle-aged stranger of a kind countenance, who 
stopped and gazed at him with surprise. Conrad 
said: 

*' Good sir, will you send hither the lord Ulrich? " 

The stranger looked puzzled a moment, then said: 

"The lord Ulrich?" 

*' Yes, — if you will be so good." 

The stranger called, — "Wilhelm!" A young 
serving man came, and the stranger said to him : 

*' Is there a lord Ulrich among the guests? " 

" I know none of the name, so please your honor." 

Conrad said, hesitatingly: 

' ' I did not mean a guest, but the lord of the 
castle, sir." 

The stranger and the servant exchanged wondering 
glances. Then the former said : 

" I am the lord of the castle." 

" Since when, sir? " 

' ' Since the death of my father, the good lord 
Ulrich, more than forty years ago." 

Conrad sank upon a bench and covered his face 
with his hands while he rocked his body to and fro 
and moaned. The stranger said in a low voice to 
the servant: 

" I fear me this poor old creature is mad. Cali 
some one." 



A Tramp Abroad 181 

In a moment several people came, and grouped 
themselves about, talking in whispers. Conrad > 
looked up and scanned the faces about him wistfully. A 

Then he shook his head and said, in a gneved0 
voice : / 

" No, there is none among ye that I know. I am 
old and alone in the world. They are dead and gone 
these many years that cared for me. But sure, 
some of these aged ones I see about me can tell me 
some little word or two concerning them." 

Several bent and tottering men and women came 
nearer and answered his questions about each former 
friend as he mentioned the names. This one they 
said had been dead ten years, that one twenty, 
another thirty. Each succeeding blow struck heavier 
and heavier. At last the sufferer said : 

" There is one more, but I have not the courage 
to, — O my lost Catharina! " 

One of the old dames said : 

"Ah, I knew her well, poor soul. A misfortune 
overtook her lover, and she died of sorrow nearly 
fifty years ago. She lieth under the linden tree with- 
out the court." 

Conrad bowed his head and said : 

" Ah, why did I ever wake ! And so she died of 
grief for me, poor child. So young, so sweet, so 
good ! She never wittingly did a hurtful thing in all 
the little summer of her life. Her loving debt shall 
be repaid — for I will die of grief for her." 

His head drooped upon his breast. In a moment 



182 A Tramp Abroad 

there was a wild burst of joyous laughter, a pair of 
round young arms were flung about Conrad's neck 
and a sweet voice cried : 

" There, Conrad mine, thy kind words kill me, — 
the farce shall go no further ! Look up, and laugh 
with us, — 'twas all a jest ! " 

And he did look up, and gazed, in a dazed 
wonderment, — for the disguises were stripped away, 
and the aged men and women were bright and young 
and gay again. Catharina's happy tongue ran on: 

" 'Twas a marvelous jest, and bravely carried out. 
They gave you a heavy sleeping draught before you 
went to bed, and in the night they bore you to a 
ruined chamber where all had fallen to decay, and 
placed these rags of clothing by you. And when 
your sleep was spent and you came forth, two 
strangers, well instructed in their parts, were here 
to meet you ; and all we, your friends, in our dis- 
guises, were close at hand, to see and hear, you may 
be sure. Ah, 'twas a gallant jest! Come, now, and 
make thee ready for the pleasures of the day. How 
real was thy misery for the moment, thou poor lad ! 
Look up and have thy laugh, now! " 

He looked up, searched the merry faces about 
him in a dreamy way, then sighed and said : 

" I am aweary, good strangers, I pray you lead me 
to her grave." 

All the smile vanished away, every cheek blanched, 
Catharina sunk to the ground in a swoon. 

All day the people went about the castle with 



A Tramp Abroad I83 

troubled faces, and communed together in under- 
tones. A painful hush pervaded the place which 
had lately been so full of cheery life. Each in his 
turn tried to arouse Conrad out of his hallucination 
and bring him to himself; but all the answer any 
got was a meek, bewildered stare, and then the 
words : 

" Good stranger, I have no friends, all are at rest 
these many years ; ye speak me fair, ye mean me 
well, but I know ye not; I am alone and forlorn in 
the world, — prithee lead me to her grave." 

During two years Conrad spent his days, from the 
early morning till the night, under the linden tree, 
mourning over the imaginary grave of his Catharina. 
Catharina was the only company of the harmless 
madman. He was very friendly toward her because, 
as he said, in some ways she reminded him of his 
Catharina whom he had lost "fifty years ago." 
He often said : 

"She was so gay, so happy-hearted, — but you 
never smile; and always when you think I am not 
looking, you cry." 

When Conrad died, they buried him under the 
linden, according to his directions, so that he might 
rest "near his poor Catharina." Then Catharina 
sat under the linden alone, every day and all day 
long, a great many years, speaking to no one, and 
never smiling; and at last her long repentance was 
rewarded with death, and she was buried by Con- 
rad's side. 



184 A Tramp Abroad 

Harris pleased the captain by saying it was a good 
legend; and pleased him further by adding: 

**C)Iow that I have seen this mighty tree, vigorous 
with its four hundred years, I feel a desire to believe 
the legend for its sake ; so I will humor the desire, 
and consider that the tree really watches over those 
poor hearts and feels a sort of human tenderness for 
them." 

We returned to Neckarsteinach, plunged our hot 
heads into the trough at the town pump, and then went 
to the hotel and ate our trout dinner in leisurely com- 
fort, in the garden, with the beautiful Neckar flowing 
at our feet, the quaint Dilsberg looming beyond, and 
the graceful towers and battlements of a couple of 
medieval castles (called the " Swallow's Nest "* and 
*' The Brothers ") assisting the rugged scenery of a 
bend of the river down to our right. We got to sea 
in season to make the eight-mile run to Heidelberg 
before the night shut down. We sailed by the hotel 
in the mellow glow of sunset, and came slashing 
down with the mad current into the narrow passage 
between the dikes. I believed I could shoot the 
bridge myself, so I went to the forward triplet of 
logs and relieved the pilot of his pole and his re- 
sponsibility. 

We went tearing along in a most exhilarating way, 
and I performed the delicate duties of my office very 
well indeed for a first attempt; but perceiving, 



•The seeker after information is referred to Appendix E for oui 
Captain's legend of the " Swallow's Nest " and " The Brothers." 



A Tramp Abroad 185 

presently, that I really was going to shoot the bridge 
itself instead of the archway under it, I judicj^usly 
stepped ashore. The next moment I had n)!^ long- 
coveted desire : I saw a raft wrecked. It hit the 
pier in the center and went all to smash and scatter- 
ation like a box of matches struck by lightning. 

I was the only one of our party who saw this grand 
sight ; the others were attitudinizing, for the benefit of 
the long rank of young ladies who were promenad- 
ing on the bank, and so they lost it. But I helped 
to fish them out of the river, down below the bridge, 
and then described it to them as well as I could. 

They were not interested, though. They said they 
were wet and felt ridiculous and did not care any- 
thing for descriptions of scenery. The young ladies, 
and other people, crowded around and showed a 
great deal of sympathy, but that did not help mat- 
ters; for my friends said they did not want sym- 
pathy, they wanted a back alley and solitude. 



CHAPTER XX. 

NEXT morning brought good news, — our trunks 
had arrived from Hamburg at last. Let this be 
a warning to the reader. The Germans are very 
conscientious, and this trait makes them very par- 
ticular. Therefore if you tell a German you want a 
thing done immediately, he takes you at your word ; 
he thinks you mean what you say ; so he does that 
thing immediately — according to his idea of im- 
mediately — which is about a week; that is, it is a 
week if it refers to the building of a garment, or it is 
an hour and a half if it refers to the cooking of a 
trout. Very well; if you tell a German to send 
your trunk to you by '* slow freight," he takes you 
at your word; he sends it by "slow freight," and 
you cannot imagine how long you will go on enlarg- 
ing your admiration of the expressiveness of that 
phrase in the German tongue, before you get that 
trunk. The hair on my trunk was soft and thick and 
youthful, when I got it ready for shipment in Ham- 
burg; it was baldheaded when it reached Heidelberg. 
However, it was still sound, that was a comfort, it was 
not battered in the least ; the baggagemen seemed to 

(186) 




A Tramp Abroad 187 

be conscientiously careful, in Germany, of the bag- 
gage intrusted to their hands. There was nothing 
now in the. way of our departure, therefore we set 
about our preparations. 

Naturally my chief solicitude was about my col- 
lection of Keramics. Of course I could not take it 
with me, that would be inconvenient, 
and dangerous besides. I took ad- 
vice, but the best bric-a-brackers were 
divided as to the wisest course to 
pursue ; some said pack the collection 
and warehouse it; others said try to 
get it into the Grand Ducal Museum 
at Mannheim for safe keeping. So I 
divided the collection, and followed the advice of 
both parties. I set aside, for the Museum, those 
articles which were the most frail and precious. 

Among these was my Etruscan tear-jug. I have 
made a little sketch of it here ; that thing creeping 
up the side is not a bug, it is a 
hole. I bought this tear-jug of a 
dealer in antiquities for four hun- 
dred and fifty dollars. It is very 
rare. The man said the Etruscans 
used to keep tears or something 
in these things, and that it was «^^^' " ^^™- 
very hard to get hold of a broken one, now. I also 
set aside my Henri II plate. See sketch from my 
pencil ; it is in the main correct, though I think I 
have foreshortened one end of it a little too much, 




188 A Tramp Abroad 

perhaps. This is very fine and rare; the shape is 
exceedingly beautiful and unusual. It has wonder- 
ful decorations on it, but I am not able to reproduce 
them. It cost more than the tear-jug, as the dealer 
said there was not another plate just like it in the 
world. He said there was much false Henri II ware 
around, but that the genuineness of this piece was 
unquestionable. He showed me its pedigree, or its 
history, if you please; it was a document which 
traced this plate's movements all the way down from 
its birth, — showed who bought it, from whom, and 
what he paid for it — from the first buyer down to 
me, whereby I saw that it had gone steadily up from 
thirty-five cents to seven hundred dollars. He said 
that the whole Keramic world would be informed 
that it was now in my possession and would make a 
note of it, with the price paid. [Read next page.] 

There were Masters in those days, but, alas ! it is 
not so now. Of course the main preciousness of 
this piece lies in its color; it is that old sensuous, 
pervading, ramifying, interpolating, transboreal blue 
which is the despair of modern art. The little 
sketch which I have made of this gem cannot and 
does not do it justice, since I have been obliged to 
leave out the color. But I've got the expression, 
though. 

However, I must not be frittering away the 
reader's time with these details. I did not intend to 
go into any detail at all, at first, but it is the failing 
of the true keramiker, or the true devotee in any 




A Tramp Abroad I89 






190 A Tramp Abroad 

department of brick-a-brackery, that once he gets 
his tongue or his pen started on his darling theme, 
he cannot well stop until he drops from exhaustion. 
He has no more sense of the flight of time than has 
any other lover when talking of his sweetheart. The 
very " marks " on the bottom of a piece of rare 
crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering 
ecstasy; and I could forsake a drowning relative to 
help dispute about whether the stopple of a departed 
Buon Retiro scent-bottle was genuine or spurious. 

Many people say that for a male person, bric-a- 
brac hunting is about as robust a business as making 
doll-clothes, or decorating Japanese pots with decal- 
comanie butterflies would be, and these people fling 
mud at that elegant Englishman, Byng, who wrote a 
book called " The Bric-a-Brac Hunter," and make 
fun of him for chasing around after what they 
choose to call "his despicable trifles"; and for 
"gushing" over these trifles; and for exhibiting 
his " deep infantile delight " in what they call his 
" tuppenny collection of beggarly trivialities " ; and 
for beginning his book with a picture of himself, 
seated, in a " sappy, self-complacent attitude, in the 
midst of his poor Httle ridiculous bric-a-brac junk 
shop." 

It is easy to say these things ; it is easy to revile 
us, easy to despise us; therefore, let these people 
rail on; they cannot feel as Byng and I feel, — it is 
their loss, not ours. For my part I am content to 
be a brick-a-bracker and a keramiker, — more, I am 



A Tramp Abroad 191 

proud to be so named. I am proud to know that I 
lose my reason as immediately in the presence of a 
rare jug with an illustrious mark on the bottom of 
it, as if I had just emptied that jug. Very well ; I 
packed and stored a part of my collection, and the 
rest of it I placed in the care of the Grand Ducal 
Museum in Mannheim, by permission. My Old 
Blue China Cat remains there yet. I presented it to 
that excellent institution. 

I had but one misfortune with my things. An 
egg which I had kept back from breakfast that 
morning, was broken in packing. It was a great 
pity. I had shown it to the best connoisseurs in 
Heidelberg, and they all said it was an antique. We 
spent a day or two in farewell visits, and then left 
for Baden-Baden. We had a pleasant trip of it, for 
the Rhine valley is always lovely. The only trouble 
was that the trip was too short. If I remember 
rightly it only occupied a couple of hours, therefore 
I judge that the distance was very little, if any, over 
fifty miles. We quitted the train at Oos, and walked 
the entire remaining distance to Baden-Baden, with 
the exception of a lift of less than an hour which 
we got on a passing wagon, the weather being ex- 
haustingly warm. We came into town on foot. 

One of the first persons we encountered, as we 

walked up the street, was the Rev. Mr. , an 

old friend from America, — a lucky encounter, in- 
deed, for his is a most gentle, refined, and sensitive 
nature, and his company and companionship are a 



192 A Tramp Abroad 

genuine refreshment. We knew he had been in 
Europe some time, but were not at all expecting to 
run across him. Both parties burst forth into loving 
enthusiasms, and Rev. Mr. said: 

*' I have got a brimful reservoir of talk to pour 
out on you, and an empty one ready and thirsting 
to receive what you have got; we will sit up till 
midnight and have a good satisfying interchange, for 
I leav^e here early in the morning." We agreed to 
that, of course. 

I had been vaguely conscious, for a while, of a 
person who was walking in the street abreast of us ; 
I had glanced furtively at him once or twice, and 
noticed that he was a fine, large, vigorous young 
fellow, with an open, independent countenance, 
faintly shaded with a pale and even almost imper- 
ceptible crop of early down, and that he was clothed 
from head to heel in cool and enviable snow-white 
linen. I thought I had also noticed, that his head 
had a sort of listening tilt to it. Now about this 
time the Rev. Mr. said: 

"The sidewalk is hardly wide enough for three, 
so I will walk behind ; but keep the talk going, keep 
the talk going, there's no time to lose, and you may 
be sure I will do my share." He ranged himself 
behind us, and straightway that stately snow-white 
young fellow closed up to the sidewalk alongside 
him, fetched him a cordial slap on the shoulder with 
his broad palm, and sung out with a hearty cheeri- 
ness:. 



A Tramp Abroad 193 

** Americans, for two-and-a-half and the money 
up! Heyr' 

The Reverend winced, but said mildly: 

'* Yes, — we are Americans." 

** Lord love you, you can just bet that's what / 
am, every time ! Put it there !" 

He held out his Sahara of a palm, and the 
Reverend laid his diminutive hand in it, and got so 
cordial a shake that we heard his glove burst under 
it. 

'• Say, didn't I put you up right?" 

"Oh, yes." 

" Sho ! I spotted you for my kind the minute I 
heard your clack. You been over here long?" 

"About four months. Have you been over 
long?" 

" Long? Well, I should say so ! Going on two 
years, by geeminy! Say, are you homesick?" 

" No, I can't say that I am. Are you?" 

"Oh, hell, yes !" This with immense enthusiasm. 

The Reverend shrunk a Httle, in his clothes, and 
we were aware, rather by instinct than otherwise, 
that he was throwing out signals of distress to us ; 
but we did not interfere or try to succor him, for 
we were quite happy. 

The young fellow hooked his arm into the Rev- 
erend's, now, with the confiding and grateful air of 
a waif who has been longing for a friend, and a 
sympathetic ear, and a chance to lisp once more the 
sweet accents of the mother tongue, — and then he 
13* 



194 A Tramp Abroad 

limbered up the muscles of his mouth and turned 
himself loose, — and with such a relish! Some of 
his words were not Sunday-school words, so I am 
obliged to put blanks where they occur. 

•'Yes indeedy ! If / ain't an American there 
avi't any Americans, that's all. And when I heard 
you fellows gassing away in the good old American 

language, I'm if it wasn't all I could do to 

keep from hugging you ! My tongue's all warped 

with trying to curl it around these 

forsaken wind-galled nine-jointed German words 
here; now I Z^// you it's awful good to lay it over 
a Christian word once more and kind of let the old 
taste soak in. I'm from western New York. My 
name is Cholley Adams. I'm a student, you know. 
Been here going on two years. I'm learning to be 
a horse-doctor ! I like that part of it, you know, 

but these people, they won't learn a 

fellow in his own language, they make him learn in 
German ; so before I could tackle the horse-doctor- 
ing I had to tackle this miserable language. 

" First-off, I thought it would certainly give me 
the botts, but I don't mind it now. I've got it 
where the hair's short, I think; and dontchuknow, 
they made me learn Latin, too. Now between you 

and me, I wouldn't give a for all the Latin 

that was ever jabbered ; and the first thing / calcu- 
late to do when I get through, is to just sit down 
and forget it. 'Twon't take me long, and I don't 
mind the time, anyway. And I tell you what ! the 



A Tramp Abroad 195 

difference between school-teaching over yonder and 
school-teaching over here, — sho ! J^<? don't know 
anything about it! Here you've got to peg and 
peg and peg and there just ain't any let-up," — and 
what you learn here, you've got to know, dontchu- 

know, — or else you'll have one of these 

spavined, spectacled, ring-boned, knock-kneed old 
professors in your hair. I've been here long 
enough, and I'm getting blessed tired of it, mind I 
tell you. The old man wrote me that he was com- 
ing over in June, and said he'd take me home in 
August, whether I was done with my education or 
not, but durn him, he didn't come; never said why; 
just sent me a hamper of Sunday-school books, and 
told me to be good, and hold on a while. I don't 
take to Sunday-school books, dontchuknow, — I 
don't hanker after them when I can get pie, — but 
I read them, anyway, because whatever the old man 
tells me to do, that's the thing that I'm a-going to 
do, or tear something, you know. I buckled in and 
read all of those books, because he wanted me to ; 
but that kind of thing don't excite me, I like some- 
thing hearty. But I'm awful homesick. Trri home- 
sick from ear-socket to crupper, and from crupper 
to hock joint; but it ain't any use, I've got to stay 
here, till the old man drops the rag and gives the 

word,— yes, sir, right here in this 

country I've got to linger till the old man says 
Come ! — and you bet your bottom dollar, Johnny, 
it ain't just as easy as it is for a cat to have twins !" 



196 A Tramp Abroad 

At the end of this profane and cordial explosion 
he fetched a prodigious *' Whoosh/" to relieve his 
lungs and make recognition of the heat, and then 
he straightway dived into his narrative again for 

" Johnny's " benefit, beginning, " Well, 

it ain't any use talking, some of those old American 
words do have a kind of a bully swing to them ; 
a man can express himself with 'em, — a man can 
get at what he wants to say, dontchuknow." 

When we reached our hotel and it seemed that he 
was about to lose the Reverend, he showed so much 
sorrow, and begged so hard and so earnestly that 
the Reverend's heart was not hard enough to hold 
out against the pleadings, — so he went away with 
the parent-honoring student, like a right Christian, 
and took supper with him in his lodgings, and sat in 
the surf-beat of his slang and profanity till near 
midnight, and then left him, — left him pretty well 
talked out, but grateful " clear down to his frogs," 
as he expressed it. The Reverend said it had 
transpired during the interview that " Cholley " 
Adams' father was an extensive dealer in horses in 
western New York; this accounted for Cholley's 
choice of a profession. The Reverend brought 
away a pretty high opinion of Cholley as a manly 
young fellow, with stuff in him for a useful citizen ; 
he considered him rather a rough gem. but a gem, 
nevertheless. 



CHAPTER XXI. 

BADEN-BADEN sits in the lap of the hills, and 
the natural and artificial beauties of the sur- 
roundings are combined effectively and charmingly. 
The level strip of ground which stretches through 
and beyond the town is laid out in handsome 
pleasure grounds, shaded by noble trees and adorned 
at intervals with lofty and sparkling fountain-jets. 
Thrice a day a fine band makes music in the public 
promenade before the Conversation-House, and in 
the afternoon and evenings that locality is populous 
with fashionably-dressed people of both sexes, who 
march back and forth past the great music-stand 
and look very much bored, though they make a 
show of feeling otherwise. It seems like a rather 
aimless and stupid existence. A good many of 
these people are there for a real purpose, however ; 
they are racked with rheumatism, and they are there 
to stew it out in the hot baths. These invalids 
looked melancholy enough, limping about on their 
canes and crutches, and apparently brooding ovei 
all sorts of cheerless things. People say that Ger- 
many, with her damp stone houses, is the home of 

(197) 



198 A Tramp Abroad 

rheumatism. If that is so, Providence must have 
foreseen that it would be so, and therefore filled the 
land with these healing baths. Perhaps no other 
country is so generously supplied with medicinal 
springs as Germany. Some of these baths are good 
for one ailment, pome for another; and again, 
peculiar ailments are conquered by combining the 
individual virtues of several different baths. For 
instance, for some forms of disease, the patient 
drinks the native hot water of Baden-Baden, with a 
spoonful of salt from the Carlsbad springs dissolved 
in it. That Is not a dose to be forgotten right 
away. 

They don't sell this hot water; no, you go into 
the great Trinkhalle, and stand around, first on one 
foot and then on the other, while two or three 
young girls sit pottering at some sort of lady-like 
sewing work in your neighborhood and can't seem 
to see you, — polite as three-dollar clerks in govern- 
ment offices. 

By and by one of these rises painfully, and 
" stretches " ; — stretches fists and body heavenward 
till she raises her heels from the floor, at the same 
time refreshing herself with a yawn of such compre- 
hensiveness that the bulk of her face disappears 
behind her upper lip and one is able to see how she 
is constructed inside, — then she slowly closes her 
cavern, brings down her fists and her heels, comes 
languidly forward, contemplates you contemptu- 
ously, draws you a glass of hot water and sets it 



A Tramp Abroad 199 

down when you can get it by reaching for it. You 
take it and say: 

"How much?" — and she returns you, with 
elaborate indifference, a beggar's answer: 

^* Nach Beliebe'' (what you please). 

This thing of using the common beggar's trick 
and the common beggar's shibboleth to put you on 
your liberality when you were expecting a simple 
straight-forward commercial transaction, adds a little 
to your prospering sense of irritation. You ignore 
her reply, and ask again : 

"How much?" 
— and she calmly, indifferently, repeats : 

'' Nach Belieber 

You are getting angry, but you are trying not to 
show it ; you resolve to keep on asking your ques- 
tion till she changes her answer, or at least her 
annoyingly indifferent manner. Therefore, if your 
case be like mine, you two fools stand there, and 
without perceptible emotion of any kind, or any 
emphasis on any syllable, you look blandly into 
e,»ch other's eyes, and hold the following idiotic 
c *nversation : 

"How much?" 

" Nach Beliebe." 

"How much?" 

'•Nach Beliebe." 

" How much?" 

" Nach Beliebe." 

'•How much?" 



200 A Tramp Abroad 

•• Nach Beliebe." 

••How much?" 

••Nach Beliebe." 
V ••How much?" 

••Nach Beliebe." 

I do not know what another person would have 
done, but at this point I gave it up; that cast-iron 
indifference, that tranquil contemptuousness, con- 
quered me, and I struck my colors. Now I knew 
she was used to receiving about a penny from 
manly people who care nothing about the opinions 
of scullery maids, and about tuppence from moral 
cowards ; but I laid a silver twenty-five cent piece 
within her reach and tried to shrivel her up with 
this sarcastic speech : 

•'If it isn't enough, will you stoop sufficiently 
from your official dignity to say so?" 

She did not shrivel. Without deigning to look at 
me at all, she languidly lifted the coin and bit it ! — 
to see if it was good. Then she turned her back 
and placidly waddled to her former roost again, 
tossing the money into an open till as she went 
along. She was victor to the last, you see. 

I have enlarged upon the ways of this girl be- 
cause they are typical ; her manners are the manners 
of a goodly number of the Baden-Baden shop- 
keepers. The shopkeeper there swindles you if he 
can, and insults you whether he succeeds in swind- 
ling you or not. The keepers of baths also take 
great and patient pains to insult you. The frowsy 



A Tramp Abroad 201 

woman who sat at the desk in the lobby of the great 
Friederichsbad and sold bath tickets, not only in- 
sulted me twice every day, with rigid fidelity to her 
great trust, but she took trouble enough to cheat me 
out of a shilling, one day, to have fairly entitled her 
to ten. Baden-Baden's splendid gamblers are gone, 
only her microscopic knaves remain. 

An English gentleman who had been living there 
several years, said : 

" If you could disguise your nationality, you 
would not find any insolence here. These shop- 
keepers detest the English and despise the Ameri- 
cans; they are rude to both, more especially to 
ladies of your nationality and mine. If these go 
shopping without a gentleman or a man servant, 
they are tolerably sure to be subjected to petty 
insolences, — insolences of manner and tone, rather 
than word, though words that are hard to bear are 
not always wanting. I know of an instance where a 
shopkeeper tossed a coin back to an American lady 
with the remark, snappishly uttered, * We don't take 
French money here.' And I know of a case where 
an English lady said to one of these shopkeepers, 
' Don't you think you ask too much for this 
article?' and he replied with the question, * Do you 
think you are obliged to buy it?' However, these 
people are not impolite to Russians or Germans. 
And as to rank, they worship that, for they have 
long been used to generals and nobles. If you wish 
to see to what abysses servility can descend, present 



202 A Tramp Abroad 

yourself before a Baden-Baden shopkeeper in the 
character of a Russian prince." 

It is an inane town, filled with sham, and petty 
fraud, and snobbery, but the baths are good. I 
spoke with many people, and they were all agreed 
in that. I had had twinges of rheumatism unceas- 
ingly during three years, but the last one departed 
after a fortnight's bathing there, and I have never 
had one since. I fully believe I left my rheumatism 
in Baden-Baden. Baden-Baden is welcome to it. 
It was little, but it was all I had to give. I would 
have preferred to leave something that was catching, 
but it was not in my power. 

There are several hot springs there, and during 
two thousand years they have poured forth a never 
diminishing abundance of the healing water. This 
water is conducted in pipes to the numerous bath- 
houses, and is reduced to an endurable temperature 
by the addition of cold water. The new Friederichs- 
bad is a very large and beautiful building, and in it 
one may have any sort of bath that has ever been 
invented, and with all the additions of herbs and 
drugs that his ailment may need or that the physi- 
cian of the establishment may consider a useful 
thing to put into the water. You go there, enter 
the great door, get a bow graduated to your style 
and clothes from the gorgeous portler, and a bath 
ticket and an insult from the frowsy woman for a 
quarter; she strikes a bell and a serving man con- 
ducts you down a long hall and shuts you into a 



A Tramp Abroad 203 

commodious room which has a washstand, a mirror, 
a bootjack, and a sofa in it, and there you undress at 
your leisure. 

The room is divided by a great curtain; you 
draw this curtain aside, and find a large white 
marble bathtub, with its rim sunk to the level of 
the floor, and with three white marble steps leading 
down into it. This tub is full of water which is as 
clear as crystal, and is tempered to 28 degrees 
Reaumur (about 95 degrees Fahrenheit). Sunk 
into the floor, by the tub, is a covered copper box 
which contains some warm towels and a sheet. You 
look fully as white as an angel when you are 
stretched out in that limpid bath. You remain in 
it ten minutes, the first time, and afterward increase 
the duration from day to day, till you reach twenty- 
five or thirty minutes. There you stop. The ap- 
pointments of the place are so luxurious, the benefit 
so marked, the price so moderate, and the insults so 
sure, that you very soon find yourself adoring the 
Friederichsbad and infesting it. 

We had a plain, simple, unpretending, good 
hotel, in Baden-Baden, — the Hotel de France, — 
and alongside my room I had a giggling, cackling, 
chattering family who always went to bed just two 
hours after me and always got up just two hours 
ahead of me. But that is common in German 
hotels ; the people generally go to bed long after 
eleven and get up long before eight. The partitions 
convey sound like a drum-head, and everybody 



204 A Tramp Abroad 

knows it ; but no matter, a German family who are 
all kindness and consideration in the daytime make 
apparently no effort to moderate their noises for 
your benefit at night. They will sing, laugh, and 
talk loudly, and bang furniture around in the most 
pitiless way. If you knock on your wall appeal- 
ingly, they will quiet down and discuss the matter 
softly amongst themselves for a moment, — then, like 
the mice, they fall to persecuting you again, and as 
vigorously as before. They keep cruelly late and 
early hours, for such noisy folk. 

Of course, when one begins to find fault with 
foreign people's ways, he is very likely to get a 
reminder to look nearer home, before he gets far 
with it. I open my note-book to see if I can find 
some more information of a valuable nature about 
Baden-Baden, and the first thing I fall upon is this: 

Baden-Baden (no date). Lot of vociferous 
Americans at breakfast this morning. Talking at 
everybody, while pretending to talk among them- 
selves. On their first travels, manifestly. Showing 
off. The usual signs, — airy, easy-going references 
to grand distances and foreign places. "Well, 
good-hye, old fellow, — if I don't run across you in 
Italy, you hunt me up in London before you sail." 

The next item which I find in my note-book is 
this one: 

" The fact that a band of 6,000 Indians are now 
murdering our frontiersmen at their impudent 
leisure, and that we are only able to send i,200 



A Tramp Abroad 205 

soldiers against them, is utilized here to discourage 
emigration to America. The common people think 
the Indians are in New Jersey." 

This is a new and peculiar argument against keep- 
ing our army down to a ridiculous figure in the 
matter of numbers. It is rather a striking one, too. 
I have not distorted the truth in saying that the facts 
in the above item, about the army and the Indians, 
are made use of to discourage emigration to 
America. That the common people should be 
rather foggy in their geography, and foggy as to the 
location of the Indians, is matter for amusement, 
maybe, but not of surprise. 

There is an interesting old cemetery in Baden- 
Baden, and we spent several pleasant hours in wan- 
dering through it and spelling out the inscriptions 
on the aged tombstones. Apparently after a man 
has lain there a century or two, and has had a good 
many people buried on top of him, it is considered 
'that his tombstone is not needed by him any longer. 
I judge so from the fact that hundreds of old grave- 
stones have been removed from the graves and 
placed against the inner walls of the cemetery. 
What artists they had in the old times ! They 
chiseled angels and cherubs and devils and skeletons 
on the tombstones in the most lavish and generous 
way, — -as to supply, — -but curiously grotesque and 
outlandish as to form. It is not always easy to tell 
which of the figures belong among the blest and 

which of them among the opposite party. But 
14* 



206 A Tramp Abroad 

there was an inscription, in French, on one of those 

old stones, which was quaint and pretty, and was 

plainly not the work of any other than a poet. It 

was to this effect : 

Here 

Reposes in Gk)D, 

Caroline de Clery, 

A Religieuse of St. Denis, ' 

AGED 83 years, — AND BLIND. 

The light was restored to her 

IN Baden the 5TH of January, 

1839. 

We made several excursions on foot to the neigh- 
boring villages, over winding and beautiful roads 
and through enchanting woodland scenery. The 
woods and roads were similar to those at Heidel- 
berg, but not so bewitching. I suppose that roads 
and woods which are up to the Heidelberg mark are 
rare in the world. 

Once we wandered clear away to La Favorita 
Palace, which is several miles from Baden-Baden. 
The grounds about the palace were fine ; the palace 
was a curiosity. It was built by a Margravine in 
1725, and remains as she left it at her death. We 
wandered through a great many of its rooms, and 
they all had striking peculiarities of decoration. 
For instance, the walls of one room were pretty 
completely covered with small pictures of the Mar- 
gravine in all conceivable varieties of fanciful cos- 
tumes, some of them male. 

The walls of another room were covered with 



A Tramp Abroad 207 

grotesquely and elaborately figured hand-wrought 
tapestry. The musty ancient beds remained in the 
chambers, and their quilts and curtains and canopies 
were decorated with curious hand-work, and the 
walls and ceilings frescoed with historical and 
mythological scenes in glaring colors. There was 
enough crazy and rotten rubbish in the building to 
make the true brick-a-bracker green with envy. A 
painting in the dining hall verged upon the indeli- 
cate, — but then the Margravine was herself a trifle 
indelicate. 

It is in every way a wildly and picturesquely 
decorated house, and brimful of interest as a reflec- 
tion of the character and tastes of that rude bygone 
time. 

In the grounds, a few rods from the palace, 
stands the Margravine's chapel, just as she left it, — 
a coarse wooden structure, wholly barren of orna- 
ment. It is said that the Margravine would give 
herself up to debauchery and exceedingly fast living 
for several months at a time, and then retire to this 
miserable wooden den and spend a few months in 
repenting and getting ready for another good time. 
She was a devoted Catholic, and was perhaps quite 
a model sort of a Christian as Christians went then, 
in high life. 

Tradition says she spent the last two years of her 
hfe in the strange den I have been speaking of, after 
having indulged herself in one final, triumphant, and 
satisfying spree. She shut herself up there, without 



208 A Tramp Abroad 

company, and without even a servant, and so ab- 
jured and forsook the world. In her little bit of a 
kitchen she did her own cooking; she wore a hair 
shirt next the skin, and castigated herself with 
whips, — these aids to grace are exhibited there yet. 
She prayed and told her beads, in another little 
room, before a waxen Virgin niched in a little box 
against the wall ; she bedded herself like a slave. 

In another small room is an unpainted wooden 
table, and behind it sit half-life-size waxen figures of 
the Holy Family, made by the very worst artist that 
ever lived, perhaps, and clothed in gaudy, flimsy 
drapery.* The Margravine used to bring her meals 
to this table and dine with the Holy Family. What 
an idea that was ! What a grisly spectacle it must 
have been! Imagine it: Those rigid, shock-headed 
figures, with corpsy complexions and fishy glass 
eyes, occupying one side of the table in the con- 
strained attitudes and dead fixedness that distinguish 
all men that are born of wax, and this wrinkled, 
smouldering old fire-eater occupying the other side, 
mumbling her prayers and munching her sausages 
in the ghostly stillness and shadowy indistinctness of 
a winter twilight. It makes one feel crawly even to 
think of it. 

In this sordid place, and clothed, bedded, and fed 
like a pauper, this strange princess lived and wor- 
shiped during two years, and in it she died. Two 



• The Saviour was represented as a lad of about 1 5 years of age. 
This figure had lost one eye. 



A Tramp Abroad 209 

or three hundred years ago, this would have made 
the poor den holy ground; and the church would 
have set up a miracle-factory there and made plenty 
of money out of it. The den could be moved into 
some portions of France and made a good property 
even now. 



!•*, 



CHAPTER XXII. 

rROM Baden-Baden we made the customary trip 
into the Black Forest. We were on foot most 
of the time. One cannot describe those noble 
woods, nor the feeling with which they inspire him. 
A feature of the feeling, however, is a deep sense of 
contentment: another feature of it is a buoyant, 
boyish gladness; and a third and very conspicuous 
feature of it is one's sense of the remoteness of the 
work-day world and his entire emancipation from it 
and its affairs. 

Those woods stretch unbroken over a vast region; 
and everywhere they are such dense woods, and so 
still, and so piney and fragrant. The stems of the 
trees are trim and straight, and in many places all 
the ground is hidden for miles under a thick cushion 
of moss of a vivid green color, with not a decayed 
or ragged spot in its surface, and not a fallen leaf or 
twig to mar its immaculate tidiness. A rich cathe- 
dral gloom pervades the pillared aisles ; so the stray 
flecks of sunlight that strike a trunk here and a 
bough yonder are strongly accented, and when they 
strike the moss they fairly seem to burn. But the 
J (210) 



A Tramp Abroad 211 

weirdest effect, and the most enchanting, is that 
produced by the diffused Hght of the low afternoon 
sun; no single ray is able to pierce its way in, then, 
but the diffused light takes color from moss and 
foliage, and pervades the place like a faint, green- 
tinted mist, the theatrical fire of fairyland. The 
suggestion of mystery and the supernatural which 
haunts the forest at all times is intensified by this 
unearthly glow. 

We found the Black Forest farmhouses and 
villages all that the Black Forest stories have pic- 
tured them. The first genuine specimen which we 
came upon was the mansion of a rich farmer and 
member of the Common Council of the parish or 
district. He was an important personage in the 
land and so was his wife also, of course. His 
daughter was the "catch" of the region, and she 
may be already entering into immortality as the 
heroine of one of Auerbach's novels, for all I know. 
We shall see, for if he puts her in I shall recognize 
her by her Black Forest clothes, and her burned 
complexion, her plump figure, her fat hands, her 
dull expression, her gentle spirit, her generous feet, 
her bonnetless head, and the plaited tails of hemp- 
colored hair hanging down her back. 

The house was big enough for a hotel ; it was a 
hundred feet long and fifty wide, and ten feet high, 
from ground to eaves; but from the eaves to the 
comb of the mighty roof was as much as forty 



212 A framp Abroad 

feet, or maybe even more. This roof was of ancient 
mud-colored straw thatch a foot thick, and was cov- 
ered all over, except in a few trifling spots, with a 
thriving and luxurious growth of green vegetation, 
mainly moss. The mossless spots were places where 
repairs had been made by the insertion of bright 
new masses of yellow straw. The eaves projected 
far down, like sheltering, hospitable wings. Across 
the gable that fronted the road, and about ten feet 
above the ground, ran a narrow porch, with a 
wooden railing; a row of small windows filled with 
very small panes looked upon the porch. Above 
were two or three other little windows, one clear up 
under the sharp apex of the roof. Before the 
ground-floor door was a huge pile of manure. The 
door of a second-story room on the side of the 
house was open, and occupied by the rear elevation 
of a cow. Was this probably the drawing-room? 
All of the front half of the house from the ground 
up seemed to be occupied by the people, the cows, 
and the chickens, and all the rear half by draft 
animals and hay. But the chief feature, all around 
this house, was the big heaps of manure. 

We became very familiar with the fertilizer in the 
Forest. We fell unconsciously into the habit of 
judging of a man's station in life by this outward 
and eloquent sign. Sometimes we said " Here is a 
poor devil, this is manifest." When we saw a 
stately accumulation, we said, *' Here is a banker.'" 
When we encountered a country seat surrounded by 



A Tramp Abroad 213 

an Alpine pomp of manure, we said, " Doubtless a 
duke lives here." 

The importance of this feature has not been 
properly magnified in the Black Forest stories. 
Manure is evidently the Black Forester's maia 
treasure, — his coin, his jewel, his pride, his Old 
Master, his keramics, his bric-a-brac, his darling, 
his title to public consideration, envy, veneration, 
and his first solicitude when he gets ready to make 
his will. The true Black Forest novel, if it is ever 
written, will be skeletoned somewhat in this way; 

Skeleton for Black Forest Novel 
Rich old farmer, named Huss. Has inherited 
great wealth of manure, and by diligence has added 
to it. It is double-scarred in Baedeker.* The Black 
Forest artist paints it — his masterpiece. The king 
comes to see it. Gretchen Huss, daughter and heir- 
ess. Paul Hoch, young neighbor, suitor for Gret- 
chen's hand, — ostensibly; he really wants the 
manure. Hoch has a good many cartloads of the 
Black Forest currency himself, and therefore is a 
good catch; but he is sordid, mean, and without 
sentiment, whereas Gretchen is all sentiment and 
poetry. Hans Schmidt, young neighbor, full of 
sentiment, full of poetry, loves Gretchen, Gretchen 
loves him. But he has no manure. Old Huss for- 
bids him the house. His heart breaks, he goes away 

* When Baedeker's guide books mention a tiling and put two stars 
(* *) after it, it means well worth visiting. M. T. 



214 A Tramp Abroad 

to die in the woods, far from the cruel world, — for 
he says, bitterly, " What is man, without manure?" 

[Interval of six months.] 

Paul Hoch comes to old Huss and says, "I am 
at last as rich as you required, — come and view the 
pile." Old Huss views it and says, " It is sufficient 
• — take her and be happy," — meaning Gretchen. 

[Interval of two weeks.] 

Wedding party assembled in old Huss' drawing- 
room. Hoch placid and content, Gretchen weeping 
over her hard fate. Enter old Huss' head book- 
keeper. Huss says fiercely, ** I gave you three 
weeks to find out why your books don't balance, 
and to prove that you are not a defaulter ; the time 
is up, — find me the missing property or you go to 
prison as a thief." Bookkeeper: "I have found 
it." "Where?" Bookkeeper (sternly, — tragic- 
ally): "In the bridegroom's pile! — behold the 
thief — see him blench and tremble!" [Sensation.] 
Paul Hoch: "Lost, lost!" — falls over the cow in 
a swoon and is handcuffed. Gretchen: "Saved!" 
Falls over the calf in a swoon of joy, but is caught 
in the arms of Hans Schmidt, who springs in at that 
moment. Old Huss: "What, you here, varlet? 
unhand the maid and quit the place." Hans (still 
supporting the insensible girl): "Never! Cruel 
old man, know that I come with claims which even 
you cannot despise." 

Huss: " What, you ? name them." 

Hans: "Then hsten. The world had forsaken 



A Tramp Abroad 11 S 

me, I forsook the world, I wandered in the solitude 
of the forest, longing for death but finding none. I 
fed upon roots, and in my bitterness I dug for the 
bitterest, loathing the sweeter kind. Digging, three 
days agone, I struck a manure mine ! — a Golconda, 
a limitless Bonanza, of solid manure ! I can buy 
you ally and have mountain ranges of manure left ! 
Ha-ha, now thou smilest a smile!" [Immense 
sensation]. Exhibition of specimens from the mine. 
Old Huss (enthusiastically) : "Wake her up, shake 
her up, noble young man, she is yours !" Wedding 
takes place on the spot ; bookkeeper restored to his 
office and emoluments ; Paul Hoch led off to jail. 
The Bonanza king of the Black Forest lives to a 
good old age, blessed with the love of his wife and 
of his twenty-seven children, and the still sweeter 
envy of everybody around. 

We took our noon meal of fried trout one day at 
the Plow Inn, in a very pretty village (Ottenhofen), 
and then went into the public room to rest and 
smoke. There we found nine or ten Black Forest 
grandees assembled around a table. They were the 
Common Council of the parish. They had gathered 
there at eight o'clock that morning to elect a new 
member, and they had now been drinking beer four 
hours at the new member's expense. They were 
men of fifty or sixty years of age, with grave good- 
natured faces, and were all dressed in the costume 
made familiar to us by the Black Forest stories; 
broad, round-topped black felt hats with the brims 



216 A Tramp Abroad 

curled up all around ; long red waistcoats with large 
metal buttons, black alpaca coats with the waists up 
between the shoulders. There were no speeches, 
there was but Httle talk, there were no frivohties; 
the Council filled themselves gradually, steadily, but 
surely, with beer, and conducted themselves with 
sedate decorum, as became men of position, men of 
influence, men of manure. 

We had a hot afternoon tramp up the valley, 
along the grassy bank of a rushing stream of clear 
water, past farmhouses, water-mills, and no end of 
wayside crucifixes and saints and Virgins. These 
crucifixes, etc., are set up in memory of departed 
friends, by survivors, and are almost as frequent as 
telegraph poles are in other lands. 

We followed the carriage road, and had our usual 
luck; we traveled under a beating sun, and always 
saw the shade leave the shady places before we could 
get to them. In all our wanderings we seldom 
managed to strike a piece of road at its time for 
being shady. We had a particularly hot time of it 
on that particular afternoon, and with no comfort 
but what we could get out of the fact that the peas- 
ants at work away up on the steep mountain sides 
above our heads were even worse off than we were. 
By and by it became impossible to endure the 
intolerable glare and heat any longer ; so we struck 
across the ravine and entered the deep cool twilight 
of the forest, to hunt for what the guide-book called 
the "old road." 



A Tramp Abroad 217 

We found an old road, and it proved eventually 
to be the right one, though we followed it at the 
time with the conviction that it was the wrong one. 
If it was the wrong one there could be no use in 
hurrying, therefore we did not hurry, but sat down 
frequently on the soft moss and enjoyed the restful 
quiet and shade of the forest solitudes. There had 
been distractions in the carriage road, — school chil- 
dren, peasants, wagons, troops of pedestrianizing 
students from all over Germany, — but we had the 
old road all to ourselves. 

Now and then, while we rested, we watched the 
laborious ant at his work. I found nothing new in 
him, — certainly nothing to change my opinion of 
him It seems to me that in the matter of intellect 
the ant must be a strangely overrated bird. During 
many summers, now, I have watched him, when I 
ought to have been in better business, and I have 
not yet come across a living ant that seemed to have 
any more sense than a dead one. I refer to the 
ordinary ant, of course ; I have had no experience 
of those wonderful Swiss and African ones, which 
vote, keep drilled armies, hold slaves, and dispute 
about religion. Those particular ants may be all 
that the naturalist paints them, but I am persuaded 
that the average ant is a sham. I admit his industry, 
of course ; he is the hardest working creature in the 
world, — when anybody is looking,— but his leather- 
headedness is the point I make against him. He 
goes, out foraging, he makes a capture, and then 



218 A Tramp Abroad 

what does he do? Go home? No, — he goes any- 
where but home. He doesn't know where home is. 
His home may be only three feet away,— no matter, 
he can't find it. He makes his capture, as I have 
said ; it is generally something which can be of no 
sort of use to himself or anybody else ; it is usually 
seven times bigger than it ought to be; he hunts 
out the awkwardest place to take hold of it ; he lifts 
it bodily up in the air by main force, and starts ; 
not toward home, but in the opposite direction ; not 
calmly and v/isely, but with a frantic haste which is 
wasteful of his strength; he fetches up against a 
pebble, and instead of going around it, he climbs 
over it backwards dragging his booty after him, 
tumbles down on the other side, jumps up in a 
passion, kicks the dust off his clothes, moistens his 
hands, grabs his property viciously, yanks it this 
way, then that, shoves it ahead of him a moment, 
turns tail and lugs it after him another moment, 
gets madder and madder, then presently hoists it 
into the air and goes tearing away in an entirely new 
direction; comes to a weed; it never occurs to him 
to go around it; no, he must climb it; and he does 
climb it, dragging his worthless property to the top 
— which is as bright a thing to do as it would be for 
me to carry a sack of flour from Heidelberg to Paris 
by way of Strasburg steeple ; when he gets up there 
he finds that that is not the place ; takes a cursory 
glance at the scenery and either climbs down again 
or tumbles down, and starts off once more — as 



A Tramp Abroad 219 

usual, In a new direction. At the end of half an 
hour, he fetches up within six inches of the place 
he started from and lays his burden down ; mean- 
time he has been over all the ground for two yards 
around, and climbed all the weeds and pebbles he 
came across. Now he wipes the sweat from his 
brow, strokes his limbs, and then marches aimlessly 
off, in as violent a hurry as ever. He traverses a 
good deal of zig-zag country, and by and by stum- 
bles on his same booty again. He does not remem- 
ber to have ever seen it before ; he looks around to 
see which is not the way home, grabs his bundle and 
starts ; he goes through the same adventures he had 
before; finally stops to rest, and a friend comes 
along. Evidently the friend remarks that a last 
year's grasshopper leg is a very noble acquisition, 
and inquires where he got it. Evidently the pro- 
prietor does not remember exactly where he did get 
it, but thinks he got it " around here somewhere." 
Evidently the friend contracts to help him freight it 
home. Then, with a judgment peculiarly antic 
(pun not intentional), they take hold of opposite 
ends of that grasshopper leg and begin to tug with 
all their might in opposite directions. Presently 
they take a rest and confer together. They decide 
that something is wrong, they can't make out what. 
Then they go at it again, just as before. Same 
result. Mutual recriminations follow. Evidently 
each accuses the other of being an obstructionist. 
They warm up, and the dispute ends in a fight. 



220 A Tramp Abroad 

They lock themselves together and chew each other's 
jaws for a while ; then they roil and tumble on the 
ground till one loses a horn or a leg and has to haul 
off for repairs. They make up and go to work 
again in the same old insane way, but the crippled 
ant is at a disadvantage ; tug as he may, the other 
one drags off the booty and him at the end of it. 
Instead of giving up, he hangs on, and gets his shins 
bruised against every obstruction that comes in the 
way. By and by, when that grasshopper leg has 
been dragged all over the same old ground once 
more, it is finally dumped at about the spot where it 
originally lay, the two perspiring ants inspect it 
thoughtfully and decide that dried grasshopper legs 
are a poor sort of property after all, and then each 
starts off in a different direction to see if he can't 
find an old nail or something else that is heavy 
enough to afford entertainment and at the same time 
valueless enough to make an ant want to own it. 

There in the Black Forest, on the mountain side, 
I saw an ant go through with such a performance as 
this with a dead spider of fully ten times his own 
weight. The spider was not quite dead, but too far 
gone to resist. He had a round body the size of a 
pea. The little ant — observing that I was noticing 
— turned him on his back, sunk his fangs into his 
throat, lifted him into the air and started vigorously 
off with him, stumbling over little pebbles, stepping 
on the spider's legs and tripping himself up, drag- 
ging him backwards, shoving him bodily ahead, 



A Tramp Abroad 221 

dragging him up stones six inches high instead of 
going around them, cHmbing weeds twenty times his 
own height and jumping from their summits, — and 
finally leaving him in the middle of the road to 
be confiscated by any other fool of an ant that 
wanted him. I measured the ground which this ass 
traversed, and arrived at the conclusion that what 
he had accomplished inside of twenty minutes would 
constitute some such job as this, — relatively speak- 
ing, — for a man; to wit: to strap two eight-hun- 
dred-pound horses together, carry them eighteen 
hundred feet, mainly over (not around) bowlders 
averaging six feet high, and "n the course of the 
journey climb up and jump from the top of one 
precipice like Niagara, and three steeples, each a 
hundred and twenty feet high; and then put the 
horses down, in an exposed place, without anybody 
to watch them, and go off to indulge in somiC other 
idiotic miracle for vanity's sake. 

Science has recently discovered that the ant does 
not lay up anything for winter use. This will knock 
him out of literature, to some extent. He does not 
work, except when people are looking, and only 
then when the observer has a green, naturalistic 
look, and seems to be taking notes. This amounts 
to deception, and will injure him for the Sunday- 
schools. He has not judgment enough to know 
what is good to eat from what isn't. This amounts 
to ignorance, and will impair the world's respect for 
him. He cannot stroll around a stump and find his 
IS* 



222 A Tramp Abroad 

way home again. This amounts to idiocy, and 
once the damaging fact is estabhshed, thoughtful 
people will cease to look up to him, the sentimental 
will cease to fondle him. His vaunted industry is 
but a vanity and of no effect, since he never gets 
home with anything he starts with. This disposes 
of the last remnant of his reputation and wholly de- 
stroys his main usefulness as a moral agent, since it 
will make the sluggard hesitate to go to him any 
more. It is strange, beyond comprehension, that 
so manifest a humbug as the ant has been able to 
fool so many nations and keep it up so many ages 
without being found out. 

The ant is strong, but we saw another strong 
thing, where we had not suspected the presence of 
much muscular power before. A toadstool — that 
vegetable which springs to full growth in a single 
night — had torn loose and lifted a matted mass of 
pine needles and dirt of twice its own bulk into the 
air, and supported it there, Hke a column support- 
ing a shed. Ten thousand toadstools, with the right 
purchase, could lift a man, I suppose. But what 
good would it do? 

All our afternoon's progress had been up hill. 
About five or half past we reached the summit, and 
all of a sudden the dense curtain of the forest parted 
and we looked down into a deep and beautiful gorge 
and out over a wide panorama of wooded mountains 
with their summits shining in the sun and their 
glade-furrowed sides dimmed with purple shade. 



A Tramp Abroad 223 

The gorge under our feet — called Allerheiligen, — 
afforded room in the grassy level at its head for a 
cosy and delightful human nest, shut away from the 
world and its botherations, and consequently the 
monks of the old times had not failed to spy it out; 
and here were the brown and comely ruins of their 
church and convent to prove that priests had as fine 
an instinct seven hundred years ago in ferreting out 
the choicest nooks and corners in a land as priests 
have to-day. 

A big hotel crowds the ruins a little, now, and 
drives a brisk trade with summer tourists. We 
descended into the gorge and had a supper which 
would have been very satisfactory if the trout had 
not been boiled. The Germans are pretty sure to 
boil a trout or anything else if left to their own 
devices. This is an argument of some value in sup- 
port of the theory that they were the original col- 
onists of the wild islands off the coast of Scotland. 
A schooner laden with oranges was wrecked upon 
one of those islands a few years ago, and the gentle 
savages rendered the captain such willing assistance 
that he gave them as many oranges as they wanted. 
Next day he asked them how they liked them. 
They shook their heads and said : 

'■ Baked, they were tough; and even boiled, they 
Tvarn't things for a hungry man to hanker after." 

We went down the glen after supper. It is beau- 
tiful, — a mixture of syl/an loveliness and craggy 
mildness. A limpid torrent goes whistling down the 



224 A Tramp Abroad 

glen, and toward the foot of it winds through a 
narrow cleft between loity precipices and hurls 
itself over a succession of falls. After one passes 
the last of these he has a backward glimpse at the 
falls which is very pleasing, — they rise in a seven- 
stepped stairway of foamy and glittering cascades, 
and make a picture which is as charming as it is 
unusual. 



CHAPTER XXIII. 

WE were satisfied that we could walk to Oppenau 
in one day, now that we were in practice ; so 
we set out next morning after breakfast determined 
to do it. It was all the way down hill, and we had 
the loveliest summer weather for it. So we set the 
pedometer and then stretched away on an easy, 
regular stride, down through the cloven forest, 
drawing in the fragrant breath of the morning in 
deep refreshing draughts, and wishing we might 
never have anything to do forever but walk to Op- 
penau and keep on doing it and then doing it over 
again. 

Now, the true charm of pedestrianism does not lie 
in the walking, or in the scenery, but in the talking. 
The walking is good to time the movement of the 
tongue by, and to keep the blood and the brain 
stirred up and active; the scenery and the woodsy 
smells are good to bear in upon a man an uncon- 
scious and unobtrusive charm and solace to eye and 
soul and sense; but the supreme pleasure comes 
from the talk. It is no matter whether one talks 
15» (225) 



226 A Tramp Abroad 

tvisdom or nonsense, the case is the same, the bulk 
of the enjoyment lies in the wagging of the gladsome 
jaw and the flapping of the sympathetic ear. 

And what a m.otley variety of subjects a couple of 
people will casually rake over in the course of a 
day's tramp ! There being no constraint, a change 
of subject is always in order, and so a body is not 
likely to keep pegging at a single topic until it grows 
tiresome. We discussed everything we knew, during 
the first fifteen or twenty minutes, that morning, 
and then branched out into the glad, free, boundless 
realm of the things we were not certain about. 

Harris said that if the best writer in the world 
once got the slovenly habit of doubling up his 
"have's" he could never get rid of it while he 
lived. That is to say, if a man gets the habit of 
saying *' I should have liked to have known more 
about it" instead of saying simply and sensibly, " I 
should have liked to know more about it," that 
man's disease is incurable. Harris said that this 
sort of lapse is to be found in every copy of every 
newspaper that has ever been printed in English, and 
in almost all of our books. He said he had ob- 
served it in Kirkham's grammar and in Macaulay. 
Harris believed that milk-teeth are commoner in 
men's mouths than those *' doubled-up have's."* 

That changed the subject to dentistry. I said I 



• I do not know that there have not been moments in the course of 
the present session when I should have been very glad to have accepted 
the proposal of my noble friend, and to have exchanged parts in some a' 



A Tramp Abroad 227 

believed the average man dreaded tooth-pulling more 
than amputation, and that he would yell quicker 
under the former operation than he would under the 
latter. The philosopher Harris said that the average 
man would not yell in either case if he had an audi- 
ence. Then he continued : 

"When our brigade first went into camp on the 
Potomac, we used to be brought up standing, occa- 
sionally, by an ear-splitting howl of anguish. That 
meant that a soldier was getting a tooth pulled in a 
tent. But the surgeons soon changed that; they 
instituted open-air dentistry. There never was a 
howl afterward, — that is, from the man who was 
having the tooth pulled. At the daily dental hour 
there would always be about five hundred soldiers 
gathered together in the neighborhood of that dental 
chair waiting to see the performance, — and help; 
and the moment the suigeon took a grip on the 
candidate's tooth and began to lift, every -one of 
those five hundred rascals would clap his hand to 
his jaw and begin to hop around on one leg and 
howl with all the lungs he had ! It was enough to 
raise your hair to hear that variegated and enormous 
unanimous caterwaul burst out ! With so big and 
so derisive an audience as that, a sufferer wouldn't 
emit a sound though you pulled his head off. The 
surgeons said that pretty often a patient was com- 



our evenings of work. — [From a Speech of the English Chancellor of 
the Exchequer, August, 1879. 
0* 



228 A Tramp Abroad 

pelled to laugh, in the midst of his pangs, but that 
they had never caught one crying out, after the 
open-air exhibition was instituted." 

Dental surgeons suggested doctors, doctors sug- 
gested death, death suggested skeletons, — and so, 
by a logical process the conversation melted out of 
one of these subjects and into the next, until the 
topic of skeletons raised up Nicodemus Dodge out 
of the deep grave in my memory where he had lain 
buried and forgotten for twenty-five years. When I 
was a boy in a printing-office in Missouri, a loose- 
jointed, long-legged, tow-headed, jeans-clad, countri- 
fied cub of about sixteen lounged in one day, and 
without removing his hands from the depths of his 
trousers pockets or taking off his faded ruin of a 
slouch hat, whose broken rim hung limp and ragged 
about his eyes and ears like a bug-eaten cabbage- 
leaf, stared indifferently around, then leaned his hip 
against, the editor's table, crossed his mighty bro- 
gans, aimed at a distant fly from a crevice in his 
upper teeth, laid him low, and said with composure: 

"Whar'sthe boss?" 

"I am the boss," said the editor, following this 
curious bit of architecture wonderingly along up to 
its clock-face with his eye. 

" Don't want anybody fur to learn the business, 
't ain't likely?" 

"Well, I don't know. Would you like to learn 
it?" 

" Pap's so po' he cain't run me no mo', so I want 



A Tramp Abroad 229 

to git a show somers if I kin, 'taln't no diffunce 
what, — I'm strong and hearty, and I don't turn my 
back on no kind of work, hard nur soft, 

"Do you think you would hke to learn the 
printing business?" 

" Well, I don't re'ly k'yer a durn what I do learn, 
so's J git a chance fur to make my way. I'd jist as 
soon learn print'n 's anything." 

'• Can you read?" 

*• Yes,— middlin'." 

"Write?" 

" Well, I've seed people could lay over me thar." 

"Cipher?" 

" Not good enough to keep store, I don't reckon, 
but up as fur as twelve-times-twelve I ain't no 
slouch. 'Tother side of that is what gits me." 

" Where is your home?" 

" I'm f'm old Shelby." 

" What's your father's religious denomination?" 

•• Him? Oh, he's a blacksmith." 

"No, no, — I don't mean his trade. What's his 
religious denomination?" 

" (9/^, — I didn't understand you befo'. -He's a 
Freemason." 

" No, no, you don't get my meaning yet. What 
I mean is, does he belong to any church f" 

" A'^t^zf you're talkin' ! Couldn't make out what 
you was a tryin' to git through yo' head no way. 
B'long to a ch^irch ! Why, boss, he's ben the 
pizenest kind of a Free-will Babtis' for forty year. 



230 A Tramp Abroad 

They ain't no plzener ones *n* what he is. Mighty 
good man, pap is. Everybody says that. If they 
said any diffrunt they wouldn't say it whar /wuz, — 
not much they wouldn't." 

*' What is your own religion?" 

"Well, boss, you've kind o' got me, thar, — and 
yit you hain't got me so mighty much, nuther. I 
think 't if a feller he'ps another feller when he's in 
trouble, and don't cuss, and don't do no mean 
things, nur noth'n' he ain' no business to do, and 
don't spell the Saviour's name with a little g, he 
ain't runnin' no resks, — he's about as saift as if he 
b' longed to a church." 

"But suppose he did spell it with a little g, — 
what then?" 

"Well, if he done it a-purpose, I reckon he 
wouldn't stand no chance, — he oughtti't to have no 
chance, anyway, I'm most rotten certain 'bout that." 

" What is your name?" 

" Nicodemus Dodge." 

"I think maybe you'll do, Nicodemus. We'll 
give you a trial, anyway." 

"All right." 

" When would you like to begin?" 

"Now." 

So, within ten minutes after we had first glimpsed 
this nondescript he was one of us, and with his coat 
off and hard at it. 

Beyond that end of our establishment which was 
furthest from the street, was a deserted garden, 



A Tramp Abroad 2}\ 

pathless, and thickly grown with the bloomy and 
villainous " jimpson " weed and its common friend 
the stately sunflower. In the midst of this mournful 
spot was a decayed and aged little '* frame " house 
with but one room, one window, and no ceiling, — it 
had been a smoke-house a generation before. 
Nicodemus was given this lonely and ghostly den 
as a bedchamber. 

The village smarties recognized a treasure in 
Nicodemus, right away, — a butt to play jokes on. 
It was easy to see that he was inconceivably green 
and confiding. George Jones had the glory of per- 
petrating the first joke on him ; he gave him a cigar 
with a fire-cracker in it and winked to the crowd tc 
come ; the thing exploded presently and swept away 
the bulk of Nicodemus' eyebrows and eyelashes. 
He simply said : 

" I consider them kind of seeg'yars dangersome," 
— and seemed to suspect nothing. The next even- 
ing Nicodemus waylaid George and poured a bucket 
of ice- water over him. 

One day, while Nicodemus was in swimming, Tom 
McElroy ** tied " his clothes. Nicodemus made a 
bonfire of Tom's by way of retaliation. 

A third joke was played upon Nicodemus a day 
or two later, — he walked up the middle aisle of the 
village church, Sunday night, with a staring hand- 
bill pinned between his shoulders. The joker spent 
the remainder of the night, after church, in the 
cellar of a deserted house, and Nicodemus sat or 



i^t A tramp Abroad 

the cellar door till toward breakfast-time to make 
sure that the prisoner remembered that if any noise 
was made, some- rough treatment would be the con- 
sequence. The cellar had two feet of stagnant water 
m it, and was bottomed with six inches of soft mud. 

But I wander from the point. It was the subject 
of skeletons that brought this boy back to my recol- 
lection. Before a very long time had elapsed, the 
village smarties began to feel an uncomfortable con- 
sciousness of not having made a very shining success 
out of their attempts on the simpleton from "old 
Shelby." Experimenters grew scarce and chary. 
Now the young doctor came to the rescue. There 
was delight and applause when he proposed to scare 
Nicodemus to death, and explained how he was 
going to do it. He had a noble new skeleton, — 
the skeleton of the late and only local celebrity, 
Jimmy Finn, the village drunkard, — a grisly piece 
of property which he had bought of Jimmy Finn 
himself, at auction, for fifty dollars, under great 
competition, when Jimmy lay very sick in the tan- 
yard a fortnight before his death. The fifty dollars 
had gone promptly for whisky and had considerably 
hurried up the change of ownership in the skeleton. 
The doctor would put Jimmy Finn's skeleton in 
Nicodemus' bed ! 

This was done, — about half-past ten in the even- 
ing. About Nicodemus' usual bedtime, — midnight, 
— the village jokers came creeping stealthily through 
the jimpson weeds and sunflowers toward the lonely 



A Tramp Abroad 233 

frame den. They reached the windov/ and peeped 
in. There sat the long-legged pauper, on his bed, 
in a very short shirt, and nothing more; he was 
dangling his legs contentedly back and forth, and 
wheezing the music of " Camptown Races " out of 
a paper-overlaid comb which he was pressing against 
his mouth; by him lay a new jewsharp, a new top,- 
a sohd india-rubber ball, a handful of painted mar- 
bles, five pounds of "store" candy, and a well- 
gnawed slab of gingerbread as big and as thick as a 
volume of sheet music. He had sold the skeleton 
to a traveling quack for three dollars and was enjoy- 
ing the result ! 

Just as we had finished talking about skeletons 
and were drifting into the subject of fossils, Harris 
and I heard a shout, and glanced up the steep hill- 
side. We saw men and women standing away up 
there looking frightened, and there was a bulky 
object tumbling and floundering down the steep 
slope toward us. We got out of the way, and when 
the object landed in the road it proved to be a boy. 
He had tripped and fallen, and there was nothing 
for him to do but trust to luck and take what might 
come. 

When one starts to roll down a place like that, 
there is no stopping till the bottom is reached. 
Think of people farming on a slant which is so 
steep that the best you can say of it, — if you want to 
be fastidiously accurate, — is, that it is a little steeper 
than a ladder and not quite so steep as a mansard 



234 A Tramp Abroad 

roof. But that is what they do. Some of the little 
farms on the hillside opposite Heidelberg were stood 
up "edgeways." The boy was wonderfully jolted 
up, and his head was bleeding, from cuts which it 
bad got from small stones on the way. 

Harris and I gathered him up and set him on a 
stone, and by that time the men and women had 
scampered down and brought his cap. 

Men, women, and children flocked out from 
neighboring cottages and joined the crowd ; the pale 
boy was petted, and stared at, and commiserated, 
and water was brought for him to drink and bathe 
his bruises in. And such another clatter of 
tongues ! All who had seen the catastrophe were 
describing it at once, and each trying to talk louder 
than his neighbor; and one youth of a superior 
genius ran a little way up the hill, called attention, 
tripped, fell, rolled down among us, and thus tri- 
umphantly showed exactly how the thing had been 
done. 

Harris and I were included in all the descriptions ; 
how we were coming along; how Hans Gross 
shouted ; how we looked up startled ; how we saw 
Peter coming Hke a cannot-shot; how judiciously we 
got out of the way, and let him come; and with 
what presence of mind we picked him up and 
brushed him off and set him on a rock when the 
performance was over. We were as much heroes as 
anybody else, except Peter, and were so recog- 
nized ; we were taken with Peter and the populace 



A Tramp Abroad 235 

to Peter's mother's cottage, and there we ate bread 
and cheese, and drank milk and beer with every- 
body, and had a most sociable good time; and 
when we left we had a hand-shake all around, and 
were receiving and shouting back LeV wohV s until a 
turn in the road separated us from our cordial and 
kindly new friends forever. 

We accomplished our undertaking. At half past 
eight in the evening we stepped into Oppenau, just 
eleven hours and a half out from Allerheiligen, — 
146 miles. This is the distance by pedometer; the 
guide-book and the Imperial Ordnance maps make 
it only ten and a quarter, — a surprising blunder, for 
these two authorities are usually singularly accurate 
in the matter of distances. 



CHAPTER XXIV. 

THAT was a thoroughly satisfactory walk, — and 
the only one we were ever to have which was 
all the way down hill. We took the train next 
morning and returned to Baden-Baden through 
fearful fogs of dust. Every seat was crowded, 
too; for it was Sunday, and consequently every- 
body was taking a "pleasure" excursion. Kot ! 
the sky was an oven, — and a sound one, too, with 
no cracks in it to let in any air. An odd time for a 
pleasure excursion, certainly! 

Sunday is the great day on the continent, — the 
free day, the happy day. One can break the Sab- 
bath in a hundred ways without committing any sin. 

We do not work on Sunday, because the com- 
mandment forbids it; the Germans do not work on 
Sunday, because the commandment forbids it. We 
rest en Sunday, because the commandment requires 
it; the Germans rest on Sunday, because the com- 
mandment requires it. But in the definit'on of the 
word "rest" lies all the difference. With us, its 

(236) 



A Tramp Abroad 23; 

Sunday meaning is, stay in the house and keep still ; 
with the Germans its Sunday and week-day mean- 
ings seem to be the same, — rest the tired part, and 
never mind the other parts of the frame ; rest the 
tired part, and use the means best calculated to rest 
that particular part. Thus: If one's duties have 
kept him in the house all the week, it will rest him 
to be out on Sunday; if his duties have required 
him to read weighty and serious matter all the week, 
it will rest him to read light matter on Sunday ; if 
his occupation has busied him with death and 
funerals all the week, it will rest him to go to the 
theater Sunday night and put in two or three hours 
laughing at a comedy; if he is tired with digging 
ditches or felling trees all the week, it will rest him 
to lie quiet in the house on Sunday; if the hand, 
the arm, the brain, the tongue, or any other mem- 
ber, is fatigued with inanition, it is not to be rested 
by adding a day's inanition; but if a member is 
fatigued with exertion, inanition is the right rest for 
it. Such is the way in which the Germans seem to 
define the word " rest " ; that is to say, they rest a 
member by recreating, recuperating, restoring its 
forces. But our definition is less broad. We all 
rest alike on Sunday, — by secluding ourselves and 
keeping still, whether that is the surest way to rest 
the most of us or not. The Germans make the 
actors, the preachers, etc.. work on Sunday. We 
encourage the preachers, the editors, the printers, 

etc., to work on Sunday, and imagine that none of 
16* 



238 A Tramp Abroad 

the sin of it falls upon us ; but I do not know how 
we are going to get around the fact that if it is 
wrong for the printer to work at his trade on Sun- 
day it must be equally wrong for the preacher to 
work at his, since the commandment has made no 
exception in his favor. We buy Monday morning's 
paper and read it, and thus encourage Sunday 
printing. But I shall never do it again. 

The Germans remember the Sabbath day to keep 
it holy, by abstaining from work, as commanded ; 
we keep it holy by abstaining from work, as com- 
manded, and by also abstaining from play, which is 
not commanded. Perhaps we constructively break 
';he command to rest, because the resting we do is in 
most cases only a name, and not a fact. 

These reasonings have sufficed, in a measure, to 
mend the rent in my conscience which I made by 
traveling to Baden-Baden that Sunday. We arrived 
in time to furbish up and get to the English church 
before services began. We arrived in considerable 
style, too, for the landlord had ordered the first 
carriage that could be found, since there was no 
time to lose, and our coachman was so splendidly 
liveried that we were probably mistaken for a brace 
of stray dukes ; else why were we honored with a 
pew all to ourselves, away up among the very elect 
at the left of the chancel? That was my first 
thought. In the pew directly in front of us sat an 
elderly lady, plainly and cheaply dressed; at her 
side sat a young lady with a very sweet face, and 



A Tramp Abroad 239 

she also was quite simply dressed ; but around us 
and about us were clothes and jewels which it would 
do anybody's heart good to worship in. 

I thought it was pretty manifest that the elderly 
lady was embarrassed at finding herself in such a 
conspicuous place arrayed in such cheap apparel ; I 
began to feel sorry for her and troubled about her. 
She tried to seem very busy with her prayer-book 
and her responses, and unconscious that she was out 
of place, but I said to myself, " She is not succeed- 
ing, — there is a distressed tremulousness in her 
voice which betrays increasing embarrassment." 
Presently the Saviour's name was mentioned, and in 
her flurry she lost her head completely, and rose 
and curtsied, instead of making a slight nod as 
everybody else did. The sympathetic blood surged 
to my temples and I turned and gave those fine 
birds what I intended to be a beseeching look, but 
my feelings got the better of me and changed it into 
a look which said, " If any of you pets of fortune 
laugh at this poor soul, you will deserve to be flayed 
for it." Things went from bad to worse, and I 
shortly found myself m.ental!y taking the unfriended 
lady under my protection. My mind was wholly 
upon her. I forgot all about the sermon. Her em- 
barrassment took stronger and stronger hold upon 
her; she got to snapping the hd of her smelling 
bottle, — it made a loud, sharp sound, but in her 
trouble she snapped and snapped away, unconscious 
of what she was doing. The iast extremity was 



240 A Tramp Abroad 

reached when the collection-plate began its rounds; 
the moderate people threw in pennies, the nobles 
and the rich contributed silver, but she laid a 
twenty-mark gold piece upon the book-rest before 
her with a sounding slap ! I said to myself, " She 
has parted with all her little hoard to buy the con- 
sideration of these unp'tying people, — it is a sor- 
rowful spectacle." I did not venture to look around 
this time; but as the service closed, I said to myself, 
" Let them laugh, it is their opportunity; but at the 
door of this church they shall see her step into our 
fine carriage with us, and our gaudy coachman shall 
drive her home." 

Then she rose, — and all the congregation stood 
while she walked down the aisle. She was the Em- 
press of Germany! 

No,- — she had not been so much embarrassed as I 
had supposed. My imaginationhad got started on the 
wrong scent, and that is always hopeless; one is sure 
then, to go straight on misinterpreting everything, 
clear through to the end. The young lady with her 
imperial Majesty was a maid of honor, — and I had 
been taking her for one of her boarders, all the time. 

This is the only time I have ever had an Empress 
under my personal protection; and considering my 
inexperience, I wonder I got through with it so 
well. I should have been a little embarrassed my- 
self if I had known earlier what sort of a contract I 
had on my hands. 

We found that »the Empress had been in Baden- 



A tramp Abroad 241 

Baden several days. It is said that she never attends 
any but the English form of church service. 

I lay abed and read and rested from my journey's 
fatigues the remainder of that Sunday, but I sent 
my agent to represent me at the afternoon service, 
for I never allow anything to interfere with my habit 
of attending church twice every Sunday, 

There was a vast crowd in the public grounds that 
night to hear the band play the '* Fremersberg." 
This piece tells one of the old legends of the region ; 
how a great noble of the Middle Ages got lost in the 
mountains, and wandered about with his dogs in a 
violent storm, until at last the faint tones of a 
monastery bell, calling the monks to a midnight 
service, caught his ear, and he followed the direc- 
tion the sounds came from and was saved. A beau- 
tiful air ran through the music, without ceasing, 
sometimes loud and strong, sometimes so soft that 
it could hardly be distinguished, — but it was always 
there; it swung grandly along through the shrill 
whistling of the storm-wind, the rattling patter of 
the rain, and the boom and crash of the thunder; it 
wound soft and low through the lesser sounds, the 
distant ones, such as the throbbing of the convent 
bell, the melodious winding of the hunter's horn, 
the distressed hayings of his dogs, and the solemn 
chanting of the monks; it rose again, with a jubilant 
ring, and mingled itself with the country songs and 
dances of the peasants assembled in the convent hall 
16* 



242 A Tramp Abroaa 

to cheer up the rescued huntsman while he ate his 
supper. The instruments imitated all these sounds 
with a marvelous exactness. More than one man 
started to raise his umbrella when the storm burst 
forth and the sheets of mimic rain came driving by; 
it was hardly possible to keep from putting your 
hand to your hat when the fierce wind began to rage 
and shriek ; and it was not possible to refrain from 
starting when those sudden and charmingly real 
thunder crashes were let loose. 

I suppose the Fremersberg is very low-grade 
music; I know, indeed, that it must be low-grade 
music, because it so delighted me, warmed me, 
moved me, stirred me, uplifted me, enraptured me, 
that I was full of cry all the time, and mad with 
enthusiasm. My soul had never had such a scour- 
ing out since I was born. The solemn and majestic 
chanting of the monks was not done by instruments, 
but by men's voices; and it rose and fell, and rose 
again in that rich confusion of warring sounds, and 
pulsing bells, and the stately swing of that ever- 
present enchanting air, and it seemed to me that 
nothing but the very lowest of low-grade music 
could be so divinely beautiful. The great crowd 
which the Fremersberg had called out was another 
evidence that it was low-grade music ; for only the 
few are educated up to a point where high-grade 
music gives pleasure. I have never heard enough 
classic music to be able to enjoy it. I dislike the 
opera because I want to love it and can't. 



A Tramp Abroad 243 

I suppose there are two kinds of music, — one 
kind which one feels, just as an oyster might, and 
another sort which requires a higher faculty, a 
faculty which must be assisted and developed by 
teaching. Yet if base mu=ic gives certain of us 
wings, why should we want any other? But we do. 
We want it because the higher and better like it. 
But we want it without giving it the necessary time 
and trouble; so we cHmb into that upper tier, that 
dress circle, by a lie ; we pretend we like it. I know 
several of that sort of people — and I propose to be 
one of them myself when I get home with my fine 
European education. 

And then there is painting. What a red rag is to 
a bull, Turner's *' Slave Ship " was to me, before I 
studied art. Mr. Ruskin is educated in art up to a 
point where that picture throws him into as mad an 
ecstasy of pleasure as it used to throw me into one 
of rage, last year, when I was ignorant. His culti- 
vation enables him, — and me, now, — to see water 
in that glaring yellow mud, and natural effects in 
those lurid explosions of mixed smoke and flame, 
and crimson sunset glories ; it reconciles him', — and 
me, now, — to the floating of iron cable-chains and 
other unfloatable things ; it reconciles us to fishes 
swimming around on top of the mud, — I mean the 
water. The most of the picture is a manifest im- 
possibility, — that is to say, a lie; and only rigid 
cultivation can enable a rnan to find truth in a lie. 



244 A Tramp Abroad 

But it enabled Mr. Ruskin to do it, and it has enabled 
me to do it, and I am thankful for it. A Boston news- 
paper reporter went and took a look at the Slave Ship 
floundering about in that fierce conflagration of reds 
and yellows, and said it reminded him of a tortoise- 
shell cat having a fit in a platter of tomatoes In my 
then uneducated state, that went home to my non- 
cultivation, and I thought here is a man with an un- 
obstructed eye. Mr. Ruskin would have said : This 
person is an ass. That is what I would say, now.* 
However, our business in Baden-Baden this time, 
was to join our courier. I had thought it best to hire 
one, as we should be in Italy, by and by, and we 
did net know that language. Neither did he. We 
found him at the hotel, ready to take charge of us. 
I asked him if he was " all fixed." He said he was. 
That was very true. He had a trunk, two small 
satchels, and an umbrella. I was to pay him $55 a 
month and railway fares. On the continent the rail- 
way fare on a trunk is about the same it is on a man. 
Couriers do not have to pay any board and lodging. 
This seems a great saving to the tourist, — at first. It 
does not occur to the tourist that somebody pays that 
man's board and lodging. It occurs to him by and 
by, however, in one of his lucid moments. 

* Months after this was written, I happened into the National Gallery 
in London, and soon became so fascinated with the Turner pictures that 
I could hardly get away from the place. I went there often, afterward, 
meaning to see the rest of the gallery, but the Turner spell was too 
strong; it could not be shaken off. However, the Turners which 
attracted me most did not remind me of the Slave Ship. 



CHAPTER XXV. 

NEXT morning we left in the train for Switzerland^ 
and reached Lucerne about ten o'clock at night. 
The first discovery I made was that the beauty of 
the lake had not been exaggerated. Within a day 
or two I made another discovery. This was, that 
the lauded chamois is not a wild goat ; that it is not 
a horned animal ; that it is not shy ; that it does not 
avoid human society; and that there is no peril in 
hunting it. The chamois is a black or brown 
creature no bigger than a mustard seed ; you do not 
have to go after it, it comes after you ; it arrives in 
vast herds and skips and scampers all over your 
body, inside your clothes ; thus it is not shy, but ex- 
tremely sociable; it is not afraid of man, on the con- 
trary, it will attack him ; its bite is not dangerous, but 
neither is it pleasant; its activity has not been over- 
stated, — if you try to put your finger on it, it will 
skip a thousand times its own length at one jump, and 
no eye is sharp enough to see where it lights. A 
great deal of romantic nonsense has been written 
about the Swiss chamois and the perils of hunting it, 

C245) 



246 A Tramp Abroad 

whereas the truth is that even women and children 
hunt it, and fearlessly; indeed, everybody hunts it; 
the hunting is going on all the time, day and night, 
in bed and out of it. It is poetic foolishness to 
hunt it with a gun; very few people do that; there 
is not one man in a million who can hit it with a 
gun. It is much easier to catch it than it is to shoot 
;t, and only the experienced chamois hunter can do 
either. Another common piece of exaggeration is 
that about the " scarcity " of the chamois. It is the 
reverse of scarce. Droves of 100,000,000 chamois 
are not unusual in the Swiss hotels. Indeed, they are 
so numerous as to be a great pest. The romancers 
always dress up the chamois hunter in a fanciful and 
picturesque costume, whereas the best way to hunt 
this game is to do it without any costume at all. 
The article of commerce called chamois-skin is 
another fraud ; nobody could skin a chamois, it is 
too small. The creature is a humbug in every way, 
and everything which has been written about it is 
sentimental exaggeration. It was no pleasure to me 
to find the chamois out, for he had been one of my 
pet illusions ; all my life it had been my dream to 
see him in his native wilds some day, and engage in 
the adventurous sport of chasing him from cliff to 
cHff. It is no pleasure to me to expose him, now, 
and destroy the reader's delight in him and respect 
for him, but still it must be done, for when an hon- 
est writer discovers an imposition it is his simple duty 
^o strip it bare and hurl it down frpm its place of 



A Tramp Abroad 247 

honor, no matter who suffers by it ; any other course 
would render him unworthy of the public confidence. 
Lucerne is a charming place. It begins at the 
water's edge, with a fringe of hotels, and scrambles 
up and spreads itself over two or three sharp hills in 
a crowded, disorderly, but picturesque way, offering 
to the eye a heaped-up confusion of red roofs, 
quaint gables, dormer windows, toothpick steeples, 
with here and there a bit of ancient embattled wall 
bending itself over the ridges, worm fashion, and 
here and there an old square tower of heavy masonry. 
And also here and there a town clock with only one 
hand, — a hand which stretches straight across the dial 
and has no joint in it; such a clock helps out the pic- 
ture, but you cannot tell the time of day by it. Between 
the curving line of hotels and the lake is a broad 
avenue with lamps and a double rank of low shade 
trees. The lake front is walled with masonry like a 
pier, and has a railing, to keep people from walking 
overboard. All day long the vehicles dash along 
the avenue, and nurses, children and tourists sit in 
the shade of the trees, or lean on the railing and 
watch the schools of fishes darting about in the clear 
water, or gaze out over the lake at the stately border 
of snow-hooded mountain peaks. Little pleasure- 
steamers, black with people, are coming and going 
all the time ; and everywhere one sees young girls 
and young men paddling about in fanciful row boats, 
or skimming along by the help of sails when there 
is any wind. The front rooms of the hotels have 



M^ A tramp Abroad 

little railed balconies, where one may take his private 
luncheon in calm, cool comfort and look down upon 
this busy and pretty scene and enjoy it without hav- 
ing to do any of the work connected with it. 

Most of the people, both male and female, are in 
walking costume, and carry alpenstocks. Evidently, 
it is not considered safe to go about in Switzer- 
land, even in town, without an alpenstock. If the 
tourist forgets and comes down to breakfast without 
his alpenstock he goes back and gets it, and stands it 
up in the corner. When his touring in Switzerland is 
finished, he does not throw that broomstick away, but 
lugs it home with him, to the far corners of the earth, 
although this costs him more trouble and bother than a 
baby or a courier could. You see, the alpenstock is his 
trophy; his name is burned upon it; and if he has 
climbed a hill, or jumped a brook, or traversed a 
brickyard with it, he has the names of those places 
burned upon it, too. Thus it is his regimental flag, 
so to speak, and bears the record of his achieve- 
ments. It is worth three francs when he buys it, 
but a bonanza could not purchase it after his great 
deeds have been inscribed upon it. There are 
artisans all about Switzerland whose trade it is to 
burn these things upon the alpenstock of the tourist. 
And observe, a man is respected in Switzerland ac- 
cording to his alpenstock. I found I could get no 
attention there, while I carried an unbranded one. 
However, branding is not expensive, so I soon rem- 
edied that. The effect upon the next detachment 



A Tramp Abroad 249 

of tourists was very marked. I felt repaid for my 
trouble. 

Half of the summer horde in Switzerland is made 
up of English people ; the other half is made up of 
many nationalities, the Germans leading and the 
Americans coming next. The Americans were not 
as numerous as I had expected they would be. 

The 7.30 table d'hote at the great Schweitzerhof 
furnished a mighty array and variety of nationalities, 
but it offered a better opportunity to observe cos- 
tumes than people, for the multitude sat at immensely 
long tables, and therefore the faces were mainly seen 
in perspective; but the breakfasts were served at 
small round tables, and then if one had the fortune 
to get a table in the midst of the assemblage he 
could have as many faces to study as he could desire. 
We used to try to guess out the nationalities, and 
generally succeeded tolerably well. Sometimes we 
tried to guess people's names ; but that was a failure ; 
that is a thing which probably requires a good deal 
of practice. We presently dropped it and gave our 
efforts to less difificult particulars. One morning 1 
said : 

" There is an American party." 

Harris said : 

"Yes, — but name the State." 

I named one State, Harris named another. We 
agreed upon one thing, however, — that the young 
girl with the party was very beautiful, and very taste- 
fully dressed. But we disagreed as to her age. I 



250 A Tramp Abroad 

said she was eighteen, Harris said she was twenty. 
The dispute between us waxed warm, and I finally 
said, with a pretense of being in earnest: 

"Well, there is one way to settle the matter, — I 
will go and ask her." 

Harris said, sarcastically, "Certainly, that is the 
thing to do. All you need to do is to use the com- 
mon formula over here: go and say, 'I'm an 
American ! ' Of course she will be glad to see 
you." 

Then he hinted that perhaps there was no great 
danger of my venturing to speak to her. 

I said, " I was only talking, — I didn't intend to 
approach her, but I see that you do not know what 
an intrepid person I am. I am not afraid of any 
woman that walks. I will go and speak to this 
young girl." 

The thing I had in my mind was not difficult. I 
meant to address her in the most respectful way and 
ask her to pardon me if her strong resemblance to a 
former acquaintance of mine was deceiving me; and 
when she should reply that the name I mentioned 
was not the name she bore, I meant to beg pardon 
again, most respectfully, and retire. There would 
be no harm done. I walked to her table, bowed to 
the gentleman, then turned to her and was about to 
begin my little speech when she exclaimed : 

"I knew I wasn't mistaken, — I told John it was 
you ! John said it probably wasn't, but I knew I 
was right I said you would recognize me presently 



A Tramp Abroad 251 

and come over; and I'm glad you did, for I shouldn't 
have felt much flattered if you had gone out of this 
room without recognizing me. Sit down, sit down, 
■ — how odd it is, — you are the last person I was 
ever expecting to see again." 

This was a stupefying surprise. It took my wits 
clear away, for an instant. However, we shook 
hands cordially all around, and I sat down. But 
truly this was the tightest place I ever was in. I 
seemed to vaguely remember the girl's face, now, 
but I had no idea where I had seen it before, or 
what name belonged with it. I immediately tried to 
get up a diversion about Swiss scenery, to keep her 
from launching into topics that might betray that I 
did not know her, but it was of no use, she went 
right along upon matters which interested her more : 

"Oh dear, what a night that was, when the sea 
washed the forward boats away, — do you remember 
it?" 

•* Oh, don'il ! " said I,— but I didn't. I wished 
the sea had washed the rudder and the smokestack 
and the captain away, — then I could have located 
this questioner. 

"And don't you remember how frightened poor 
Mary was, and how she cried? " 

" Indeed I do ! " said I. " Dear me, how it all 
comes back ! ' ' 

I fervently wished it would come back, — but my 
memory was a blank. The wise way would have 
been to frankly own up ; but I could not bring my- 



252 A Tramp Abroad 

self to do that, after the young girl had praised me 
so for recognizing her; so I went on, deeper and 
deeper into the mire, hoping for a chance clue but 
never getting one. The Unrecognizable continued, 
with vivacity: 

*' Do ycu know, George married Mary, after all? " 

"Why, no! Did he?" 

*' Indeed he did. He said he did not believe she 
was half as much to blame as her father was, and I 
thought he was right. Didn't you? " 

" Of course he was. It was a perfectly plain case. 
I always said so." 

"Why, no you didn't! — at least that summer." 

" Oh, no, not that summer. No, you are per- 
fectly right about that. It was the following winter 
that I said it." 

'* Well, as it turned out, Mary was not in the least 
to blame, — it was all her father's fault, — at least his 
and old Darley's." 

It was necessary to say something, — so I said : 

*' I always regarded Darley as a troublesome old 
thing." 

"So he was, but then they always had a great 
affection for him, although he had so many eccen- 
tricities. You remember that when the weather 
was the least cold, he would try to come into the 
house." 

I was rather afraid to proceed. Evidently Darley 
was not a man, — he must be some other kind of 
animal, — possibly a dog, maybe an elephant. How- 



A Tramp Abroad 253 

ever, tails are common to all animals, so T ventured 
to say: 

"And what a tail he had ! " 

' • One ! He had a thousand ! ' ' 

This was bewildering. I did not quite know what 
to say, so I only said : 

"Yes, he was rather well fixed in the matter of 
tails." 

" For a negro, and a crazy one at that, I should 
say he was," said she. 

It was getting pretty sultry for me. I said to my- 
self, " Is it possible she is going to stop there, and 
wait for me to speak? If she does, the conversation 
is blocked. A negro with a thousand tails is a topic 
which a person cannot talk upon fluently and instruc- 
tively without more or less preparation. As to div- 
ing rashly into such a vast subject, — " 

But here, to my gratitude, she interrupted my 
thoughts by saying : 

"Yes, when it came to tales of his crazy woes, 
there was simply no end to them if anybody would 
listen. His own quarters were comfortable enough, 
but when the weather was cold, the family we^^e sure 
to have his company, — nothing could keep him out 
of the house. But they always bore it kindly be- 
cause he had saved Tom's life, years before. You 
remember Tom?" 

" Oh, perfectly. Fine fellow he was, too." 

" Yes he was. And what a pretty little thing his 

child was ! ' ' 
17* 



254 A Tramp Abroad 

"You may well say that. I never saw a prettiei 
child." 

*' I used to delight to pet it and dandle it and play 
with it." 

"So did I." 

" You named it. What was that name? I can't 
call it to mind." 

It appeared to me that the ice was getting pretty 
thin, here. I would have given something to know 
what the child's sex was. However, I had the good 
luck to think of a name that would fit either sex, — 
so I brought it out: 

" I named it Frances." 

" From a relative, I suppose? But you named the 
one that died, too, — one that I never saw. What 
did you call that one? " 

I was out of neutral names, but as the child was 
dead and she had never seen it, I thought I might risk 
a name for it and trust to luck. Therefore I said : 

" I called that one Thomas Henry." 

She said, musingly: 

" That is very singular . . . very singular." 

I sat still and let the cold sweat run down. I w?s 
in a good deal of trouble, but I believed I could 
worry through if she wouldn't ask me to name any 
more children. I wondered where the lightning was 
going to strike next. She was still ruminating over 
that last child's title, but presently she said: 

*' I have always been sorry you were away at the 
time, — I would have had you name my child." 



A Tramp Abroad 255 

" Your child ! Are you married? " 

" I have been married thirteen years." 

" Christened, you mean." 

"No, married. The youth by your side is my 
son. 

" It seems incredible., — even impossible. I do not 
mean any harm by it, but would you mind telling 
me if you are any over eighteen ? — that is to say, 
will you tell me how old you are ? ' ' 

' '" I was just nineteen the day of the storm we were 
talking about. That was my birthday." 

That did not help matters, much, as I did not know 
the date of the storm. I tried to think of some non- 
committal thing to say, to keep up my end of the 
talk, and render my poverty in the matter of remin- 
iscences as little noticeable as possible, but I seemed 
to be about out of non-committal things. I was 
about to say, "You haven't changed a bit since 
then," — but that was risky. I thought of say- 
ing "You have improved ever so much since 
then," — but that wouldn't answer, of course. I 
was about to try a shy at the weather, for a sav- 
ing change, when the girl slipped in ahead of me 
and said: 

" How I have enjoyed this talk over those happy 
old times, — haven't you? " 

" I never have spent such a half hour in all my life 
before!" said I, with emotion; and I could have 
added, with a near approach to truth, " and I would 
rather be scalped than spend another one like it." 



256 A Tramp Abroad 

I was hoHly grateful to be through with the ordeal, 
and was about to make my good-byes and get out, 
when the girl said : 

" But there is one thing that is ever so puzzling to 
me." 

"Why, what is that?" 

"Thar dead child's name. What did you say it 
was ?" 

Here was another balmy place to be in : I had for- 
gotten the child's name; I hadn't imagined it would 
be needed again. However, I had to pretend to 
know, anyway, so I said : 

"Joseph William." 

The youth at my side corrected me, and said : 

" No, Thomas Henry." 

I thanked him, — in words, — and said, with 
trepidation : 

" O yes, — I was thinking of another child that I 
named, — I have named a great many, and I get 
them confused, — this one was named Henry 
Thompson, — " 

"Thomas Henry," calmly interposed the boy. 

I thanked him again, — strictly in words, — and 
stammered out: 

"Thomas Henry, — yes, Thomas Henry was the 
poor child's name. I named him for Thomas, — er, 
— Thomas Carlyle, the great author, you know, — 
and Henry — er — er — Henry the Eighth. The 
parents were very grateful to have a child named 
Thomas Henry." 



A Tramp Abroad 257 

*'That makes it more singular than ever," mur- 
mured my beautiful friend. 

"Does it? Why?" 

"Because when the parents speak of that child 
now, they always call it Susan Amelia." 

That spiked my gun. I could not say anything. 
I was entirely out of verbal obliquities ; to go further 
would be to He, and that I would not do; so I 
simply sat still and suffered, — sat mutely and re- 
signedly there, and sizzled, — for I was being slowly 
fried to death in my own blushes. Presently the 
enemy laughed a happy laugh and said : 

" I have enjoyed this talk over old times, but you 
have not. I saw very soon that you were only pre- 
tending to know me, and so as I had wasted a com- 
pliment on you in the beginning, I made up my mind 
to punish you. And I have succeeded pretty well. 
I was glad to see that you knew George and Tom 
and Darley, for I had never heard of them before and 
therefore could not be sure that you had ; and I was 
glad to learn the names of those imaginary children, 
too. One can get quite a fund of information out 
of ycu if one goes at it cleverly. Mary and the 
storm, and the sweeping away of the forward boats, 
were facts — all the rest was fiction. Mary was my 

sister; her full name was Mary . Now do you 

remember me? " 

"Yes," I said, "1 do remember you now; and 
you are as hard-hearted as you were thirteen years 
17* 



258 A Tramp Abroad 

ago in that ship, else you wouldn't have punished 
me so. You haven't changed your nature nor your 
person, in any way at all; you look just as young 
as you did then, you are just as beautiful as you 
were then, and you have transmitted a deal of your 
comeliness to this fine boy. There, — if that speech 
moves you any, let's fly the flag of truce, with 
the understanding that I am conquered and confess 
it." 

All of which was agreed to and accomplished, on 
the spot. When I went back to Harris, I said : 

" Now you see what a person with talent and 
address can do." 

"Excuse me, I see what a person of colossal 
ignorance and simplicity can do. The idea of your 
going and intruding on a party of strangers, that 
way, and talking for half an hour; why I never 
heard of a man in his right mind doing such a thing 
before. What did you say to them? " 

'* I never said any harm. I merely asked the girl 
what her name was." 

" I don't doubt it. Upon my word I don't. I 
think you were capable of it. It was stupid in me 
to let you go over there and make such an exhibition 
of yourself. But you know I couldn't really believe 
you would do such an inexcukable thing. What will 
those people think of us? But how did you say it? 
— I mean the manner of it. I hope you were not 
abrupt." 

" No, I was careful about that. I said ' My friend 



A Tramp Abroad 259 

and I would like to know what your name is, if you 
don't mind.' " 

"No, that was not abrupt. There is a pohsh 
about it that does you infinite credit. And I am 
glad you put me in ; that was a delicate attention 
which I appreciate at its full value. What did she 
do?" 

'* She didn't do anything in particular. She told 
me her name." 

" Simply told you her name. Do you mean to 
say she did not show any surprise? " 

"Well, now I come to think, she did show some- 
thing; maybe it was surprise; I hadn't thought of 
that, — I took it for gratification." 

"Oh, undoubtedly you were right; it must have 
been gratification; it could not be otherwise than 
gratifying to be assaulted by a stranger with such a 
question as that. Then what did you do? " 

* * I offered my hand and the party gave me a 
shake." 

" I saw it ! I did not believe my own eyes, at the 
time. Did the gentlemen say anything about cutting 
your throat? " 

" No, they all seemed glad to see me, as far as I 
could judge." 

"And do you know, I believe they were. I think 
they said to themselves, ' Doubtless this curiosity 
has got away from his keeper — let us amuse our- 
selves with him.' There is no other way of account' 



260 A Tramp Abroad 

ing for their facile docility. You sat down. Did 
they ask you to sit down? " 

** No, they did not ask me, but I suppose they did 
not think of it." 

" Ycu have an unerring instinct. What else did 
you do? What did you talk about? " 

" Well, I asked the girl how old she was." 

"f/wdoubtedly. Your delicacy is beyond praise. 
Go on, go on, — don't mind my apparent misery, 
— I always look so when I am steeped in a pro- 
found and reverent joy. Go on, — she told you her 
age?" 

"Yes, she told me her age, and all about her 
mother, and her grandmother, and her other rela- 
tions, and all about herself." 

" Did she volunteer these statistics? " 

" No, not exactly that. I asked the questions and 
she answered them." 

" This is divine. Go on, — it is not possible that 
you forgot to inquire into her politics? " 

" No, I thought of that. She is a democrat, her 
husband is a republican, and both cf them are 
Baptists." 

" Her husband? Is that child married? " 

" She rs not a child. She is married, and that la 
her husband who is there with her." 

" Has she any children? " 

" Yes, — seven and a half.'* 

"That is impossible." 

" No, she has them. She told me herself." 



A Tramp Abroad 261 

"Well, but seven and a half? How do you 
make out the half? Where does the half come in? " 

" That is a child which she had by another hus- 
band, — not this one but another one, — so it is a 
step-child, and they do not count it full measure." 

"Another husband? Has she had another hus- 
band?" 

" Yes, four. This one is number four." 

"I don't believe a word of it. It is impossible, 
upon its face. Is that boy there her brother? " 

" No, that is her son. He is her youngest. He 
is not as old as he looks ; he is only eleven and a 
half." 

" These things are all manifestly impossible. This 
is a wretched business. It is a plain case: they 
simply took your measure, and concluded to fill you 
up. They seem to have succeeded. I am glad I 
am not in the mess ; they may at least be charitable 
enough to think there ain't a pair of us. Are they 
going to stay here long? " 

" No, they leave before noon." 

' ' There is one man who is deeply grateful for that. 
How did you find out? You asked, I suppose? " 

" No, along at first I inquired into their plans, in 
a general way, and they said they were going to be 
here a week, and make trips round about ; but toward 
the end of the interview, when I said you and I would 
tour around with them with pleasure, and offered to 
bring you over and introduce you, they hesitated a 
little, and asked if ^ou were from the same esta|?lish- 



262 A Tramp Abroad 

ment that I was. I said you were, and then they 
said they had changed their mind and considered it 
necessary to start at once and visit a sick relative in 
Siberia." 

"Ah, me, you struck the summit! You struck 
the loftiest altitude of stupidity that human effort 
has ever reached. You shall have a monument of 
jackasses' skulls as high as the Strasburg spire if you 
die before I do. They wanted to know if I was 
from the same * establishment ' that you hailed from, 
did they? What did they mean by 'establish- 
ment?' " 

" I don't know; it never occurred to me to ask.'* 

"Well / know. They meant an asylum — an 
idiot asylum, do you understand? So they do think 
there's a pair of us, after all. Now what do you 
think of yourself? " 

" Well, I don't know. I didn't know I was doing 
any harm; I didn't mean to do any harm. They 
were very nice people, and they seemed to like me." 

Harris made some rude remarks and left for his 
bedroom, — to break some furniture, he said. He 
was a singularly irascible man ; any little thing would 
disturb his temper. 

I had been well scorched by the young woman, but 
no matter, I took it out of Harris. One should 
always ' ' get even ' ' in some way, else the sore place 
will go on hurting. 



CHAPTER XXVI. 

THE Hofkirche is celebrated for its organ con- 
certs. All summer long the tourists flock to 
that church about six o'clock in the evening, and 
pay their franc, and listen to the noise. They 
don't stay to hear all of it, but get up and tramp 
out over the sounding stone floor, meeting late 
comers who tramp in in a sounding and vigorous 
way. This tramping back and forth is kept up 
nearly all the time, and is accented by the con- 
tinuous slamming of the door, and the coughing and 
barking and sneezing of the crowd. Meantime, the 
big organ is booming and crashing and thundering 
away, doing its best to prove that it is the biggest 
and loudest organ in Europe, and that a tight little 
box of a church is the most favorable place to 
average and appreciate its powers in. It is true, 
there were some soft and merciful passages occa- 
sionally, but the tramp-tramp of the tourists only 
allowed one to get fitful glimpses of them, so to 
speak. Then right away the organist would let go 
another avalanche. 

(263) 



264 A Tramp Abroad 

The commerce of Lucerne consists mainly in 
gimcrackery of the souvenir sort; the shops are 
packed with Alpine crystals, photographs of scenery, 
and wooden and ivory carvings. I will not conceal 
the fact that miniature figures of the Lion of Lucerne 
are to be had in them. Millions of them. But they 
are libels upon him, every one of them. There is a 
subtle something about the majestic pathos of the 
original which the copyist cannot get. Even the 
sun fails to get it; both the photographer and the 
carver give you a dying lion, and that is all. The 
shape is right, the attitude is right, the proportions 
are right, but that indescribable something which 
makes the Lion of Lucerne the most mournful and 
moving piece of stone in the world, is wanting. 

The Lion lies in his lair in the perpendicular face 
of a low cliff, — for he is carved from the living rock 
of the cliff. His size is colossal, his attitude is 
noble. His head is bowed, the broken spear is 
sticking in his shoulder, his protecting paw rests 
upon the lilies of France. Vines hang down the cliff 
and wave in the wind, and a clear stream trickles 
from above and empties into a pond at the basCj 
and in the smooth surface of the pond the lion is 
mirrored, among the water lilies. 

Around about are green trees and grass. The 
place is a sheltered, reposeful, woodland nook, re- 
mote from ncise and stir and confusion, — and all this 
is fitting, for lions do die in such places, and not on 
granite pedestals in public squares fenced with fancy 



A Tramp Abroad 265 

iron railings. The Lion of Lucerne would be im- 
pressive anywhere, but nowhere so impressive as 
where he is. 

Martyrdom is the luckiest fate that can befall 
some people. Louis XVI did not die in his bed, 
consequently history is very gentle with him ; she is 
charitable toward his failings, and she finds in him 
high virtues which are not usually considered to be 
virtues when they are lodged in kings. She makes 
him out to be a person with a meek and modest 
spirit, the heart of a female saint, and a wrong head. 
None of these qualities are kingly but the last. 
Taken together they make a character which would 
have fared harshly at the hands of history if its 
owner had had the ill luck to miss martyrdom. 
With the best intentions to do the right thing, he 
always managed to do the wrong one. Moreover, 
nothing could get the female saint out of him. He 
knew, well enough, that in national emergencies he 
must not consider how he ought to act, as' a man, 
but hov/ he ought to act as a king; so he honestly 
tried to sink the man and be the king, — but it.was a 
failure, he only succeeded in being the female saint. 
He was not instant in season, but out of season. 
He could not be persuaded to do a thing while it 
could do any good, — he was iron, he was adamant 
in his stubbornness then, — but as soon as the thing 
had reached a point where it would be positively 
harmful to do it, do it he would, and nothing could 
stop him. He did not do it because it would be 



266 A Tramp Abroad 

harmful, but because he hoped it was not yet too 
late to achieve by it the good which it would have 
done if applied earlier. His comprehension was 
always a train or two behindhand. If a national toe 
required amputating, he could not see that it needed 
anything more than poulticing; when others saw 
that the mortification had reached the knee, he first 
perceived that the toe needed cutting off, — so he 
cut it off ; and he severed the leg at the knee when 
others saw that the disease had reached the thigh. 
He was good, and honest, and well meaning, in the 
matter of chasing national diseases, but he never 
could overtake one. As a private man, he would 
have been lovable ; but viewed as a king, he was 
strictly contemptible. 

His was a most unroyal career, but the most piti- 
able spectacle in it, was his sentimental treachery to 
his Swiss guard on that memorable lOth of August, 
when he allowed those heroes to be massacred in his 
cause, and forbade them to shed the " sacred French 
blood " purporting to be flowing in the veins of the 
red-capped mob of miscreants that was raging 
around the palace. He meant to be kingly, but he 
was only the female saint once more. Some of his 
biographers think that upon this occasion the spirit 
of Saint Louis had descended upon him. It must 
have found pretty cramped quarters. If Napoleon 
the First had stood in the shoes of Louis XVI that 
day, instead of being merely a casual and unknown 
looker-on, there would be no Lion of Lucerne, now, 



A Tramp Abroad 267 

but there would be a well-stocked Communist grave- 
yard in Paris which would answer just as well to 
remember the loth of August by. 

Martyrdom made a saint of Mary Queen of Scots 
three hundred years ago, and she has hardly lost all 
of her saintship yet. Martyrdom made a saint of 
the trivial and foolish Marie Antoinette, and her 
biographers still keep her fragrant with the odor of 
sanctity to this day, while unconsciously proving 
upon almost every page they write that the only 
calamitous instinct which her husband lacked, she 
supplied, — the instinct to root out and get rid of an 
honest, able, and loyal official, wherever she found 
him. The hideous but beneficent French Revolution 
would have been def erred, jor would have fallen short of 
completeness, or even might not have happened at all, 
if Marie Antoinette had made the unwise mistake of 
not being born. The world owes a great deal to the 
French Revolution, and consequently to its two chief 
promoters, Louis the Poor in Spirit and his queen. 

We did not buy any wooden images of the Lion, 
nor any ivory or ebony or marble or chalk of sugar 
or chocolate ones, or even any photographic slanders 
of him. The truth is, these copies were so com- 
mon, so universal, in the shops and everywhere, 
that they presently became as intolerable to the 
wearied eye as the latest popular melody usually 
becomes to the harassed ear. In Lucerne, too, the 
wood carvings of other sorts, which had been so 
pleasant to look upon when one saw them occasion- 



268 A Tramp Abroad 

ally at home, soon began to fatigue us. We grevtf 
very tired of seeing wooden quails and chickens 
picking and strutting around clock-faces, and still 
more tired of seeing wooden images of the alleged 
chamois skipping about wooden rocks, or lying upon 
them in family groups, or peering alertly up from 
behind them. The first day, I would have bought a 
hundred and fifty of these clocks if I had had the 
money, — and I did buy three, — but on the third 
day the disease had run its course, I had convalesced, 
and was in the market once more, — trying to sell. 
However, I had no luck; which was just as well, for 
the things will be pretty enough, no doubt, v/hen I 
get them home. 

For years my pet aversion had been the cuckoo 
clock; now here I was, at last, right in the creature's 
home ; so wherever I went that distressing " /loo' hoo I 
/loo'hool /loo'hool" was always in my ears. For 
a nervous man, this was a fine state of things. 
Some sounds are hatefuller than others, but no 
sound is quite so inane, and silly, and aggravating 
as the *' /loo' hoo" of a cuckoo clock, I think. I 
bought one, and am carrying it home to a certain 
person ; for I have always said that if the oppor- 
tunity ever happened, I would do that man an ill 
turn. What I meant, was, that I would break one 
of his legs, or something of that sort ; but in Lucerne 
I instantly saw that I could impair his mind. That 
would be more lasting, and more satisfactory every 
way. So I bought the cuckoo clock; and if I.evei 



A Tramp Abroad 269 

get home with it, he is " my meat," as they say in 
the mines. I thought of another candidate, — a book 
reviewer whom I could name if I wanted to, — but 
after thinking it over, I didn't buy him a clock. I 
couldn't injure his mind. 

We visited the two long, covered wooden bridges 
which span the green and brilliant Reuss just below 
where it goes plunging and hurrahing out of the 
lake. These rambling, swaybacked tunnels are very 
attractive things; with their alcoved outlooks upon 
the lovely and inspiriting water. They contain two 
or three hundred queer old pictures, by old Swiss 
masters, — old boss sign-painters, who flourished 
before the decadence of art. 

The lake is alive with fishes, plainly visible to the 
eye, for the water is very clear. The parapets in 
front of the hotels were usually fringed with fishers 
of all ages. One day I thought I would stop and 
see a fish caught. The result brought back to my 
mind, very forcibly, a circumstance which I had not 
thought of before for twelve years. This one: 

THE MAN WHO PUT UP AT GADSBY'S ' 

When my odd friend Riley and I were newspaper 
correspondents in Washington, in the winter of '6^ y 
we were coming down Pennsylvania avenue one 
night, near midnight, in a driving storm of snow, 
when the flash of a street lamp fell upon a man who 
was eagerly tearing along in the opposite direction. 
This man instantly stopped and exclaimed : 



270 A Tramp Abroad 

"This is lucky! You are Mr. Riley, ain't you?" 

Riley was the most self-possessed and solemnly 
deliberate person in the republic. He stopped, 
looked his man over from head to foot, and finally 
said: 

" I am Mr. Riley. Did you happen to be look- 
ing for me?" 

** That's just what I was doing," said the man, 
joyously, " and it's the biggest luck in the world 
that I've found you. My name is Lykins. I'm 
one of the teachers of the high school — San Fran- 
cisco. As soon as I heard the San Francisco post- 
mastership was vacant, I made up my mind to get 
it, — and here I am." 

"Yes," said Riley, slowly, "as you have re- 
marked Mr. Lykins here you are. And 

have you got it?" 

"Well, not exactly ^^/ it, but the next thi-.g to 
it. I've brought a petition, signed by the Super- 
intendent of Public Instruction, and all the teachers, 
and by more than two hundred other people. Now 
I want you, if you'll be so good, to go around with 
me to the Pacific delegation, for I want to rush this 
thing through and get along home." 

" If the matter is so pressing, you will prefer that 
we visit the delegation to-night," said Riley, in a 
voice which had nothing mocking in it, — to an un- 
accustomed ear. 

" Oh, to-night, by all means! I haven't got any 
time to fool around. I want their promise before I 



A Tramp Abroad 271 

go to bed,— I ain't the talking kind, I'm the doing 
kind!" 

" Yes you've come to the right place for 

that. When did you arrive?" 

" Just an hour ago." 

" When are you intending to leave?" 

"For New York to-morrow evening, — for San 
Francisco next morning." 

"Just so What are you going to do to- 
morrow?" 

** Do ! Why, I've got to go to the President 
with the petition and the delegation, and get the 
appointment, haven't I?" 

" Yes very true that Is correct. And 

then what?" 

** Executive session of the Senate at 2 p. m.,— 
got to get the appointment confirmed, — I reckon 
you'll grant that?" 

" Yes yes," said Riley, meditatively, " you 

are right again. Then you take the train for New 
York in the evening, and the steamer for San Fran- 
cisco next morning?" 

" That's it,— that's the way I map it out! " 

Riley considered a while, and then said : 

" You couldn't stay .a day well, say 

two days longer?" 

"Bless your soul, no! It's not my style. I 
ain't a man to go fooling around, — I'm a man that 
does things, I tell you." 

The storm was raging, the thick snow blowing in 



272 A Tramp Abroad 

gusts. Riley stood silent, apparently deep in a 
reverie, during a minute or more, then he looked 
up and said : 

" Have you ever heard about that man who 

put up at Gadsby's, once? But I see you 

haven't." 

He backed Mr. Lykins against an iron fence, 
buttonholed him, fastened him with his eye, like the 
Ancient Mariner, and proceeded to unfold his narra- 
tive as placidly and peacefully as if we were all 
stretched comfortably in a blossomy summer 
meadow instead of being persecuted by a wintry 
midnight tempest: 

'*I will tell you about that man. It was in Jack- 
son's time. Gadsby's was the principal hotel, then. 
Well, this man arrived from Tennessee about nine 
o'clock, one morning, with a black coachman and a 
splendid four-horse carriage and an elegant dog, 
which he was evidently fond and proud of; he 
drove up before Gadsby's, and the clerk and the 
landlord and everybody rushed out to take charge 
of him, but he said, ' Never mind,' and jumped out 
and told the coachman to wait, — said he hadn't 
time to take anything to eat, he only had a little 
claim against the government to collect, would run 
across the way, to the Treasury, and fetch the 
money, and then get right along back to Tennessee, 
for he was in considerable of a hurry. 

"Well, about eleven o'clock that night he came 
back and ordered a bed and told them to put the 



A Tramp Abroad 273 

horses up, — said he would collect the claim in the 
morning. This was in January, you understand, — 
January, 1834, — the 3d of January, — Wednesday. 

*' Well, on the 5th of February, he sold the fine 
carriage, and bought a cheap second-hand one, — 
said it would answer just as well to take the money 
home in, and he didn't care for style. 

" On the nth of August he sold a pair of the fine 
horses, — said he'd often thought a pair was better 
than four, to go over the rough mountain roads with 
where a body had to be careful about his driving, — 
and there wasn't so much of his claim but he could 
lug the money home with a pair easy enough. 

"On the 13th of December he sold another 
horse, — said two warn't necessary to drag that old 
light vehicle with, — in fact, one could snatch it 
along faster than was absolutely necessary, now that 
it was good solid winter weather and the roads in 
splendid condition. 

" On the 17th of February, 1835, he sold the old 
carriage and bought a cheap second-hand buggy, — 
said a buggy was just the trick to skim along mushy, 
slushy early spring roads with, and he had always 
wanted to try a buggy on those mountain roads, 
anyway. 

"On the 1st of August he sold the buggy and 

bought the remains of an old sulky, — said he just 

wanted to see those green Tennesseans stare and 

gawk when they saw him come a-ripping along in a 

18, 



274' A Tramp Abroad 

sulky, — didn't believe they'd ever heard cf a sulky 
in their lives. 

" Well, on the 29th of August he sold his colored 
coachman, — said he didn't need a coachman for a 
sulky, — wouldn't be room enough for two in it any- 
way, — and, besides, it wasn't every day that Provi- 
dence sent a man a fool who was willing to pay nine 
hundred dollars for such a third-rate negro as that, — 
been wanting to get rid of the creature for years, 
but didn't like to throw him away. 

"Eighteen months later, — that is to say, on the 
15th of February, 1837, — he sold the sulky and 
bought a saddle, — said horseback riding was what 
the doctor had always recommended Jiim to take, 
and dog'd if he wanted to risk his neck going over 
those mountain roads on wheels in the dead of 
winter, not if he knew himself. 

" On the 9th of April he sold the saddle, — said 
he wasn't going to risk his life with any perishable 
saddle-girth that ever was made, over a rainy, miry 
April road, while he could ride bareback and know 
and feel he was safe, — always had despised to ride 
on a saddle, anyway. 

" On the 24th of April he sold his horse, — said 
' I'm just 57 to-day, hale and hearty, — it would be 
a pretty howdy-do for me to be wasting such a trip 
as that and such weather as this, on a horse, when 
there ain't anything in the world so splendid as a 
tramp on foot through the fresh spring woods and 
over the cheery mountains, to a man that is a 



A Tramp Abroad 275 

man, — and I can make my dog carry my claim in 
a little bundle, anyway, when it's collected. So 
to-morrow I'll be up bright and early, make my 
little old collection, and mosey off to Tennessee, on 
my own hind legs, with a rousing Good-bye to 
Gadsby's.' 

"On the 22d of June he sold his dog, — said 
' Dern a dog, anyway, where you're just starting off 
on a rattling bully pleasure-tramp through the sum- 
mer woods and hills, — perfect nuisance, — chases 
the squirrels, barks at everything, goes a-capering 
and splattering around in the fords,— man can't get 
any chance to reflect and enjoy nature, — and I'd a 
blamed sight ruther carry the claim myself, it's a 
mighty sight safer; a dog's mighty uncertain in a 
financial way, — always noticed it, — well, £^ood-hye, 
boys, — last call, — I'm off for Tennessee with a 
good leg and a gay heart, early in the morning!" 

There was a pause and a silence,- — except the 
noise of the wind and the pelting snow. Mr. 
Lykins said, impatiently: 

"Well?" 

Riley said : 

" Well, — that was thirty years ago." 

" Very well, very well, — what of it?" 

" I'm great friends with that old patriarch. He 
comes every evening to tell me good-bye. I saw 
him an hour ago, — he's off for Tennessee early to- 
morrow morning, — as usual ; said he calculated to 
^* 



276 A Tramp Abroad 

get his claim through and be off before night-owls 
like me have turned out of bed. The tears were in 
his eyes, he was so glad he was going to see his old 
Tennessee and his friends once more." 

Another silent pause. The stranger broke it: 

"Is that all?" 

"That is all." 

"Well, for the time of night, and the kind of 
night, it seems to me the story was full long enough. 
But what's \tdX\forr' 

" Oh, nothing in particular." 

" Well, Where's the point of it?" 

" Oh, there isn't any particular point to it. 
Only, if you are not in ^^^ much of a hurry to rush 
off to San Francisco with that post-ofKice appoint- 
ment, Mr. Lykins, I'd advise you to 'put up at 
Gadsby' s^ for a spell, and take it easy. Good-bye. 
God bless you ! ' ' 

So saying, Riley blandly turned on his heel and 
left the astonished school-teacher standing there, a 
musing and motionless snow image shining in the 
broad glow of the street lamp. 

He never got that post-office. 

To go back to Lucerne and its fishers, I con- 
cluded, after about nine hours' waiting, that the man 
who proposes to tarry till he sees somebody hook 
one of those well-fed and experienced fishes will find 
it wisdom to "put up at Gadsby's " and take it 
easy. It is likely that a fish has not been caught on 
that lake pier for forty years ; but no matter, the 



A Tramp Abroad 277 

\ 
patient fisher watches his cork there all the day 

long, just the same, and seems to enjoy it. One 
may see the fisher-loafers just as thick and contented 
and happy and patient all along the Seine at Paris, 
but tradition says that the only thing ever caught 
there in modern times is a thing they don't fish for 
at all, — the recent dog and the translated cat. 



CHAPTER XXVII. 

CLOSE by the Lion of Lucerne is what they call 
the " Glacier Garden," — and it is the only one 
in the world. It is on high ground. Four or five 
years ago, some workmen who were digging founda- 
tions for a house came upon this interesting relic of 
a long departed age. Scientific men perceived in it 
a confirmation of their theories concerning the 
glacial period; so through their persuasions the 
little tract of ground was bought and permanently 
protected against being built upon. The soil was 
removed, and there lay the rasped and guttered 
track which the ancient glacier had made as it moved 
along upon its slow and tedious journey. This 
track was perforated by huge pot-shaped holes in 
the bed-rock, formed by the furious washing-around 
in them of bowlders by the turbulent torrent which 
flows beneath all glaciers. These huge round 
bowlders still remain in the holes; they and the 
walls of the holes are worn smooth by the long con- 
tinued chafing which they gave each other in those 
old days. It took a mighty force to churn these 



A Tramp Abroad 279 

big lumps of stone around in that vigorous way. 
The neighboring country had a very different shape, 
at that time, — the valleys have risen up and become 
hills, since, and the hills have become valleys. The 
bowlders discovered in the pots had traveled a great 
distance, for there is no rock like them nearer than 
the distant Rhone Glacier. 

For some days we were content to enjoy looking 
at the blue lake Lucerne and at the piled-up masses 
of snow mountains that border it all around, — an 
enticing spectacle, this last, for there is a strange 
and fascinating beauty and charm about a majestic 
snow-peak with the sun blazing upon it or the moon- 
light softly enriching it, — but finally we concluded 
to try a bit of excursioning around on a steamboat, 
and a dash on foot at the Rigi. Very well, we had 
a delightful trip to Fluelen, on a breezy, sunny day. 
Everybody sat on the upper deck, on benches, 
under an awning; everybody talked, laughed, and 
exclaimed at the wonderful scenery ; in truth, a trip 
on that lake is almost the perfection of pleasuring. 
The mountains were a never-ceasing marvel. Some- 
times they rose straight up out of the lake, and 
towered aloft and overshadowed our pigmy steamer 
with their prodigious bulk in the most impressive 
way. Not snow-clad mountains, these, yet they 
climbed high enough toward the sky to meet the 
clouds and veil their foreheads in them. They were 
not barren and repulsive, but clothed in green, and 
restful and pleasant to the eye. And they were so 



280 A Tramp Abroad 

almost straight-up-and-down, sometimes, that one 
could not imagine a man being able to keep his foot- 
ing upon such a surface, yet there are paths, and 
the Swiss people go up and down them every day. 

Sometimes one of these monster precipices had 
the slight inclination of the huge ship houses in 
dockyards, — then high aloft, toward the sky, it 
took a little stronger inclination, like that of a man- 
sard roof, — and perched on this dizzy mansard 
one's eye detected little things like martin boxes, 
and presently perceived that these were the dwellings 
of peasants, — an airy pla^e for a home, truly. 
And suppose a peasant should walk in his sleep, or 
his child should fall out of the front yard? — ^the 
friends would have a tedious long journey down out 
of those cloud-heights before they found the remains. 
And yet those far-away homes looked ever so seduc- 
tive, they were so remote from the troubled world, 
they dozed in such an atmosphere of peace and 
dreams, — surely no one who had learned to live up 
there would ever want to live on a meaner level. 

We swept through the prettiest little curving arms 
of the lahe, among these colossal green walls, enjoy- 
ing new delights, always, as the stately panorama 
unfolded itself before us and re-rolled and hid itself 
behind us; and now and then we had the thiilling 
surprise of bursting suddenly upon a tremendous 
white mass like the distant and dominating Jungfrau, 
or some kindred giant, looming head and shoulders 
above a tumbled waste of lesser Alps. 



A Tramp Abroad 281 

Once, while I was hungrily taking in one of these 
surprises, and doing my best to get all I possibly 
could of it while it should last, I was interrupted by 
a young and care-free voice : 

" You're an American, I think, — so'm I." 
He was about eighteen, or possibly nineteen ; 
slender and of medium height; open, frank, happy 
face ; a restless but independent eye ; a snub nose, 
which had the air of drawing back with a decent 
reserve from the silky new-born moustache below it 
until it should be introduced ; a loosely-hung jaw, 
calculated to work easily in the sockets. He wore 
a low-crowned, narrow-brimmed straw hat, with a 
broad blue ribbon around it which had a white 
anchor embroidered on it in front; nobby short- 
tailed coat, pantaloons, vest, all trim and neat and 
up with the fashion; red-striped stockings, very 
low-quarter patent-leather shoes, tied with black 
ribbon ; blue ribbon around his neck, wide-open 
collar; tiny diamond studs; wrinkleless kids; pro- 
jecting cuffs, fastened with large oxydized silver 
sleeve-buttons, bearing the device of a dog's face, — 
English pug. He carried a slim cane, surmounted 
with an English pug's head with red glass eyes. 
Under his arm he carried a German grammar, — 
Otto's. His hair was short, straight, and smooth, 
and presently when he turned his head a moment, I 
saw that it was nicely parted behind. He took a 
cigarette out of a dainty box, stuck it into a meer- 
schaum-holder which he carried in a morocco case, 



282 A Tramp Abroad 

and reached for my cigar. While he was h'ghting, 
I said: 

*' Yes, — I am an American." 

" I knew it, — I can always tell them. What ship 
did you come over in?" 

'' Holsaiiar 

"We came in the Batavia, — Cunard, you know. 
What kind of a passage did you have?" 

"Tolerably rough." 

" So did we. Captain said he'd hardly ever seen 
it rougher. Where are you from?" 

"New England." 

" So'm I. I'm from New Bloomfield. Anybody 
with you?" 

"Yes,— a friend." 

"Our whole family's along. It's awful slow, 
going around alone, — don't you think so?" 

" Rather slow." 

" Ever been over here before?" 

"Yes." 

"I haven't. My first trip. But we've been all 
around, — Paris and everywhere. I'm to enter 
Harvard next year. Studying German all the time, 
now. Can't enter till I know German. I know 
considerable French, — I get along pretty well in 
Paris, or anywhere where they speak French. What 
hotel are you stopping at?" 

" Schweitzerhof." 

" No ! is that so? I never see you in the recep- 
tion room. I go to the reception room a good deal 



A Tramp Abroad 283 

of the time, because there's so many Americans 
there. I make lots of acquaintances. I know an 
American as soon as I see him, — -and so I speak to 
him and make his acquaintance. 1 like to be always 
making acquaintances, — -don't you?" 

••Lord, yes!" 

'•You see it breaks up a trip like this, first rate. 
I never get bored on a trip like this, if I can make 
acquaintances and have somebody to talk to. But I 
think a trip like this would be an awful bore, if a 
body couldn't find anybody to get acquainted with 
and talk to on a trip like this. I'm fond of talking, 
ain't you?" 

" Passionately." 

'* Have you felt bored, on this trip?" 

•• Not all the time, part of it." 

•'That's it! — you see you ought to go around 
and get acquainted, and talk. That's my way. 
That's the way I always do, — I just go 'round, 
'round, 'round, and talk, talk, talk, — I never geJ 
bored. You been up the Rigi yet?" 

"No." 

"Going?" 

••I think so." 

•' What hotel you going to stop at?" 

" I don't know. Is there more than one?" 

"Three. You stop at the Schreiber — you'll find 
it full of Americans. What ship did you say you 
came over in?" 

" City of Antwerp.'* 



284 A Tramp Abroad 

"German, I guess. You going to Geneva?" 

"Yes." 

"What hotel you going to stop at?" 

" Hotel de I'Ecu de Geneve." 

" Don't you do it ! No Americans there ! You 
stop at one of those big hotels over the bridge, — 
they're packed full of Americans." 

" But I want to practice my Arabic." 

" Good gracious, do you speak Arabic?" 

'* Yes, — well enough to get along." 

"Why, hang it, you won't get along in Geneva, 
■ — tJiey don't speak Arabic, they speak French. 
vVhat hotel are you stopping at here?" 

" Hotel Pension-Beaurivage." 

" Sho, you ought to stop at the Schweitzerhof. 
Didn't you know the Schweitzerhof was the best 
hotel in Sv/itzerland? — look at your Baedeker." 

"Yes, I know, — but I had an idea there warn't 
any Americans there." 

" No Americans ! Why, bless your soul, it's just 
alive with them! I'm in the great reception room 
most all the time. I make lots of acquaintances 
there. Not as many as I did at first, because now 
only the new ones stop in there, — the others go 
right along through. Where are you from?" 

" Arkansaw." 

"Is that so? I'm from New England, — New 
Bloomfield's my town when I'm at home. I'm 
having a mighty good time to-day, ain't you?" 

"Divine." 



A Tramp Abroad 2^5 

"That's what I call it. I like this knocking 
around, loose and easy, and making acquaintances 
and talking. I know an American, soon as I see 
him ; so I go and speak to him and make his ac- 
quaintance. I ain't ever bored, on a trip like this, if 
I can make new acquaintances and talk. I'm av*'ful 
fond of talking when I can get hold of the right kind 
of a person, ain't you?" 

" I prefer it to any other dissipation." 

"That's my notion, too. Now some people like 
to take a book and sit down and read, and read, and 
read, or moon around yawping at the lake or these 
mountains and things, but that ain't my way; no, 
sir, if they like it, let 'em do it, I don't object; but 
as for me, talking's what / like. You been up the 
Rigi?" 

••Yes." 

"What hotel did you stop at?" 

••Schreiber." 

" That's the place ! — I stopped there too. Full 
of Americans, wasiit it? It always is, — always is. 
That's what they say. Everybody says that. What 
ship did you come over in?" 

•• Ville de Paris r 

"French, I reckon. What kind of a passage 
did. .... .excuse me a minute, there's some Ameri- 
cans I haven't seen before." 

And away he went. He went uninjured, too,™ I 
had the murderous impulse to harpoon him in the 
back with my alpenstock, but as 1 raised the weapon 
19* 



286 A Tramp Abroad 

the disposition left me; I found I hadn't the heart 
to kill him, he was such a joyous, innocent, good- 
natured numbskull. 

Half an hour later I was sitting on a bench in- 
specting, with strong interest, a noble monolith 
which we were skimming by, — a monolith not 
shaped by man, but by Nature's free great hand, — 
a massy pyramidal rock eighty feet high, devised by 
Nature ten million years ago against the day when a 
man worthy of it should need it for his monument. 
The time came at last, and now this grand remem- 
brancer bears Schiller's name in huge letters upon 
its face. Curiously enough, this rock was not de- 
graded or defiled in any way. It is said that two 
years ago a stranger let himself down from the top 
of it with ropes and pulleys, and painted all over it, 
in blue letters bigger than those in Schiller's name, 
these words : 

"Try Sozodont;" 

"Buy Sun Stove Polish;" 

''Helmbold's Buchu;" 

"Try Benzaline for the Blood." 

He was captured, and it turned out that he was an 

American. Upon his trial the judge said to him: 

"You are from a land where any insolent that 
wants to is privileged to profane and insult Nature, 
and, through her. Nature's God, if by so doing he 
can put a sordid penny in his pocket. But here the 
case is different. Because you are a foreigner and 
ignorant, I will make your sentence light; if you 



A Tramp Abroad 287 

were a native I would deal strenuously with you. 
Hear and obey: — You will immediately remove 
every trace of your offensive work from the Schiller 
monument ; you pay a fine of ten thousand francs ; 
you will suffer two years' imprisonment at hard 
labor; you will then be horsewhipped, tarred and 
feathered, deprived of your ears, ridden on a rail to 
the confines of the canton, and banished forever. 
The severer penalties are omitted in your case, — not 
as a grace to you, but to that great republic which 
had the misfortune to give you birth." 

The steamer's benches were ranged back to back 
across the deck. My back hair was mingling inno- 
cently with the back hair of a couple of ladies. 
Presently they were addressed by some one ind I 
overheard this conversation : 

"You are Americans, I think? So'm I." 

" Yes, — we are Americans." 

'* 1 knew it, — I can always tell them. What ship 
did you come over in?" 

' ' City of Chester. ' ' 

" Oh, yes, — Inman line. We came in the Bata- 
via, — ■ Cunard, you know. What kind of a passage 
did you have?" 

"Pretty lair." 

" That was luck. We had it awful rough. Cap- 
tain said he'd hardly ever seen it rougher. Where 
are you from?" 

" New Jersey." 
'So'm I. No — I didn't mean that; I'm from 



288 A Tramp Abroad 

New England. New Bloomfield's my place. These 
your children? — belong to both of you?" 

" Only to one of us; they are mine; my friend Is 
not married." 

" Single, I reckon? So'm I. Are you two ladies 
traveling alone?" 

** No, — my husband is with us." 

" Our whole family's along. It's awful slow, 
going around alone, — don't you think so?" 

" I suppose it must be." 

*' Hi, there's Mount Pilatus coming in sight again. 
Named after Pontius Pilate, you know, that shot the 
apple off of William Tell's head. Guide-book tells 
all about it, they say. I didn't read it — an Ameri- 
can told me. I don't read when I'm knocking around 
like this, having a good time. Did you ever see the 
chapel where William Tell used to preach?" 

" I did not know he ever preached there." 

" Oh, yes, he did. That American told me so. 
He don't ever shut up his guide-book. He knows 
more about this lake than the fishes in it. Besides, 
they ^^// it 'Tell's Chapel' — you know that your- 
self. You ever been over here before?" 

"Yes." 

" I haven't. It's my first trip. But we've been 
all around, — Paris and everywhere. I'm to enter 
Harvard next year. Studying German all the time 
now. Can't enter till I know German. This 
book's Otto's gramm.ar. It's a mighty good book 
to get the ich habe gehabt haben'' $ out of. But 



A Tramp Abroad 289 

I don't really study when I'm knocking around 
this way. If the notion takes me, I just run over 
my little old ich habe gehabt, du hast gehabt, er hat 
gehabty wir haben gehabt, ihr haben gehabt, sie haben 
gehabt, — kind of * Now-I-lay-me-down-to-sleep ' 
fashion, you know, and after that, maybe I don't 
buckle to it again for three days. It's awful under- 
mining to the intellect, German is; you want to 
take it in small doses, or first you know your brains 
all run together, and you feel them sloshing around 
in your head same as so much drawn butter. But 
French is different; French ain't anything. I ain't 
any more afraid of French than a tramp's afraid of 
pie; I can rattle off my little fai, tu as, il a, and 
the rest of it, just as easy as a-b-c. I get along 
pretty well in Paris, or anywhere where they speak 
French. What hotel you stopping at?" 

' ' The Schweitzerhof . * ' 

"No! is that so? I never see you in the big 
reception room. I go in there a good deal of the 
time, because there's so many Americans there. I 
make lots of acquaintances. You been up the Rigi 
yet?" 

"No,'"' 

'' Going?" 

"We think of it." 

" What hotel you going to stop at?" 

"I don't know." 

"Well, then, you stop at the Schreiber, — it's 
19* 



290 A Tramp Abroad 

full of Americans. What ship did you come over 
in?" 

•• City of Chester r 

" Oh, yes, I remember I asked you that before. 
But I always ask everybody what ship they came 
over in, and so sometimes I forget and ask again. 
You going to Geneva?" 

•'Yes." 

" What hotel you going to stop at?" 

" We expect to stop in a pension." 

•'I don't hardly believe you'll like that; there's 
very few Americans in the pensions. What hotel 
are you stopping at here?" 

"The Schweitzerhof." 

" Oh, yes, I asked you that before, too. But I 
always ask everybody what hotel they're stopping 
at, and so I've got my head all mixed up with 
hotels. But it makes talk, and I love to talk. It 
refreshes me up so, — don't it you, — on a trip like 
this?" 

" Yes, — sometimes." 

"Well, it does me, too. As long as I'm talking 
I never feel bored, — ain't that the way with you?" 

* ' Yes — generally. But there are exceptions to 
the rule." 

"Oh, of course, /don't care to talk to every- 
body, myself. If a person starts in to jabber-jabber- 
jabber about scenery, and history, and pictures, and 
all sorts of tiresome things, I get the fan-tods mighty 
soon. I say 'Well, I must be going now, — hope 



A Tramp Abroad 291 

I'll see you again * — and then I take a walk. Where 
you from?" 

" New Jersey." 

" Why, bother it all, I asked you that before, too. 
Have you seen the Lion of Lucerne?" 

"Not yet." 

" Nor I, either. But the man who told me about 
Mount Pilatus says it's one of the things to see. 
It's twenty-eight feet long. It don't seem reason- 
able, but he said so, anyway. He saw it yesterday; 
said it was dying, then, so I reckon it's dead by this 
time. But that ain't any matter, of course they'll 
stuff it. Did you say the children are yours, — or 
hersV' 

" Mine." 

" Oh, so you did. Are you going up the 

no, I asked you that. What ship no, I asked 

you that, too. What hotel are you no, you 

told me that. Let me see um Oh, what 

kind of a voy no, we've been over that 

ground, too. Um um well, I believe 

that is all. Bonjour — I am very glad to have made 
your acquaintance, ladies. Guten Tag.** 



s* 



CHAPTER XXVIII. 

THE Rigi-Kulm is an imposing Alpine mass, 6,00c 
feet high, which stands by itself, and com- 
mands a mighty prospect of blue lakes, green va?- 
leys, and snowy mountains — a compact and mag- 
nificent picture three hundred miles in circumference. 
The ascent is made by rail, or horseback, or on 
foot, as one may prefer. I and my agent panoplied 
ourselves in walking costume, one bright morning, 
and started down the lake on the steamboat; we got 
ashore at the village of Waggis, three-quarters of an 
hour distant from Lucerne. This village is at the 
foot of the mountain. 

We v^ere soon tramping leisurely up the leafy 
mule-path, and then the talk began to flow, as usual 
It war twelve o'clock noon, and a breezy, cloudless 
day; the ascent was gradual, and the glimpses, from 
under the curtaining boughs, of blue water, and tiny 
sailboats, and beetling cliffs, were as charming as 
glimpses of dreamland. All the circumstances were 
perfect — and the anticipations, too, for we should 
soon be enjoying, for the first time, that wonderful 



A Tramp Abroad 293 

spectacle, an Alpine sunrise — the object of our 
journey. There was (apparently) no real need to 
hurry, for the guide-book made the walking distance 
from Waggis to the summit only three hours and a 
quarter. I say "apparently," because the guide- 
book had already fooled us once, — about the distance 
from Alleiheiligen to Oppenau, — and for aught I 
knew it might be getting ready to fool us again. We 
were only certain as to the altitudes, — we calculated to 
find out for ourselves how many hours it is from the 
bottom to the top. The summit is 6,000 feet above 
the sea, but only 4,500 feet above the lake. When 
we had walked half an hour, we were fairly into the 
swing and humor of the undertaking, so we cleared 
for action ; that is to say, we got a boy whom we 
met to carry our alpenstocks and satchels and over- 
coats and things for us ; that left us free for business. 
I suppose we must have stopped oftener to stretch 
out on the grass in the shade and take a bit of a 
smoke than this boy was used to, for presently he 
asked if it had been our idea to hire him by the job, 
or by the year? We told him he could move .along 
if he was in a hurry. He said he wasn't in such a 
very particular hurry, but he wanted to get to the 
top while he was young. We told him to clear out, 
then, and leave the things at the uppermost hotel 
and say we should be along presently. He said he 
would secure us a hotel if he could, but if they were 
all full he would ask them to build another one and 
hurry up and get the paint and plaster dry against 



294 A Tramp Abroad 

we arrived. Still gently chaffing us, he pushed 
ahead, up the trail, and soon disappeared. By six 
o'clock we were pretty high up in the air, and the 
view of lake and mountains had greatly grown 
in breadth and interest. We halted awhile at a little 
public house, where we had bread and cheese and a 
quart or two of fresh milk, out on the porch, with 
the big panorama all before us, — and then moved 
on again. 

Ten minutes afterward we met a hot, red-faced 
man plunging down the mountain, with mighty 
strides, swinging his alpenstock ahead of him, and 
taking a grip on the ground with its iron point to 
support these big strides. He stopped, fanned him- 
self with his hat, swabbed the perspiration from his 
face and neck with a red handkerchief, panted a 
moment or two, and asked how far it was to Waggis. 
I said three hours. He looked surprised, and said: 

"Why, it seems as if I could toss a biscuit into 
the lake from here, it's so close by. Is that an inn, 
there?" 

I said it was. 

"Well," said he, "I can't stand another three 
hours, I've had enough for to-day; I'll take a bed 
there." 

I asked : 

"Are we nearly to the top? " 

" Nearly to the top ! Why, bless your soul, ycu 
haven't really started, yet." 

I said we would put up at the inn, too. So we 



A Tramp Abroad 295 

turned back and ordered a hot supper, and had 
quite a jolly evening of it with this Englishman. 

The German landlady gave us neat rooms and nice 
beds, and when I and my agent turned in, it was with 
the resolution to be up early and make the utmost of 
our first Alpine sunrise. But of course we were 
dead tired, and slept like policemen; so when we 
awoke in the morning and ran to the window it was 
already too late, because it was half past eleven. It 
was a sharp disappointment. However, we ordered 
breakfast and told the landlady to call the English- 
man, but she said he was already up and off at day- 
break,— and swearing mad about something or other. 
We could not find out what the matter was. He 
had asked the landlady the altitude of her place 
above the level of the lake, and she had told him 
fourteen hundred and ninety-five feet. That was all 
that was said ; then he lost his temper. He said that 

between fools and guide-books, a man could 

acquire ignorance enough in twenty-four hours in a 
country like this to last him a year. Harris believed 
our boy had been loading him up with misinforma- 
tion ; and this was probably the case, for his epithet 
described that boy to a dot. 

We got under v/ay about the turn of noon, and 
pulled out for the summit again, with a fresh and 
vigorous step. When we had gone about two hun- 
dred yards, and stopped to rest, I glanced to the left 
while I was lighting my pipe, and in the distance de- 
tected a long worm of black smoke crawling lazily up 



^96 A Tramp Abroad 

the steep mountain. Of course that was the locomo- 
tive. We propped ourselves on our elbows at once, 
to gaze, for we had never seen a mountain railway 
yet. Presently we could make out the train. It 
seemed incredible that that thing should creep 
straight up a sharp slant like the roof of a house, 
— but there it was, and it was doing that very 
miracle. 

In the course of a couple of hours we reached a 
fine breezy altitude where the little shepherd huts had 
big stones all over their roofs to hold them down to 
the earth when the great storms rage. The country 
was wild and rocky about here, but there were plenty 
of trees, plenty of moss, and grass. 

Away off on the opposite shore of the lake we 
could see some villages, and now for the first 
time we could observe the real difference between 
their proportions and those of the giant mountains 
at whose feet they slept. When one is in one of 
those villages it seems spacious, and its houses seem 
high and not out of proportion to the mountain that 
overhangs them — but from our altitude, what a 
change ! The mountains were bigger and grander 
than ever, as they stood there thinking their solemn 
thoughts with their heads in the drifting clouds, but 
the villages at their feet, — when the painstaking eye 
20uld trace them up and find them, — were so re- 
duced, so almost invisible, and lay so flat against 
the ground, that the exactest simile I can devise is to 
compare them to ant-deposits of granulated dirt over- 



A Tramp Abroad 297 

shadowed by the huge bulk of a cathedral. The 
steamboats skimming along under the stupendous 
precipices were diminished by distance to the daintiest 
little toys, the sailboats and rowboats to shallops 
proper for fairies that keep house in the cups of 
lilies and ride to court on the backs of bumblebees. 

Presently we came upon half a dozen sheep nib- 
bling grass in the spray of a stream of clear water 
that sprang from a rock wall a hundred feet high, 
and all at once our ears were startled with a melodious 
" Lul .... 1 .... 1 ... . lul-lul-/(«hee-o-o-o ! " pealing 
joyously from a near but invisible source, and recog- 
nized that we were hearing for the first time the 
famous Alpine jodel in its own native wilds. And 
we recognized, also, that it was that sort of quaint 
commingling of baritone and falsetto which at home 
we call " Tyrolese warbling." 

The jodling (pronounced y^dling, — emphasis on 
the o), continued, and was very pleasant and inspirit- 
ing to hear. Now the jodler appeared, — a shepherd 
boy of sixteen, — and in our gladness and gratitude 
we gave him a franc to jodle some more. So he 
jodled and we listened. We moved on, presently, 
and he generously jodled us out of sight. After 
about fifteen minutes we came across another shepherd 
boy who was jodling, and gave him half a f'-anc to 
keep it up. He also jodled us out of sight. After 
that, we found a jodler every ten minutes; we gave 
the first one eight cents, the second one six cents, 
the, third one four, the fourth one a penny, con- 



298 A Tramp Abroad 

tributed nothing to Nos. 5 , 6, and 7, and during the re- 
mainder of the day hired the rest of the jodlers, at a 
franc apiece, not to jodel any more. There is some- 
what too much of this jodling in the Alps. 

About the middle of the afternoon we passed 
through a prodigious natural gateway called the 
Felsenthor, formed by two enormous upright rocks, 
with a third lying across the top. There was a very 
attractive little hotel close by, but our energies were 
not conquered yet, so we went on. 

Three hours afterward we came to the railway track. 
It was planted straight up the mountain with the 
slant of a ladder that leans against a house, and it 
seemed to us that a man would need good nerves 
who proposed to travel up it or down it either. 

During the latter part of the afternoon we cooled 
our roasting interiors with ice-cold water from clear 
streams, the only really satisfying water we had 
tasted since we left home, for at the hotels on the 
continent they merely give you a tumbler of ice to 
soak your water in, and that only modifies its hot- 
ness, doesn't make it cold. Water can only be made 
cold enough for summer comfort by being prepared 
in a refrigerator or a closed ice-pitcher. Europeans 
say ice water impairs digestion. How do they know? 
— they never drink any. 

At ten minutes past six we reached the Kaltbad 
station, where there is a spacious hotel with great 
verandas which command a majestic expanse of lake 
and mountain scenery. We were pretty well fagged 



A Tramp Abroad 299 

out, now, but as we did not wish to miss the Alpine 
sunrise, we got through with our dinner as quickly 
as possible and hurried off to bed. It was unspeak- 
ably comfortable to stretch our weary limbs between 
the cool, damp sheets. And how we did sleep ! — 
for there is no opiate like Alpine pedestrianism. 

In the morning we both awoke and leaped out of 
bed at the same instant and ran and stripped aside 
the window curtains ; but we suffered a bitter disap- 
pointment again : it was already half past three in 
the afternoon. 

We dressed sullenly and in ill spirits, each accus- 
ing the other of oversleeping. Harris said if we had 
brought the courier along, as we ought to have done, 
we should not have missed these sunrises. I said he 
knew very well that one of us would have had to sit 
up and wake the courier ; and I added that we were 
having trouble enough to take care of ourselves, on 
this climb, without having to take care of a courier 
besides. 

During breakfast our spirits came up a little, since 
we found by the guide-book that in the hotels on 
the summit the tourist is not left to trust to luck for 
his sunrise, but is roused betimes by a man who goes 
through the halls with a great Alpine horn, blowing 
blasts that would raise the dead. And there was 
another consoling thing: the guide-book said that 
up there on the summit the guests did not wait to 
dress much, but seized a red bed blanket and sailed 
out arrayed like an Indian. This was good; this 



300 A Tramp Abroad 

would be romantic ; two hundred and fifty people 
grouped on the windy summit, with their hair flying 
and their red blankets flapping, in the solemn pres- 
ence of the snowy ranges and the messenger splendors 
of the coming sun, would be a striking and memo- 
rable spectacle. So it was good luck, not ill luck, 
that we had missed those other sunrises. 

We were informed by the guide-book that we were 
now 3,228 feet above the level of the lake, — there- 
fore full two-thirds of our journey had been accom- 
plished. We got away at a quarter past four, P.M. ; 
a hundred yards above the hotel the railway divided ; 
one track went straight up the steep hill, the other 
one turned square off to the right, with a very slight 
grade. We took the latter, and followed it more 
than a mile, turned a rocky corner, and came in sight 
of a handsome new hotel. If we had gone on, we 
should have arrived at the summit, but Harris pre- 
ferred to ask a lot of questions, — as usual, of a man 
who didn't know anything, — and he t(ld us to go 
back and follow the other route. We did so. We 
could ill afford this loss of time. 

We climbed, and climbed; and we kept on climb- 
ing; we reached about forty summits, but there was 
always another one Just ahead. It came on to rain, 
and it rained in dead earnest. We were soaked 
through and it was bitter cold. Next a smoky fog of 
clouds covered the whole region densely, and we took 
to the railway ties to keep from getting lost. Some- 
times we slopped along in a narrow path on the left- 



A Tramp Abroad 301 

hand side of the track, but by and by when the fog 
blew aside a Httle and we saw that we were treading 
the rampart of a precipice and that our left elbows 
were projecting over a perfectly boundless and bot- 
tomless vacancy, we gasped, and jumped for the ties 
again. 

The night shut down, dark and drizzly and cold. 
About eight in the evening the fog lifted and 
showed us a well-worn path which led up a very steep 
rise to the left. We took it, and as soon as we had 
got far enough from the railway to render the find- 
ing it again an impossibility, the fog shut down on us 
once more. 

We were in a bleak, unsheltered place, now, and 
had to trudge right along, in order to keep warm, 
though we rather expected to go over a precipice, 
sooner or later. About nine o'clock we made an 
important discovery, — that we were not in any path. 
We groped around a while on our hands and knees, 
but could not find it; so we sat down in the mud 
and the wet scant grass to wait. 

We were terrified into this by being sudden-ly con- 
fronted with a vast body which showed itself vaguely 
for an instant and in the next instant was smothered 
in the fog again. It was really the hotel we were 
after, monstrously magnified by the fog, but we took 
it for the face of a precipice, and decided not to try 
to claw up it. 

We sat there an hour, with chattering teeth and 
quivering bodies, and quarreled over all sorts of 



302 A Tramp Abroad 

trifles, but gave most of our attention to abusing each 
other for the stupidity of deserting the railway track. 
We sat with our backs to that precipice, because 
what little wind there was came from that quarter. 
At some time or other the fog thinned a little ; we 
did not know when, for we were facing the empty 
universe and the thinness could not show; but at 
last Harris happened to look around, and there stood 
a huge, dim, spectral hotel where the precipice had 
been. One could faintly discern the windows and 
chimneys, and a dull blur of lights. Our first emotion 
was deep, unutterable gratitude, our next was a 
foolish rage, born of the suspicion that possibly the 
hotel had been visible three-quarters of an hour while 
we sat there in those cold puddles quarreling. 

Yes, it was the Rigi-Kulm hotel — the one that 
occupies the extreme summit, and whose remote 
little sparkle of lights we had often seen glinting high 
aloft among the stars from our balcony away down 
yonder in Lucerne. The crusty portier and the 
crusty clerks gave us the surly reception which their 
kind deal in in prosperous times, but by mollifying 
them with an extra display of obsequiousness and 
servility we finally got them to show us to the room 
which our boy had engaged for us. 

We got into some dry clothing, and while our 
supper was preparing we loafed forsakenly through a 
couple of vast cavernous drawing-rooms, one of 
which had a stove in it. This stove was in a corner, 
and densely walled around with people. We could 



A Tramp Abroad 303 

not get near the fire, so we moved at large in the 
arctic spaces, among a multitude of people who sat 
silent, smileless, forlorn, and shivering, — thinking 
what fools they were to come, perhaps. There 
were some Americans and some Germans, but one 
could see that the great majority were English. 

We lounged into an apartment where there was a 
great crowd, to see what was going on. It was a 
memento-magazine. The tourists were eagerly buy- 
ing all sorts and styles of paper-cutters, marked 
"Souvenir of the Rigi," with handles made of the 
little curved horn of the ostensible chamois; there 
were all manner of wooden goblets and such things, 
similarly marked. I was going to buy a paper- 
cutter, but I believed I could remember the cold 
comfort of the Rigi-Kulm without it, so I smothered 
the impulse. 

Supper warmed us, and we went immediately to 
bed, — but first, as Mr. Baedeker requests all tourists 
to call his attention to any errors which they may 
find in his guide-books, I dropped him a Hne to in- 
form him that when he said the foot journey from 
Waggis to the summit was only three hours and a 
quarter, he missed it by just about three days. I 
had previously informed him of his mistake about 
the distance from Allerheiligen to Oppenau, and 
had also informed the Ordnance Department of the 
German government of the same error in the imperial 
maps. I will add, here, that I never got any answer 
to these letters, or any thanks from either of those 



304 A Tramp Abroad 

sources; and, what is still more discourteous, these 
corrections have not been made, either in the maps 
or the guide-books. But I will write again when I 
get time, for my letters may have miscarried. 

We curled up in the clammy beds, and went to 
sleep w^ithout rocking. We were so sodden with 
fatigue that we never stirred nor turned over till the 
blooming blasts of the Alpine horn aroused us. It 
may well be imagined that we did not lose any time. 
We snatched on a few odds and ends of clothing, 
cocooned ourselves in the proper red blankets, and 
plunged along the halls and out into the whistling 
wind bareheaded. We saw a tali wooden scaffold- 
ing on the very peak of the summit, a hundred yards 
away, and made for it. We rushed up the stairs to 
the top of this scaffolding, and stood there, above 
the vast outlying world, with hair flying and ruddy 
blankets waving and cracking in the fierce breeze. 

" Fifteen minutes too late, at last! " said Harris, 
in a vexed voice. "The sun is clear above the 
horizon." 

" No matter," I said, "it is a most magnificent 
spectacle, and we will see it do the rest of its rising, 
anyway.'' 

In a moment we were deeply absorbed in the marvel 
before us, and dead to everything else. The great 
cloud-barred disk of the sun stood just above a limit- 
less expanse of tossing white-caps, — so to speak, — 
a billowy chaos of massy mountain domes and peaks 
draped in imperishable snow, and flooded with an 



A Tramp Abroad 505 

bpaline glory of changing and dissolving splendors, 
while through rifts in a black cloud-bank above the 
sun, radiating lances of diamond dust shot to the 
zenith. The cloven valleys of the lower world swam 
in a tiiit&d mist which veiled the ruggedness of their 
crags and ribs and ragged forests, and turned all the 
forbidding region into a soft and rich and sensuous 
paradise. 

We could not speak. We could hardly breathe. 
We could only gaze in drunken ecstasy and drink 
it in. Presently Harris exclaimed : 

"Why, nation, it's going down/** 

Perfectly true. We had missed the morning horn- 
blow, and slept all day. This was stupefying. 

Harris said : 

*' Look here, the sun isn't the spectacle, — its us, 
— stacked up here on top of this gallows, in these 
idiotic blankets, and two hundred and fifty well 
dressed men and women down here gawking up at 
us and not caring a straw whether the sun rises or 
sets, as long as they've got such a ridiculous spec- 
tacle as this to set down in their memorandum books. 
They seem to be laughing their ribs loose, and 
there's one girl there that appears to be going all to 
pieces. I never saw such a man as you before. I 
think you are the very last possibility iji the way of 
an ass." 

" What have /done? " I answered with heat. 

"What have ycu done? You've got up at half 
20* 



306 A Tramp Abroad 

past seven o'clock in the evening to see the sun rise, 
that's what you've done." 

"And have you done any better, I'd hke to know? 
I always used to get up with the lark, till I came 
under the petrifying influence of your turgid 
intellect." 

" Yoic used to get up with the lark, — Oh, no doubt, 
— you'll get up with the hangman one of these days. 
But you ought to be ashamed to be jawing here 
like this, in a red blanket, on a forty-foot scaffold 
on top of the Alps. And no end of people down 
here to boot; this isn't any place for an exhibition 
of temper." 

And so the customary quarrel went on. When 
the sun was fairly down, we slipped back to the hotel 
in the charitable gloaming, and went to bed again. 
We had encountered the horn-blower on the way, 
and he had tried to collect compensation, not only 
for announcing the sunset, which we did see, but for 
the sunrise, which we had totally missed ; but we 
said no, we only took our solar rations on the 
"European plan" — pay for what you get. He 
promised to make us hear his horn in the morning, 
if we were alive. 



CHAPTER XXIX. 

HE kept his word. We heard his horn and in- 
stantly got up. It was dark and cold and 
wretched. As I fumbled around for the matches, 
knocking things down with my quaking hands, I 
wished the sun would rise in the middle of the day, 
when it was warm and bright and cheerful, and one 
wasn't sleepy. We proceeded to dress by the gloom 
of a couple of sickly candles, but we could hardly 
button anything, our hands shook so. I thought of 
how many happy people there were in Europe, Asia, 
and America, and everywhere, who were sleeping 
peacefully in their beds, and did not have to get up 
and see the Rigi sunrise, — people who did not 
appreciate their advantage, as like as not, but would 
get up in the morning wanting more boons of 
Providence. While thinking these thoughts I 
yawned, in a rather ample way, and my upper 
teeth got hitched on a nail over the door, and whilst 
I was mounting a chair to free myself, Harris drew 
the window curtain and said : 

" Oh, this is luck! We shan't have to go out at 
all, — yonder are the mountains, in full view." 
T» (307) 



308 A Tramp Abroad 

That was glad news, indeed. It made us cheer- 
ful right away. One could see the grand Alpine 
masses dimly outlined against the black firmament, 
and one or two faint stars blinking through rifts in 
the night. Fully clothed, and wrapped in blankets, 
we huddled ourselves up, by the window, with 
lighted pipes, and fell into chat, while we waited in 
exceeding comfort to see how an Alpine sunrise was 
going to look by candlelight. By and by a delicate, 
spiritual sort of effulgence spread itself by imper- 
ceptible degrees over the loftiest altitudes of the 
snowy wastes, — but there the effort seemed to stop. 
I said, presently: 

"There is a hitch about this sunrise somewhere. 
It doesn't seem to go. What do you reckon is the 
matter with it?" 

" I don't know. It appears to hang fire some- 
where. I never saw a sunrise act like that before. 
Can it be that the hotel is playing anything on us?" 

" Of course not. The hotel merely has a prop- 
erty interest in the sun, it has nothing to do with 
the management of it. It is a precarious kind of 
property, too ; a succession of total eclipses would 
probably ruin this tavern. Now what can be the 
matter with this sunrise?" 

Harris jumped up and said : 

" I've got it! I know what's the matter with it! 
We've been looking at the place where the sun set 
last night!" 

"It is perfectly true! Why couldn't you have 




SUNRISE AT MOUNT RIGA 



A Tramp Abroad 309 

thought of that sooner? Now we've lost another 
one ! And all through your blundering. It was 
exactly like you to light a pipe and sit down to wait 
for the sun to rise in the west." 

" It was exactly like me to find out the mistake, 
too. You never would have found it out. 1 find 
out all the mistakes." 

" You make them all, too, else your most valuable 
faculty would be wasted on you. But don't stop to 
quarrel, now, — maybe we are not too late yet." 

But we were. The sun was well up when we got 
to the exhibition ground. 

On our way up we met the crowd returning — 
men and women dressed in all sorts of queer cos- 
tumes, and exhibiting all degrees of cold and 
wretchedness in their gaits and countenances. A 
dozen still remained on the ground when we reached 
there, huddled together about the scaffold with their 
backs to the bitter wind. They had their red guide- 
books open at the diagram of the view, and were 
painfully picking out the several mountains and try- 
ing to impress their names and positions on their 
memories. It was one of the saddest sights I ever 
saw. 

Two sides of this place were guarded by ':ailings, 
to keep people from being blown over thr, preci- 
pices. The view, looking sheer down into the broad 
valley, eastward, from this great elevation, — almost 
a perpendicular mile, — was very quaint and curious. 
Counties, towns, hilly ribs and ridges, wide stretches 



310 A Tramp Abroad 

of green meadow, great forest tracts, winding 
streams, a dozen blue lakes, a flock of busy steam- 
boats — we saw all this little world in unique cir- 
cumstantiality of detail — saw it just as the birds see 
it — and all reduced to the smallest of scales and as 
sharply worked out and finished as a steel engrav- 
ing. The numerous toy villages, with tiny spires 
projecting out of them, were just as the children 
might have left them when done with play the day 
before; the forest tracts were diminished to cushions 
of moss; one or two big lakes were dwarfed to 
ponds, the smaller ones to puddles, — though they 
did not look like puddles, but like blue eardrops 
which had fallen and lodged in slight depressions, 
conformable to their shapes, among the moss-beds 
and the smooth levels of dainty green farm-land; 
the microscopic steamboats glided along, as in a city 
reservoir, taking a mighty time to cover the distance 
between ports which seemed only a yard apart ; and 
the isthmus which separated two lakes looked as if 
one might stretch out on it and lie with both elbows 
in the water, yet we knew invisible wagons were 
toiling across it and finding the distance a tedious 
one. This beautiful miniature world had exactly 
the appearance of those '* relief maps " which repro- 
duce nature precisely, with the heights and depres- 
sions and other details graduated to a reduced scale, 
and with the rocks, trees, lakes, etc., colored after 
nature. 

I believed we could walk down to Waggis or 



A Tramp Abroad 31 1 

Vitznau in a day, but I knew we could go down by 
rail in about an hour, so I chose the latter method. 
I wanted to see what it was like, anyway. The train 
came along about the middle of the forenoon, and 
an odd thing it was. The locomotive boiler stood 
on end, and it and the whqle locomotive were tilted 
sharply backward. There were two passenger cars, 
roofed, but wide open all around. These cars were not 
tilted back, but the seats were ; this enables the pas- 
senger to sit level while going down a steep incline. 

There are three railway tracks ; the central one is 
cogged; the "lantern wheel" of the engine grips 
its way along these cogs, and pulls the train up the 
hill or retards its motion on the down trip. About 
the same speed, — three miles an hour, — is main- 
tained both ways. Whether going up or down, the 
locomotive is always at the lower end of the train. 
It pushes in the one case, braces back in the other. 
The passenger rides backward going up, and faces 
forward going down. 

We got front seats, and while the train moved 
along about fifty yards on level ground, I was not 
the least frightened; but now it started abruptly 
down stairs, and I caught my breath. And I, like 
my neighbors, unconsciously held back all I could, 
and threw my weight to the rear, but, of course, 
that did no particular good. I had slidden down 
the balusters when I was a boy, and thought nothing 
of it, but to slide down the balusters in a railway 
train is a thing to make one's flesh creep. Some- 



312 A Tramp Abroad 

times we had as much as ten yards of almost level 
ground, and this gave us a few full breaths in com- 
fort; but straightway we would turn a corner and 
see a long steep Hne of rails stretching down below 
us, and the comfort was at an end. One expected 
to see the locomotive pause, or slack up a Httle, and 
approach this plunge cautiously, but it did nothing 
of the kind; it went calmly on, and when it reached 
the jumping-off place it made a sudden bow, and 
went gliding smoothly down stairs, untroubled by 
the circumstances. 

It was wildly exhilarating to slide along the edge 
of the precipices, after this grisly fashion, and look 
straight down upon that far-off valley which I was 
describing a while ago. 

There was no level ground at the Kaltbad station; 
the railbed was as steep as a roof; I was curious to 
see how the stop was going to be managed. But it 
was very simple ; the train came sliding down, and 
when it reached the right spot it just stopped — that 
was all there was "to it" — stopped on the steep 
incline, and when the exchange of passengers and 
baggage had been made, it moved off and went 
sliding down again. The train can be stopped any- 
where, at a moment's notice. 

There was one curious effect, which I need not 
take the trouble to describe, — because I can scissor 
a description of it out of the railway company's 
advertising pamphlet, and save my ink : 

*' On the whole tour, particularly at the Descent, 



A Tramp Abroad 31) 

we undergo an optical illusion which often seems to 
be incredible. All the shrubs, fir-trees, stables, 
houses, etc., seem to be bent in a slanting direc- 
tion, as by an immense pressure of air. They are 
all standing awry, so much awry that the chalets 
and cottages of the peasants seem to be tumbling 
down. It is the consequence of the steep inclination 
of the line. Those who are seated in the carriage 
do not observe that they are going down a declivity 
of 20 to 25 degrees (their seats being adapted to this 
course of proceeding and being bent down at their 
backs). They mistake their carriage and its hori- 
zontal lines for a proper measure of the normal 
plain, and therefore all the objects outside which 
really are in a horizontal position must show a dis- 
proportion of 20 to 25 degrees declivity, in regard 
to the mountain." 

By the time one reaches Kaltbad, he has acquired 
confidence in the railway, and he now ceases to try 
to ease the locomotive by holding back. Thence- 
forward he smokes his pipe in serenity, and gazes 
out upon the magnificent picture below and about 
him with unfettered enjoyment. There is nothing 
to interrupt the view or the breeze ; it is like inspect- 
ing the world on the wing. However, — to be 
exact, — there is one place where the serenity lapses 
for a while; this is while one is crossing the 
Schnurrtobel Bridge, a frail structure which swings 
its gossamer frame down through the dizzy air, over 
a gorge, like a vagrant spider-strand. 



314 A Tramp Abroad 

One has no diflficulty in remember ing his sins 
while the train is creeping down this bridge; and 
he repents of them, too; though he sees, when he 
gets to Vitznau, that he need not have done it, the 
bridge was perfectly safe. 

So ends the eventful trip which we made to the 
Rigi Kulm to see an Alpine sunrise. 




MOUNTAIN CLIMBING 



A TRAMP ABROAD 



By mark twain 



ILLUSTRATED 



Vol. II. 




NEW YORK AND LONDON 
HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS 



LfSR.*«Yof COfiGRrss 
Two Coote? Received 

AUG 6 307 

^LASS «- XXc, No, 
COPY B. I 



Copyright, 1879, i8gg, 1Q07, by Samuel L. Clemens. 

(^// rights reserved.) 



ILLUSTRATIONS 

I/' 

MOUNTAIN CLIMBING Frontispiece 

CLIMBING THE RIFFELBERG Factng p. II3 

THE MATTERHORN " 165 



CONTENTS 



CHAPTER I. 
A Trip by Proxy — Visit to the Furka Regions — Deadman's Lake 

— Source of the Rhone — Glacier Tables — Storm in the Moun- 
tains — Grindelwald — Dead Language — Harris' Report . . 9 

CHAPTER IL 
From Lucerne to Interlaken — The Briinig Pass — Hermit Home 
of St. Nicholas — Landslides — Children Selling Refreshments 

— How they Harness a Horse — German Fashions .... 22 

CHAPTER HI. 
The Jungfrau Hotel — A Whiskered Waitress — An Arkansas Bride 

— Perfection in Discord — A Famous Victory — A Look from 

a Window — About the Jungfrau 37 

CHAPTER IV. 
The Giesbach Falls— Why People Visit Them — The Kursaal — 
From Interlaken to Zermatt on Foot — We took a Buggy— 
Companions — Kandersteg Valley — Race with a Log ... 49 

CHAPTER V. 
An Old Guide — A Dangerous Habitation — Mountain Flowers— 
Mountain Pigs — Chance for Adventure — Ascent of Monte 
Rosa — Among the Snows — The Summit 59 

CHAPTER VI. 
New Interest — Lake Daubensee — Turning Mountain Comers — 
Search for a Hat — Hotel des Alpes — Leuk Baths — Gemmi 
Precipices — Famous Ladders — A Change of Clothing . . 73 

(V) 



vl Contents 

CHAPTER VII. 

Sunday Church Bells — Magnificent Glacier — Almost an Accident 

— The Matterhorn — Zermatt — Home of Mountain Climbers 

— A Fearful Adventure — Never Satisfied 9I 

CHAPTER VIII. 

Decision to Ascend the Riffelberg — Preparations — Schedule 
of Persons and Things — The Advance — The First Accident 

— Saved by a Miracle — The Guide's Guide 107 

CHAPTER IX. 

Our Expedition Continued — Scientific Researches — A Young 
American Specimen — Arrival at Riffelberg Hotel — Ascent of 
Corner Grat — Faith in Thermometers — The Matterhorn . .124 

CHAPTER X. 

Guide Books — Plans for the Return of the Expedition — A Glacier 
Train — Parachute Descent — All had an Excuse — The Gla- 
cier Abandoned — Journey to Zermatt 141 

CHAPTER XI. 

Glaciers — Glacier Perils — Immense Size — Travehng Glacier — 
General Movements — Ascent of Mont Blanc — Loss of 
Guides — Meeting of Old Friends — The Relics at Chamonix . 152 

CHAPTER XII. 
The Matterhorn Catastrophe of 1865 — The Matterhorn Conquered 

— The Descent Commenced — A Fearful Disaster — Death of 
Lord Douglas and Two Others 165 

CHAPTER XIII. 

Switzerland — Graveyard at Zermatt — From St. Nicholas to Visp 
— Dangerous Traveling — Chillon — Mont Blanc and its Neigh- 
bors— A Wild Drive — Benefit of Getting Drunk . . . .173 

CHAPTER XIV. 
Chamonix — Contrasts — The Guild of Guides — The Returned 
Tourist — The Conqueror of Mont Blanc— Professional Jeal- 
ousy — Mountain Music — A Hunt for a Nuisance .... 186 



Contents Vu 

CHAPTER XV. 

Locking at Mont Blanc — Ascent by Telescope — Safe and Rapid 
Return — Diplomas Asked for and Refused — Disaster of 1866 

— First Ascent of a Woman o. 199 

CHAPTER XVI. 

A Catastrophe which Cost Eleven Lives — Accident of 1870 — A 
Party of Eleven — Note-books of the Victims — Within Five 
Minutes of Safety — Facing Death Resignedly 212 

CHAPTER XVn. 

Hotel des Pyramids — Glacier des Bossons — One of the Shows ~ 
Advice to Tourists — Glacier Toll Collector — Pure Ice Water 

— Death Rate — A Pleasure Excursionist 215 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

Geneva — American Manners — Gallantry — Col. Baker of London 

— Arkansaw Justice — Safety of Women in America — Town 

of Chambery — Turin — Insulted Woman — Italian Honesty 225 

CHAPTER XIX. 

In Milan — Incidents Met With — Children — Honest Conductor 

— The Cathedral — Old Masters— Tintoretto's Picture — 
Emotional Tourists — Basson's Picture — The Hair Trunk . 240 

CHAPTER XX. 

In Venice — St. Mark's Cathedral — Discovery of an Antique — 
Riches of St. Mark's — A Church Robber Hanged — Private 
Dinner — European Food 254 

CHAPTER XXI. 

Why Some Things Are — Art in Rome and Florence — The Fig 
Leaf Mania — Titian's Venus — Seeing and Describing — A 
Real Work of Art — Titian's Moses — Home 267 



viii Contents 

APPENDIX. 

A.— The Portier Analyzed « « * . . 25^3 

B. — Heidelberg Castle Described 278 

C. — The College Prison and Inmates 284 

D. — The Awful German Language 290 

E. — Legends of tUe Castle 308 

F. — The Journals of Germany 314 



A TRAMP ABROAD 



CHAPTER I. 

AN hour's sail brought us to Lucerne again. I 
judged it best to go to bed and rest several 
days, for I knew that the man who undertakes to 
make the tour of Europe on foot must take care of 
himself. 

Thinking over my plans, as mapped out, I per- 
ceived that they did not take in the Furka Pass, the 
Rhone Glacier, the Finsteraarhorn, the Wetterhorn, 
etc. I immediately examined the guide-book to see 
if these were important, and found they were ; in 
fact, a pedestrian tour of Europe could not be com- 
plete without them. Of course that decided me at 
once to see them, for I never allow myself to do 
things by halves, or in a slurring, slipshod way.- 

I called in my agent and instructed him to go 
without delay and make a careful examination of 
these noted places, on foot, and bring me back a 
written report of the result, for insertion in my 
book. I instructed him to go to Hospenthal as 
quickly as possible, and make his grand start from 
there; to extend his foot expedition as far as the 
Giesbach fall, and return to me from thence by 

(9) 



10 A Tramp Abroad 

diligence or mule. I told him to take the courier 
with him. 

He objected to the courier, and with some show 
of reason, since he was about to venture upon new 
and untried ground ; but I thought he might as well 
learn how to take care of the courier now as later, 
therefore I enforced my point. I said that the 
trouble, delay, and inconvenience of traveling with a 
courier were balanced by the deep respect which a 
courier's presence commands, and I must insist that 
as much style be thrown into my journeys as 
possible. 

So the two assumed complete mountaineering cos- 
tumes and departed. A week later they returned, 
pretty well used up, and my agent handed me the 
following 

Official Report 

Of a Visit to the Furka Region. By H. Harris, 

Agent. 

About seven o'clock in the morning, with perfectly 
fine weather, we started from Hospenthal, and 
arrived at the maison on the Furka in a little under 
qnatre hours. The want of variety in the scenery 
from Hospenthal made the kahkahp07ieeka weari- 
some ; but let none be discouraged ; no one can fail 
to be completely recompens^e for his fatigue, when 
he sees, for the first time, the monarch of the Ober- 
land, the tremendous Finsteraarhorn. A moment 
before all was dullness, but ■Si pas further has placed 
us on the summit of the Furka; and exactly in 



A tramp Abroad 11 

front of lis, at a hopow of only fifteen miles, this 
magnificent mountain lifts its snow-wreathed preci- 
pices into the deep blue sky. The inferior moun- 
tains on each side of the pass form a sort of frame 
for the picture of their dread lord, and close in the 
view so completely that no other prominent feature 
in the Oberland is visible from this bong-a-bong ; 
nothing withdraws the attention from the solitary 
grandeur of the Finsteraarhorn and the dependent 
spurs which form the abutments of the central peak. 
With the addition of some others, who were also 
bound for the Grimsel, we formed a large xhvloj as 
we descended the steg which winds round the 
shoulder of a mountain toward the Rhone glacier. 
We soon left the path and took to the ice ; and after 
wandering amongst the crevasses un peu, to admire 
the wonders of these deep blue caverns, and hear 
the rushing of waters through their subglacial chan- 
nels, we struck out a course toward V autre col/and 
crossed the glacier successfully, a little above the 
cave from which the infant Rhone takes its first 
bound from under the grand precipice of ice. Half 
a mile below this we began to climb the flowery side 
of the Meienwand. One of our party started before 
the rest, but the Hitze was so great, that v/e found 
ihm quite exhausted, and lying at full length in the 
shade of a large Gestein. We sat down with him 
for a time, for all felt the heat exceedingly in the 
climb up this very steep bolwoggoly, and then we set 
out again together, and arrived at last near the Dead 



12 A Tramp Abroad 

Man's Lake, at the foot of the Sidelhorn. This 
lonely spot, once used for an extempore burying 
place, after a sanguinary battue between the French 
and Austrians, is the perfection of desolation; there 
is nothing in sight to mark the hand of man, except 
the line of weather-beaten whitened posts, set up to 
indicate the direction of the pass in the owdawakk 
of winter. Near this point the footpath joins the 
wider track, which connects the Grimsel with the 
head of the Rhone schnawp ; this has been carefully 
constructed, and leads with a tortuous course among 
and over les pierres, down to the bank of the gloomy 
little swosh-szvosh, which almost washes against the 
walls of the Grimsel Hospice. We arrived a little 
before four o'clock at the end of our day's journey, 
hot enough to justify the step, taken by most of the 
partie, of plunging into the crystal water of the 
snow-fed lake. 

The next afternoon we started for a walk up the 
Unteraar glacier, with the intention of, at all events, 
getting as far as the Hiltte which is used as a sleep- 
ing place by most of those who cross the Strahleck 
Pass to Grindelwald. We got over the tedious col- 
lection of stones and debris which covers the pied of 
the Gletcher, and had walked nearly three hours 
from the Grimsel, when, just as we were thinking of 
crossing over to the right, to climb the cliffs at the 
foot of the hut, the clouds, which had for some 
time assumed a threatening appearance, suddenly 
dropped, and a huge mass of them, driving toward 



A Tramp Abroad 13 

us from the Finsteraarhorn, poured down a deluge 
of haboolong and hail. Fortunately, we were not far 
from a very large glacier table ; it was a huge rock 
balanced on a pedestal of ice high enough to admit ot 
our all creeping under it for gowkarak, A stream of 
puckittypukk had furrowed a course for itself in the 
ice at its base, and we were obliged to stand with 
one Fuss on each side of this, and endeavor to keep 
ourselves chaud by cutting steps in the steep bank 
of the pedestal, so as to get a higher place for 
standing on, as the wasser rose rapidly in its trench. 
A very cold bzzzzzzzzeeeee accompanied the storm, 
and made our position far from pleasant ; and pres- 
ently came a flash of Blitzen, apparently in the 
middle of our little party, with an instantaneous clap 
oi yokky, sounding like a large gun fired close to our 
ears ; the effect was startling ; but in a few seconds 
our attention was fixed by the roaring echoes of the 
thunder against the tremendous mountains which 
completely surrounded us. This was followed by 
many more bursts, none of welche, however, was so 
dangerously near; and after waiting a long demi- 
hour in our icy prison, we saUied out to walk 
through a hahooloiig which, though not so heavy as 
before, was quite enough to give us a thorough 
soaking before our arrival at the Hospice. 

The Grimsel is certainement a wonderful place; 
situated at the bottom of a sort of huge crater, the 
sides of which are utterly savage Gebirge, composed 
of barren rocks which cannot even support a single 

2** 



14 A Tramp Abroad 

pine arbrCy and afford only scanty food for a herd 
of gmwkwllolp, it looks as if it must be completely 
hegraben in the winter snows. Enormous avalanches 
fall against it every spring, sometimes covering 
everything to the depth of thirty or forty feet; and, 
in spite of walls four feet thick, and furnished with 
outside iron shutters, the two men who stay here 
when the voyagcurs are snugly quartered in their 
distant homes can tell you that the snow sometimes 
shakes the house to its foundations. 

Next morning the Jiogglcbuingiilhip still continued 
bad, but we made up our minds to go on, and make 
the best of it. Half an hour after we started, the 
Regen thickened unpleasantly, and we attempted to 
get shelter under a projecting rock, but being far 
too nass already to make standing at all agr^able, 
we pushed on for the Handeck, consoling ourselves 
with the reflection that from the furious rushing of 
the river Aar at our side, we should at all events see 
the celebrated Wasserfall in grande perfection. 
Nor were v/e jtappersocket in our expectation; the 
water was roaring down its leap of 250 feet in a 
most magnificent frenzy, while the trees which cling 
to its rocky sides swayed to and fro in the violence 
of the hurricane which it brought down with it; 
even the stream, which falls into the main cascade 
at right angles, and toiitefois forms a beautiful feature 
in the scene, was now swollen into a raging torrent; 
and the violence of this "meeting of the waters," 
about fifty feet below the frail bridge where we 



A Tramp Abroad 15 

stood, was fearfully grand. While we were looking 
at it; gliicklicheweise a gleam of sunshine came out, 
and instantly a beautiful rainbow was formed by the 
spray, and hung in mid air suspended over the 
awful gorge. 

On going into the chdlet above the fall, we were 
informed that a Briicke had broken down near 
Guttanen, and that it would be impossible to pro- 
ceed for some time ; accordingly we were kept in 
our drenched condition for eine Stunde, when some 
voyageurs arrived from Meiringen, and told us that 
there had been a trifling accident, aber that we could 
now cross. On arriving at the spot, I was much 
inclined to suspect that the whole story was a ruse 
to make us slowwk and drink the more in the 
Handeck Inn, for only a few planks had been car- 
ried away, and though there might perhaps have 
been some difficulty with mules, the gap was cer- 
tainly not larger than a nimhglx might cross with a 
very slight leap. Near Guttanen the haboolong hap- 
pily ceased, and we had time to walk ourselves 
tolerably dry before arriving at Reichenbach, wo we 
enjoyed a good din^ 2X. the Hotel des Alps. 

Next morning we walked to Rosenlaui, the beau 
idM of Swiss scenery, where we spent the middle of 
the day in an excursion to the glacier. This was 
more beautiful than words can describe, for in the 
constant progress of the ice it has changed the form 
of its extremity and formed a vast cavern, as blue 
as the sky above, and rippled like a frozen ocean. 



16 A Tramp Abroad 

A few steps cut in the wJioopjamboreehoo enabled us 
to walk completely under this, and feast our eyes 
upon one of the loveliest objects in creation. The 
glacier was all around divided by numberless fissures 
of the same exquisite color, and the finest wood- 
Erdbeeren were growing in abundance but a few 
yards from, the ice» The inn stands in a charmani 
spot close to the cotd de la rivihcy which, lower 
down, forms the Reichenbach fall, and embosomed 
in the richest of pinewoods, while the fine form of 
the Wellhorn looking down upon it completes the 
enchanting bopple. In the afternoon we walked over 
the Great Scheideck to Grindelwald, stopping to pay 
a visit to the Upper glacier by the way; but we 
were again overtaken by bad Jiogglebiimgidliip and 
arrived at the hotel in solche a state that the land- 
lord's wardrobe was in great request. 

The clouds by this time seemed to have done 
their worst, for a lovely day succeeded, which we 
determined to devote to an ascent of the Faulhorn. 
We left Grindelwald just as a thunderstorm was 
dying away, and we hoped to find giiten Wetter up 
above; but the rain, which had nearly ceased, began 
again, and we were struck by the rapidly increasing 
froid as we ascended. Two-thirds of the way up 
were completed when the rain was exchanged for 
gnilHc, with which the Bode?i was thickly covered, 
and before we arrived at the top the gnillic and mist 
became so thick that we could not see one another 
at more than XMtnty p>oopoo distance, and it became 



A Tramp Abroaa 17 

difficult to pick our way over the rough and thickly 
covered ground. Shivering with cold we turned 
into bed with a double allowance of clothes, and 
slept comfortably while the wind howled autour de 
la inaison ; when I awoke, the wall and the window 
looked equally dark, but in another hour I found I 
could just see the form of the latter; so I jumped 
out of bed, and forced it open, though with difficulty 
from the frost and the quantities of gnillic heaped 
up against it. 

A row of huge icicles hung down from the edge 
of the roof, and anything more wintry than the 
whole Anblick could not well be imagined ; but the 
sudden appearance of the great mountains in front 
was so startling that I felt no inclination to move 
toward bed again. The snow which had collected 
upon la fenetre had increased the Finsterniss odef 
der Dtmkelheit, so that when I looked out I was sur- 
prised to find that the daylight was considerable, 
and that the balragocmah would evidently rise be- 
fore long. Only the brightest of les itoile^ were 
still shining; the sky was cloudless overhead, though 
small curling mists lay thousands of feet below us in 
the valleys, wreathed around the feet of the moun- 
tains, and adding to the splendor of their lofty 
summits. We were soon dressed and out of the 
house, watching the gradual appoach of dawn, 
thoroughly absorbed in the first near view of the 
Oberland giants, which broke upon us unexpectedly 
after the intense obscurity of the evening before. 



18 A Tramp Abroad 

* ' Kabaiigwakko songiuasJiee Kuni WetterJiorn 
snawpo !" cried some one, as that grand summit 
gleamed with the first rose of dawn ; and in a few 
moments the double crest of the Schreckhorn fol- 
lowed its example ; peak after peak seemed warmed 
with life, the Jungfrau blushed even more beautifully 
than her neighbors, and soon, from the Wetterhorn 
in the east to the Wildstrubel in the west, a long 
row of fires glowed upon mighty altars, truly worthy 
of the gods. The wlgzv was very severe; our sleep- 
ing place could hardly be distingue^ from the snow 
around it, which had fallen to the depth of 2. flirk 
during the past evening, and we heartily enjoyed a 
rough scramble en bas to the Giesbach falls, where 
we soon found a warm climate. At noon the day 
before at Grindelwald the thermometer could not 
have stood at less than 100 degrees Fahr. in the 
sun ; and in the evening, judging from the icicles 
formed, and the state of the windows, there must 
have been at least twelve dingblattcr of frost, thus 
giving a change of 80 degrees during a few hours. 

I said : 

"You have done well, Harris; this report is 
concise, compact, well expressed; the language is 
crisp, the descriptions are vivid and not needlessly 
elaborated ; your report goes straight to the point, 
attends strictly to business, and doesn't fool around. 
It is in many ways an excellent document. But it 
has a fault, — it is too learned, it is much too 
learned. What is * dingblatter ' / " 



A Tramp Abroad 19 

9 

" * Dingblatter ' is a Fiji word meaning * degrees '." 

** You knew the English of it, then? " 

" Oh, yes." 

««What is 'gnillic' ?'' 

" That is the Esquimaux term for * snow *.'* 

" So you knew the English for that, too? " 

"Why, certainly." 

"What does ' mmbglx' stand for? * 

"That is Zulu for 'pedestrian'." 

" * While the form of the Wellhorn looking down 
upon it completes the enchanting topple.' What is 
*bopple'f" 

" * Picture.' It's Choctaw." 

" What is * schnawp ' f " 

" * Valley.' That is Choctaw, also.'* 

" What is * bolwoggoly ' f" 

" That is Chinese for ' hill '." 

" ' Kahkahponeeka ' .^ " 

"'Ascent.' Choctaw." 

" * But we were again overtaken by bad hoggU' 
bumgullup.' What does * hogglebumgullup ' mean ? " 

"That is Chinese for 'weather'." 

" Is ' hogglebumgullup ' better than the English 
word? Is it any more descriptive ? " 

"No, it means just the same." 

"And 'dingblatter' and ' gnillic,' and 'bopple,' and 
* schnawp,' — are they better than the English words ?' ' 

" No, they mean just what the English ones do." 

" Then why do you use them ? Why have you used 
all this Chinese and Choctaw and Zulu rubbish?" 



20 A Tramp Abroad 

" Because I didn't krow any French but two or 
three words, and I didn't know any Latin or Greek 
at all." 

"That is nothing. Why should you want to use 
foreign words, anyhow?" 

•' To adorn my page. They all do it." 

"Who is 'air?" 

" Everybody. Everybody that writes elegantly. 
Anybody has a right to that wants to." 

"I think you are mistaken." I then proceeded 
in the following scathing manner. "When really 
learned men write books for other learned men to 
read, they are justified in using as many learned 
words as they please — their audience will under- 
stand them ; but a man who writes a book for the 
general public to read is not justified in disfiguring 
his pages with untranslated foreign expressions. It 
is an insolence toward the majority of the purchasers, 
for it is a very frank and impudent way of saying, 
' Get the tftinslations made yourself if you v/ant them., 
this book is not written for the ignorant classes.' 
There are men who know a foreign language so well 
and have used it so long in their daily life that they 
seem to discharge whole volleys of it into their 
English writings unconsciously, and so they omit to 
translate, as much as half the time. That is a great 
cruelty to nine out of ten of the man's readers. 
What is the excuse for this? The writer would say 
he only uses the foreign language where the delicacy 
of his point cannot be conveyed in English, Very 



A Tramp Abroad ^1 

well, then he writes his best things for the tenth 
man, and he cught to warn the other nine not to 
buy his book. However, the excuse he offers is at 
least an excuse; but there is another set of men 
who are likejoii; they know a word here and there, 
of a foreign language, or a few beggarly little three- 
word phrases, filched from the back of the Diction- 
ary, and these they are continually peppering into 
their literature, with a pretense of knowing that 
language, — what excuse can they offer? The foreign 
words and phrases which they use have their exact 
equivalents in a nobler language, — English; yet 
they think they " adorn their page " when they say 
Strasse for street, and Bahnhof for railway station, 
and so on, — flaunting these fluttering rags of pov- 
erty in the reader's face and imagining he will be 
ass enough to take them for the sign of untold riches 
held in reserve. I will let your ' learning ' remain in 
your report; you have as much right, I suppose, to 
' adorn your page ' with Zulu and Chinese and 
Choctaw rubbish as others of your sort have to 
adorn theirs with insolent odds and ends smouched 
from half a dozen learned tongues whose a-b abs 
they don't even know." 

When the musing spider steps upon the red-hot 
shovel, he first exhibits a wild surprise, then he 
shrivels up. Similar was the effect of these blister- 
ing words upon the tranquil and unsuspecting Agent. 
I can be dreadfully rough on a person when the 
mood takes me. 



CHAPTER II. 

WE now prepared for a considerable walk, — from 
Lucerne to Interlaken, over the Briinig Pass. 
But at the last moment the weather was so good 
that I changed my mind and hired a four-horse car- 
riage. It was a huge vehicle, roomy, as easy in its 
motion as a palanquin, and exceedingly comfortable. 

We got away pretty early in the morning, after a 
hot breakfast, and went bowling along over a hard, 
smooth road, through the summer loveliness of 
Switzerland, with near and distant lakes and moun- 
tains before and about us for the entertainment of 
the eye, and the music of multitudinous birds to 
charm the ear. Sometimes there was only the width 
of the road between the imposing precipices on the 
right and the clear cool water on the left with its 
shoals of uncatchable fishes skimming about through 
the bars of sun and shadow; and sometimes, in 
place of the precipices, the grassy land stretched 
away, in an apparently endless upward slant, and 
was dotted everywhere with snug Httle chalets, the 
peculiarly captivating cottage of Switzerland. 

The ordinary chalet turns a broad, honest gable 

(22) 



A Tramp Abroad 23 

end to the road, and its ample roof hovers over the 
home in a protecting, caressing way, projecting its 
sheltering eaves far outward. The quaint windows 
are filled with little panes, and garnished with white 
muslin curtains, and brightened with boxes of 
blooming flowers. Across the front of the house, 
and up the spreading eaves and along the fanciful 
railings of the shallow porch, are elaborate carvings, 
— wreaths, fruits, arabesques, verses from Scripture, 
names, dates, etc. The building is wholly of wood, 
reddish brown in tint, a very pleasing color. It 
generally has vines climbing over it. Set such a 
house against the fresh green of the hillside, and it 
looks ever so cosy and inviting and picturesque, and 
is a decidedly graceful addition to the landscape. 

One does not find out what a hold the chalet has 
taken upon him, until he presently comes upon a 
new bouse, — a house which is aping the town 
fashions of Germany and France, a prim, hideous, 
straight-up-and-down thing, plastered all over on 
the outside to look like stone, and altogether so 
stiff, and formal, and ugly, and forbidding, and so 
out of tune with the gracious landscape, and so deaf 
and dumb and dead to the poetry of its surround- 
ings, that it suggests an undertaker at a picnic, a 
corpse at a wedding, a puritan in Paradise. 

In the course of the morning we passed the spot 
where Pontius Pilate is said to have thrown himself 
into the lake. The legend goes that after the 
Crucifixion his conscience troubled him, and he fled 



24 A Tramp Abroad 

from Jerusalem and wandered about the earth, weary 
of life and a prey to tortures of the mind. Eventu- 
ally, he hid himself away, on the heights of Mount 
Pilatus, and dwelt alone among the clouds and crags 
for years ; but rest and peace were still denied him, 
so he finally put an end to his misery by drowning 
himself. 

Presentl)'' we passed the place where a man of 
better odor was born. This was the children's 
friend, Santa Claus, or St. Nicholas. There are 
some unaccountable reputations in the world. This 
saint's is an instance. He has ranked for ages as 
the peculiar friend of children, yet it appears he was 
not much of a friend to his own. He had ten of 
them, and when fifty years old he left them, and 
sought out as dismal a refuge from the world as 
possible, and became a hermit in order that he might 
reflect upon pious themes without being disturbed 
by the joyous and other noises from the nursery, 
doubtless. 

Judging by Pilate and St. Nicholas, there exists 
no rule for the construction of hermits; they seem 
made out of all kinds of material. But Pilate 
attended to the matter of expiating his sin while he 
was alive, whereas St. Nicholas will probably have 
to go on climbing down sooty chimneys, Christmas 
eve, forever, and conferring kindness on other peo- 
ple's children, to make up for deserting his own. 
His bones are kept in a church in a village (Sach- 
§cln), which we visited, and are naturally held in 



A Tramp Abroad 25 

great reverence. His portrait is common in the 
farmhouses of the region, but is believed by many 
to be but an indifferent likeness. During his hermit 
life, according to the legend, he partook of the 
bread and wine of the communion once a month, 
but all the rest of the month he fasted. 

A constant marvel with us, as we sped along the 
bases of the steep mountains on this journey, was, not 
that avalanches occur, but that they are not occur- 
ring all the time. One does not understand why 
rocks and landslides do not plunge down these declivi- 
ties daily. A landslip occurred three quarters of a 
century ago, on the route from Arth to Brunnen, 
which was a formidable thing. A mass of conglom- 
erate two miles long, a thousand feet broad, and a 
hundred feet thick, broke away from a cliff three 
thousand feet high and hurled itself into the valley 
below, burying four villages and five hundred peo- 
ple, as in a grave. 

We had such a beautiful day, and such endless 
pictures of limpid lakes, and green hills and valleys, 
and majestic mountains, and milky cataracts dancing 
down the steeps and gleaming in the sun, that we 
could not help feeling sweet toward all the world ; 
so we tried to drink all the milk, and eat all the 
grapes and apricots and berries, and buy all the 
bouquets of wild flowers which the little peasant 
boys and girls offered for sale ; but we had to retire 
from this contract, for it was too heavy. At short 
distances, — and they were entirely too short, — all 



26 A Tramp Abroad 

along the road, were groups of neat and comely 
children, with their wares nicely and temptingly set 
forth in the grass under the shade trees, and as soon 
as we approached they swarmed into the road, hold- 
ing out their baskets and milk bottles, and ran 
beside the carriage, barefoot and bareheaded, and 
importuned us to buy. They seldom desisted early, 
but continued to run and insist, — beside the wagon 
while they could, and behind it until they lost 
breath. Then they turned and chased a returning 
carriage back to their trading post again. After 
several hours of this, without any intermission, it 
becomes almost annoying. I do not know what we 
should have done without the returning carriages to 
draw off the pursuit. However, there were plenty 
of these, loaded with dusty tourists and piled high 
with luggage. Indeed, from Lucerne to Interlaken 
we had the spectacle, among other scenery, of an 
unbroken procession of fruit peddlers and tourist 
carriages. 

Our talk was mostly anticipatory of what we 
should see on the down grade of the Briinig, by and 
by, after we should pass the summit. All our 
friends in Lucerne had said that to look down upon 
Meiringen, and the rushing blue-gray river Aar, and 
the broad level green valley; and across at the 
mighty Alpine precipices that rise straight up to the 
clouds out of that valley ; and up at the microscopic 
chalets perched upon the dizzy eaves of those 
precipices and winking dimly and fitfully through 



A Tramp Abroad 27 

ihe drifting veil of vapor; and still up and up, at 
the superb Oltschibach and the other beautiful cas- 
cades that leap from those rugged heights, robed in 
powdery spray, ruffled with foam, and girdled with 
rainbows — to look upon these things, they said, 
was to look upon the last possibility of the sublime 
and the enchanting. Therefore, as I say, we talked 
mainly of these coming wonders ; if we were con- 
scious of any impatience, it was to get there in 
favorable season ; if we felt any anxiety, it was that 
the day might remain perfect, and enable us to see 
those marvels at their best. 

As we approached the Kaiserstuhl, a part of the 
harness gave way. We were in distress for a mo- 
ment, but only a moment. It was the fore-and-aft 
gear that was broken, — the thing that leads aft from 
the forward part of the horse and is made fast to 
the thing that pulls the wagon. In America this 
would have been a heavy leathern strap ; but, all 
over the continent it is nothing but a piece of rope 
the size of your little finger, — clothes-line is what it 
is. Cabs use it, private carriages, freight carts'and 
wagons, all sorts of vehicles have it. In Munich I 
afterward saw it used on a long wagon laden with 
fifty-four half barrels of beer ; I had before noticed 
that the cabs in Heidelberg used it; — not new rope, 
but rope that had been in use since Abraham's time, 
— and I had felt nervous, sometimes, behind it when 
the cab was tearing down a hill. But I had long 
been accustomed to it now, and had even become 



2S A Tramp Abroad 

afraid of the leather strap which belonged in its 
place. Our driver got a fresh piece of clothes-line 
out of his locker and repaired the break in two 
minutes. 

So much for one European fashion. Every 
country has its own ways. *It may interest the 
reader to know how they "put horses to" on the 
continent. The man stands up the horses on each 
side of the thing that projects from the front end of 
the wagon, and then throws the tangled mess of 
gear on top of the horses, and passes the thing that 
goes forward through a ring, and hauls it aft, and 
passes the other thing through the other ring and 
hauls it aft on the other side of the other horse, 
opposite to the first one, after crossing them and 
bringing the loose end back, and then buckles the 
other thing underneath the horse, and takes another 
thing and wraps it around the thing I spoke of be- 
fore, and puts another thing over each horse's 
head, with broad flappers to it to keep the dust out 
of his eyes, and puts the iron thing in his mouth 
for him to grit his teeth on, up hill, and brings the 
ends of these things aft over his back, after buckling 
another one around under his neck to hold his head 
up, and hitching another thing on a thing that goes 
over his shoulders to keep his head up when he is 
climbing a hill, and then takes the slack of the thing 
which I mentioned a while ago, and fetches it aft 
and makes it fast to the thing that pulls the wagon, 
and hands the other things up to the driver to steer 



A Tramp Abroad 29 

with. I never have buckled up a horse myself, but 
I do not think we do it that way. 

We had four very handsome horses, and the driver 
was very proud of his turnout. He would bowl 
along on a reasonable trot, on the highway, but 
when he entered a village he did it on a furious run, 
and accompanied it with a frenzy of ceaseless whip 
crackings that sounded like volleys of musketry. 
He tore through the narrow streets and around the 
sharp curves like a moving earthquake, showering 
his volleys as he went, and before him swept a con- 
tinuous tidal wave of scampering children, ducks, 
cats, and mothers clasping babies which they had 
snatched out of the way of the coming destruction ; 
and as this living wave washed aside, along the 
walls, its elements, being safe, forgot their fears and 
turned their admiring gaze upon that gallant driver 
till he thundered around the next curve and was lost 
to sight. 

He was a great man to those villagers, with his 
gaudy clothes and his terrific ways. Whenever he 
stopped to have his cattle watered and fed with 
loaves of bread, the villagers stood around admiring 
him while he swaggered about, the little boys gazed 
up at his face with humble homage, and the landlord 
brought out foaming mugs of beer and conversed 
proudly with him while he drank. Then he mounted 
his lofty box, swung his explosive whip, and away 
he went again, like a storm. I had not seen any- 
thing like this before since I was a boy, and the 



30 A Tramp Abroad 

stage used to flourish through the village with the 
dust flying and the horn tooting. 

When we reached the base of the Kaiserstuhl, we 
took two more horses ; we had to toil along w^th 
difficulty for an hour and a half or two hours, for 
the ascent was not very gradual, but when we passed 
the backbone and approached the station, the driver 
surpassed all his previous efforts in the v/ay of rush 
and clatter. He could not have six horses all the 
time, so he made the most of his chance while lie 
had it. 

Up to this point we had been in the heart of the 
William Tell region. The hero is not forgotten, by 
any means, or held in doubtful veneration. His 
wooden image, with his bow drawn, above the doors 
of taverns, was a frequent feature of the scenery. 

About noon we arrived at the foot of the Briinig 
Pass, and made a two-hour stop at the village hotel, 
another of those clean, pretty, and thoroughly well 
kept inns which are such an astonishment to people 
who are accustomed to hotels of a dismally different 
pattern in remote country towns. There was a 
lake here, in the lap of the great mountains, the 
gteen slopes that rose toward the lower crags were 
graced with scattered Swiss cottages nestling among 
miniature farms and gardens, and from out a leafy 
ambuscade in the upper heights tumbled a brawling 
cataract. 

Carriage after carriage, laden with tourists and 
trunks, arrived, and the (juiet hotel was soon popu- 



A Tramp Abroad 31 

lous. W'c were early at the table d'hote and sa^v 
the peop-e all come in. There were twenty-five, 
perhaps. They were of various nationalities, but 
we were the only Americans. Next to me sat an 
English bride, and next to her sat her new husband, 
whom she called "Neddy," though he was big 
enough and stalwart enough to be entitled to his 
full name. They had a pretty little lovers' quarrel 
over what wine they should have. Neddy was for 
obeying the guide-book and taking the wine of the 
country ; but the bride said : 

• * What, that nahsty stuff 1 " 

•* It isn't nahsty, pet, it's quite good.** 

•* It w nahsty." 

•• No, it isnt nahsty." 

" It's ^ful nahsty, Neddy, and I shanh't drink it." 

Then the question was, what she must have. She 
said he knew very well that she never drank anything 
but champagne. She added : 

*' You know very well papa always has champagne 
on his table, and I've always been used to it." 

Neddy made a playful pretense of being . dis- 
tressed about the expense, and this amused her so 
much that she nearly exhausted herself with laugh- 
ter, — and this pleased him so much that he repeated 
his jest a couple of times, and added new and killing 
varieties to it. When the bride finally recovered, 
she gave Neddy a love-box on the arm with her fan, 
and said with arch severity: 

*' Well; you would have me, — nothing else would 



52 A Tramp Abroad 

do, — so you'll have to make the best cf a bad 
bargain. Do order the champagne, I'm /;tul dry." 

So with a mock groan which made her laugh 
again, Neddy ordered the champagne. 

The fact that this young woman had never mois- 
tened the selvedge edge of her soul with a less 
plebeian tipple than champagne, had a marked and 
subduing effect upon Harris. He believed she be- 
longed to the royal family. But I had my doubts. 

We heard two or three different languages spoken 
by people at the table and guessed out the national- 
ities of most of the guests to our satisfaction, but 
we failed with an elderly gentleman and his wife and 
a young girl who sat opposite us, and with a gentle- 
man of about thirty-five who sat three seats beyond 
Harris. We did not hear any of these speak. But 
finally the last-named gentleman left while we were 
not noticing, but we looked up as he reached the far 
end of the table. He stopped there a moment, and 
made his toilet with a pocket comb. So he was a 
German ; or else he had lived in German hotels long 
enough to catch the fashion. When the elderly 
couple and the young girl rose to leave, they bowed 
respectfully to us. So they were Germans, too. 
This national custom is worth six of the other one, 
for export. 

After dinner we talked with several Englishmen, 
and they inflamed our desire to a hotter degree than 
ever, to see the sights of Meiringen from the heights 
of the Briinig Pass. They said the view was marvel- 



A Tramp Abroad 53 

ous, and that one who had seen it once could never 
forget it. They also spoke of the romantic nature 
of the road over the pass, and how in one place it 
had been cut through a flank of the solid rock, in 
such a way that the mountain overhung the tourist 
as he passed by ; and they furthermore said that the 
sharp turns in the road and the abruptness of the 
descent would afford us a thrilling experience, for 
we should go down in a flying gallop and seem to 
be spinning around the rings of a whirlwind, like a 
drop of whisky descending the spirals of a cork- 
screw. I got all the information out of these gentle- 
men that we could need; and then, to make every- 
thing complete, I asked them if a body could get 
hold of a little fruit and milk here and there, in case 
of necessity. They threw up their hands in speech- 
less intimation that the road was simply paved with 
refreshment peddlers. We were impatient to get 
away, now, and the rest of our two-hour stop rather 
dragged. But finally the set time arrived and we 
began the ascent. Indeed it was a wonderful road. 
It was smooth, and compact, and clean, and the 
side next the precipices was guarded all along by 
dressed stone posts about three feet high, placed at 
short distances apart. The road could not have 
been better built if Napoleon the First had built it. 
He seems to have been the introducer of the sort of 
roads which Europe now uses. All literature which 
describes life as it existed in England, France, and 
Germany up to the close of the last century, is filled 



34 A Tramp Abroad 

with pictures of coaches and carriages wallowing 
through these three countries in mud and slush half- 
wheel deep ; but after Napoleon had floundered 
through a conquered kingdom he generally arranged 
things so that the rest of the world could follow dry 
shod. 

We went on climbing, higher and higher, and 
curving hither and thither, in the shade of noble 
woods, and with a rich variety and profusion of 
wild flowers all about us; and glimpses of rounded 
grassy backbones below us occupied by trim chalets 
and nibbling sheep, and other glimpses of far lower 
altitudes, where distance diminished the chalets to 
toys and obliterated the sheep altogether; and 
every now and then some ermined monarch of the 
Alps swung magnificently into view for a moment, 
then drifted past an intervening spur and disap- 
peared again. 

It was an intoxicating trip altogether ; the exceed- 
ing sense of satisfaction that follows a good dinner 
added largely to the enjoyment; the having some- 
thing especial to look forward to and muse about, 
like the approaching grandeurs of Meiringen, sharp- 
ened the zest. Smoking was never so good before, 
solid comfort was never solider; we lay back against 
the thick cushions, silent, meditative, steeped in 
felicity. 

• •••••• • 

I rubbed my eyes, opened them, and started. I 
had been dreaming I was at sea, and it was a thrill- 



A Tramp Abroad 35 

ing surprise to wake up and find land all around 
me. It took me a couple of seconds to "come 
to," as you may say; then I took in the situation. 
The horses were drinking at a trough in the edge of 
a town, the driver was taking beer, Harris was 
snoring at my side, the courier, with folded arms 
and bowed head, was sleeping on the box, two 
dozen barefooted and bareheaded children were 
gathered about the carnage, with their hands crossed 
behind, gazing up with serious and innocent admira- 
tion at the dozing tourists baking there in the sun. 
Several small girls held night-capped babies nearly 
as bigjas themselves in their arms, and even these 
fat babies seemed to take a sort of sluggish interest 
in us. 

We had slept an hour and a half and missed all 
the scenery ! I did not need anybody to tell me 
that. If I had been a girl, I could have cursed for 
vexation. As it was, I woke up the agent and gave 
him a piece of my mind. Instead of being humili- 
ated, he only upbraided me for being so wanting in 
vigilance. He said he had expected to improve his 
mind by coming to Europe, but a man might travel 
to the ends of the earth with me and never see any- 
thing, for I was manifestly endowed with the very 
genius of ill luck. He even tried to get up some 
emotion about that poor courier, who never got a 
chance to see anything, on account of my heedless- 
ness. But when I thought I had borne about enough 
of this kind of talk, I threatened to make Harris 



36 A Tramp Abroad 

tramp back to the summit and make a report on that 
scenery, and this suggestion spiked his battery. 

We drove sullenly through Brienz, dead to the 
seductions of its bewildering array of Swiss carvings 
and the clamorous /wo-hooing of its cuckoo clocks, 
and had not entirely recovered our spirits when we 
rattled across the bridge over the rushing blue river 
and entered the pretty town of Interlaken. It was 
just about sunset, and we had made the trip from 
Lucerne in ten hours. 



CHAPTER III. 

WE located ourselves at the Jungfrau Hotel, one 
of those huge establishments which the needs 
of modern travel have created in every attractive 
spot on the continent. There was a great gathering 
at dinner, and, as usual, one heard all sorts of 
languages. 

The table d'hote was served by waitresses dressed 
in the quaint and comely costume of the Swiss peas- 
ants. This consists of a simple gros de laine, trim- 
med with ashes of roses, with overskirt of sacre bleu 
ventre saint gris, cut bias on the off side, with facings 
of petit polonaise and narrow insertions of pate de 
foie gras backstitched to the mise en scene in the 
form of a jeu d' esprit. It gives to the wearer a 
singularly piquant and alluring aspect. 

One of these waitresses, a woman of forty, had 
side whiskers reaching half way down her jaw. They 
were two fingers broad, dark in color, pretty thick, 
and the hairs were an inch long. One sees many 
women on the continent with quite conspicuous 
moustaches, but this was the only woman I saw who 
had reached the dignity of whiskers. 

(37) 



38 A Tramp Abroad 

After dinner the guests of both sexes distributed 
themselves about the front porches and the orna- 
mental grounds belonging to the hotel, to enjoy the 
cool air ; but, as the twilight deepened toward dark- 
ness, they gathered themselves together in that saddest 
and solemnest and most constrained of all places, the 
great blank drawing-room which is the chief feature 
of all continental summer hotels. There they 
grouped themselves about, in couples and threes, 
and mumbled in bated voices, and looked timid and 
homeless and forlorn. 

There was a small piano in this room, a clattery, 
wheezy, asthmatic thing, certainly the very worst 
miscarriage in the way of a piano that the world has 
seen. In turn, five or six dejected and homesick 
ladies approached it doubtingly, gave it a single in- 
quiring thump, and retired with the lockjaw. But 
the boss of that instrument was to come, neverthe- 
less; and from my own country, — from Arkansaw. 

She was a brand new bride, innocent, girlish, 
happy in herself and her grave and worshiping strip- 
ling of a husband ; she was about eighteen, just out 
of school, free from affectations, unconscious of that 
passionless multitude around her; and the very first 
time she smote that old wreck one recognized that it 
had met its destiny. Her stripling brought an arm- 
ful of aged sheet m.usic from their room, — for this 
bride went *' heeled," as you might say, — and bent 
himself lovingly over and got ready to turn the 
pages. 



A Tramp Abroad 39 

The bride fetched a swoop with her fingers from 
one end of the keyboard to the other, just to get her 
bearings, as it were, and you could see the congre- 
gation set their teeth with the agony of it. Then, 
without any more preliminaries, she turned on all 
the horrors of the "Battle of Prague," that vener- 
able shivaree, and waded chin deep in the blood of 
the slain. She made a fair and honorable average 
of two false notes in every five, but her soul was in 
arms and she never stopped to correct. The audi- 
ence stood it with pretty fair grit for a while, but 
when the cannonade waxed hotter and fiercer, and 
the discord average rose to four in five, the proces- 
sion began to move. A few stragglers held their 
ground ten minutes longer, but when the girl began 
to wring the true inwardness out of the *' cries of the 
wounded," they struck their colors and retired in a 
kind of panic. 

There never was a completer victory ; I was the 
only non-combatant left on the field. I would not 
have deserted my countrywoman anyhow, but indeed 
I had no desires in that direction. None of -us like 
mediocrity, but we all reverence perfection. This 
girl's music was perfection in its way; it was the 
worst music that had ever been achieved on our 
planet by a mere human being. 

I moved up close, and never lost a strain. When 
she got through, I asked her to play it again. She 
did it with a pleased alacrity and a heightened en- 
thusiasm. She made it all discords, this time. She 



40 A Tramp Abroad 

got an amount of anguish into the cries of the 
wounded that shed a new light on human suffering. 
She was on the warpath all the evening. All the 
time, crowds of people gathered on the porches and 
pressed their noses against the windows to look 
and m.arvel, but the bravest never ventured in. The 
bride went off satisfied and happy with her young 
fellow, when her appetite was finally gorged, and 
the tourists swarmed in again. 

What a change has come over Switzerland, and in 
fact all Europe, during this century. Seventy or 
eighty years ago Napoleon was the only man in 
Europe who could really be called a traveler; he 
was the only man who had devoted his attention to 
it and taken a powerful interest in it ; he was the 
only man who had traveled extensively; but now 
everybody goes everywhere; and Switzerland, and 
many other regions which were unvisited and un- 
known remotenesses a hundred years ago, are in our 
days a buzzing hive of restless strangers every sum- 
mer. But I digress. 

In the morning, when we looked out of our win- 
dows, we saw a wonderful sight. Across the valley, 
and apparently quite neighborly and close at hand, 
the giant form of the Jungfrau rose cold and white 
into the clear sky, beyond a gateway in the nearer 
highlands. It reminded me, somehow, of one of 
those colossal billows which swells suddenly up 
beside one's ship, at sea, sometimes, with its crest 
and shoulders snow^ white, and the rest of its 



A Tramp Abroad 



41 



noble proportions streaked downward with creamy 
foam. 

I took out my sketch book and made a little 
picture of the Jungfrau, merely to get the shape. 

I do not regard this as one of my finished works, 
in fact I do not rank it among my Works at all ; it 
is only a study; it is hardly more than what one 
might call a sketch. Other artists have done me the 
grace to admire it; but I am severe in my judgments 
of my own pictures, and this one does not move me. 

It was hard to believe that that lofty wooded ram- 
part on the left which so overtops the Jungfrau was 
not actually the higher of the two, but it was not, 
of course. It is only 2,000 or 3,000 
feet high, and of 




course has no snow upon it in summer, whereas the 
Jungfrau is not much short of 14,000 feet high 
and therefore that lowest verge of snow on her side, 
■yirhich seems nearly/- down to the valley level, is really 



42 A Tramp Abroad 

about seven thousand feet higher up in the air than 
the summit of that wooded rampart. It is the dis- 
tance that makes the deception. The wooded height 
is but four or five miles removed from us, but the 
Jungfrau is four or five times that distance away. 

Walking down the street of shops, in the fore- 
noon, I was attracted by a large picture, carved, 
frame and all, from a single block of chocolate- 
colored wood. There are people who know every- 
thing. Some of these had told us that continental 
shop-keepers always raise their prices on English 
and Americans. Many people had told us it was 
expensive to buy things through a courier, whereas 
I had supposed it was just the reverse. When I saw 
this picture, I conjectured that it was worth more 
than the friend I proposed to buy it for would like to 
pay, but still it was worth while to inquire; so 
I told the courier to step in and ask the price, as if 
he wanted it for himself ; I told him not to speak in 
English, and above all not to reveal the fact that he 
was a courier. Then I moved on a few yards, and 
waited. 

The courier came presently and reported the price. 
I said to myself, " It is a hundred francs too much," 
and so dismissed the matter from my mind. But in 
the afternoon I was passing that place with Harris, 
and the picture attracted me again. We stepped 
in, to see how much higher broken German would 
raise the price. The shopwoman named a figure 
just a hundred francs lower than the courier had 



A Tramp Abroad 43 

named. This was a pleasant surprise. I said I 
would take it. After I had given directions as to 
where it was to be shipped, the shopwoman said, 
appealingly : 

*' If you please, do not let your courier know you 
bought it." 

This was an unexpected remark. I said : 

" What makes you think I have a courier? " 

*' Ah, that is very simple; he told me himself." 

* ' He was very thoughtful. But tell me, — why did 
you charge him more than you are charging me ? " 

" That is very simple, also: I do not have to pay 
you a percentage o" 

*' O, I begin to see. You would have had to pay 
the courier a percentage." 

" Undoubtedly. The courier always has his 
percentage. In this case it would have been a hun- 
dred francs." 

' ' Then the tradesman does not pay a part of it, — 
the purchaser pays all of it? " 

' ' There are occasions when the tradesman and the 
courier agree upon a price which is twice or thrice 
the value of the article, then the two divide, and 
both get a percentage." 

** I see. But it seems to me that the purchaser 
does all the paying, even then." 

** Oh, to be sure ! It goes without saying." 

"But I have bought this picture myself; there- 
fore why shouldn't the courier know it? " 

The v.'oman exclaimed, in distress: 



"44 A Tramp Abroad 

"Ah, indeed it would take all my little profit \ 
He would come and demand his hundred francs, and 
I should have to pay." 

*' He has not done the buying. You could 
refuse." 

" I could not dare to refuse. He would never 
bring travelers here again. More than that, he 
would denounce me to the other couriers, they would 
divert custom from me, and my business would be 
injured." 

I went away in a thoughtful frame of mind. I 
began to see why a courier could afford to work for 
$55 a month and his fares. A month or two later 
I was able to understand why a courier did not have 
to pay any board and lodging, and why my hotel 
bills were always larger when I had him with me 
than when I left him behind, somewhere, for a few 
days. 

Another thing was also explained, now, apparently. 
In one town I had taken the courier to the bank to 
do the translating when I drew some money. I 
had sat in the reading room till the transaction was 
finished. Then a clerk had brought the money to 
me in person, and had been exceedingly polite, 
even going so far as to precede me to the door and 
hold it open for me and bow me out as if I had 
been a distinguished personage. It was a new ex- 
perience. Exchange had been in my favor ever 
since I had been in Europe, but just that one time. 
I got simply the face of my draft, and no extra 



A Tramp Abroad 45 

francs, whereas I had expected to get quite a number 
of them. This was the first time I had ever used 
the courier at a bank. I had suspected something 
then, and as long as he remained with me afterward 
I managed bank matters by myself. 

Still, if I felt that I could afford the tax, I would 
never travel without a courier, for a good courier is a 
convenience whose value cannot be estimated in dol- 
lars and cents. Without him, travel is a bitter 
harassment, a purgatory of little exasperating annoy- 
ances, a ceaseless and pitiless punishment, — I mean 
to an irascible man who has no business capacity 
and is confused by details. 

Without a courier, travel hasn't a ray of pleasure 
in it, anywhere ; but with him it is a continuous and 
unruffled delight. He is always at hand, never has 
to be sent for; if your bell is not answered 
promptly,— and it seldom is, — you have only 
to open the door and speak, the courier will hear, 
and he will have the order attended to or raise an 
insurrection. You tell him what day you will start, 
and whither you are going, — leave all the rest- to 
him. You need not inquire about trains, or fares, 
or car changes, or hotels, or anything else. At the 
proper time he will put you in a cab or an omnibus, 
and drive you to the train or the boat; he has 
packed your luggage and transferred it, he has paid 
all the bills. Other people have preceded you half 
an hour to scramble for impossible places and lose 
their tempers, but you can take your time; the 



46 A Tramp Abroad 

courier has secured your seats for you, and you can 
occupy them at your leisure. 

At the station, the crowd mash one another to 
pulp in the effort to get the weigher's attention to 
their trunks ; they dispute hotly with these tyrants, 
who are cool and indifferent ; they get their baggage 
billets, at last, and then have another squeeze and 
another rage over the disheartening business of trying 
to get them recorded and paid for, and still another 
over the equally disheartening business of trying to 
get near enough to the ticket office to buy a ticket; 
and now, with their tempers gone to the dogs, they 
must stand penned up and packed together, laden 
with wraps and satchels and shawl-straps, with the 
weary wife and babies, in the waiting room, till the 
doors are thrown open — and then all hands make 
a grand final rush to the train, find it full, and have 
to stand on the platform and fret until some more 
cars are put on. They are in a condition to kill 
somebody by this time. Meantime, you have been 
sitting in your car, smoking, and observing all this 
misery in the extremest comfort. 

On the journey the guard is polite and watchful, 
— won't allow anybody to get into your compart- 
ment, — tells them you are just recovering from the 
small-pox and do not hke to be disturbed. For the 
couiier has made everything right with the guard. 
At way stations the courier comes to your compart- 
ment to see if you want a glass of water, or a news- 
paper, or anything; at eating stations he sends 



A Tramp Abroad 47 

luncheon out to you, while the other people scramble 
and worry in the dining-rooms. If anything breaks 
about the car you are in, and a station master pro- 
poses to pack you and your agent into a compart- 
ment with strangers, the courier reveals to him con- 
fidentially that you are a French duke born deaf and 
dumb, and the official comes and makes affable signs 
that he has ordered a choice car to be added to the 
train for you. 

At custom houses the multitude file tediously 
through, hot and irritated, and look on while the 
officers burrow into the trunks and make a mess of 
everything; but you hand your keys to the courier 
and sit still. Perhaps you arrive at your destination 
in a rainstorm at ten at night, — you generally do. 
The multitude spend half an hour verifying their 
baggage and getting it transferred to the omnibuses ; 
but the courier puts you into a vehicle without a 
moment's loss of time, and when you reach your 
hotel you find your rooms have been secured two or 
three days in advance, everything is ready, you can 
go at once to bed. Some of those other people will 
have to drift around to two or three hotels, in the 
rain, before they find accommodations. 

I have not set down half of the virtues that are 
vested in a good courier, but I think I have set down 
a sufficiency of them to show that an irritable man 
who can afford one and does not employ him is not 
a wise economist. My courier was the worst one in 
Europe, yet he was a good deal better than none at 



48 A Tramp Abroad 

all. It could not pay him to be a better one than 
he was, because I could not afford to buy things 
through him. He was a good enough courier for the 
small amount he got out of his service. Yes, to 
travel with a courier is bliss, to travel without one is 
the reverse. 

I have had dealings with some very bad couriers; 
but I have also had dealings with one who might 
fairly be called perfection. He was a young 
Polander, named Joseph N. Verey. He spoke 
eight languages, and seemed to be equally at home 
in all of them; he was shrewd, prompt, posted, and 
punctual ; he was fertile in resources, and singularly 
gifted in the matter of overcoming difficulties; he 
not only knew how to do everything in his line, but 
he knew the best ways and the quickest; he was 
handy with children and invalids ; all his employer 
needed to do was to take life easy and leave every- 
thing to the courier. His address is, care of Messrs. 
Gay & Son, Strand, London; he was formerly a 
conductor of Gay's tourist parties. Excellent 
couriers are somewhat rare ; if the reader is about 
to tr.-vel, he will find it to his advantage to make a 
note ^f this one. 



CHAPTER IV. 

THE beautiful Giesbach Fall is near Interlaken, 
on the other side of the lake of Brienz, and is 
illuminated every night with those gorgeous theat- 
rical fires whose name I cannot call just at this mo- 
ment. This was said to be a spectacle which the 
tourist ought by no means to miss. I was strongly 
tempted, but I could not go there with propriety, 
because one goes in a boat. The task which I had 
set myself was to walk over Europe on foot, not 
skim over it in a boat. I had made a tacit contract 
with myself ; it was my duty to abide by it. I was 
willing to make boat trips for pleasure, but I could 
not conscientiously make them in the way of busi- 
ness. 

It cost me something of a pang to lose that fine 
sight, but I lived down the desire, and gained in my 
self-respect through the triumph. I had a finer and 
a grander sight, however, where I was. This was 
the mighty dome of the Jungfrau softly outlined 
against the sky and faintly silvered by the starlight. 
There was something subduing in the influence of 
that silent and solemn and awful presence; one 
4#» (49) 



50 A Tramp Abroad 

seemed to meet the immutable, the indestructible, 
the eternal, face to face, and to feel the trivial and 
fleeting nature of his own existence the more sharply 
by the contrast. One had the sense of being under 
the brooding contemplation of a spirit, not an inert 
mass of rocks and ice, — a spirit which had looked 
down, through the slow drift of the ages, upon a 
million vanished races of men, and judged them; 
and would judge a million more, — and still be there, 
watching, unchanged and unchangeable, after all life 
should be gone and the earth have become a vacant 
desolation. 

While I was feeling these things, I was groping, 
without knowing it, toward an understanding of 
what the spell is which people find in the Alps, and 
in no other mountains, — that strange, deep, name- 
less influence, which, once felt, cannot be for- 
gotten, — once felt, leaves always behind it a restless 
longing to feel it again, — a longing which is like 
homesickness; a grieving, haunting yearning, which 
will plead, implore, and persecute till it has its will. 
I met dozens of people, imaginative and unimagina- 
tive, cultivated and uncultivated, who had come 
from far countries and roamed through the Swiss 
Alps year after year, — they could not explain why. 
They had come first, they said, out of idle curiosity, 
because everybody talked about it ; they had come 
since because they could not help it, and they should 
keep on coming, while they lived, for the same 
reason ; they had tried to break their chains and stay 



A Tramp Abroad 51 

away, but it was futile; now, they had no desire to 
break them. Others came nearer formulating what 
they felt : they said they could find perfect rest and 
peace nowhere else when they were troubled: all 
frets and worries and chafings sank to sleep in the 
presence of the benignant serenity of the Alps; the 
Great Spirit of the Mountain breathed his own peace 
upon their hurt minds and sore hearts, and healed 
them ; they could not think base thoughts or do 
mean and sordid things here, before the visible 
throne of God. 

Down the road a piece was a Kursaal, — whatever 
that may be, — and we joined the human tide to see 
what sort of enjoyment it might afford. It was the 
usual open-air concert, in an ornamental garden, 
with wines, beer, milk, whey, grapes, etc., — the 
whey and the grapes being necessaries of life to 
certain invalids whom physicians cannot repair, and 
who only continue to exist by the grace of whey or 
grapes. One of these departed spirits told me, in a 
sad and lifeless way, that there was no way for him 
to live but by whey; never drank anything, now, 
but whey, and dearly, dearly loved whey, he didn't 
know whey he did, but he did. After making this 
pun he died, — that is the whey it served him. 

Some other remains, preserved from decomposi- 
tion by the grape system, told me that the grapes 
were of a peculiar breed, highly medicinal in their 
nature, and that they were counted out and adminis- 
tered by the grape-doctors as methodically as if they 



52 A Tramp Abroad 

were pills. The new patient, if very feeble, began 
with one grape before breakfast, took three during 
breakfast, a couple between meals, five at luncheon, 
three in the afternoon, seven at dinner, four for 
supper, and part of a grape just before going to 
bed, by way of a general regulator. The quantity 
was gradually and regularly increased, according to 
the needs and capacities of the patient, until by and 
by you would find him disposing of his one grape 
per second all the day long, and his regular barrel 
per day. 

He said that men cured in this way, and enabled 
to discard the grape system, never afterward got 
over the habit of talking as if they were dictating to 
a slow amanuensis, because they always made a 
pause between each two words while they sucked 
the substance out of an imaginary grape. He said 
these were tedious people to talk with. He said 
that men who had been cured by the other process 
were easily distinguished from the rest of mankind 
because they always tilted their heads back, between 
every two words, and swallowed a swig of imaginary 
whey. He said it was an impressive thing to ob- 
serve two men, who had been cured by the two pro- 
cesses, engaged in conversation, — said their pauses 
and accompanying movements were so continuous 
and regular that a stranger would think himself in 
the presence of a couple of automatic machines. 
One finds out a great many wonderful things, by 
traveling, if he stumbles upon the right person. 



A Tramp Abroad S) 

I did not remain long at the Kursaal ; the music 
was good enough, but it seemed rather tame after 
the cyclone of that Arkansaw expert. Besides, my 
adventurous spirit had conceived a formidable entei 
prise — nothing less than a trip from Interlaken, by 
the Gemmi and Visp, clear to Zermatt, on foot! 
So it was necessary to plan the details, and get 
ready for an early start. The courier (this was not 
the one I have just been speaking of) thought that 
the portier of the hotel would be able to tell us how 
to find our way. And so it turned out. He showed 
us the whole thing, on a relief-map, and we could 
see our route, with all its elevations and depressions, 
its villages and its rivers, as clearly as if we were 
sailing over it in a balloon. A relief-map is a great 
thing. The portier also wrote down each day's 
journey aijd the nightly hotel on a piece of paper, 
and made our course so plain that we should never 
be able to get lost without high-priced outside help. 

I put the courier in the care of a gentleman who 
was going to Lausanne, and then we went to bed, 
after laying out the walking costumes and . putting 
them into condition for instant occupation in the 
morning. 

However, when we came down to breakfast at 8 
A. M., it looked so much like rain that I hired a 
two-horse top-buggy for the first third of the jour- 
ney. For two or three hours we jogged along the 
level road which skirts the beautiful lake of Thun, 
with a dim and dreamlike picture of watery expanses 



54 A Tramp Abroad 

and spectral Alpine forms always before us, veiled 
in a mellowing mist. Then a steady downpour set 
in, and hid everything but the nearest objects. We 
kept the rain out of our faces with umbrellas, and 
away from our bodies with the leather apron of the 
buggy; but the driver sat unsheltered and placidly 
soaked the weather in and seemed to like it. We 
had the road all to ourselves, and I never had a 
pleasanter excursion. 

The weather began to clear while we were driving 
up a valley called the Kienthal, and presently a vast 
black cloud bank in front of us dissolved away and 
uncurtained the grand proportions and the soaring 
loftinesses of the Blumis Alp. It was a sort of breath- 
taking surprise ; for we had not supposed there was 
anything behind that low-hung blanket of sable 
cloud but level valley. What we had been mis- 
taking for fleeting glimpses of sky away aloft there, 
were really patches of the Blumis' snowy crest 
caught through shredded rents in the drifting pall 
of vapor. 

We dined in the inn at Frutigen, and our driver 
ought to have dined there, too, but he would not 
have had time to dine and get drunk both, so he 
gave his mind to making a masterpiece of the latter, 
and succeeded. A German gentleman and his two 
young lady daughters had been taking their nooning 
at the inn, and when they left, just ahead of us, it 
was plain that their driver was as drunk as ours, and 
as happy and good natured, too, which was saying 



A Tramp Abroad 55 

a good deal. These rascals overflowed with atten- 
tions and information for their guests, and with 
brotherly love for each other. They tied their reins, 
and took off their coats and hats, so that they might 
be able to give unencumbered attention to con- 
versation and to the gestures necessary for its 
illustration. 

The road was smooth; it led up and over and 
down a continual succession of hills; but it was 
narrow, the horses were used to it, and could not 
well get out of it anyhow; so why shouldn't the 
drivers entertain themselves and us? The noses of 
our horses projected sociably into the rear of the 
forward carriage, and as we toiled up the long hills 
our driver stood up and talked to his friend, and his 
friend stood up and talked back to him, with his 
rear to the scenery. When the top was reached 
and we went flying down the other side, there was 
no change in the programme. I carry in my mem- 
ory yet the picture of that forward driver, on his 
knees on his high seat, resting his elbows on its 
back, and beaming down on his passengers, with 
happy eye, and flying hair, and jolly red face, and 
offering his card to the old German gentleman while 
he praised his hack and horses, and both teams were 
whizzing down a long hill with nobody in a position 
to tell whether we were bound to destruction or an 
undeserved safety. 

Toward sunset we entered a beautiful green valley 
dotted with chalets, a cosy Httle domain hidden 



56 A Tramp Abroad 

away from the busy world in a cloistered nook 
among giant precipices topped with snowy peaks 
that seemed to float like islands above the curling 
surf of the sea of vapor that severed them from the 
lower world. Down from vague and vaporous 
heights, little ruffled zigzag milky currents came 
crawling, and found their way to the verge of one 
of those tremendous overhanging walls, whence they 
plunged, a shaft of silver, shivered to atoms in mid- 
descent and turned to an airy puff of luminous dust. 
Here and there, in grooved depressions among the 
snowy desolations of the upper altitudes, one 
glimpsed the extremity of a glacier, with its sea- 
green and honeycombed battlements of ice. 

Up the valley, under a dizzy precipice, nestled 
the village of Kandersteg, our halting place for the 
night. We were soon there, and housed in the 
hotel. But the waning day had such an inviting 
influence that we did not remain housed many mo- 
ments, but struck out and followed a roaring torrent 
of ice water up to its far source in a sort of little 
grass-carpeted parlor, walled in all around by vast 
precipices and overlooked by clustering summits of 
ice. This was the snuggest little croquet ground 
imaginable; it was perfectly level, and not more 
than a mile long by half a mile wide. The walls 
around it were so gigantic, and everything about it 
was on so mighty a scale that it was belittled, by 
contrast, to what I have likened it to, — a cosy and 
carpeted parlor. It was so high above the Kander- 



A Tramp Abroad 57 

steg valley that there was nothing between it and the 
snow peaks. I had never been in such intimate 
relations with the high altitudes before; the snow 
peaks had always been remote and unapproachable 
grandeurs, hitherto, but now we were hob-a-nob, — 
if one may use such a seemingly irreverent expres- 
sion about creations so august as these. 

We could see the streams which fed the torrent 
we had followed issuing from under the greenish 
ramparts of glaciers ; but two or three of these, in- 
stead of flowing over the precipices, sank down into 
the rock and sprang in big jets out of holes in the 
mid-face of the walls. 

The green nook which I have been describing is 
called the Gasternthal. The glacier streams gather 
and flow through it in a broad and rushing brook to 
a narrow cleft between lofty precipices; here the 
rushing brook becomes a mad torrent and goes 
booming and thundering down toward Kandersteg, 
lashing and thrashing its way over and among mon- 
ster bowlders, and hurling chance roots and logs 
about like straws. There was no lack of cascades 
along this route. The path by the side of the 
torrent was so narrow that one had to look sharp, 
when he heard a cow bell, and hunt for a place that 
was wide enough to accommodate a cow and a 
Christian side by side, and such places were not 
always to be had at an instant's notice. The cows 
Wear church bells, and that is a good idea in the 
q;ows, for where that torrent is, you couldn't h?^ 



58 A Tramp Abroad 

an ordinary cow-bell any further than you could 
hear the ticking of a watch. 

I needed exercise, so I employed my agent in 
setting stranded logs and dead trees adrift, and I sat 
on a bowlder and watched them go whirhng and 
leaping head over heels down the boiling torrent. 
It was a wonderfully exhilarating spectacle. When 
I had had exercise enough, I made the agent take 
some, by running a race with one of those logs. I 
made a trifle by betting on the log. 

After dinner we had a walk up and down the 
quiet Kandersteg valley, in the soft gloaming, with 
the spectacle of the dying lights of day playing 
about the crests and pinnacles of the still and 
solemn upper realm for contrast, and text for talk. 
There were no sounds but the dulled complaining of 
the torrent and the occasional tinkling of a distant 
bell. The spirit of the place was a sense of deep, 
pervading peace; one might dream his life tran- 
quilly away there, and not miss it or mind it when 
it was gone. 

The summer departed with the sun, and winter 
came with the stars. It grew to be a bitter night in 
that little hotel, backed up against a precipice that 
had no visible top to it, but we kept warm, and 
woke in time in the morning to find that everybody 
else had left for the Gemmi three hours before, — so 
our little plan of helping that German family (prin- 
cipally the old man) over the pass, was a blocked 
generosity. 



CHAPTER V. 

WE hired the only guide left, to lead us on our 
way. He was over seventy, but he could 
have given me nine-tenths of his strength and still 
had all his age entitled him to. He shouldered our 
satchels, overcoats, and alpenstocks, and we set out 
up the steep path. It was hot work. The old man 
soon begged us to hand over our coats and waist- 
coats to him to carry, too, and we did it; one could 
not refuse so little a thing to a poor old man like 
that; he should have had them if he had been a 
hundred and fifty. 

When we began that ascent, we could see a micro- 
scopic chalet perched away up against heaven on 
what seemed to be the highest mountain near us. It 
was on our right, across the narrow head of the 
valley. But when we got up abreast it on its own 
level, mountains were towering high above on every 
hand, and we saw that its altitude was just about 
that of the little Gasternthal which we had visited 
the evening before. Still it seemed a long way up 
in the air, in that waste and lonely wilderness of 
rocks. It had an unfenced grass-plot in front of it 

(59) 



60 A Tramp Abroad 

which seemed about as big as a billiard table, and 
this grass plot slanted so sharply downwards, and 
was so brief, and ended so exceedingly soon at the 
verge of the absolute precipice, that it was a shud- 
dery thing to think of a person's venturing to trust 
his foot on an incline so situated at all. Suppose a 
man stepped on an orange peel in that yard ; there 
would be nothing for him to seize ; nothing could 
keep him from rolling; five revolutions would bring 
him to the edge, and over he would go. What a 
frightful distance he would fall ! — for there are very 
few birds that fly as high as his starting-point. He 
would strike and bounce, two or three times, on his 
way down, but this would be no advantage to him. 
I would as soon take an airing on the slant of a 
rainbow as in such a front yard. I would rather, 
in fact, for the distance down would be about the 
same, and it is pleasanter to slide than to bounce. 
I could not see how the peasants got up to that 
chalet, — the region seemed too steep for anything 
but a balloon. 

As we strolled on climbing up higher and higher, 
we were continually bringing neighboring peaks into 
view and lofty prominence which had been hidden 
behind lower peaks before; so by and by, while 
standing before a group of these giants, we looked 
around for the chalet again ; there it was, away down 
below us, apparently on an inconspicuous ridge in 
the valley ! It was as far below us, now, as it had 
been above us when we were beginning the ascent. 



A Tramp Abroad 61 

After a while the path led us along a railed preci- 
pice, and we looked over — far beneath us was the 
snug parlor again, the little Gasternthal, with its 
water jets spouting from the face of its rock walls. 
We could have dropped a stone into it. We had 
been finding the top of the world all along — and 
always finding a still higher top stealing into view in 
a disappointing way just ahead; when we looked 
down into the Gasternthal we felt pretty sure that 
we had reached the genuine top at last, but it was 
not so; there were much higher altitudes to be 
scaled yet. We were still in the pleasant shade of 
forest trees, we were still in a region which was 
cushioned with beautiful mosses and aglow with the 
many-tinted luster of innumerable wild flowers. 

We found, indeed, more interest in the wild 
flowers than in anything else. We gathered a 
specimen or two of every kind which we were unac- 
quainted with ; so we had sumptuous bouquets. But 
one of the chief interests lay in chasing the seasons 
of the year up the mountain, and determining them 
by the presence of flowers and berries which ,we 
were acquainted with. For instance, it was the end 
of August at the level of the sea ; in the Kandersteg 
valley at the base of the pass, we found flowers 
which would not be due at the sea level for two or 
three weeks; higher up, we entered October, and 
gathered fringed gentians. I made no notes, and have 
forgotten the details, but the construction of the 

floral calendar was very entertaining while it lasted. 

S** 



62 A Tramp Abroad 

In the high regions we found rich store of the 
splendid red flower called the Alpine rose, but we 
did not find any examples of the ugly Swiss favorite 
called Edelweiss. Its name seems to indicate that it 
is a noble flower and that it is white. It may be 
noble enough, but it is not attractive, and it is not 
white. The fuzzy blossom is the color of bad cigar 
ashes, and appears to be made of a cheap quality of 
gray plush. It has a noble and distant way of con- 
fining itself to the high altitudes, but that is prob- 
ably on account of its looks; it apparently has no 
monopoly of those upper altitudes, however, for they 
are sometimes intruded upon by some of the loveliest 
of the valley families of wild flowers. Everybody in 
the Alps wears a sprig of Edelweiss in his hat. It is 
the native's pet, and also the tourist's. 

All the morning, as we loafed along, having a 
good time, other pedestrians went staving by us 
with vigorous strides, and with the intent and deter- 
mined look of men who were walking for a wager. 
These wore loose knee-breeches, long yarn stock- 
ings, and hob-nailed high-laced walking shoes. They 
were gentlemen who would go home to England or 
Germany and tell how many miles they had beaten 
the guide-book every day. But I doubted if they 
ever had much real fun, outside of the mere mag- 
nificent exhilaration of the tramp through the green 
valleys and the breezy heights ; for they were almost 
always alone, and even the finest scenery loses incal- 
culably when there is no one to enjoy it with. 



A Tramp Abroad 6) 

All the morning an endless double procession of 
mule-mounted tourists filed past us along the narrow 
path, — the one procession going, the other coming. 
We had taken a good deal of trouble to teach our- 
selves the kindly German custom of saluting all 
strangers with doffed hat, and we resolutely clung 
to it, that morning, although it kept us bareheaded 
most of the time and was not always responded to. 
Still we found an interest in the thing, because we 
naturally liked to know who were English and 
Americans among the passers-by. All continental 
natives responded of course; so did some of the 
English and Americans, but, as a general thing, 
these two races gave no sign. Whenever a man or 
a woman showed us cold neglect, we spoke up con- 
fidently in our own tongue and asked for such 
information as we happened to need, and we always 
got a reply in the same language. The English and 
American folk are not less kindly than other races, 
they are only more reserved, and that comes of 
habit and education. In one dreary, rocky waste, 
away above the line of vegetation, we met a proces- 
sion of twenty-five mounted young men, all from 
America. We got answering bows enough from 
these, of course, for they were of an age to learn to 
dc in Rome as Rome does, without much effort. 

At one extremity of this patch of desolation, 
overhung by bare and forbidding crags which hus- 
banded drifts of everlasting snow in their shaded 
cavities, was a small stretch of thin and discouraged 



64 A Tramp Abroad 

grass, and a man and a family of pigs were actually 
living here in some shanties. Consequently this 
place could be really reckoned as ** property"; it 
had a money value, and was doubtless taxed. I 
think it must have marked the limit of real estate in 
this world. It would be hard to set a money value 
upon any piece of earth that lies between that spot 
and the empty realm of space. That man may 
claim the distinction of owning the end of the world, 
for if there is any definite end to the world he has 
certainly found it. 

From here forward we moved through a storm- 
swept and smileless desolation. All about us rose 
gigantic masses, crags, and ramparts of bare and 
dreary rock, with not a vestige or semblance of 
plant or tree or flower anywhere, or glimpse of any 
creature that had life. The frost and the tempests 
of unnumbered ages had battered and hacked at 
these cliffs, with a deathless energy, destroying them 
piecemeal ; so all the region about their bases was a 
tumbled chaos of great fragments which had been 
split off and hurled to the ground. Soiled and aged 
banks of snow lay close about our path. The 
ghastly desolation of the place was as tremendously 
complete as if Dor6 had furnished the working 
plans for it. But every now and then, through the 
stern gateways around us we caught a view of some 
neighboring majestic dome, sheathed with glittering 
ice, and displaying its white purity at an elevation 
compared to which ours was groveling and plebeian, 



A Tramp Abroad 65 

and this spectacle always chained one's interest and 
admiration at once, and made him forget there was 
anything ugly in the world. 

I have just said that there was nothing but death 
and desolation in these hideous places, but I forgot. 
In the most forlorn and arid and dismal one of all, 
where the racked and splintered debris was thickest, 
where the ancient patches of snow lay against the 
very path, where the winds blew bitterest and the 
general aspect was mournfulest and dreariest, and 
furthest from any suggestion of cheer or hope, I 
found a solitary wee forget-me-not flourishing away, 
not a droop about it anywhere, but holding its 
bright blue star up with the prettiest and gallantest 
air in the world, the only happy spirit, the only 
smiling thing, in all that grisly desert. She seemed 
to say, " Cheer up ! — as long as we are here, let 
us make the best of it." I judged she had earned 
a right to a more hospitable place; so I plucked 
her up and sent her to America to a friend who 
would respect her for the fight she had made, all by 
her small self, to make a whole vast despondent 
Alpine desolation stop breaking its heart over the 
unalterable, and hold up its head and look at the 
bright side of things for once. 

We stopped for a nooning at a strongly built little 
inn called the Schwarenbach. It sits in a lonely 
spot among the peaks, where it is swept by the 
trailing fringes of the cloud rack, and is rained on, 
snowed on, and pelted and persecuted by the 



66 A Tramp Abroad 

storms, nearly every day of its life. It was the only 
habitation in the whole Gemmi Pass. 

Close at hand, now, was a chance for a blood- 
curdling Alpine adventure. Close at hand was the 
snowy mass of the Great Altels cooling its topknot 
in the sky and daring us to an ascent. I was fired 
with the idea, and immediately made up my mind 
to procure the necessary guides, ropes, etc., and 
undertake it. I instructed Harris to go to the 
landlord of the inn and set him about our prepara- 
tions. Meantime, I went diligently to work to read 
up and find out what this much-talked-of mountain- 
climbing was like, and how one should go about it, 
— for in these matters I was ignorant. I opened 
Mr. Hinchliff' s " Summer Months among the 
Alps" (published 1857), and selected his account 
of his ascent of Monte Rosa. It began : 

" It is very difficult to free the mind from excite- 
ment on the evening before a grand expedition " 

I saw that I was too calm ; so I walked the room 
a while and worked myself into a high excitement ; 
but the book's next remark, — that the adventurer 
must get up at two in the morning, — came as near 
as anything to flatting it all out again. However, I 
reinforced it, and read on, about how Mr. Hinchliff 
dressed by candle-light and was " soon down among 
the guides, who were bustling about in the passage, 
packing provisions, and making every preparation 
for the start;" and how he glanced out into the cold 
clear night and saw that — 



A Tramp Abroad 67 

"The whole sky was blazing with stars, larger 
and brighter than they appear through the dense 
atmosphere breathed by inhabitants of the lower 
parts of the earth. They seemed actually suspended 
from the dark vault of heaven, and their gentle light 
shed a fairy-like gleam over the snow-fields around 
the foot of the Matterhorn, which raised its stupen- 
dous pinnacle on high, penetrating to the heart of 
the Great Bear, and crowning itself with a diadem of 
his magnificent stars. Not a sound disturbed the 
deep tranquillity of the night, except the distant 
roar of streams which rush from the high plateau of 
the St. Theodule glacier, and fall headlong over 
precipitous rocks till they lose themselves in the 
mazes of the Corner glacier." 

He took his hot toast and coffee, and then about 
half past three his caravan of ten men filed away 
from the Riffel Hotel, and began the steep climb. 
At half past five he happened to turn around, and 
"beheld the glorious spectacle of the Matterhorn, 
just touched by the rosy-fingered morning, and 
looking like a huge pyramid of fire rising out of- the 
barren ocean of ice and rock around it." Then the 
Breithorn and the Dent Blanche caught the radiant 
glow; but " the intervening mass of Monte Rosa 
made it necessary for us to climb many hours before 
we could hope to see the sun himself, yet the whole 
air soon grew warmer after the splendid birth of 
day." 

He gazed at the lofty crown of Monte Rosa and 

E«* 



68 A Tramp Abroad 

the wastes of snow that guarded its steep ap- 
proaches, and the chief guide delivered the opinion 
that no man could conquer their awful heights and 
put his foot upon that summit. But the adventurers 
moved steadily on, nevertheless. 

They toiled up, and up, and still up; they passed 
the Grand Plateau ; then toiled up a steep shoulder 
of the mountain, clinging like flies to its rugged 
face ; and now they were confronted by a tremen- 
dous wall from which great blocks of ice and snow 
were evidently in the habit of falling. They turned 
aside to skirt this wall, and gradually ascended until 
their way was barred by a " maze of gigantic snow 
crevasses," — so they turned aside again, and "be- 
gan a long climb of sufficient steepness to make a 
zigzag course necessary." 

Fatigue compelled them to halt frequently, for a 
moment or two. At one of these halts somebody 
called out, " Look at Mont Blanc !" and " we were 
at once made aware of the very great height we had 
attained by actually seeing the monarch of the Alps 
and his attendant satellites right over the top of the 
Breithorn, itself at least 14,000 feet high!" 

These people moved in single file, and were all 
tied to a strong rope, at regular distances apart, so 
that if one of them slipped on those giddy heights, 
the others could brace themselves on their alpen- 
stocks and save him from darting into the valley, 
thousands of feet below. By and by they came to 
an ice-coated ridge which was tilted up at a sharp 



A Tramp Abroad 69 

angle, and had a precipice on one side of it. They 
had to climb this, so the guide in the lead cut steps 
in the ice with his hatchet, and as fast as he took 
his toes out of one of these slight holes, the toes of 
the man behind him occupied it. 

" Slowly and steadily we kept on our way over 
this dangerous part of the ascent, and I daresay it 
was fortunate for some of us that attention was dis- 
tracted from the head by the paramount necessity 
of looking after the feet ; for^ while on the left the 
incline of ice was so steep that it would be impossible 
for any man to save himself in case of a slip, unless 
the others could hold him up, on the right we might 
drop a pebble frojn the hand over precipices of mt- 
known extent down upon the tremendous glacier 
below. 

"Great caution, therefore, was absolutely neces- 
sary, and in this exposed situation we were attacked 
by all the fury of that grand enemy of aspirants to 
Monte Rosa — a severe and bitterly cold wind from 
the north. The fine powdery snow was driven past 
us in clouds, penetrating the interstices of our 
clothes, and the pieces of ice which flew from the 
blows of Peter's axe were whisked into the air, and 
then dashed over the precipice. We had quite 
enough to do to prevent ourselves from being served 
in the same ruthless fashion, and now and then, in 
the more violent gusts of wind, were glad to stick 
our alpenstocks into the ice and hold on hard." 

Having surmounted this perilous steep, they sat 



76 A Tramp Abroad 

down and took a brief rest with their backs against a 
sheltering rock and their heels dangling over a 
bottomless abyss; then they climbed to the base of 
another ridge, — a more difficult and dangerous one 
still: 

" The whole of the ridge was exceedingly narrow, 
and the fall on each side desperately steep, but the 
ice in some of these intervals between the masses of 
rock assumed the form of a mere sharp edge, 
almost hke a knife; these places, though not more 
than three or four short paces in length, looked un- 
commonly awkward ; but, like the sword leading 
true believers to the gates of Paradise, they must 
needs be passed before we could attain to the sum- 
mit of our ambition. These were in one or two 
places so narrow, that in stepping over them with 
toes well turned out for greater security, one end of 
the foot projected over the awful precipice on the right, 
while the other was on the begitt7iing of the icy slope 
on the left, which was scarcely less steep than the 
rocks. On these occasions Peter would take my 
hand, and each of us stretching as far as we could, 
he was thus enabled to get a firm footing two paces 
or rather more from me, whence a spring would 
probably bring him to the rock on the other side ; 
then, turning round, he called to me to' come, and, 
taking a couple of steps carefully, I was met at the 
third by his outstretched hand ready to clasp mine, 
and in a moment stood by his side. The others fol- 
lowed in much the same fashion. Once my right 



A Tramp Abroad 71 

foot slipped on the side toward the precipice, but I 
threw out my left arm in a moment so that it caught 
the icy edge under m}'- armpit as I fell, and sup- 
ported me considerably ; at the same instant I cast 
my eyes down the side on which I had slipped, and 
contrived to plant my right foot on a piece of rock 
as large as a cricket ball, which chanced to protrude 
through the ice, on the very edge of the precipice. 
Being thus anchored fore and aft, as it were, I be- 
lieve I could easily have recovered myself, even if I 
had been alone, though it must be confessed the 
situation would have been an awful one ; as it was, 
however, a jerk from Peter settled the matter very 
soon, and I was on my legs all right in an instant. 
The rope is an immense help in places of this kind." 

Now they arrived at the base of a great knob or 
dome veneered with ice and powdered with snow — 
the utmost summit, the last bit of solidity between 
them and the hollow vault of heaven. They set to 
work with their hatchets, and were soon creeping, 
insect-like, up its surface, with their heels projecting 
over the thinnest kind of nothingness, thickened up 
a little with a few wandering shreds and films of 
cloud moving in lazy procession far below. Pres- 
ently, one man's toe-hold broke and he fell! There 
he dangled in mid-air at the end of the rope, Hke a 
spider, till his friends above hauled him into place 
again. 

A little bit later, the party stood upon the wee 
pedestal of the very summit, in a driving wind, and 



72 A Tramp Abroad 

looked out upon the vast green expanses of Italy 
and a shoreless ocean of billowy Alps. 

When I had read thus far, Harris burst into the 
room in a noble excitement and said the ropes and 
the guides were secured, and asked if I was ready. 
I said I believed I wouldn't ascend the Altels this 
time. I said Alp-climbing was a different thing from 
what I had supposed it was, and so I judged we had 
better study its points a little more before we went 
definitely into it. But I told him to retain the 
guides and order them to follow us to Zermatt, be- 
cause I meant to use them there. I said I could 
feel the spirit of adventure beginning to stir in me, 
and was sure that the fell fascination of Alp- 
climbing would soon be upon me. I said he could 
make up his mind to it that we would do a deed 
before we were a week older which would make the 
hair of the timid curl with fright. 

This made Harris happy, and filled him with am- 
bitious anticipations. He went at once to tell the 
guides to follow us to Zermatt and bring all their 
paraphernalia with them. 



CHAPTER VI. 

A GREAT and priceless thing is a new interest ! 
How it takes possession of a man ! how it clings 
to him , how it rides him ! I strode onward from 
the Schwarenbach hostelry a changed man, a reor- 
ganized personality. I walked in a new world, I saw 
with new eyes. I had been looking aloft at the 
giant snow-peaks only as things to be worshiped 
for their grandeur and magnitude, and their unspeak- 
able grace of form-; I looked up at them now, as 
also things to be conquered and climbed. My sense 
of their grandeur and their noble beauty was neither 
lost nor impaired ; I had gained a new interest in the 
mountains without losing the old ones. I followed 
the steep lines up, inch by inch, with my eye, and 
noted the possibility or impossibility of following 
them with my feet. When I saw a shining helmet 
of ice projecting above the clouds, I tried to imagine 
I saw files of black specks toiling up it roped together 
with a gossamer thread. 

We skirted the lonely little lake called the 
Daubensee, and presently passed close by a 
glacier on the right, — a thing like a great river 

(73) 



74 A Tramp Abroad 

frozen solid in its flow and broken square off like 
a wall at its mouth. I had never been so near a 
glacier before. 

Here we came upon a new board shanty, and found 
some men engaged in building a stone house ; so the 
Schwarenbach was soon to have a rival. We bought 
a bottle or so of beer here ; at any rate they called 
it beer, but I knew by the price that it was dissolved 
jewelry, and I perceived by the taste that dissolved 
jewelry is not good stuff to drink. 

We were surrounded by a hideous desolation. 
We stepped forward to a sort of jumping-off place, 
and were confronted by a startling contrast: we 
seemed to look down into fairyland. Two or three 
thousand feet below us was a bright green level, with 
a pretty town in its midst, and a silvery stream wind- 
ing among the meadows ; the charming spot was 
walled in on all sides by gigantic precipices clothed 
with pines ; and over the pines, out of the softened 
distances, rose the snowy domes and peaks of the 
Monte Rosa region. How exquisitely green and 
beautiful that little valley down there was ! The dis- 
tance was not great enough to obliterate details, it 
only made them little, and mellow, and dainty, like 
landscapes and towns seen through the wrong end of 
a spyglass. 

Right under us a narrow ledge rose up out of the 
valley, with a green, slanting, bench-shaped top, 
and grouped about upon this green-baize bench were 
a lot of black and white sheep which looked merely 



A Tramp Abroad 75 

like oversized worms. The bench seemed lifted well 
up into our neighborhood, but that was a deception, 
— it was a long way down to it. 

We began our descent, now, by the most remark- 
able road I have ever seen. It wound in corkscrew 
curves down the face of the colossal precipice, — a 
narrow way, with always the solid rock wall at one 
elbow, and perpendicular nothingness at the other. 
We met an everlasting procession of guides, porters, 
mules, litters, and tourists climbing up this steep and 
muddy path, and there was no room to spare when you 
had to pass a tolerably fat mule. I always took the 
inside, when I heard or saw the mule coming, and 
flattened myself against the wall. I preferred the 
inside, of course, but I should have had to take it 
anyhow, because the mule prefers the outside. A 
mule's preference — on a precipice — is a thing to 
be respected. Well, his choice is always the outside. 
His life is mostly devoted to carrying bulky paniers 
and packages which rest against his body, — there- 
fore he is habituated to taking the outside edge of 
mountain paths, to keep his bundles from rubbing 
against rocks or banks on the other. When he goes 
into the passenger business he absurdly clings to his 
old habit, and keeps one leg of his passenger always 
dangling over the great deeps of the lower world 
while that passenger's heart is in the highlands, so 
to speak. More than once I saw a mule's hind foot 
cave over the outer edge and send earth and rubbish 
into the bottomless abyss ; and I noticed that upon 



76 A Tramp Abroad 

these occasions the rider, whether male or female, 
looked tolerably unwell. 

There was one place where an 1 8-inch breadth of 
light masonry had been added to the verge of the 
path, and as there was a very sharp turn, here, a 
panel of fencing had been set up there at some 
ancient time, as a protection. This panel was old 
and gray and feeble, and the light masonry had been 
loosened by recent rains. A young American girl 
came along on a mule, and in making the turn the 
mule's hind foot caved all the loose masonry and 
one of the fence posts overboard ; the mule gave a 
violent lurch inboard to save himself, and succeeded 
in the effort, but that girl turned as white as the 
snows of Mont Blanc for a moment. 

The path here was simply a groove cut into the 
face of the precipice ; there was a four-foot breadth 
of solid rock under the traveler, and a four-foot 
breadth of solid rock just above his head, like the 
roof of a narrow porch ; he could look out from this 
gallery and see a sheer summitless and bottomless 
wall of rock before him, across a gorge or crack a 
biscuit's toss in width, — but he could not see the 
bottom of his own precipice unless he lay down and 
projected his nose over the edge. I did not do this, 
because I did not wish to soil my clothes. 

Every few hundred yards, at particularly bad 
places, one came across a panel or so of plank fenc- 
ing; but they were always old and weak, and they 
generally leaned out over the chasm and did not 



A Tramp Abroad 77 

make any rash promises to hold up people who might 
need support. There was one of these panels which 
had only its upper board left; a pedestrianizing 
English youth came tearing down the path, was 
seized with an impulse to look over the precipice, 
and without an instant's thought he threw his weight 
upon that crazy board. It bent outward a foot! I 
never made a gasp before that came so near suffocat- 
ing me. The English youth's face simply showed a 
lively surprise, but nothing more. He went swing- 
ing along valleywards again, as if he did not know 
he had just swindled a coroner by the closest kind of 
a shave. 

The Alpine litter is sometimes like a cushioned box 
made fast between the middles of two long poles, and 
sometimes it is a chair with a back to it and a sup- 
port for the feet. It is carried by relays of strong 
porters. The motion is easier than that of any 
other conveyance. We met a few men and a great 
many ladies in litters ; it seemed to me that most of 
the ladies looked pale and nauseated ; their general 
aspect gave me the idea that they were patiently en- 
during a horrible suffering. As a rule, they looked 
at their laps, and left the scenery to take care of 
itself. 

But the most frightened creature I saw, was a led 
horse that overtook us. Poor fellow, he had been 
born and reared in the grassy levels of the Kander- 
steg valley and had never seen anything like this 
hideous place before. Every few steps he would 



78 A Tramp Abroad 

stop short, glance wildly out from the dizzy height, 
and then spread his red nostrils wide and pant as 
violently as if he had been running a race; and all 
the while he quaked from head to heel as with a 
palsy. He was a handsome fellow, and he made a 
fine statuesque picture of terror, but it was pitiful to 
see him suffer so. 

This dreadful path has had its tragedy. Baedeker, 
with his customary overterseness, begins and ends 
the tale thus : 

"The descent on horseback should be avoided. 
In 1 86 1 a Comtesse d'Herlincourt fell from her 
saddle over the precipice and was killed on the 
spot." 

We looked over the precipice there, and saw the 
monument which commemorates the event. It 
stands in the bottom of the gorge, in a place which 
has been hollowed out of the rock to protect it from 
the torrent and the storms. Our old guide never 
spoke but when spoken to, and then limited himself 
to a syllable or two, but when we asked him about 
this tragedy he showed a strong interest in the 
matter. He said the Countess was very pretty, 
and very young, — hardly out of her girlhood, in 
fact. She was newly married, and was on her bridal 
tour. The young husband was riding a little in 
advance; one guide was leading the husband's 
horse, another was leading the bride's. The old 
man continued : 

"The guide that was leading the husband's horse 



A Tramp Abroad 79 

happened to glance back, and there was that poor 
young thing sitting up staring out over the precipice ; 
and her face began to bend downward a little, and 
she put up her two hands slowly and met it, — so, 
— and put them flat against her eyes, — so, — and 
then she sunk out of the saddle, with a sharp shriek, 
and one caught only the flash of a dress, and it was 
all over." 

Then after a pause: 

"Ah, yes, that guide saw these things, — yes, he 
saw them all. He saw them all, just as I have told 
you." 

After another pause : 

"Ah, yes, he saw them all. My God, that was 
me. I was that guide ! " 

This had been the one event of the old man's life ; 
so one may be sure he had forgotten no detail con- 
nected with it. We listened to all he had to say 
about what was done and what happened and what 
was said after the sorrowful occurrence, and a pain- 
ful story it was. 

When we had wound down toward the valley, until 
we were about on the last spiral of the corkscrew, 
Harris's hat blew over the last remaining bit of pre- 
cipice, — a small clift a hundred or hundred and fifty 
feet high, — and sailed down towards a steep slant 
composed of rough chips and fragments which the 
weather had flaked away from the precipices. We 
went leisurely down there, expecting to find it with- 
out any trouble, but we had made a mistake, as to 



flO A Tramp Abroad 

that. We hunted during a couple of hours, — not 
because the old straw hat was valuable, but out of 
curiosity to find out how such a thing could manage 
to conceal itself in open ground where there was noth- 
ing left for it to hide behind. When one is reading 
in bed, and lays his paper-knife down, he cannot find 
it again if it is smaller than a sabre ; that hat was as 
stubborn as any paper-knife could have been, and we 
finally had to give it up ; but we found a fragment 
that had once belonged to an opera-glass, and by 
digging around and turning over the rocks we 
gradually collected all the lenses and the cylinders 
and the various odds and ends that go to make up a 
complete opera-glass. We afterwards had the thing 
reconstructed, and the owner can have his adventur- 
ous long-lost property by submitting proofs and pay- 
ing costs of rehabilitation. We had hopes of finding 
the owner there, distributed around amongst the 
rocks, for it would have made an elegant paragraph ; 
but we were disappointed. Still, we were far from 
being disheartened, for there was a considerable area 
which we had not thoroughly searched ; we were 
satisfied he was there, somewhere, so we resolved to 
wait over a day at Leuk and come back and get him. 
Then we sat down to polish off the perspiration 
and arrange about what we would do with him when 
we got him. Harris was for contributing him to the 
British Museum ; but I was for mailing him to his 
widow. That is the difference between Harris and 
me ; Harris is all for display, I am all for the simple 



A Tramp Abroad 81 

light, even though I lose money by it. Harris 
argued in favor of his proposition and against mine, 
I argued in favor of mine and against his. The dis- 
cussion warmed into a dispute ; the dispute warmed 
into a quarrel. I finally said, very decidedly: 

'* My mind is made up. He goes to the widow." 

Harris answered sharply: 

"And my mind is made up. He goes to the 
Museum." 

I said, calmly: 

" The Museum may whistle when it gets him." 

Harris retorted : 

' ' The widow may save herself the trouble of 
whistling, for I will see that she never gets him." 

After some angry bandying of epithets, I 
said: 

'* It seems to me that you are taking on a good 
many airs about these remains. I don't quite see 
what you've got to say about them ? ' ' 

"/.^ I've got all to say about them. They'd 
never have been thought of if I hadn't found their 
opera-glass. The corpse belongs to me, and I'll do 
as I please with him." 

I was leader of the Expedition, and all discoveries 
achieved by it naturally belonged to me. I was en- 
titled to these remains, and could have enforced my 
right; but rather than have bad blood about the 
matter, I said we would toss up for them. I threw 
heads and won, but it was a barren victory, for 
although we spent all the next day searching, we 



82 A Tramp Abroaa 

never found a bone. I cannot imagine what could 
ever have become of that fellow. 

The town in the valley is called Leuk or Leuker- 
bad. We pointed our course toward it, down a ver- 
dant slope which was adorned with fringed gentians 
and other flowers, and presently entered the narrow 
alleys of the outskirts and waded toward the middle 
of the town through Hquid "fertilizer." They 
ought to either pave that village or organize a ferry. 

Harris's body was simply a chamois-pasture; his 
person was populous with the little hungry pests ; 
his skin, when he stripped, was splotched like a 
scarlet fever patient's; so, when we were about to 
enter one of the Leukerbad inns, and he noticed its 
sign, "Chamois Hotel," he refused to stop there. 
He said the chamois was plentiful enough, without 
hunting up hotels where they made a specialty of it. 
I was indifferent, for the chamois is a cieature that 
will neither bite me nor abide with me : but to calm 
Harris, we went to the Hotel des Alpes. 

At the table d'hote we had this, for an incident. 
A very grave man, — in fact his gravity amounted 
to solemnity, and almost to austerity, — sat oppo- 
site us and he was " tight," but doing his best to 
appear sober. He took up a corked bottle of wine, 
tilted it over his glass awhile, then sat it out of the 
way, with a contented look, and went on with his 
dinner. 

Presently he put his glass to his mouth, and of 
course found it empty. He looked puzzled, and 



A Tramp Abroad 83 

glanced furtively and suspiciously out of the cornef 
of his eye at a benignant and unconscious old lady 
who sat at his right. Shook his head, as much as to 
say, *' No, she couldn't have done it." He tilted 
the corked bottle over his glass again, meantime 
searching around with his watery eye to see if any- 
body was watching him. He ate a few mouthfuls, 
raised his glass to his lips, and of course it was still 
empty. He bent an injured and accusing side gaze 
upon that unconscious old lady, which was a study 
to see. She went on eating and gave no sign. He 
took up his glass and his bottle, with a wise private 
nod of his head, and set them gravely on the left 
hand side of his plate, — poured himself another 
imaginary drink, — went to work with his knife and 
fork once more, — presently lifted his glass with 
good confidence, and found it empty, as usual. 

This was almost a petrifying surprise. He straight- 
ened himself up in his chair and deliberately and sor- 
rowfully inspected the busy old ladies at his elbows,, 
first one and then the other. At last he softly pushed 
his plate away, set his glass directly in front of him, 
held on to it with his left hand, and proceeded to 
pour with his right. This time he observed that 
nothing came. He turned the bottle clear upside 
down; still nothing issued from it; a plaintive look 
came into his face, and he said, as if to himself, 
" 'id They ve got it all! " Then he set the bottle 
down, resignedly, and took the rest of his dinner 
dry. 



84 A Tramp Abroad 

It was at that table d'hote, too, that I had undei 
inspection the largest lady I have ever seen in private 
life. She was over seven feet high, and mag- 
nificently proportioned. What had first called my 
attention to her, was my stepping on an outlying 
flange of her foot, and hearing, from up toward the 
ceiling, a deep *' Pardon, m'sieu, but you encroach ! " 

That was when we were coming through the hall, 
and the place was dim, and I could see her only 
vaguely. The thing which called my attention to 
her the second time was, that at a table beyond 
ours were two very pretty girls, and this great lady 
came in and sat down between them and me and 
blotted out the view. She had a handsome face, 
and she was very finely formed, — perfectly formed, 
I should say. But she made everybody around her 
look trivial and commonplace. Ladies near her 
locked like children, and the men about her looked 
mean. They looked like failures; and they looked 
as if they felt so, too. She sat with her back to us. 
I never saw such a back in my life. I would have 
so liked to see the moon rise over it. The whole 
congregation waited, under one pretext or another, 
till she finished her dinner and went out; they 
wanted to see her at her full altitude, and they found 
it worth tarrying for. She filled one's idea of what 
an empress ought to be, when she rose up in her 
unapproachable grandeur and moved superbly out 
of that place. 

We were not at Leuk in time to see her at her 



A Tramp Abroad 85 

heaviest weight. She had suffered from corpulence 
and had come there to get rid of her extra flesh in 
the baths. Five weeks of soaking, — five uninter- 
rupted hours of it every day, — had accomplished 
her purpose and reduced her to the right proportions. 

Those baths remove fat, and also skin diseases. 
The patients remain in the great tanks for hours 
at a time. A dozen gentlemen and ladies occupy 
a tank together, and amuse themselves with romp- 
ings and various games c They have floating desks 
and tables, and they read or lunch or play chess in 
water that is breast deep. The tourist can step in 
and view this novel spectacle if he chooses. There's 
a poor-box, and he will have to contribute. There 
are several of these big bathing houses, and you 
can always tell when you are near one of them by 
the romping noises and shouts of laughter that pro- 
ceed from it. The water is running water, and 
changes all the time, else a patient with a ringworm 
might take the bath with only a partial success, since, 
while he was ridding himself of his ringworm, he 
might catch the itch. 

The next morning we wandered back up the green 
valley, leisurely, with the curving walls of those bare 
and stupendous precipices rising into the clouds be- 
fore us. I had never seen a clean, bare precipice 
stretching up five thousand feet above me before, 
and I never shall expect to see another one. They 
exist, perhaps, but not in places where one can easily 
get close to them. This pile of stone is peculiar. 



86 A Tramp Abroad 

From its base to the soaring tops of its mighty 
towers, all its lines and all its details vaguely suggest 
human architecture. There are rudimentary bow 
windows, cornices, chimneys, demarcations of 
stories, etc. One could sit and stare up there and 
study the features and exquisite graces of this grand 
structure, bit by bit, and day after day, and never 
weary his interest. The termination, toward the 
town, observed in profile, is the perfection of shape. 
It comes down out of the clouds in a succession of 
rounded, colossal, terrace-like projections, — a stair- 
way for the gods ; at its head spring several lofty 
storm-scarred towers, one above another, with faint 
films of vapor curling always about them like spectral 
banners. If there were a king whose realms in- 
cluded the whole world, here would be the palace 
meet and proper for such a monarch. He would 
only need to hollow it out and put in the electric 
light. He could give audience to a nation at a time 
under its roof. 

Our search for those remains having failed, we 
inspected with a glass the dim and distant track of 
an old-time avalanche that once swept down from 
some pine-grown summits behind the town and 
swept away the houses and buried the people ; then 
we struck down the road that leads toward the 
Rhone, to see the famous Ladders. These perilous 
things are built against the perpendicular face of a 
cHff two or three hundred feet high. The peasants, 
of both sexes, were climbing up and down them, 



A Tramp Abroad 87 

with heavy loads on their backs. I ordered Harris 
to make the ascent, so I could put the thrill and 
horror of it in my book, and he accomplished the 
feat successfully, through a sub-agent, for three 
francs, which I paid. It makes me shudder yet 
when I think of what I felt when I was clinging 
there between heaven and earth in the person of 
that proxy. At times the world swam around me, 
and I could hardly keep from letting go, so dizzying 
was the appalling danger. Many a person would 
have given up and descended, but I stuck to my 
task, and would not yield until I had accomplished 
it. I felt a just pride in my exploit, but I would 
not have repeated it for the wealth of thcworld. I 
shall break my neck yet with some such foolhardy 
performance, for warnings never seem to have any 
lasting effect upon me. When the people of the 
hotel found that I had been climbing those crazy 
Ladders, it made me an object of considerable 
attention. 

Next morning, early, we drove to the Rhone val- 
ley and took the train forVisp. There we shoul- 
dered our knapsacks and things, and set out on foot, 
in a tremendous rain, up the winding gorge, toward 
Zermatt. Hour after hour we slopped along, by 
the roaring torrent, and under noble Lesser Alps 
which were clothed in rich velvety green all the way 
up and had little atomy Swiss homes perched upon 
grassy benches along their mist-dimmed heights. 

The rain continued to pour and the torrent to 



SS A Tramp Abroad 

boom, and we continued to enjoy both. At the one 
spot where this torrent tossed its white mane 
highest, and thundered loudest, and lashed the big 
bowlders fiercest, the canton had done itself the 
honor to build the flimsiest wooden bridge that 
exists in the world. While we were walking over it, 
along with a party of horsemen, I noticed that even 
the larger raindrops made it shake. I called 
Harris's attention to it, and he noticed it, too. It 
seemed to me that if I owned an elephant that was a 
keepsake, and I thought a good deal of him, I would 
think twice before I would ride him over that bridge. 
We climbed up to the village of St. Nicholas, about 
half past four in the afternoon, waded ankle deep 
through the fertilizer-juice, and stopped at a new 
and nice hotel close by the little church. We 
stripped and went to bed, and sent our clothes 
down to be baked. All the horde of soaked tourists 
did the same. That chaos of clothing got mixed in 
the kitchen, and there were consequences. I did 
not get back the same drawers I sent down, when 
our things came up at 6.15; I got a pair on a new 
plan. They were merely a pair of white ruffle- 
cuffed absurdities, hitched together at the top with 
a narrow band, and they did not come quite down to 
my knees. They were pretty enough, but they 
made me feel like two people, and disconnected at 
that. The man must have been an idiot that got 
himself up like that, to rough it in the Swiss moun- 
tftiris. The shirt they brought me was shorter than 



A Tramp Abroad 89 

the drawers, and hadn't any sleeves to it, — at least 
it hadn't anything more than what Mr. Darwin 
would call "rudimentary" sleeves; these had 
" edging" around them, but the bosom was ridicu- 
lously plain. The knit silk undershirt they brought 
me was on a new plan, and was really a sensible thing; 
it opened behind, and had pockets in it to put your 
shoulder blades in ; but they did not seem to fit 
mine, and so I found it a sort of uncomfortable 
garment. They gave my bob-tail coat to somebody 
else, and sent me an ulster suitable for a giraffe. I 
had to tie my collar on, because there was no button 
behind on that foolish little shirt which I described 
a while ago. 

When I was dressed for dinner at 6.30, I was too 
loose in some places and too tight in others, and 
altogether I felt slovenly and ill conditioned. How- 
ever, the people at the table d'hote were no better 
off than I was; they had everybody's clothes but 
their own on. A long stranger recognized his ulster as 
soon as he saw the tail of it following me in, but 
nobody claimed my shirt or my drawers, though I 
described them as well as I was able. I gave them 
to the chambermaid that night when I went to bed, 
and she probably found the owner, for my own 
things were on a chair outside my door in the 
morning. 

There was a lovable English clergyman who did 
not get to the table d'hote at all. His breeches had 
turned up missing, and without any equivalent. He 



90 A Tramp Abroad 

said he was not more particular than other people, 
but he had noticed that a clergyman at dinner 
without any breeches was almost sure to excite 
remark. 



CHAPTER VII. 

WE did not oversleep at St. Nicholas. The 
church bell began to ring at 4.30 in the 
morning, and from the length of time it continued 
to ring I judged that it takes the Swiss sinner a 
good while to get the invitation through his head. 
Most church bells in the world are of poor quality, 
and have a harsh and rasping sound which upsets 
the temper and produces much sin, but the St. 
Nicholas bell is a good deal the worst one that has 
been contrived yet, and is peculiarly maddening in 
its operation. Still, it may have its right and its ex- 
cuse to exist, for the community is poor and not 
every citizen can afford a clock, perhaps ; but there 
cannot be any excuse for our church bells at home, 
for there is no family in America without a clock, 
and consequently there is no fair pretext for the 
usual Sunday medley of dreadful sounds that issues 
from our steeples. There is much more profanity 
in America on Sunday than in all the other six days 
of the week put together, and it is of a more bitter 
and malignant character than the week-day pro- 
fanity, too. It is produced by the cracked-pot 
clangor of the cheap church bells. 

(91) 



92 A Tramp Abroad 

We build our churches almost without regard to 
cost; we rear an edifice which is an adornment to 
the town, and we gild it, and fresco it, and mortgage 
it, and do everything we can think of to perfect it, 
and then spoil it all by putting a bell on it which 
afflicts everybody who hears it, giving some the 
headache, others St. Vitus's dance, and the rest the 
blind staggers. 

An American village at ten o'clock on a summer 
Sunday is the quietest and peacefulest and holiest 
thing in nature; but it is a pretty different thing 
half an hour later. Mr. Poe's poem of the " Bells " 
stands incomplete to this day; but it is well enough 
that it is so, for the public reciter or " reader " who 
goes around trying to imitate the sounds of the 
various sorts of bells with his voice would find him- 
self " up a stump " when he got to the church bell 
— as Joseph Addison would say. The church is 
always trying to get other people to reform; it 
might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by 
way of example. It is still clinging to one or two 
things which were useful once, but which are not 
useful now, neither are they ornamental. One is the 
bell ringing to remind a clock-caked town that it is 
church time, and another is the reading from the 
pulpit of a tedious list of "notices" which every- 
body who is interested has already read in the news- 
paper. The clergyman even reads the hymn 
through,- — a relic of an ancient time when hymn 
books were scarce and costly; but everybody has 



A Tramp Abroad 93 

a hymn book, now, and so the public reading is no 
longer necessary. It is not merely unnecessary, it 
is generally painful; for the average clergyman 
could not fire into his congregation with a shotgun 
and hit a worse reader than himself, unless the 
weapon scattered shamefully. I am not meaning to 
be flippant and irreverent, I am only meaning to be 
truthful. The average clergyman, in all countries 
and of all denominations, is a very bad reader. 
One would think he would at least learn how to read 
the Lord's Prayer, by and by, but it is not so. 
He races through it as if he thought the quicker he 
got it in, the sooner it would be answered. A 
person who does not appreciate the exceeding value 
of pauses, and does not know how to measure their 
duration judiciously, cannot render the grand sim- 
plicity and dignity of a composition like that effect- 
ively. 

We took a tolerably early breakfast, and tramped 
off toward Zermatt through the reeking lanes of the 
village, glad to get away from that bell. By and by 
we had a fine spectacle on our right. It was the wall- 
like butt end of a huge glacier, which looked down 
on us from an Alpine height which was well up in 
the blue sky. It was an astonishing amount of ice 
to be compacted together in one mass. We ciphered 
upon it and decided that it was not less than several 
hundred feet from the base of the wall of solid ice 
to the top of it, — ■ Harris believed it was really twice 
that. We judged that if St. Paul's, St. Peter's, the 



94 A Tramp Abroad 

Great Pyramid, the Strasburg Cathedral and the 
Capitol at Washington were clustered against that 
wall, a man sitting on its upper edge could not hang 
his hat on the top of any one of them without reach- 
ing down three or four hundred feet, — a thing 
which, of course, no man could do. 

To me, that mighty glacier was very beautiful. 
1 did not imagine that anybody could find fault with 
it; but I was mistaken. Harris had been snarling 
for several days. He was a rabid Protestant, and 
he was always saying: 

" In the Protestant cantons you never see such 
poverty and dirt and squalor as you do in this 
Catholic one ; you never see the lanes and alleys 
flowing with foulness ; you never see such wretched 
little sties of houses ; you never see an inverted tin 
turnip on top of a church for a dome ; and as for a 
church bell, why, you never hear a church bell at all. " 

All this morning he had been finding fault, straight 
along. First it was with the mud. He said, " It 
ain't muddy in a Protestant canton when it rains." 
Then it v/as with the dogs: "They don't have 
those lop-eared dogs in a Protestant canton." Then 
it was with the roads : " They don't leave the roads 
to make themselves in a Protestant canton, the 
people make them, — and they make a road that is 
a road, too." Next it was the goats: "You 
never see a goat shedding tears in a Protestant 
canton — a goat, there, is one of the cheerfulest 
objects in nature." Next it was the chamois; 



A Tramp Abroad 95 

" You never see a Protestant chamois act like one of 
these, — they take a bite or two and go; but these 
fellows camp with you and stay." Then it was 
the guideboards: *'In a Protestant canton you 
couldn't get lost if you wanted to, but you never 
see a guideboard in a Catholic canton." Next, 
" You never see any flower boxes in the windows, 
here, — never anything but now and then a cat, — a 
torpid one; but you take a Protestant canton: 
windows perfectly lovely with flowers, — and as for 
cats, there's just acres of them. These folks in this 
canton leave a road to make itself, and then fine you 
three francs if you 'trot' over it — as if a horse 
could trot over such a sarcasm of a road." Next 
about the goitre: ^'' They talk about goitre! — I 
haven't seen a goitre in this whole canton that I 
couldn't put in a hat." 

He had growled at everything, but I judged it 
would puzzle him to find anything the matter with 
this majestic glacier. I intimated as much ; but he 
was ready, and said with surly discontent: "You 
ought to see them in the Protestant cantons." 

This irritated me. But 1 concealed the feehng, 
and asked : 

" What is the matter with this one? " 

" Matter? Why, it ain't in any kind of condition. 
They never take any care of a glacier here. The 
moraine has been spilling gravel around it, and got 
it all dirty." 

*' Why, man, they can't help that." 



96 A Tramp Abroad 

^'' They ? You're right. That is, they won't. 
They could if they wanted to. You never see a 
speck of dirt on a Protestant glacier. Look at the 
Rhone glacier. It is fifteen miles long, and seven 
hundred feet thick. If this was a Protestant glacier 
you wouldn't see it looking like this, I can tell you." 

"That is nonsense. What would they do with 
it?" 

"They would whitewash it. They always do." 

I did not believe a word of this, but rather than 
have trouble I let it go ; for it is a waste of breath 
to argue with a bigot. I even doubted if the Rhone 
glacier was in a Protestant canton; but I did not 
know, so I could not make anything by contradict- 
ing a man who would probably put me down at once 
with manufactured evidence. 

About nine miles from St. Nicholas we crossed a 
bridge over the raging torrent of the Visp, and came 
to a long strip of flimsy fencing which was pretending 
to secure people from tumbling over a perpendicular 
wall forty feet high and into the river. Three 
children were approaching; one of them, a little girl, 
about eight years old, was running; when pretty 
close to us she stumbled and fell, and her feet shot 
under the rail of the fence and for a moment pro- 
jected over the stream. It gave us a sharp shock, 
for we thought she was gone, sure, for the ground 
slanted steeply, and to save herself seemed a sheer 
impossibility; but she managed to scramble up, and 
ran by us laughing. 



A Tramp Abroad 97 

We went forward and examined the place and saw 
the long tracks which her feet had made in the dirt 
when they darted over the verge. If she had 
finished her trip she would have struck some big 
rocks in the edge of the water, and then the tor- 
rent would have snatched her down stream among 
the half-covered bowlders and she would have been 
pounded to pulp in two minutes. We had come 
exceedingly near witnessing her death. 

And now Harris's contrary nature and inborn 
selfishness were strikingly manifested. He has no 
spirit of self-denial. He began straight off, and 
continued for an hour, to express his gratitude that 
the child was not destroyed. I never saw such a 
man. That was the kind of person he was ; just so 
he was gratified, he never cared anything about 
anybody else. I had noticed that trait in him, over 
and over again. Often, of course, it was mere heed- 
lessness, mere want of reflection. Doubtless this 
may have been the case in most instances, but it 
was not the less hard to bear on that account, — 
and after all, its bottom, its groundwork, was selfish- 
ness. There is no avoiding that conclusion. In 
the instance under consideration, I did think the 
indecency of running on in that way might occur to 
him; but no, the child was saved and he was glad, 
that was sufficient, — he cared not a straw for my 
feelings, or my loss of such a hterary plum, 
snatched from my very mouth at the instant it wa<s 
ready to drop into it. His selfishness was sufficient 



98 A Tramp Abroad 

to place his own gratification in being spared suffer- 
ing clear before all concern for me, his friend. 
Apparently, he did not once reflect upon the valuable 
details which would have fallen like a windfall to 
me: fishing the child out, — witnessing the surprise 
of the family and the stir the thing would have made 
among the peasants, — then a Swiss funeral, — then 
the roadside monument, to be paid for by us and 
have our names mentioned in it. And we should 
have gone into Baedeker and been immortal. I 
was silent. I was too much hurt to complain. If 
he could act so, and be so heedless and so frivolous 
at such a time, and actually seem to glory in it, 
after all I had done for him, I would have cut my 
hand off before I would let him see that I was 
wounded. 

We were approaching Zermatt; consequently, we 
were approaching the renowned Matterhorn. A 
month before, this mountain had been only a name 
to us, but latterly we had been moving through a 
steadily thickening double row of pictures of it, 
done in oil, water, chromo, wood, steel, copper, 
crayon, and photography, and so it had at length 
become a shape to us, — and a very distinct, de- 
cided, and familiar one, too. We were expecting 
to recognize that mountain whenever or wherever 
we should run across it. We were not deceived. 
The monarch was far away when we first saw him, 
but there was no such thing as mistaking him. He 
has the rare peculiarity of standing by himself; he 



A Tramp Abroad 99 

is peculiarly steep, too, and is also most oddly 
shaped. He towers into the sky like a colossal 
wedge, with the upper third of its blade bent a little 
to the left. The broad base of this monster wedge 
is planted upon a grand glacier-paved Alpine plat- 
form whose elevation is ten thousand feet above sea 
level ; as the wedge itself is some five thousand feet 
high, it follows that its apex is about fifteen thou- 
sand feet above sea level. So the whole bulk of 
this stately piece of rock, this sky-cleaving monolith, 
is above the line of eternal snow. Yet while all its 
giant neighbors have the look of being built of solid 
snow, from their waists up, the Matterhorn stands 
black and naked and forbidding, the year round, or 
merely powdered or streaked with white in places, 
for its sides are so steep that the snow cannot stay 
there. Its strange form, its august isolation, and its 
majestic unkinship with its own kind, make it, — so 
to speak, — the Napoleon of the mountain world. 
"Grand, gloomy, and peculiar," is a phrase which 
fits it as aptly as it fitted the great captain. 

Think of a monument a mile high, standing on a 
pedestal two miles high ! This is what the Matter- 
horn is, — a monument. Its office, henceforth, for 
all time, will be to keep watch and ward over the 
secret resting-place of the young Lord Douglas, 
who, in 1865, was precipitated from the summit 
over a precipice 4,000 feet high, and never seen 
again. No man ever had such a monument as this 
before; the most imposing of the world's other 

LOFC 



100 A Tramp Abroad 

monuments are but atoms compared to it; and they 
will perish, and their places will pass from memory, 
but this will remain.* 

A walk from St. Nicholas to Zermatt is a wonder- 
ful experience. Nature is built on a stupendous plan 
in that region. One marches continually between 
walls that are piled into the skies, with their upper 
heights broken into a confusion of sublime shapes 
that gleam white and cold against the background of 
blue; and here and there one sees a big glacier dis- 
playing its grandeurs on the top of a precipice, or a 
graceful cascade leaping and flashing down the green 
declivities. There is nothing tame, or cheap, or 
trivial, — it is all magnificent. That short valley is 
a picture gallery of a notable kind, for it contains 
no mediocrities ; from end to end the Creator has 
hung it with His masterpieces. 

We made Zermatt at three in the afternoon, nine 
hours out from St. Nicholas. Distance, by guide- 
book, 12 miles, by pedometer 72. We were in the 
heart and home of the mountain-climbers, now, as 
all visible things testified. The snow-peaks did not 
hold themselves aloof, in aristocratic reserve, they 
nestled close around, in a friendly, sociable way; 

*The accident which cost Lord Douglas his life (see chapter 12) 
also cost the lives of three other men. These three fell four-fifths of a 
mile, and their bodies were afterwards found, lying side by side, upon a 
glacier, whence they were borne to Zermatt and buried in the church- 
yard. The remains of Lord Douglas have never been found. The 
secret of his sepulture, like that of Moses, must remain a mystery 
always. 



A Tramp Abroad 101 

guides, with the ropes and axes and other imple- 
ments of their fearful calling slung about their per- 
sons, roosted in a long line upon a stone wall in 
front of the hotel, and waited for customers ; sun- 
burned climbers, in mountaineering costume, and 
followed by their guides and porters, arrived from 
time to time, from breakneck expeditions among 
the peaks and glaciers of the High Alps; male and 
female tourists, on mules, filed by, in a continuous 
procession, hotelward-bound from wild adventures 
which would grow in grandeur every time they 
were described at the English or American fireside, 
and at last outgrow the possible itself. 

We were not dreaming; this was not a make- 
believe home of the Alp-climber, created by our 
heated imaginations; no, for here was Mr. Girdle- 
jtone himself, the famous Englishman who hunts his 
way to the most formidable Alpine summits without 
a guide. I was not equal to imagining a Girdle- 
stone; it was all I could do to even realize him, 
while looking straight at him at short range. I 
would rather face whole Hyde Parks of artillery than 
the ghastly forms of death which he has faced 
among the peaks and precipices of the mountains. 
There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure 
of climbing a dangerous Alp ; but it is a pleasure 
which is confined strictly to people who can find 
pleasure in it. I have not jumped to this conclu- 
sion ; I have traveled to it per gravel train, so to 
speak. I have thought the thing all out, and am 



102 A Tramp Abroad 

quite sure 1 am right. A born climber's appetite 
for climbing is hard to satisfy ; when it comes upon 
him he is like a starving man with a feast before 
him; he may have other business on hand, but it 
must wait. Mr. Girdlestone had had his usual sum- 
mer holiday in the Alps, and had spent it in his 
usual way, hunting for unique chances to break his 
neck ; his vacation was over, and his luggage packed 
for England, but all of a sudden a hunger had come 
upon him to climb the tremendous Weisshorn once 
more, for he had heard of a new and utterly impos- 
sible route up it. His baggage was unpacked at 
once, and now he and a friend, laden with knap- 
sacks, ice-axes, coils of rope, and canteens of milk, 
were just setting out. They would spend the night 
high up among the snows, somewhere, and get up 
at two in the morning and finish the enterprise. I 
had a strong desire to go with them, but forced it 
down, — a feat which Mr. Girdlestone, with all his 
fortitude, could not do. 

Even ladies catch the climbing mania, and are 
unable to throw it off. A famous climber, of that 
sex, had attempted the Weisshorn a few days before 
our arrival, and she and her guides had lost their 
way in a snowstorm high up among the peaks and 
glaciers and been forced to wander around a good 
while before they could find a way down. When 
this lady reached the bottom, she had been on her 
feet twenty-three hours ! 

Our guides, hired on the Gemmi, were already at 



A Tramp Abroad 103 

Zermatt when we reached there. So there was 
nothing to interfere with our getting up an adven- 
ture whenever we should choose the time and the 
object. I resolved to devote my first evening in 
Zermatt to studying up the subject of Alpine climb- 
ing, by way of preparation. 

I read several books, and here are some of the 
things I found out. One's shoes must be strong 
and heavy, and have pointed hob-nails in them. 
The alpenstock must be of the best wood, for if it 
should break, loss of life might be the result. One 
should carry an axe, to cut steps in the ice with, on 
the great heights. There must be a ladder, for 
there are steep bits of rock which can be surmounted 
with this instrument, — or this utensil, — but could 
not be surmounted without it; such an obstruction 
has compelled the tourist to waste hours hunting 
another route, when a ladder would have saved him 
all trouble. One must have from 150 to 500 feet 
of strong rope, to be used in lowering the party 
down steep declivities which are too steep and 
smooth to be traversed in any other way. -One 
must have a steel hook, on another rope, — a very 
useful thing ; for when one is ascending and comes 
to a low bluff which is yet too high for the ladder, 
he swings this rope aloft like a lasso, the hook 
catches at the top of the bluff, and then the tourist 
climbs the rope, hand over hand, — being always 
particular to try and forget that if the hook gives 
way he will never stop falling till he arrives in some 



104 A Tramp Abroad 

part of Switzerland where they are not expecting 
him. Another important thing — there must be a 
rope to tie the whole party together with, so that if 
one falls from a mountain or down a bottomless 
chasm in a glacier, the others may brace back on the 
rope and save him. One must have a silk veil, to 
protect his face from snow, sleet, hail and gale, and 
colored goggles to protect his eyes from that danger- 
ous enemy, snow-blindness. Finally, there must be 
some porters, to carry provisions, wine and scientific 
instruments, and also blanket bags for the party to 
sleep in. 

I closed my readings with a fearful adventure 
which Mr. Whymper once had on the Matterhorn 
when he was prowling around alone, 5,000 feet above 
the town of Breil. He was edging his way gingerly 
around the corner of a precipice where the upper 
edge of a sharp declivity of ice-glazed snow joined 
it. This declivity swept down a couple of hundred 
feet, into a gully which curved around and ended at 
a precipice 800 feet high, overlooking a glacier. 
His foot slipped, and he fell. He says: 

" My knapsack brought my head down first, and 
I pitched into some rock about a dozen feet below; 
they caught something, and tumbled me off the 
edge, head over heels, into the gully; the baton 
was dashed from my hands, and I whirled down- 
wards in a series of bounds, each longer than the 
last; now over ice, now into rocks, striking my 
head four or five times, each time with increased 



A Tramp Abroad 105 

force. The last bound sent me spinning through 
the air in a leap of fifty or sixty feet, from one side 
of the gully to the other, and I struck the rocks, 
luckily, with the whole of my left side. They 
caught my clothes for a moment, and I fell back on 
to the snow with motion arrested. My head fortu- 
nately came the right side up, and a few frantic 
catches brought me to a halt, in the neck of the 
gully and on the verge of the precipice. Baton, 
hat, and veil skimmed by and disappeared, and the 
crash of the rocks — which I had started — as they 
fell on to the glacier, told how narrow had been the 
escape from utter destruction. As it was, I fell 
nearly 200 feet in seven or eight bounds. Ten feet 
more would have taken me in one gigantic leap of 
800 feet on to the glacier below. 

"The situation was sufficiently serious. The 
rocks could not be let go for a moment, and the 
blood was spurting out of more than twenty cuts. 
The most serious ones were in the head, and I 
vainly tried to close them with one hand, while 
holding on with the other. It was useless; the 
blood gushed out in blinding jets at each pulsation. 
At last, in a moment of inspiration, I kicked out a 
big lump of snow and stuck it as plaster on my 
head. The idea was a happy one, and the flow of 
blood diminished. Then, scrambling up, I got, not 
a moment too soon, to a place of safety, and 
fainted away. The sun was setting when conscious- 
ness returned, and it was pitch dark before the Great 



106 A Tramp Abroad 

Staircase was descended ; but by a combination 
of luck and care, the whole 4,700 feet of descent to 
Breil was accomplished without a slip, or once miss- 
ing the way." 

His wounds kept him abed some days. Then he 
got up and climbed that mountain again. That is 
the way with a true Alp-climber ; the more fun he 
has, the more he wants. 



^■'•it 



CHAPTER VIII. 

AFTER I had finished my readings, I was no 
longer myself; I was tranced, uplifted, intoxi- 
cated, by the almost incredible perils and adventures 
I had been following my authors through, and the 
triumphs I had been sharing with them. I sat silent 
some time, then turned to Harris and said : 

" My mind is made up." 

Something in my tone struck him ; and when he 
glanced at my eye and read what was written there, 
his face paled perceptibly. He hesitated a moment, 
then said : 

•• Speak." 

I answered, with perfect calmness: 

•' I WILL ASCEND THE RiFFELBERG." 

If I had shot my poor friend he could not have 
fallen from his chair more suddenly. If I had been 
his father he could not have pleaded harder to get 
me to give up my purpose. But I turned a deaf ear 
to all he said. When he perceived at last that 
nothing could alter my determination, he ceased to 
urge, and for a while the deep silence was broken 
only by his sobs. I sat in marble resolution, with 

(107) 



ioS A tramp Abroad 

my eyes fixed upon vacancy, for in spirit I was 
already wrestling with the perils of the mountains, 
and my friend sat gazing at me in adoring admira- 
tion through his tears. At last he threw himself 
upon me in a loving embrace and exclaimed in 
broken tones : 

*' Your Harris will never desert you. We will die 
together!" 

I cheered the noble fellow with praises, and soon 
his fears were forgotten and he was eager for the 
adventure. He wanted to summon the guides at 
once and leave at two in the morning, as he sup- 
posed the custom was ; but I explained that nobody 
was looking at that hour; and that the start in the 
dark was not usually made from the village but from 
the first night's resting place on the mountain side. 
I said we would leave the village at 3 or 4 P.M. on 
the morrow; meantime he could notify the guides, 
and also let the public know of the attempt which 
we proposed to make. 

I went to bed, but not to sleep. No man can 
sleep when he is about to undertake one of these 
Alpine exploits. I tossed feverishly all night long, 
and was glad enough when I heard the clock strike 
half past eleven and knew it was time to get up for 
dinner. I rose, jaded and rusty, and went to the 
noon meal, where I found myself the center of in- 
terest and curiosity; for the news was already 
abroad. It is not easy to eat calmly when you are 
a lion, but it is very pleasant, nevertheless. 



A Tramp Abroad 



109 



As usual, at Zermatt, when a great ascent is about 
to be undertaken, everybody, native and foreign, 
laid aside his own projects and took up a good 
position to observe the start. The expedition con- 
sisted of 198 persons, including the mules ; or 205, 
including the cows. As follows : 





Chiefs of Service. 




Suborbinates. 




Myself. 


I 


Veterinary Surgeon. 




Mr. Harris. 


I 


Butler. 


17 


Guides. 


12 


Waiters. 


4 


Surgeons. 


I 


Footman. 


I 


Geologist. 


I- 


Barber. 


I 


Botanist. 


I 


Head Cook. 


3 


Chaplains. 


9 


Assistants. 


2 


Draftsmen. 


4 


Pastry Cooks. 


IS 


Barkeepers. 


I 


Confectionery Artist. 


I 


Latinist. 








Transports 


^tion, 


etc. 


27 


Porters. 


3 


Coarse Washers and Ironers, 


44 


Mules. 


I 


Fine ditto. 


44 


Muleteers. 


7 


Cows. 






2 


Milkers. 




Total, 154 men, 51 anin 


ids. 


Grand Total, 205. 




Rations, etc. 




Apparatus. 


16 


Cases Hams. 


25 


Spring Mattresses. 


2 


Barrels Flour. 


2 


Hair ditto. 


22 


Barrels Whisky. 




Bedding for same. 


I 


Barrel Sugar. 


2 


Mosquito Nets. 


I 


Keg Lemons. 


29 


Tents. 


2000 


Cigars. 




Scientific Instruments. 


I 


Barrel Pies. 


97 


Ice-axes. 


I 


Ton of Pemmican. 


5 


Cases Dynamite. 


143 


Pair Crutches. 


7 


Cans Nitro-glycerine. 


2 


Barrels Arnica. 


22 


40-foot Ladders. 


I 


Bale of Lint. 


2 


Miles of Rope. 


27 


Kegs Paregoric. 


154 


Umbrellas. 



8** 



110 A Tramp Abroad 

It was full four o'clock in the afternoon before 
my cavalcade was entirely ready. At that hour it 
began to move. In point of numbers and spectac- 
ular effect, it was the most imposing expedition 
that had ever marched from Zermatt. 

I commanded the chief guide to arrange the men 
and animals in single file, twelve feet apart, and lash 
them all together on a strong rope. He objected 
that the first two miles was a dead level, with plenty 
of room, and that the rope was never used except 
in very dangerous places. But I would not listen to 
that. My reading had taught me that many serious 
accidents had happened in the Alps simply from not 
having the people tied up soon enough ; I was not 
going to add one to the list. The guide then 
obeyed my order. 

When the procession stood at ease, roped to- 
gether, and ready to move, I never saw a finer sight. 
It was 3,122 feet long — over half a mile; every 
man but Harris and me was on foot, and had on his 
green veil and his blue goggles, and his white rag 
around his hat, and his coil of rope over one 
shoulder and under the other, and his ice-axe in his 
belt, and carried his alpenstock in his left hand, his 
umbrella (closed) in his right, and his crutches 
slung at his back. The burdens of the pack mules 
and the horns of the cows were decked with the 
Edelweiss and the Alpine rose. 

I and my agent were the only persons mounted. 
We were in the post of danger in the extreme rear, 



A Tramp Abroad 111 

and tied securely to five guides apiece. Our armor- 
bearers carried our ice-axes, alpenstocks, and other 
implements for us. We were mounted upon very 
small donkeys, as a measure of safety; in time of 
peril we could straighten our legs and stand up, and 
let the donkey walk from under. Still, I cannot 
recommend this sort of animal, — at least for excur- 
sions of mere pleasure, — because his ears interrupt 
the view. I and my agent possessed the regulation 
mountaineering costumes, but concluded to leave 
them behind. Out of respect for the great numbers 
of tourists of both sexes who would be assembled in 
front of the hotels to see us pass, and also out of 
respect for the many tourists whom we expected to 
encounter on our expedition, we decided to make 
the ascent in evening dress. 

At fifteen minutes past four I gave the command 
to move, and my subordinates passed it along the line. 
The great crowd in front of the Monte Rosa hotel 
parted in twain, with a cheer, as the procession ap- 
proached ; and as the head of it was filing by I gave 
the order, — ' ' Unhmber — make ready — HOIST ! ' ' 
— and with one impulse up went my half mile of 
umbrellas. It was a beautiful sight, and a total 
surprise to the spectators. Nothing like that had 
ever been seen in the Alps before. The applause it 
brought forth was deeply gratifying to me, and I 
rode by with my plug hat in my hand to testify my 
appreciation of it. It was the only testimony I 
could offer, for I was too full to speak. 



112 A Tramp Abroad 

We watered the caravan at the cold stream which 
rushes down a trough near the end of the village, 
and soon afterward left the haunts of civilization 
behind us. About half past five o'clock we arrived 
at a bridge which spans the Visp, and after throwing 
over a detachment to see if it was safe, the caravan 
crossed without accident. The way now led, by a 
gentle ascent, carpeted with fresh green grass, to 
the church at Winkelmatten. Without stopping to 
examine this edifice, I executed a flank movement 
to the right and crossed the bridge over the Findelen- 
bach, after first testing its strength. Here I deployed 
to the right again, and presently entered an inviting 
stretch of meadow land which was unoccupied save 
by a couple of deserted huts toward its furthest 
extremity. These meadows offered an excellent 
camping place. We pitched our tents, supped, 
established a proper guard, recorded the events of 
the day, and then went to bed. 

We rose at two in the morning and dressed by 
candle-light. It was a dismal and chilly business. 
A few stars were shining, but the general heavens 
were overcast, and the great shaft of the Matterhorn 
was draped in a sable pall of clouds. The chief 
guide advised a delay; he said he feared it was 
going to rain. We waited until nine o'clock, and 
then got away in tolerably clear weather. 

Our course led up some terrific steeps, densely 
wooded with larches and cedars, and traversed by 
paths which the rains had guttered and which were 




CLIMBING THE RIFFELBERG 



A Tramp Abroad II3 

obstructed by loose stones. To add to the danger 
and inconvenience, we were constantly meeting re- 
turning tourists on foot or horseback, and as con- 
stantly being crowded and battered by ascending 
tourists who were in a hurry and wanted to get by. 

Our troubles thickened. About the middle of 
the afternoon the seventeen guides called a halt and 
held a consultation. After consulting an hour they 
said their first suspicion remamed intact, — that is to 
say, they believed they were lost. I asked if they 
did not know it? No, they said, they couldn't 
absolutely know whether they were lost or not, be- 
cause none of them had ever been in that part of 
the country before. They had a strong instinct that 
they were lost, but they had no proofs, — except 
that they did not know where they were. They had 
met no tourists for some time, and they considered 
that a suspicious sign. 

Plainly we were in an ugly fix. The guides were 
naturally unwilling to go alone and seek a way out 
of the difficulty; so we all went together. For 
better security we moved slow and cautiously, for 
the forest was very dense. We did not move up 
the mountain, but around it, hoping to strike across 
the old trail. Toward nightfall, when we were about 
tired out, we came up against a rock as big as a 
cottage. This barrier took all the remaining spirit 
out of the men, and a panic of fear and despair 
ensued. They moaned and wept, and said they 
should never see their homes and their dear ones 



114 A Tramp Abroad 

again. Then they began to upraid me for bringing 
them upon this fatal expedition. Some even mut- 
tered threats against me. 

Clearly it was no time to show weakness. So I 
made a speech in which I said that other Alp- 
climbers had been in as perilous a position as this, 
and yet by courage and perseverance had escaped. 
I promised to stand by them, I promised to rescue 
them. I closed by saying we had plenty of provi- 
sions to maintain us for quite a siege, — and did 
they suppose Zermatt would allow half a mile of 
men and mules to mysteriously disappear during 
any considerable time, right above their noses, and 
make no inquiries? No, Zermatt would send out 
searching-expeditions and we should be saved. 

This speech had a great effect. The men pitched 
the tents with some little show of cheerfulness, and 
we were snugly under cover when the night shut 
down. I now reaped the reward of my wisdom in 
providing one article which is not mentioned in any 
book of Alpine adventure but this. I refer to the 
paregoric. But for that beneficent drug, not one of 
those men would have slept a moment during that 
fearful night. But for that gentle persuader they 
must have tossed, unsoothed, the night through; 
for the whisky was for me. Yes, they would have 
risen in the morning unfitted for their heavy task. 
As it was, everybody slept but my agent and me, — 
only we two and the barkeepers. I would not per- 
mit myself to sleep at such a time. I considered 



A Tramp Abroad 115 

myself responsible for all those lives. I meant to 
be on hand and ready, in case of avalanches. I am 
aware now, that there were no avalanches up there, 
but I did not know it then. 

We watched the weather all through that awful 
night, and kept an eye on the barometer, to be pre- 
pared for the least change. There was not the 
slightest change recorded by the instrument, during 
the whole time. Words cannot describe the comfort 
that that friendly, hopeful, steadfast thing was to 
me in that season of tiouble. It was a defective 
barometer, and had no hand but the stationary, brass 
pointer, but I did not know that until afterward. 
If I should be in such a situation again, I should not 
wish for any barometer but that one. 

All hands rose at two in the morning and took 
breakfast, and as soon as it was light we roped 
ourselves together and went at that rock. For some 
time we tried the hook-rope and other means of 
scaling it, but without success — that is, without 
perfect success. The hook caught once, and Harris 
started up it hand over hand, but the hold 'broke 
and if there had not happened to be a chaplain sit- 
ting underneath at the time, Harris would certainly 
have been crippled. As it was, it was the chaplain. 
He took to his crutches^ and I ordered the hook- 
rope to be laid aside. It was too dangerous an 
implement where so many people were standing 
around. 

We were puzzled for a while; then somebody 



116 A Tramp Abroad 

thought of the ladders. One of these was leaned 
against the rock, and the men went up it tied to- 
gether in couples. Another ladder was sent up for 
use in descending. At the end of half an hour 
everybody was over, and that rock was conquered. 
We gave our first grand shout of triumph. But the 
joy was short-lived, for somebody asked how we 
were going to get the animals over. 

This was a serious difficulty; in fact, it was an 
impossibility. The courage of the men began to 
waver immediately; once more we were threatened 
with a panic. But when the danger was most im- 
minent, we were saved in a mysterious way. A 
mule which had attracted attention from the begin- 
ning by its disposition to experiment, tried to eat a 
five-pound can of nitroglycerine. This happened 
right alongside the rock. The explosion threw us 
all to the ground, and covered us with dirt and 
debris; it frightened us extremely, too, for the 
crash it made was deafening, and the violence of 
the shock made the ground tremble. However, we 
were grateful, for the rock was gone. Its place was 
occupied by a new cellar, about thirty feet across, 
by fifteen feet deep. The explosion was heard as 
far as Zermatt; and an hour and a half afterward, 
many citizens of that town were knocked down and 
quite seriously injured, by descending portions of 
mule meat, frozen sohd. This shows, better than 
any estimate in figures, how high the experimented 
went. 



A Tramp Abroad 11? 

We had nothing to do, now, but bridge the cellar 
and proceed on our way. With a cheer the men 
went at their work. I attended to the engineering, 
myself. I appointed a strong detail to cut down 
trees with ice-axes and trim them for piers to sup- 
port the bridge. This was a slow business, for ice- 
axes are not good to cut wood with. I caused my 
piers to be firmly set up in ranks in the cellar, and 
upon them I laid six of my forty-foot ladders, side 
by side, and laid six more on top of them. Upon 
this bridge I caused a bed of boughs to be spread, 
and on top of the boughs a bed of earth six inches 
deep. I stretched ropes upon either side to serve 
as railings, and then my bridge was complete. A 
train of elephants could have crossed it in safety and 
comfort. By nightfall the caravan was on the other 
side and the ladders taken up. 

Next morning we went on in good spirits for a 
while, though our way was slow and difficult, by 
reason of the steep and rocky nature of the ground 
and the thickness of the forest ; but at last a dull 
despondency crept into the men's faces and * it was 
apparent that not only they, but even the guides, 
were now convinced that we were lost. The fact 
that we still met no tourists was a circumstance that 
was but too significant. Another thing seemed to 
suggest that we were not only lost, but very badly 
lost; for there must surely be searching-parties on 
the road before this time, yet we had seen no sign 
of them. 



118 A Tramp Abroad 

Demoralization was spreading; something must 
be done, and done quickly, too. Fortunately, I 
am not unfertile in expedients. I contrived one 
now which commended itself to all, for it promised 
well. I took three-quarters of a mile of rope and 
fastened one end of it around the waist of a guide, 
and told him to go and find the road, while the 
caravan waited. I instructed him to guide himself 
back by the rope, in case of failure ; in case of suc- 
cess, he was to give the rope a series of violent 
jerks, whereupon the Expedition would go to him at 
once. He departed, and in two minutes had disap- 
peared among the trees. I payed out the rope 
myself, while everybody watched the crawling thing 
with eager eyes. The rope crept away quite slowly, 
at times, at other times with some briskness. Twice 
or thrice we seemed to get the signal, and a shout 
was just ready to break from the men's lips when 
they perceived it was a false alarm. But at last, 
when over half a mile of rope had slidden away it 
stopped gliding and stood absolutely still, — one 
minute, — two minutes, — three, — while we held our 
breath and watched. 

Was the guide resting? Was he scanning the 
country from some high point? Was he inquiring 
of a chance mountaineer? Stop, — had he fainted 
from excess of fatigue and anxiety? 

This thought gave us a shock. I was in the very 
act of detailing an Expedition to succor him, when 
the cord was assailed with a series of such frantic 



A Tramp Abroad 119 

jerks that I could hardly keep hold of it. The huzza 
that went up, then, was good to hear. ''Saved! 
saved!" was the word that rang out, all down the 
long rank of the caravan. 

We rose up and started at once. We found the 
route to be good enough for a while, but it began 
to grow difficult, by and by, and this feature 
steadily increased. When we judged we had gone 
half a mile, we momently expected to see the guide ; 
but no, he was not visible anywhere ; neither was he 
waiting, for the rope was still moving, consequently 
he was doing the same. This argued that he had 
not found the road, yet, but was marching to it with 
some peasant. There was nothing for us to do but 
plod along, — and this we did. At the end of three 
hours we were still plodding. This was not only 
mysterious, but exasperating. And very fatiguing, 
too; for we had tried hard, along at first, to catch 
up with the guide, but had only fagged ourselves, in 
vain ; for although he was traveling slowly he was 
yet able to go faster than the hampered caravan 
over such ground. 

At three in the afternoon we were nearly dead 
with exhaustion, — and still the rope was slowly 
gliding out. The murmurs against the guide had 
been growing steadily, and at last they were become 
loud and savage. A mutiny ensued. The men re- 
fused to proceed. They declared that we had been 
traveling over and over the same ground all day, in 
g kir|d of circle. They demanded that our end of 



120 A Tramp Abroad 

the rope be made fast to a tree, so as to halt the 
guide until we could overtake him and kill him. 
This was not an unreasonable requirement, so I gave 
the order. 

As soon as the rope was tied, the Expedition 
moved forward with that alacrity which the thirst 
for vengeance usually inspires. But after a tiresome 
march of almost half a mile, we came to a hill 
covered thick with a crumbly rubbish of stones, and 
so steep that no man of us all was now in a condi- 
tion to climb it. Every attempt failed, and ended 
in crippling somebody. Within twenty minutes I 
had five men on crutches. Whenever a climber 
tried to assist himself by the rope, it yielded and 
let him tumble backwards. The frequency of this 
result suggested an idea to me. I ordered the 
caravan to 'bout face and form in marching order ; 
I then made the tow-rope fast to the rear mule, and 
gave the command : 

"Mark time — by the right flank — forward — 
march ! ' * 

The procession began to move, to the impressive 
strains of a battle-chant, and I said to myself, 
"Now, if the rope don't break I judge this will 
fetch that guide into the camp." I watched the 
rope gliding down the hill, and presently when I 
was all fixed for triumph I was confronted by a 
bitter disappointment; there was no guide tied to 
the rope, it was only a very indignant old black 
ram. The fury of the baffled Expedition exceeded 



A Tramp Abroad 121 

all bounds. They even wanted to wreak their un- 
reasoning vengeance on this innocent dumb brute. 
But I stood between them and their prey, menaced 
by a bristling wall of ice-axes and alpenstocks, and 
proclaimed that there was but one road to this 
murder, and it was directly over my corse. Even 
as I spoke I saw that my doom was sealed, except a 
miracle supervened to divert these madmen from 
their fell purpose. I see that sickening wall of 
weapons now; I see that advancing host as I saw it 
then , I see the hate in those cruel eyes ; I remember 
how I drooped my head upon my breast, I feel 
again the sudden earthquake shock in my rear, ad- 
ministered by the very ram I was sacrificing myself 
to save ; I hear once more the typhoon of laughter 
that burst from the assaulting column as I clove it 
from van to rear hke a Sepoy shot from a Rodman 
gun. 

I was saved. Yes, I was saved, and by the 
merciful instinct of ingratitude which nature had 
planted in the breast of that treacherous beast. The 
grace which eloquence had failed to work in those 
men's hearts, had been wrought by a laugh. 'The 
ram was set free and my life was spared. 

We lived to find out that that guide had deserted 
us as soon as he had placed a half mile between 
himself and us. To avert suspicion, he had judged 
it best that the line should continue to move ; so he 
caught that ram, and at the time that he was sitting 
on it making the rope fast to it, we were imagining 



122 A Tramp Abroad 

that he was lying in a swoon, overcome by fatigue 
and distress. When he allowed the ram to get up 
it fell to plunging around, trying to rid itself of the 
rope, and this was the signal which we had risen up 
with glad shouts to obey. We had followed this 
ram round and round in a circle all day — a thing 
which was proven by the discovery that we had 
watered the Expedition seven times at one and the 
same spring in seven hours. As expert a woodman 
as I am, I had somehow failed to notice this until 
my attention was called to it by a hog. This hog 
was always wallowing there, and as he was the only 
hog we saw, his frequent repetition, together with 
his unvarying similarity to himself, finally caused me 
to reflect that he must be the same hog, and this led 
me to the deduction that this must be the same 
spring, also, — which indeed it was. 

I made a note of this curious thing, as showing in 
a striking manner the relative difference between 
glacial action and the action of the hog. It is now 
a well-established fact, that glaciers move; I con- 
sider that my observations go to show, with equal 
conclusiveness, that a hog in a spring does not 
move. I shall be glad to receive the opinions of 
other observers upon this point. 

To return, for an explanatory moment, to that 
guide, and then I shall be done with him. After leav- 
ing the ram tied to the rope, he had wandered at large 
a while, and then happened to run across a cow. 
Judging that a cow would naturally kno>v ipore thap 



A tramp Abroad 1^3 

a guide, he took her by the tail, and the result 
justified his judgment. She nibbled her leisurely 
way down hill till it was near milking time, then she 
struck for home and towed him into Zermatt. 



CHAPTER IX. 

WE went into camp on that wild spot to which 
that ram had brought us. The men were 
greatly fatigued. Iheir conviction that we were 
lost was forgotten in the cheer of a good supper, 
and before the reaction had a chance to set in, I 
loaded them up with paregoric and put them to bed. 
Next morning I was considering in my mind our 
desperate situation and trying to think of a remedy, 
when Harris came to me with a Baedeker map 
which showed conclusively that the mountain we 
were on was still in Switzerland, — yes, every part 
of it was in Switzerland. So we were not lost, 
after all. This was an immense relief; it lifted the 
weight of two such mountains from my breast. I 
immediately had the news disseminated and the map 
exhibited. The effect was wonderful. As soon as 
the men saw with their own eyes that they knew 
where they were, and that it was only the summit 
that was lost and not themselves, they cheered up 
instantly and said with one accord, let the summit 
take care of itself, they were not interested in its 
troubles. 

(124) 



A Tramp Abroad 125 

Our distresses being at an end, I now determined to 
rest the men in camp and give the scientific depart- 
ment of the Expedition a chance. First, I made a 
barometric observation, to get our altitude, but I 
could not perceive that there w^as any result. I 
knew, by my scientific reading, that either ther- 
mometers or barometers ought to be boiled, to make 
them accurate; I did not know which it was, so I 
boiled both. There was still no result; so I ex- 
amined these instruments and discovered that they 
possessed radical blemishes: the barometer had no 
hand but the brass pointer and the ball of the 
thermometer was stuffed with tin foil. I might 
have boiled those things to rags, and never found 
out anything. 

I hunted up another barometer ; it was new and 
perfect. I boiled it half an hour in a pot of bean 
soup which the cooks were making. The result was 
unexpected : the instrument was not affected at all, 
but there was such a strong barometer taste to the 
soup that the head cook, who was a most conscien- 
tious person, changed its name in the bill of fare. 
The dish was so greatly liked by all, that I ordered 
the cook to have barometer soup every day. It was 
believed that the barometer might eventually be 
injured, but I did not care for that. I had demon- 
strated to my satisfaction that it could not tell how 
high a mountain was, therefore I had no real use for 
it. Changes of the weather I could take care of 
without it; I did not wish to know when the weather 

9** 



126 A Tramp Abroad 

was going to be good, what I wanted to know was 
when it was going to be bad, and this I could find 
out from Harris's corns. Harris had had his corns 
tested and regulated at the government observatory 
in Heidelberg, and one could depend upon them 
with confidence. So I transferred the new barometer 
to the cooking department, to be used for the official 
mess. It was found that even a pretty fair article of 
soup could be made with the defective barometer; 
so I allowed that one to be transferred to the subor- 
dinate messes. 

I next boiled the thermometer, and got a most ex- 
cellent result; the mercury went up to about 200° 
Fahrenheit. In the opinion of the other scientists of 
the Expedition, this seemed to indicate that we 
had attained the extraordinary altitude of 200,000 
feet above sea level. Science places the line of 
eternal snow at about 10,000 feet above sea level. 
There was no snow where we were, consequently it 
was proven that the eternal snow line ceases some- 
where above the 10,000-foot level and does not begin 
any more. This was an interesting fact, and one 
which had not been observed by any observer be- 
fore. It was as valuable as interesting, too, since 
it would open up the deserted summits of the highest 
Alps to population and agriculture. It was a proud 
thing to be where we were, yet it caused us a pang 
to reflect that but for that ram we might just as 
well have been 200,000 feet higher. 

The success of my last experiment induced me to 



A Tramp Abroad 127 

try an experiment with my photographic apparatus. 
I got it out, and boiled one of my cameras, but the 
thing was a failure : it made the wood swell up and 
burst, and I could not see that the lenses were any 
better than they were before. 

I now concluded to boil a guide. It might im- 
prove him, it could not impair his usefulness. But 
I was not allowed to proceed. Guides have no 
feeling for science, and this one would not consent 
to be made uncomfortable in its interest. 

In the midst of my scientific work, one of those 
needless accidents happened which are always occur- 
ring among the ignorant and thoughtless. A porter 
shot at a chamois and missed it and crippled the 
Latinist. This was not a serious matter to me, for 
a Latinist's duties are as well performed on crutches 
as otherwise, — but the fact remained that if the 
Latinist had not happened to be in the way a mule 
would have got that load. That would have been 
quite another matter, for when it comes down to a 
question of value there is a palpable difference be- 
tween a Latinist and a mule. I could not depend on 
having a Latinist in the right place every time; so, 
to make things safe, I ordered that in the future 
the chamois must not be hunted within limits of 
the camp with any other weapon than the fore- 
finger. 

My nerves had hardly grown quiet after this affair 
when they got another shake-up, — one which utterly 
unmanned me for a moment; a rumor swept sud- 



128 A Tramp Abroad 

denly through the camp that one of the barkeepers 
had fallen over a precipice ! 

However, it turned out that it was only a chaplain. 
I had laid in an extra force of chaplains, purposely 
to be prepared for emergencies like this, but by 
some unaccountable oversight had come away rather 
short-handed in the matter of barkeepers. 

On the following morning we moved on, well re- 
freshed and in good spirits. I remember this day 
with peculiar pleasure, because it saw our road 
restored to us. Yes, we found our road again, and 
in quite an extraordinary way. We had plodded 
along some two hours and a half, when we came up 
against a solid mass of rock about twenty feet high. 
I did not need to be instructed by a mule this time. 
I was already beginning to know more than any mule 
in the Expedition. I at once put in a blast of 
dynamite, and lifted that rock out of the way. But 
to my surprise and mortification, I found that there 
had been a chalet on top of it. 

I picked up such members of the family as fell in 
my vicinity, and subordinates of my corps collected 
the rest. None of these poor people were injured, 
happily, but they were much annoyed. I explained 
to the head chaleteer just how the thing happened, 
and that I was only searching for the road, and 
would certainly have given him timely notice if 1 had 
known he was up there. I said I had meant no 
harm, and hoped I had not lowered myself in his 
estimation by raising him a few rods in the air. I 



A Tramp Abroad 12c) 

said many other judicious things, and finally when 
I offered to rebuild his chalet, and pay for the break- 
ages, and throw in the cellar, he was mollified and 
satisfied. He hadn't any cellar at all, before; he 
would not have as good a view, now, as formerly, but 
what he had lost in view he had gained in cellar, by 
exact measurement. He said there wasn't another 
hole like that in the mountains, — and he would have 
been right if the late mule had not tried to eat up 
the nitroglycerine. 

I put a hundred and sixteen men at work, and 
they rebuilt the chalet from its own debris in fifteen 
minutes. It was a good deal more picturesque than 
it was before, too. The man said we were now on 
the Feli-Stutz, above the Schwegmatt, — information 
which I was glad to get, since it gave us our position 
to a degree of particularity which we had not been 
accustomed to for a day or so. We also learned 
that we were standing at the foot of the Riffelberg 
proper, and that the initial chapter of our work was 
completed. 

We had a fine view, from here, of the energetic 
Visp, as it makes its first plunge into the world from 
under a huge arch of solid ice, worn through the 
foot-wall of the great Corner Glacier; and we could 
also see the Furggenbach, which is the outlet of the 
Furggen Glacier. 

The mule road to the summit of the Riffelberg 
passed right in front of the chalet, a circumstance 
which we almost immediately noticed, because a pro- 



130 A Tramp Abroad 

cession of tourists was filing along it pretty much all 
the time.* The chaleteer's business consisted in 
furnishing refreshments to tourists. My blast had 
interrupted this trade for a few minutes, by breaking 
all the bottles on the place; but I gave the man a 
lot of whisky to sell for Alpine champagne, and a 
lot of vinegar which would answer for Rhine wine, 
consequently trade was soon as brisk as ever. 

Leaving the Expedition outside to rest, I quartered 
myself in the chalet, with Harris, purposing to cor- 
rect my journals and scientific observations before 
continuing the ascent. I had hardly begun my work 
when a tall, slender, vigorous American youth of 
about twenty-three, who was on his way down the 
mountain, entered and came toward me with that 
breezy self-complacency which is the adolescent's 
idea of the well-bred ease of the man of the world. 
His hair was short and parted accurately in the mid- 
dle, and he had all the look of an American person 
who would be likely to begin his signature with an 
initial, and spell his middle name out. He introduced 
himself, smiling a smirky smile borrowed from the 
courtiers of the stage, extended a fair-skinned talon, 
and while he gripped my hand in it he bent his body 
forward three times at the hips, as the stage-courtier 
does, and said in the airiest and most condescending 
and patronizing way, — I quote his exact language : 



*" Pretty much " may not be elegant English, but it is high '.ime it 
was. There is no elegant word or phrase which means just what it 
means. — M. T. 



A Tramp Abroad I3I 

" Very glad to make your acquaintance, 'm sure; 
very glad indeed, assure you. I've read all your 
little efforts and greatly admired them, and when I 
heard you were here, I . . . ." 

I indicated a chair, and he sat down. This 
grandee was the grandson of an American of con- 
siderable note in his day, and not wholly forgotten 
yet, — a man who came so near being a great man 
that he was quite generally accounted one while he 
lived. 

I slowiy paced the floor, pondering scientific 
problems, and heard this conversation: 

Grandson. First visit to Europe? 

Harris. Mine? Yes. 

G. S. (With a soft reminiscent sigh suggestive 
of bygone joys that may be tasted in their freshness 
but once.) Ah, I know what it is to you. A first 
visit ! ■ — ah, the romance of it ! I wish I could feel 
it again. 

H. Yes, I find it exceeds all my dreams. It is 
enchantment. I go . . . 

G. S. (With a dainty gesture of the hand signi- 
fying " Spare me your callow enthusiasms, good 
friend.") Yes, /know, I know; you go to cathe- 
drals, and exclaim; and you drag through league- 
long picture-galleries and exclaim ; and you stand 
here, and there, and yonder, upon historic ground, 
and continue to exclaim ; and you are permeated 
with your first crude conceptions of Art, and are 
proud and happy. Ah, yes, proud and happy — 
J** 



132 A Tramp Abroad 

that expresses it. Yes-yes, enjoy it — it is right, — • 
it is an innocent revel. 

H. And you? Don't you do these things now? 

G. S. I ! Oh, that is very good ! My dear sir, 
when you are as old a traveler as I am, you will not 
ask such a question as that. / visit the regulation 
gallery, moon around the regulation cathedral, do 
the worn round of the regulation sights, _;^^/ f — Ex- 
cuse me ! 

H. Well, what do you do, then? 

G. S. Do? I flit, — and flit, — for I am ever on 
the wing, — but I avoid the herd. To-day I am in 
Paris, to-morrow in Berlin, anon in Rome; but you 
would look for me in vain in the galleries of the 
Louvre or the common resorts of the gazers in those 
other capitals. If you would find me, you must 
look in the unvisited nooks and corners where others 
never think of going. One day you will find me 
making myself at home in some obscure peasant's 
cabin, another day you will find me in some for- 
gotten castle worshiping some little gem of art 
which the careless eye has overlooked and which the 
unexperienced would despise; again you will find 
me a guest in the inner sanctuaries of palaces while 
the herd is content to get a hurried glimpse of the 
unused chambers by feeing a servant. 

H. You are 2. guest in such places? 

G. S. And a welcome one. 

H. It is surprising. How does it come? 

G, S. My grandfather's name is a passport to all 



A Tramp Abroad 133 

the courts in Europe, I have only to utter that 
name and every door is open to me. I flit from 
court to court at my own free will and pleasure, and 
am always welcome. I am as much at home in the 
palaces of Europe as you are among your relatives. 
I know every titled person in Europe, I think. I 
have my pockets full of invitations all the time. I 
am under promise now to go to Italy, where I am 
to be the guest of a succession of the noblest houses 
in the land. In Berlin my life is a continued round 
of gayety in the imperial palace. It is the same, 
wherever I go. 

H. It must be very pleasant. But it must make 
Boston seem a little slow when you are at home. 

G. S. Yes, of course it does. But I don't go 
home much. There's no life there — little to feed a 
man's higher nature. Boston's very narrow, you 
know. She doesn't know it, and you couldn't con- 
vince her of it — so I say nothing when I'm there: 
where's the use? Yes, Boston is very narrow, but 
she has such a good opinion of herself that she can't 
see it. A man who has traveled as much as I have, 
and seen as much of the world, sees it plain enough, 
but he can't cure it, you know, so the best way is 
to leave it and seek a sphere which is more in har- 
mony with his tastes and culture. I run across there, 
once a year, perhaps, when I have nothing important 
on hand, but I'm very soon back again. I spend 
my time in Europe. 

H. I see. You map out your plans and . , , 



134 A Tramp Abroad 

G. S. No, excuse me. I don't map out any 
plans. I simply follow the inclination of the day. 
I am limited by no ties, no requirements, I am not 
bound in any way. I am too old a traveler to 
hamper myself with deliberate purposes. I am 
simply a traveler — an inveterate traveler — a man 
of the world, in a word, — I can call myself by no 
other name. I do not say, '* I am going here, or I 
am going there " — I say nothing at all, I only act. 
For instance, next week you may find me the guest 
of a grandee of Spain, or you may find me off for 
Venice, or flitting toward Dresden. I shall probably 
go to Egypt presently ; friends will say to friends, 
"He is at the Nile cataracts" — and at that very 
moment they will be surprised to learn that I'm away 
off yonder in India somewhere. I am a constant 
surprise to people. They are always saying, " Yes, 
he was in Jerusalem when we heard of him last, but 
goodness knows where he is now." 

Presently the Grandson rose to leave — discovered 
he had an appointment with some Emperor, per- 
haps. He did his graces over again : gripped me 
with one talon, at arm's length, pressed his hat 
against his stomach with the other, bent his body in 
the middle three times, murmuring: 

"Pleasure, 'm sure; great pleasure, 'm sure. 
Wish you much success." 

Then he removed his gracious presence. It is a 
great and solemn thing to have a grandfather. 

I have not purposed to misrepresent this boy in 



A Tramp Abroad 135 

any way, for what little indignation he excited in me 
soon passed and left nothing behind it but compas- 
sion. One cannot keep up a grudge against a 
vacuum. I have tried to repeat the lad's very 
words ; if I have failed anywhere I have at least not 
failed to reproduce the marrow and meaning of what 
he said. He and the innocent chatterbox whom 1 
met on the Swiss lake are the most unique and inter- 
esting specimens of Young America I came across 
during my foreign tramping. I have made honest 
portraits of them, not caricatures. The Grandson of 
twenty-three referred to himself five or six times as 
an " old traveler," and as many as three times (with 
a serene complacency which was maddening) as a 
"man of the world." There was something very 
delicious about his leaving Boston to her "narrow- 
ness," unreproved and uninstructed. 

I formed the caravan in marching order, presently, 
and after riding down the line to see that it was 
properly roped together, gave the command to pro- 
ceed. In a little while the road carried us to open, 
grassy land. We were above the troublesome 
forest, now, and had an uninterrupted view, straight 
before us, of our summit, — the summit of the 
Riffelberg. 

We followed the mule road, a zigzag course, now 
to the right, now to the left, but always up, and 
always crowded and incommoded by going and com- 
ing files of reckless tourists who were never, in a 
single instance, tied together. I was obliged to 



136 A Tramp Abroad 

exert the utmost care and caution, for in many 
places the road was not two yards wide, and often 
the lower side of it sloped away in slanting precipices 
eight and even nine feet deep. I had to encourage 
the men constantly, to keep them from giving way 
to their unmanly fears. 

We might have made the summit before night, but 
for a delay caused by the loss of an umbrella. I 
was for allowing the umbrella to remain lost, but 
the men murmured, and with reason, for in this ex- 
posed region we stood in peculiar need of protection 
against avalanches; so I went into camp and de- 
tached a strong party to go after the missing article. 

The difficulties of the next morning were severe, 
but our courage was high, for our goal was near. 
At noon we conquered the last impediment — we 
stood at last upon the summit, and without the loss 
of a single man except the mule that ate the 
glycerine. Our great achievement was achieved — 
the possibility of the impossible was demonstrated, 
and Harris and I walked proudly Into the great 
dining-room of the Riffelberg Hotel and stood our 
alpenstocks up in the corner. 

Yes, I had made the grand ascent ; but it was a 
mistake to do it in evening dress. The plug hats 
were battered, the swallow-tails were fluttering rags, 
mud added no grace, the general effect was unpleas- 
ant and even disreputable. 

There were about seventy-five tourists at the hotel, 
— mainly ladies and little children, — and they gave 



A Tramp Abroad 137 

us an admiring welcome which paid us for all our 
privations and sufferings. The ascent had been 
made, and the names and dates now stand recorded 
on a stone monument there to prove it to all future 
tourists. 

I boiled a thermometer and took an altitude, with 
a most curious result : the summit was not as high 
as the point on the mountainside where I had taken 
the first altitude. Suspecting that I had made an 
important discovery, I prepared to verify it. There 
happened to be a still higher summit (called the 
Corner Grat), above the hotel, and notwithstanding 
the fact that it overlooks a glacier from a dizzy 
height, and that the ascent is difficult and dangerous, I 
resolved to venture up there and boil a thermometer. 
So I sent a strong party, with some borrowed hoes, 
in charge of two chiefs of service, to dig a stairway 
in the soil all the way, and this I ascended, roped to 
the guides. This breezy height was the summit 
proper — so I accomplished even more than I had 
originally purposed to do. This foolhardy exploit 
is recorded on another stone monument. 

I boiled my thermometer, and sure enough, this 
spot, which purported to be 2,000 feet higher than 
the locality of the hotel, turned out to be 9,000 feet 
lower. Thus the fact was clearly demonstrated, 
that, above a certain pointy the higher a point seems 
to be^ the lower it actually is. Our ascent itself was 
a great achievement, but this contribution to science 
yfd^ ^Xi incoriceivably greater matter. 



138 A Tramp Abroad 

Cavilers object that water boils at a lower and lower 
temperature the higher and higher you go, and hence 
the apparent anomaly. I answer that I do not base 
my theory upon what the boiling water does, but 
upon what a boiled thermometer says. You can't 
go behind the thermometer. 

I had a magnificent view of Monte Rosa, and 
apparently all the rest of the Alpine world, from' 
that high place. All the circling horizon was piled 
high with a mighty tumult of snowy crests. One 
might have imagined he saw before him the tented 
camps of a beleaguering host of Brobdingnagians. 

But lonely, conspicuous, and superb, rose that 
wonderful upright wedge, the Matterhorn. Its pre- 
cipitous sides were powdered over with snow, and 
the upper half hidden in thick clouds which now 
and then dissolved to cobweb films and gave brief 
glimpses of the imposing tower as through a veil. 
A little later the Matterhorn took to himself the 
semblance of a volcano ; he was stripped naked to 
his apex — around this circled vast wreaths of white 
cloud which strung slowly out and streamed away 
slantwise toward the sun, a twenty-mile stretch of 
rolling and tumbling vapor, and looking just as if it 

Note — I had the very unusual luck to catch one little momentary 
glimpse of the Matterhorn wholly unencumbered by clouds. I leveled 
my photographic apparatus at it without the loss of an instant, and 
should have got an elegant picture if my donkey had not interfered. It 
was my purpose to draw this photograph all by myself for my book, but 
was obliged to put the mountain part of it into the hands of the pro- 
fessional artist because I found I could not do landscape well. 



A Tramp Abroad 139 

were pouring out of a crater. Later again, one of 
the mountain's sides was clean and clear, and 
another side densely clothed from base to summit 
in thick smoke-like cloud which feathered off and 
blew around the shaft's sharp edge like the smoke 
around the corners of a burning building. The 
Matterhorn is always experimenting, and always gets 
up fine effects, too. In the sunset, when all the 
lower world is palled in gloom, it points toward 
heaven out of the pervading blackness like a finger 
of fire. In the sunrise — well, they say it is very 
fine in the sunrise. 

Authorities agree that there is no such tremendous 
*' layout " of snowy Alpine magnitude, grandeur, and 
sublimity to be seen from any other accessible point 
as the tour?! may see from the summit of the 
Riffelberg. Therefore, let the tourist rope himself 
up and go there ; for I have shown that with nerve, 
caution, and judgm.ent, the thing can be done. 

I wish to add one remark, here, — in parentheses, 
so to speak, — suggested by the word "snowy," 
which I have just used. We have all seen hills -and 
mountains and levels with snow on them, and so we 
think we know all the aspects and effects produced by 
snow. But indeed we do not until we have seen the 
Alps. Possibly mass and distance add something 
— at any rate, something is added. Among other 
noticeable things, there is a dazzling, intense white- 
ness about the distant Alpine snow, when the sun is 
on it, which one recognizes as peculiar, and not 



140 A Tramp Abroad 

familiar to the eye. The snow which one is accus- 
tomed to has a tint to it, — painters usually give it a 
bluish cast. — but there is no perceptible tint to the 
distant Alpine snow when it is trying to look its 
whitest. As to the unimaginable splendor of it when 
the sun is blazing down on it, — well, it simply is 
unimaginable. 



CHAPTER X. 

A GUIDE-BOOK is a queer thing. The reader has 
just seen what a man who undertakes the great 
ascent from Zermatt to the Riffelberg hotel must 
experience. Yet Baedeker makes these strange 
statements concerning this matter : 

1. Distance, — 3 hours. ' 

2. The road cannot be mistaken. 

3. Guide unnecessary. 

4. Distance from Riffelberg Hotel to the Gorner 
Grat, one hour and a half. 

5. Ascent simple and easy. Guide unnecessary 

6. Elevation of Zermatt above sea level, 5,315 feet. 

7. Elevation of Riffelberg Hotel above sea level, 
8,429 feet. 

8. Elevation of the Gorner Grat above sea level, 
10,289 feet. 

I have pretty effectually throttled these errors by 
sending him the following demonstrated facts: 

1. Distance from Zermatt to Riffelberg hotel, 7 
days. 

2. The road can be mistaken. If I am the first 
that did it, I want the credit of it, too. 

10** (141) 



142 A Tramp Abroad 

3. Guides are necessary, for none but a native 
can read those finger-boards. 

4. The estimate of the elevation of the several 
locah'ties above sea level is pretty correct — for 
Baedeker. He only misses it about a hundred and 
eighty or ninety thousand feet. 

I found my arnica invaluable. My men were 
suffering excruciatingly, from the friction of sitting 
down so much. During two or three days, not one 
of them was able to do more than He down or walk 
about ; yet so effective was the arnica, that on the 
fourth all were able to sit up. I consider that, more 
than to anything else, I owe the success of our great 
undertaking to arnica and paregoric. 

My men being restored to health and strength, 
my main perplexity, now, was how to get them 
down the mountain again. I was not willing to ex- 
pose the brave fellows to the perils, fatigues, and 
hardships of that fearful route again if it could be 
helped. First I thought of balloons; but, of course, 
I had to give that idea up, for balloons were not 
procurable. I thought of several other expedients, 
but upon consideration discarded them, for cause. 
But at last I hit it. I was aware that the movement 
of glaciers is an established fact, for I had read it in 
Baedeker ; so I resolved to take passage for Zermatt 
on the great Gorner Glacier. 

Very good. The next thing was, how to get 
down to the glacier comfortably, — for the mule- 
road to it was long, and winding, and wearisome. 



A Tramp Abroad 143 

I set my mind at work, and soon thought out a plan. 
One looks straight down upon tne vast frozen river 
called the Corner Glacier, from the Gorner Grat, a 
sheer precipice 1,200 feet high. We had 154 um- 
brellas, — and what is an umbrella but a parachute ? 

I mentioned this noble idea to Harris, with enthu- 
siasm, and was about to order the Expedition to 
form on the Gorner Grat, with their umbrellas, and 
prepare for flight by platoons, each platoon in com- 
mand of a guide, when Harris stopped me and 
urged me not to be too hasty. He asked me if this 
method of descending the Alps had ever been tried 
before. I said no, I had not heard of an instance. 
Then, in his opinion, it was a matter of considerable 
gravity; in his opinion it would not be well to send 
the whole command over the cliff at once ; a better 
way would be to send down a single individual, firsts 
and see how he fared. 

I saw the wisdom of this idea instantly. I said as 
much, and thanked my agent cordially, and told 
him to take his umbrella and try the thing right 
away, and wave his hat when he got down, if he 
struck in a soft place, and then I would ship the rest 
right along. 

Harris was greatly touched with this mark of con- 
fidence, and said so, in a voice that had a percepti- 
ble tremble in it; but at the same time he said he 
did not feel himself worthy of so conspicuous a 
favor; that it might cause jealousy in the command, 
for there were plenty who would not hesitate to say 



144 A Tramp Abroad 

he had used underhanded means to get the appoint- 
ment, whereas his conscience would bear him wit- 
ness that he had not sought it at all, nor even, in 
his secret heart, desired it. 

I said these words did him extreme credit, but 
that he must not throw away the imperishable dis- 
tinction of being the first man to descend an Alp 
per parachute, simply to save the feelings of some 
envious underlings. No, I said, he must accept the 
appointment, — it was no longer an invitation, it was 
a command. 

He thanked me with effusion, and said that put- 
ting the thing in this form removed every objection. 
He retired, and soon returned with his umbrella, his 
eyes flaming with gratitude and his cheeks pallid 
with joy. Just then the head guide passed along. 
Harris' expression changed to one of infinite tender- 
ness, and he said : 

"That man did me a cruel injury four days ago, 
and I said in my heart he should live to perceive 
and confess that the only noble revenge a man can 
take upon his enemy is to return good for evil. I 
resign in his favor. Appoint him." 

I threw my arms around the generous fellow and 
said : 

*' Harris, you are the noblest soul that lives. You 
shall not regret this sublime act, neither shall the 
world fail to know of it. You shall have oppor- 
tunities far transcending this one, too, if I live,— 
remember that.'' 



A Tramp Abroad 145 

I called the head guide to me and appointed him on 
the spot. But the thing aroused no enthusiasm in him. 
He did not take to the idea at all. He said: 

"Tie myself to an umbrella and jump over the 
Corner Grat! Excuse me, there are a great many 
pleasanter roads to the devil than that." 

Upon a discussion of the subject with him, it ap- 
peared that he considered the project distinctly and 
decidedly dangerous. I was not convinced, yet I 
was not willing to try the experiment in any risky 
way — that is, in a way that might cripple the 
strength and efficiency of the Expedition. I was 
about at my wits' end when it occurred to me to try 
it on the Latinist. 

He was called in. But he dechned, on the plea 
of inexperience, diffidence in pubhc, lack of curi- 
osity, and I don't know what all. Another man 
declined on account of a cold in the head ; thought 
he ought to avoid exposure. Another could not 
jump well — ■ never could jump well — did not believe 
he could jump so far without long and patient prac- 
tice. Another was afraid it was going to rain, .and 
his umbrella had a hole in it. Everybody had an 
excuse. The result was what the reader has by this 
time guessed: the most magnificent idea that was 
ever conceived had to be abandoned, from sheer 
lack of a person with enterprise enough to carry it 
out. Yes, I actually had to give that thing up, — 
whilst doubtless I should live to see somebody use 
it and take all the credit from me. 
10** 



146 A Tramp Abroad 

Well, I had to go overland — there was no other 
way. I inarched the Expedition down the steep and 
tedious mule-path and took up as good a position as 
I could upon the middle of the glacier -^because 
Baedeker said the middle part travels the fastest. 
As a measure of economy, however, I put some of 
the heavier baggage on the shoreward parts, to go 
as slow freight. 

I waited and waited, but the glacier did not move. 
Night was coming on, the darkness began to gather 
— still we did not budge. It occurred to me then, 
that there might be a time-table in Baedeker; it 
would be well to find out the hours of starting. I 
called for the book — it could not be found. Brad- 
shaw would certainly contain a time-table; but no 
Bradshaw could be found. 

Very well, I must make the best of the situation. 
So I pitched the tents, picketed the animals, milked 
the cows, had supper, paregoricked the men, estab- 
lished the watch, and went to bed — with orders to 
call me as soon as we came in sight of Zermatt. 

I awoke about half-past ten next morning, and 
looked around. We hadn't budged a peg! At 
first I could not understand it; then it occurred to 
me that the old thing must be aground. So I cut 
down some trees and rigged a spar on the starboard 
and another on the port side, and fooled away up- 
wards of three hours trying to spar her off. But it 
was no use. She was half a mile wide and fifteen 
or twenty miles long, and there was no telling just 



A Tramp Abroad 147 

whereabouts she was aground. The men began to 
show uneasiness, too, and presently they came flying 
to me with ashy faces, saying she had sprung a leak. 

Nothing but my cool behavior at this critical time 
saved us from another panic. I ordered them to 
show me the place. They led me to a spot where 
a huge bowlder lay in a deep pool of clear and 
brilliant water. It did look like a pretty bad leak, 
but I kept that to myself. I made a pump and set 
the men to work to pump out the glacier. We 
made a success of it. I perceived, then, that it 
was not a leak at all. This bowlder had descended 
from a precipice and stopped on the ice in the 
middle of the glacier, and the sun had warmed it up, 
every day, and consequently it had melted its way 
deeper and deeper into the ice, until at last it re- 
posed, as we had found it, in a deep pool of the 
<;learest and coldest water. 

Presently Baedeker was found again, and I hunted 
eagerly for the time-table. There was none. The 
book simply said the glacier was moving all the 
time. This was satisfactory, so I shut up the bo.ok 
and chose a good position to view the scenery as we 
passed along. I stood there some time enjoying 
the trip, but at last it occurred to me that we did 
not seem to be gaining any on the scenery. I said 
to myself, "This confounded old thing's aground 
again, sure," — and opened Baedeker to see if I 
could run across any remedy for these annoying 
interruptions. I soon found a sentence which threw 



t48 A Tramp Abroad 

a dazzling light upon the matter. It said, *' The 
Corner Glacier travels at an average rate of a little 
less than an inch a day." I have seldom felt so 
outraged. I have seldom had my confidence so 
wantonly betrayed. I made a small calculation: i 
inch a day, say 30 feet a year ; estimated distance to 
Zermatt, 3 1-18 miles. Time required to go by 
glacier, a little over five Jmndred years ! I said to 
myself, " I can walk it quicker — and before I will 
patronize such a fraud as this, I will do it." 

When I revealed to Harris the fact that the 
passenger-part of this glacier, — the central part, — 
the lightning-express part, so to speak, — was not 
due in Zermatt till the summer of 2378, and that the 
baggage, coming along the slow edge, would not 
arrive until some generations later, he burst out with : 

"That is European management, all over! An 
inch a day — think of that! Five hundred years to 
go a trifle over three miles ! But I am not a bit 
surprised. It's a Cathohc glacier. You can tell by 
the look of it. And the management." 

I said, no, I believed nothing but the extreme 
end of it was in a Catholic canton. 

"Well, then, it's a government glacier," said 
Harris. "It's all the same. Over here the govern- 
ment runs everything, — so everything's slow ; slow, 
and ill-managed. But with us, everything's done 
by private enterprise — and then there ain't much 
lolling around, you can depend on it. I wish Tom 
Scott could get his hands on this torpid old slab 



A Tramp Abroad 149 

once, — you'd see it take a different gait from 
this." 

I said I was sure he would increase the speed, if 
there was trade enough to justify it. 

"He'd make trade," said Harris. "That's the 
difference between governments and individuals. 
Governments don't care, individuals do. Tom Scott 
would take all the trade ; in two years Corner stock 
would go to 200, and inside of two more you would 
see all the other glaciers under the hammer for 
taxes." After a reflective pause, Harris added, 
' * A little less than an inch a day ; a little less than 
an inch, mind you. Well, I'm losing my reverence 
for glaciers." 

I was feeling much the same way myself. I have 
traveled by canal-boat, ox-wagon, raft, and by the 
Ephesus and Smyrna railway; but when it comes 
down to good solid honest slow motion, I bet my 
money on the glacier. As a means of passenger 
transportation, I consider the glacier a failure; but 
as a vehicle for slow freight, I think she fills the 
bill. In the matter of putting the fine shades on 
that line of business, I judge she could teach the 
Germans something. 

I ordered the men to break camp and prepare for 
the land journey to Zermatt. At this moment a 
most interesting find was made; a dark object, 
bedded in the glacial ice, was cut out with the ice- 
axes, and it proved to be a piece of the undressed 
skin of some animal, — a hair trunk, perhaps ; but a 



150 A tramp Abroad 

close inspection disabled the hair trunk theory, and 
further discussion and examination exploded it en- 
tirely, — that is, in the opinion of all the scientists 
except the one who had advanced it. This one 
clung to his theory with the affectionate fidelity 
characteristic of originators of scientific theories, 
and afterward won many of the first scientists of the 
age to his view, by a very able pamphlet which he 
wrote, entitled, "Evidences going to show that the 
hair trunk, in a wild state, belonged to the early 
glacial period, and roamed the wastes of chaos in 
company with the cave bear, primeval man, and the 
other Oolitics of the Old Silurian family." 

Each of our scientists had a theory of his own, 
and put forward an animal of his own as a candidate 
for the skin. I sided with the geologist of the Expe- 
dition in the belief that this patch of skin had once 
helped to cover a Siberian elephant, in some old 
forgotten age — but we divided there, the geologist 
believing that this discovery proved that Siberia had 
formerly been located where Switzerland is now, 
whereas I held the opinion that it merely proved 
that the primeval Swiss was not the dull savage he is 
represented to have been, but was a being of high 
intellectual development, who liked to go to the 
menagerie. 

We arrived that evening, after many hardships 
and adventures, in some fields close to the great ice- 
arch where the mad Visp boils and surges out from 
under the foot of the great Corner Glacier, and here 



A Tramp Abroad 151 

we camped, our perils over and our magnificent 
undertaking successfully completed. We marched 
into Zermatt the next day, and were received with 
the most lavish honors and applause. A document, 
signed and sealed by all the authorities, was given 
to me which established and endorsed the fact that I 
had made the ascent of the Riffelberg. This I wear 
around my neck, and it will be buried with me 
when I am no more. 



CHAPTER XI. 

I AM not so ignorant about glacial movement, 
now, as I was when I took passage on the 
Corner Glacier. I have** read up" since. I am 
aware that these vast bodies of ice do not travel at 
the same rate of speed ; whilst the Corner Clacier 
makes less than an inch a day, the Unter-Aar Clacier 
makes as much as eight; and still other glaciers are 
said to go twelve, sixteen, and even twenty inches a 
day. One writer says that the slowest glacier 
travels twenty-five feet a year, and the fastest 400. 

What is a glacier? It is easy to say it looks like 
a frozen river which occupies the bed of a winding 
gorge or gully between mountains. But that gives 
no notion of its vastness. For it is sometimes 600 
feet thick, and we are not accustomed to rivers 600 
feet deep; no, our rivers are six feet, twenty feet, 
and sometimes fifty feet deep ; we are not quite able 
to grasp so large a fact as an ice-river 600 feet deep. 

The glacier's surface is not smooth and level, but 
has deep swales and swelling elevations, and some- 
times has the look of a tossing sea whose turbulent 
billows were frozen hard in the instant of their most 

(152) 



A Tramp Abroad 153 

violent motion; the glacier's surface is not a flawless 
mass, but is a river with cracks or crevasses, some 
narrow, some gaping wide. Many a man, the victim 
of a slip or a misstep, has plunged down one of 
these and met his death. Men have been fished out 
of them alive, but it was when they did not go to a 
great depth; the cold of the great depths would 
quickly stupefy a man, whether he was hurt or un- 
hurt. These cracks do not go straight down ; one 
can seldom see more than twenty to forty feet down 
them; consequently men who have disappeared in 
them have been sought for, in the hope that they 
had stopped within helping distance, whereas their 
case, in most instances, had really been hopeless 
from the beginning. 

In 1864 a party of tourists was descending Mont 
Blanc, and while picking their way over one of the 
mighty glaciers of that lofty region, roped together, 
as was proper, a young porter disengaged himself 
from the line and started across an ice-bridge which 
spanned a crevasse. It broke under him with a 
crash, and he disappeared. The others could not 
see how deep he had gone, so it might be worth 
while to try and rescue him. A brave young guide 
named Michel Payot volunteered. 

Two ropes were made fast to his leather belt and 
he bore the end of a third one in his hand to tie to 
the victim in case he found him. He was lowered 
into the crevasse, he descended deeper and deeper 
between the clear blue walls of solid ice, he ap- 



154 A Tramp Abroad 

proached a bend in the crack and disappeared undef 
it. Down, and still down, he went, into this pro- 
found grave; when he had reached a depth of 
eighty feet he passed under another bend in the 
crack, and thence descended eighty feet lower, as 
between perpendicular precipices. Arrived at this 
stage of 1 60 feet below the surface of the glacier, he 
peered through the twilight dimness and perceived 
that the chasm took another turn and stretched 
away at a steep slant to unknown deeps, for its 
course was lost in darkness. What a place that was 
to be in — especially if that leather belt should 
break ! The compression of the belt threatened to 
suffocate the intrepid fellow ; he called to his friends 
to draw him up, but could not make them hear. 
They still lowered him, deeper and deeper. Then 
he jerked his third cord as vigorously as he could ; 
his friends understood, and dragged him out of 
those icy jaws of death. 

Then they attached a bottle to a cord and sent it 
down 200 feet, but it found no bottom. It came up 
covered with congelations — evidence enough that 
even if the poor porter reached the bottom with 
unbroken bones, a swift death from cold was sure, 
anyway. 

A glacier is a stupendous, ever progressing, 
resistless plow. It pushes ahead of it masses of 
bowlders which are packed together, and they 
stretch across the gorge, right in front of it, like a 
long grave or a long, sharp roof. This is called a 



A Tramp Abroad 155 

moraine. It also shoves out a moraine along each 
side of its course. 

Imposing as the modern glaciers are, they are not 
so huge as were some that once existed. For in- 
stance, Mr. Whymper says: 

" At some very remote period the Valley of Aosta 
was occupied by a vast glacier, which flowed down 
its entire length from Mont Blanc to the plain of 
Piedmont, remained stationary, or nearly so, at its 
mouth for many centuries, and deposited there 
enormous masses of debris. The length of this 
glacier exceeded eighty miles, and it drained a basin 
twenty-five to thirty-five miles across, bounded by 
the highest mountains in the Alps. The great peaks 
rose several thousand feet above the glaciers, and 
then, as now, shattered by sun and frost, poured 
down their showers of rocks and stones, in v/itness 
of which there are the immense piles of angular 
fragments that constitute the moraines of Ivrea. 

" The moraines around Ivrea are of extraordinary 
dimensions. That which was on the left bank of 
the glacier is about thirteen miles long, and in some 
places rises to a height of two thousand one hundred 
and thirty feet above the floor of the valley ! The 
teiminal moraines (those which are pushed in front 
of the glaciers) cover something hke twenty square 
miles of country. At the mouth of the Valley of 
Aosta, the thickness of the glacier must have been 
at least two thousand feet, and its width, at that part, 
five miles and a quarter.'* 



156 A Tramp Abroad 

It is not easy to get at a comprehension of a 
mass of ice like that. If one could cleave off the 
butt end of such a glacier — an oblong block two 
or three miles wide by five and a quarter long and 
2,000 feet thick — he could completely hide the city 
of New York under it, and Trinity steeple would 
only stick up into it relatively as far as a shingle nail 
would stick up into the bottom of a Saratoga trunk. 

"The bowlders from Mont Blanc, upon the plain 
below Ivrea, assure us that the glacier which trans- 
ported them existed for a prodigious length of time. 
Their present distance from the cliffs from which 
they were derived is about 420,000 feet, and if we 
assume that they traveled at the rate of 400 feet per 
annum, their journey must have occupied them no 
less than 1055 years! In all probability they did 
not travel so fast." 

Glaciers are sometimes hurried out of their charac- 
teristic snail-pace. A marvelous spectacle is pre- 
sented then. Mr. Whymper refers to a case which 
occurred in Iceland in 1721 : 

" It seems that in the neighborhood of the moun- 
tain Kotlugja, large bodies of water formed under- 
neath, or within the glaciers (either on account of 
the interior heat of the earth, or from other causes), 
and at length acquired irresistible power, tore the 
glaciers from their mooring on the land, and swept 
them over every obstacle into the sea. Prodigious 
masses of ice were thus borno for a distance of about 
ten miles over land in the space of a few hours ; and 



A Tramp Abroad 157 

their bulk was so enormous that they covered the 
sea for seven miles from the shore, and remained 
aground in 600 feet of water ! The denudation of 
the land was upon a grand scale. All superficial 
accumulations were swept away, and the bed-rock 
was exposed. It was described, in graphic language, 
how all irregularities and depressions were obliter- 
ated, and a smooth surface of several miles area laid 
bare, and that this area had the appearance of 
having been planed by a plane. ' ' 

The account translated from the Icelandic says 
that the mountain-like ruins of this majestic glacier 
so covered the sea that as far as the eye could reach 
no open water was discoverable, even from the 
highest peaks. A monster wall or barrier of ice was 
built across a considerable stretch of land, too, by 
this strange irruption : 

*' One can form some idea of the altitude of this 
barrier of ice when it is mentioned that from Hof- 
dabrekka farm, which lies high up on a fjeld, one 
could not see Hjorleifshofdi opposite, which is a fell 
640 feet in height; but in order to do so had to 
clamber up a mountain slope east of Hofdabrekka 
1,200 feet high." 

These things will help the reader to understand 
why it is that a man who keeps company with gla- 
ciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by. 
The Alps and the glaciers together are able to take 
every bit of conceit out of a man and reduce his self- 
importance to zero if he will only remain within the 



158 A Tramp Abroad 

influence of their sublime presence long enough to 
give it a fair and reasonable chance to do its work. 

The Alpine glaciers move — that is granted, now, 
by everybody. But there was a time when people 
scoffed at the idea; they said you might as well ex- 
pect leagues of solid rock to crawl along the ground 
as expect solid leagues of ice to do it. But proof 
after proof was furnished, and finally the world had 
to believe. 

The wise men not only said the glacier moved, 
but they timed its movement. They ciphered out a 
glacier's gait, and then said confidently that it would 
travel just so far in so many years. There is record 
of a striking and curious example of the accuracy 
which may be attained in these reckonings. 

In 1820 the ascent of Mont Blanc was attempted 
by a Russian and two Englishmen, with seven 
guides. They had reached a prodigious altitude, 
and were approaching the summit, when an avalanche 
swept several of the party down a sharp slope of 
two hundred feet and hurled five of them (all 
guides) into one of the crevasses of a glacier. The 
life of one of the five was saved by a long barometer 
which was strapped to his back — it bridged the 
crevasse and suspended him until help came. The 
alpenstock or baton of another saved its owner in a 
similar way. Three men were lost — Pierre Balmat, 
Pierre Carrier, and Auguste Tairraz. They had 
been hurled down into the fathomless great deeps of 
the crevasse. 



A Tramp Abroad 159 

Dr. Forbes, the English geologist, had made fre- 
quent visits to the Mont Blanc region, and had given 
much attention to the disputed question of the 
movement of glaciers. During one of these visits 
he completed his estimates of the rate of movement 
of the glacier which had swallowed up the three 
guides, and uttered the prediction that the glacier 
would deliver up its dead at the foot of the mountain 
thirty-five years from the time of the accident, or 
possibly forty. 

A dull, slow journey — a movement imperceptible 
to any eye — but it was proceeding, nevertheless, 
and without cessation. It was a journey which a 
rolling stone would make in a few seconds — the 
lofty point of departure was visible from the village 
below in the valley. 

The prediction cut curiously close to the truth ; 
forty-one years after the catastrophe, the remains 
were cast forth at the foot of the glacier. 

I find an interesting account of the matter in the 
" Histoire du Mont Blanc," by Stephen d'Arve. I 
will condense this account, as follows : 

On the 1 2th of August, 1861, at the hour of the 
close of mass, a guide arrived out of breath at the 
mairie of Chamonix, and bearing on his shoulders a 
very lugubrious burden. It was a sack filled with 
human remains which he had gathered from the 
orifice of a crevasse in the Glacier des Bossons. He 
conjectured that these were remains of the victims of 
the catastrophe of 1820, and a minute inquest, imme- 



160 A Tramp Abroad 

diately Instituted by the local authorities, soon 
demonstrated the correctness of his supposition. 
The contents of the sack were spread upon a long 
table, and officially Inventoried, as follows: 

Portions of three human skulls. Several tufts of 
black and blonde hair. A human jaw, furnished 
with fine white teeth. A forearm and hand, all the 
fingers of the latter Intact. The flesh was white and 
fresh, and both the arm and hand preserved a degree 
of flexibility in the articulations. 

The ring-finger had suffered a slight abrasion, and 
the stain of the blood was still visible and unchanged 
after forty-one years. A left foot, the flesh white 
and fresh. 

Along with these fragments were portions of 
waistcoats, hats, hob-nailed shoes, and other clothing; 
a wing of a pigeon, with black feathers; a fragment 
of an alpenstock ; a tin lantern ; and lastly, a boiled 
leg of mutton, the only flesh among all the remains 
that exhaled an unpleasant odor. The guide said 
that the mutton had no odor when he took It from 
the glacier; an hour's exposure to the sun had 
already begun the work of decomposition upon it. 

Persons were called for, to Identify these poor 
pathetic relics, and a touching scene ensued. Two 
men were still living who had witnessed the grim 
catastrophe of nearly half a century before, — Marie 
Couttet (saved by his baton) and Julien Davouassoux 
(saved by the barometer) . These aged men entered 
and approached the table. Davouassoux, more 



A Tramp Abroad 161 

than eighty years old, contemplated the mournful 
remains mutely and with a vacant eye, for his intel- 
ligence and his memory were torpid with age ; but 
Couttet's faculties were still perfect at seventy-two, 
and he exhibited strong emotion. He said : 

* * Pierre Balmat was fair ; he wore a straw hat. 
This bit of skull, with the tuft of blond hair, was 
his; this is his hat. Pierre Carrier was very dark; 
this skull was his, and this felt hat. This is Balmat's 
hand, I remember it so well!" and the old man 
bent down and kissed it reverently, then closed his 
fingers upon it in an affectionate grasp, crying out, 
"I could never have dared to believe that before 
quitting this world it would be granted me to press 
once more the hand of one of those brave comrades, 
the hand of my good friend Balmat." 

There is something weirdly pathetic about the 
picture of that white-haired veteran greeting with 
his loving handshake this friend who had been dead 
forty years. When these hands had met last, they 
were alike in the softness and freshness of youth; 
now, one was brown and wrinkled and horny with 
age, while the other was still as young and fair and 
blemishless as if those forty years had come and 
gone in a single moment, leaving no mark of their 
passage. Time had gone on, in the one case; it 
had stood still in the other. A man who has not 
seen a friend for a generation, keeps him in mind 
always as he saw him last, and is somehow sur- 
prised, and is also shocked, to see the aging change 



162 A Tramp Abroad 

the years have wrought when he sees him again. 
Marie Couttet's experience, in finding his friend's 
hand unaltered from the image of it which he had 
carried in his memory for forty years, is an experi- 
ence which stands alone in the history of man, 
perhaps. 

Couttet identified other relics: 

"This hat belonged to Auguste Tairraz. He 
carried the cage of pigeons which we proposed to 
set free upon the summit. Here is the wing of one 
of those pigeons. And here is the fragment of my 
broken baton ; it was by grace of that baton that 
my life was saved. Who could have told me that I 
should one day have the satisfaction to look again 
upon this bit of wood that supported me above the 
grave that swallowed up my unfortunate com- 
panions !" 

No portions of the body of Tairraz had been 
found. A diligent search was made, but without 
result. However, another search was instituted a 
year later, and this had better success. Many frag- 
ments of clothing which had belonged to the lost 
guides were discovered ; also, part of a lantern, and 
a green veil with blood-stains on it. But the inter- 
esting feature was this : 

One of the searchers came suddenly upon a 
sleeved arm projecting from a crevice in the ice- 
wall, with the hand outstretched as if offering greet- 
ing! " The nails of this white hand were still rosy, 
and the pose of the extended fingers seemed to 



A Tramp Abroad I63 

express an eloquent welcome to the long-lost light 
of day." 

The hand and arm were alone; there was no 
trunk. After being removed from the ice the flesh- 
tints quickly faded out and the rosy nails took on 
the alabaster hue of death. This was the third right 
hand found ; therefore, all three of the lost men 
were accounted for, beyond cavil or question. 

Dr. Hamel was the Russian gentleman of the 
party which made the ascent at the time of the 
famous disaster. He left Chamonix as soon as he 
conveniently could after the descent ; and as he had 
shown a chilly indifference about the calamity, and 
offered neither sympathy nor assistance to the 
widows and orphans, he carried with him the cordial 
execrations of the whole community. Four months 
before the first remains were found, a Chamonix 
guide named Balmat, — a relative of one of the lost 
men, — was in London, and one day encountered a 
hale old gentleman in the British Museum, who said : 

"I overheard your name. Are you from Cha- 
monix, Monsieur Balmat?" 

"Yes, sir." 

" Haven't they found the bodies of my three 
guides, yet? I am Dr. Hamel." 

" Alas, no, monsieur." 

"Well, you'll find them, sooner or later." 

"Yes, it is the opinion of Dr. Forbes and Mr. 
Tyndall, that the glacier will sooner or later restore 
to us the remains of the unfortunate victims," 



164 A Tramp Abroad 

" Without a doubt, without a doubt. And it will 
be a great thing for Chamonix, in the matter of 
attracting tourists. You can get up a museum with 
those remains that will draw!" 

This savage idea has not improved the odor of 
Dr. Hamel's name in Chamonix by any means. 
But after all, the man was sound on human nature. 
His idea was conveyed to the public officials of 
Chamonix, and they gravely discussed it around the 
official council-table. They were only prevented 
from carrying it into execution by the determined 
opposition of the friends and descendants of the 
lost guides, who insisted on giving the remains 
Christian burial, and succeeded in their purpose. 

A close watch had to be kept upon all the poor 
remnants and fragments, to prevent embezzlement. 
A few accessory odds and ends were sold. Rags 
and scraps of the coarse clothing were parted with 
at a rate equal to about twenty dollars a yard ; a 
piece of a lantern and one or two other trifles 
brought nearly their weight in gold ; and an English- 
man offered a pound sterling for a single breeches- 
button. 




THE MATTERHORN 



CHAPTER XII. 

ONE of the most memorable of all the Alpine 
catastrophes was that of July, 1865, on the 
Matterhorn, — already slightly referred to, a few 
pages back. The details of it are scarcely known in 
America. To the vast majority of readers they are 
not known at all. Mr. Whymper's account is the 
only authentic one. I will import the chief portion 
of it into this book, partly because of its intrinsic 
interest, and partly because it gives such a vivid 
idea of what the perilous pastime of Alp-climbing 
is. This was Mr. Whymper's ninth attempt during 
a series of years, to vanquish that steep and stub- 
born pillar of rock; it succeeded, the other eight 
were failures. No man had ever accomplished the 
ascent before, though the attempts had been 
numerous. 

MR. whymper's narrative 
We started from Zermatt on the 13th of July, at 
half-past five, on a brilliant and perfectly cloudless 
morning. We were eight in number — Croz (guide) , 
old Peter Taugwalder (guide) and his two sons; 
Lord F. Douglas, Mr. Hadow, Rev. Mr. Hudson, 

(165) 



166 A tramp Abroad 

and I. To ensure steady motion, one tourist and 
one native walked together. The youngest Taug- 
walder fell to my share. The wine-bags also fell to 
my lot to carry, and throughout the day, after each 
drink, I replenished them secretly with water, so 
that at the next halt they were found fuller than 
before ! This was considered a good omen, and 
little short of miraculous. 

On the first day we did not intend to ascend to 
any great height, and we mounted, accordingly, 
very leisurely. Before twelve o'clock we had found 
a good position for the tent, at a height of 1 1 ,000 
feet. We passed the remaining hours of daylight — 
some basking in the sunshine, some sketching, some 
collecting; Hudson made tea, I coffee, and at length 
we retired, each one to his blanket-bag. 

We assembled together before dawn on the 14th 
and started directly it was light enough to move. 
One of the young Taugwalders returned to Zermatt. 
In a few minutes we turned the rib which had inter- 
cepted the view of the Eastern face from our tent 
platform. The whole of this great slope was now 
revealed, rising for 3,000 feet like a huge natural 
staircase. Some parts were more, and others were 
less easy, but we were not once brought to a halt by 
any serious impediment, for when an obstruction 
was met in front it could always be turned to the 
right or to the left. For the greater part of the 
way there was no occasion, indeed, for the rope, 
and sometimes Hudson led, sometimes myself. 



A Tramp Abroad 167 

At 6. 20 we had attained a height of 12,800 
feet, and halted for half an hour; we then con- 
tinued the ascent without a break until 9.55, when 
we stopped for fifty minutes, at a height of 14,000 
feet. 

We had now arrived at the foot of that part 
which, seen from the Riffelberg, seems perpendicular 
or overhanging. We could no longer continue on 
the eastern side. For a little distance we ascended 
by snow upon the arete — that is, the ridge — then 
turned over to the right, or northern side. The 
work became difficult, and required caution. In 
some places there was little to hold ; the general slope 
of the mountain was less than 40 degrees, and snow 
had accumulated in, and had filled up, the interstices 
of the rock-face, leaving only occasional fragments 
projecting here and there. These were at times 
covered with a thin film of ice. It was a place 
which any fair mountaineer might pass in safety. 
We bore away nearly horizontally for about 400 
feet, then ascended directly toward the summit for 
about sixty feet, then doubled back to the ridge 
which descends toward Zermatt. A long stride 
round a rather awkward corner brought us to snow 
once more. The last doubt vanished ! The Matter- 
horn was ours ! Nothing but 200 feet of easy snow 
remained to be surmounted. 

The higher we rose, the more intense became the 
excitement. The slope eased off , at length we could 
be detached, and Croz and I, dashing away, ran a 



168 A Tramp Abroad 

neck-and-neck race, which ended in a dead heat. 
At 1.40 P. M., the world was at our feet, and the 
Matterhorn was conquered ! 

The others arrived. Croz now took the tent-pole, 
and planted it in the highest snow. "Yes," we 
said, "there is the flag-staff, but where is the 
flag?" " Here it is," he answered, pulling off his 
blouse and fixing it to the stick. It made a poor 
flag, and there was no wind to float it out, yet it 
was sreen all around. They saw it at Zermatt — at 
the Riff el — in the Val Tournanche. 

We remained on the summit for one hour — 

" One crowded hour of glorious life." 

It passed away too quickly, and we began to 
prepare for the descent. 

Hudson and I consulted as to the best and safest 
arrangement of the party. We agreed that it was 
best for Croz to go first, and Hadow second ; Hud- 
son, who was almost equal to a guide in sureness of 
foot, wished to be third ; Lord Douglas was placed 
next, and old Peter, the strongest of the remainder, 
after him. I suggested to Hudson that we should 
attach a rope to the rocks on our arrival at the 
difficult bit, and hold it as we descended, as an 
additional protection. He approved the idea, but it 
was not definitely decided that it should be done. 
The party was being arranged in the above order 
whilst I was sketching the summit, and they had 
finished, and were waiting for me to be tied in line, 
when some one remembered that our names had not 



A Tramp Abroad 169 

been left In a bottle. They requested me to write 
them down, and moved off while it was being done. 

A few minutes afterward I tied myself to young 
Peter, ran down after the others, and caught them 
just as they were commencing the descent of the 
difficult part. Great care was being taken. Only 
one man was moving at a time ; when he was firmly 
planted the next advanced, and so on. They had 
not, however, attached the additional rope to rocks, 
and nothing was said about it. The suggestion was 
not made for my own sake, and I am not sure that 
it even occurred to me again. For some little dis- 
tance we two followed the others, detached from 
them, and should have continued so had not Lord 
Douglas asked me, about 3 P.M., to tie on to old 
Peter, as he feared, he said, that Taugwalder would 
not be able to hold his ground if a slip occurred. 

A few minutes later, a sharp-eyed lad ran into the 
Monte Rosa Hotel, at Zermatt, saying that he had 
seen an avalanche fall from the summit of the Mat- 
terhorn on to the Matterhorn glacier. The boy was 
reproved for telling idle stories ; he was right, never- 
theless, and this was what he saw. 

Michel Croz had laid aside his axe, and in order 
to give Mr. Hadow greater security, was absolutely 
taking hold of his legs, and putting his feet, one by 
one, into their proper positions. As far as I know, 
no one was actually descending. I cannot speak 
with certainty, because the two leading men were 
partially hidden from my sight by an intervening 



170 A Tramp Abroad 

mass of rock, but it is my belief, from the move- 
ments of their shoulders, that Croz, having done as 
I have said, was in the act of turning round to go 
down a step or two himself; at this moment Mr. 
Hadow slipped, fell against him, and knocked him 
over. I heard one startled exclamation from Croz, 
then saw him and Mr. Hadow flying downwards ; in 
another moment Hudson was dragged from his 
steps, and Lord Douglas immediately after him. 
All this was the work of a moment. Immediately 
we heard Croz's exclamation, old Peter and I 
planted ourselves as firmly as the rocks would per- 
mit; the rope was taut between us, and the jerk 
came on us both as on one man. We held; but 
the rope broke midway between Taugwalder and 
Lord Francis Douglas. For a few seconds we saw 
our unfortunate companions sliding downwards on 
their backs, and spreading out their hands, endeavor- 
ing to save themselves. They passed from our 
sight uninjured, disappeared one by one, and fell 
from precipice to precipice on to the Matterhorn 
glacier below, a distance of nearly 4,000 feet in 
height. From the moment the rope broke it was 
impossible to help them. So perished our comrades ! 

• ••••• 

For more than two hours afterwards I thought 
almost every moment that the next would be my 
last; for the Taugwalders, utterly unnerved, were 
not only incapable of giving assistance, but were in 
such a state that a slip might have been expected 



A tramp Abroad ifi 

from them at any moment. After a time we were 
able to do that which should have been done at first, 
and fixed rope to firm rocks, in addition to being 
tied together. These ropes were cut from time to 
time, and were left behind. Even with their assur- 
ance the men were afraid to proceed, and several 
times old Peter turned, with ashy face and faltering 
limbs, and said, with terrible emphasis, " I cannot T^ 
About 6 P. M., we arrived at the snow upon the 
ridge descending towards Zermatt, and all peril 
was over. We frequently looked, but in vain, for 
traces of our unfortunate companions ; we bent over 
the ridge and cried to them, but no sound returned. 
Convinced at last that they were neither within sight 
nor hearing, we ceased from our useless efforts; 
and, too cast down for speech, silently gathered up 
our things, and the little effects of those who were 
lost, and then completed the descent. 



Such is Mr. Whymper's graphic and thrilling 
narrative. Zermatt gossip darkly hints that the 
elder Taugwalder cut the rope, when the accident 
occurred, in order to preserve himself from being 
dragged into the abyss ; but Mr. Whymper says that 
the ends of the rope showed no evidence of cutting, 
but only of breaking. He adds that if Taugwalder 
had had the disposition to cut the rope, he would 
not have had time to do it, the accident was so 
sudden and unexpected. 

Lord Douglas' body has never been found. It 



172 A Tramp Abroad 

probably lodged upon some inaccessible shelf in the 
face of the mighty precipice. Lord Douglas was a 
youth of nineteen. The three other victims fell 
nearly 4,000 feet, and their bodies lay together upon 
the glacier when found by Mr. Whymper and 
the other searchers the next morning. Their graves 
are beside the little church in Zermatt. 



CHAPTER XIII. 

SWITZERLAND is simply a large, humpy, solid 
rock, with a thin skin of grass stretched over 
it. Consequently, they do not dig graves, they 
blast them out with powder and fuse. They cannot 
afford to have large graveyards, the grass skin is too 
circumscribed and too valuable. It is all required 
for the support of the living. 

The graveyard in Zermatt occupies only about 
one-eighth of an acre. The graves are sunk in the 
living rock, and are very permanent; but occupation 
of them is only temporary ; the occupant can only 
stay till his grave is needed by a later subject, he 
is removed, then, for they do not bury one body on 
top of another. As I understand it, a family owns 
a grave, just as it owns a house. A man dies and 
leaves his house to his son, — and at the same time, 
this dead father succeeds to his own father's grave. 
He moves out of the house and into the grave, and 
his predecessor moves out of the grave and into the 
cellar of the chapel. I saw a black box lying in the 
phurchyard, with skull and cross-bones painted on 

12** (173) 



174 A Tramp Abroad 

it, and was told that this was used in transferring 
remains to the cellar. 

In that cellar the bones and skulls of several 
hundreds of former citizens were compactly corded 
up. They made a pile i8 feet long, 7 feet high, 
and 8 feet wide. I was told that in some of the 
receptacles of this kind in the Swiss villages, the 
skulls were all marked, and if a man wished to find 
the skulls of his ancestors for several generations 
back, he could do it by these marks, preserved in 
the family records. 

An English gentleman who had lived some years 
in this region, said it was the cradle of compulsory 
education. But he said that the English idea that 
compulsory education would reduce bastardy and in- 
temperance was an error — it has not that effect. 
He said there was more seduction in the Protestant 
than in the Catholic cantons, because the confes- 
sional protected the girls. I wonder why it doesn't 
protect married women in France and Spain? 

This gentleman said that among the poorer 
peasants in the Valais, it was common for the 
brothers in a family to cast lots to determine which 
of them should have the coveted privilege of marry- 
ing. Then the lucky one got married, and his 
brethren — doomed bachelors, — heroically banded 
themselves together to help support the new family. 

We left Zermatt in a wagon — and in a rain- 
storm, too, — for St. Nicholas about ten o'clock one 
morning. Again we passed between those grass- 



A Tramp Abroad 175 

clad, prodigious cliffs, specked with wee dwellings 
peeping over at us from velvety green walls ten and 
twelve hundred feet high. It did not seem possible 
that the imaginary chamois even could climb those 
precipices. Lovers on opposite cliffs probably kiss 
through a spy-glass, and correspond with a rifle. 

In Switzerland the farmer's plow is a wide 
shovel, which scrapes up and turns over the thin 
earthy skin of his native rock — and there the man 
of the plow is a hero. Now here, by our St. 
Nicholas road, was a grave, and it had a tragic 
story. A plowman -was skinning his farm one 
morning, — not the steepest part of it, but still a 
steep part — that is, he was not skinning the front 
of his farm, but the roof of it, near the eaves, — ^ 
when he absent-mindedly let go of the plow-handles 
to moisten his hands, in the usual way; he lost his 
balance and fell out of his farm backwards; poor 
fellow, he never touched anything till he struck 
bottom, 1,500 feet below.* We throw a halo of 
heroism around the life of the soldier and the sailor, 
because of the deadly dangers they are facing all -the 
time. But we are not used to looking upon farming 
as a heroic occupation. This is because we have 
not lived in Switzerland. 

From St. Nicholas we struck out for Visp, — or 
Vispach — on foot. The rain-storms had been at 
work during several days, and had done a deal of 
damage in Switzerland and Savoy. We came to 

* This was on, a Sunday. — M. T. 



176 A Tramp Abroad 

one place where a stream had changed its course 
and plunged down the mountain in a new place, 
sweeping everything before it. Two poor but 
precious farms by the roadside were ruined. One 
was washed clear away, and the bed-rock exposed ; the 
other was buried out of sight under a tumbled chaos 
of rocks, gravel, mud, and rubbish. The resistless 
might of water was well exemplified. Some sap- 
lings which had stood in the way were bent to the 
ground, stripped clean of their bark, and buried under 
rocky debris. The road had been swept away, too. 

In another place, where the. road was high up on 
the mountain's face, and its outside edge protected 
by flimsy masonry, we frequently came across spots 
where this masonry had caved off and left dangerous 
gaps for mules to get over; and with still more fre- 
quency we found the masonry slightly crumbled, 
and marked by mule-hoofs, thus showing that there 
had been danger of an accident to somebody. When 
at last we came to a badly ruptured bit of masonry, 
with hoof-prints evidencing a desperate struggle to 
regain the lost foothold, I looked quite hopefully 
over the dizzy precipice. But there was nobody 
down there. 

They take exceedingly good care of their rivers in 
Switzerland and other portions of Europe. They 
wall up both banks with slanting solid stone masonry 
— so that from end to end of these rivers the banks 
look like the wharves at St. Louis and other towns 
on the Mississippi river. 



A Tramp Abroad 177 

It was during this walk from St. Nicholas, in the 
shadow of the majestic Alps, that we came across 
some little children amusing themselves in what 
seemed, at first, a most odd and original way — but 
it wasn't; it was in simply a natural and character- 
istic way. They were roped together with a string, 
they had mimic alpenstocks and ice-axes, and were 
climbing a meek and lowly manure pile with a most 
blood-curdling amount of care and caution. The 
"guide" at the head of the hne cut imaginary 
steps, in a laborious and painstaking way, and not a 
monkey budged till the step above him was vacated. 
If we had waited we should have witnessed an 
imaginary accident, no doubt; and we should have 
heard the intrepid band hurrah when they made the 
summit and looked around upon the " magnificent 
view," and seen them throw themselves down in 
exhausted attitudes for a rest in that commanding 
situation. 

In Nevada I used to see the children play at silver 
mining. Of course, the great thing was an accident 
in a mine, and there were two " star" parts;' that 
of the man who fell down the mimic shaft, and that 
of the daring hero who was lowered into the depths 
to bring him up. I knew one small chap who 
always insisted on playing both of these parts, — and 
he carried his point. He would tumble into the 
shaft and die, and then come to the surface and go 
back after his own remains. 

It is the smartest boy that gets the hero-part 



178 A Tramp Abroad 

everywhere; he is head guide in Switzerland, head 
miner in Nevada, head bull-fighter in Spain, etc. ; 
but I knew a preacher's son, seven years old, who 
once selected a part for himself compared to which 
those just mentioned are tame and unimpressive. 
Jimmy's father stopped him from driving imaginary 
horse-cars one Sunday — stopped him from playing 
captain of an imaginary steamboat next Sunday — 
stopped him from leading an imaginary army to 
battle the following Sunday — and so on. Finally 
the little fellow said : 

" I've tried everything, and they won't any of 
them do. What can I play?" 

"I hardly know, Jimmy; but you must play 
only things that are suitable to the Sabbath day." 

Next Sunday the preacher stepped softly to a 
back-room door to see if the children were rightly 
employed. He peeped in. A chair occupied the 
middle of the room, and on the back of it hung 
Jimmy's cap; one of the little sisters took the cap 
down, nibbled at it, then passed it to another small 
sister and said, " Eat of this fruit, for it is good." 
The Reverend took in the situation — alas, they were 
playing the Expulsion from Eden ! Yet he found 
one little crumb of comfort. He said to himself, 
"For once Jimmy has yielded the chief r61e — I 
have been wronging him, I did not believe there was 
so much modesty in him ; I should have expected 
him to be either Adam or Eve." This crumb of 
comfort lasted but a very little while; he glanced 



A Tramp Abroad 179 

around and discovered Jimmy standing in an im- 
posing attitude in a corner, with a dark and deadly- 
frown on his face. What that meant was very plain 
— he was personating the Deity ! Think of the 
guileless sublimity of that idea. 

We reached Vispach at 8 P.M., only about seven 
hours out from St. Nicholas. So we must have 
made fully a mile and a half an hour, and it was all 
down hill, too, and very muddy at that. We stayed 
all night at the H6tel du Soleil ; I remember it be- 
cause the landlady, the portier, the waitress, and the 
chambermaid were not separate persons, but were 
all contained in one neat and chipper suit of spotless 
muslin, and she was the prettiest young creature I 
saw in all that region. She was the landlord's 
daughter. And I remember that the only native 
match to her I saw in all Europe was the young 
daughter of the landlord of a village inn in the Black 
Forest. Why don't more people in Europe marry 
and keep hotel? 

Next morning we left with a family of English 
friends and went by train to Brevet, and thence by 
boat across the lake to Ouchy (Lausanne). 

Ouchy is memorable to me, not on account of its 
beautiful situation and lovely surroundings, — al- 
though these would make it stick long in one's 
memory, — but as the place where I caught the 
London Times dropping into humor. It was not 
aware of it, though. It did not do it on purpose. 
An English friend called my attention to this lapse, 



i'80 A Tramp Abroad 

and cut out the reprehensible paragraph for me. 
Think of encountering a grin hke this on the face of 
that grim journal : 

Erratum. — We are requested by Renter's Telegram Company to 
correct an erroneous announcement made in their Brisbane telegram of 
the 2d inst., published in our impression of the 5th inst., stating that 
'•Lady Kennedy had given birth to twins, the eldest being a son." 
The Company explain that the message they received contained the 
words "Governor of Queensland, twists first son.'" Being, however, 
subsequently informed that Sir Arthur Kennedy was unmarried and that 
there must be some mistake, a telegraphic repetition was at once 
demanded. It has been received to-day (nth inst.) and shows that 
the words really telegraphed by Reuter's agent were " Governor Queens- 
land turns firsi sod," alluding to the Maryborough-Gympic Railway in 
course of construction. The words in italics were mutilated by the tel- 
egraph in transmission from Australia, and reaching the company in the 
form mentioned above gave rise to the mistake. 

I had always had a deep and reverent compassion 
for the sufferings of the "prisoner of Chillon," 
whose story Byron has told in such moving verse ; 
so I took the steamer and made pilgrimage to the 
dungeons of the Castle of Chillon, to see the place 
where poor Bonnivard endured his dreary captivity 
300 years ago. I am glad I did that, for it took 
away some of the pain I was feeling on the prison- 
er's account. His dungeon was a nice, cool, roomy 
place, and I cannot see why he should have been so 
dissatisfied with it. If he had been imprisoned in a 
St. Nicholas private dwelling, where the fertilizer 
prevails, and the goat sleeps with the guest, and the 
chickens roost on him, and the cow comes in and 
bothers him when he wants to muse, it would have 
been another matter altogether; but he surely could 



A Tramp Abroad tSil 

not have had a very cheerless time of it in that 
pretty dungeon. It has romantic window-slits that 
let in generous bars of light, and it has tall, noble; 
columns, carved apparently from the living rock;, 
and what is more, they are written all over with 
thousands of names; some of them, — hke Byron's 
and Victor Hugo's — of the first celebrity. Why 
didn't he amuse himself reading these names? 
Then there are the couriers and tourists — swarma 
of them every day — what was to hinder him from 
having a good time with them? I think Bonnivard's 
sufferings have been overrated. 

Next, we took the train and went to Martigny, on 
the way to Mont Blanc. Next morning we started, 
about eight o'clock, on foot. We had plenty of 
company, in the way of wagon-loads and mule-loads 
of tourists — and dust. This scattering procession 
of travelers was perhaps a mile long. The road was 
up hill — interminably up hill, — and tolerably steep. 
The weather was blistering hot, and the man or 
woman who had to sit on a creeping mule, or in a 
crawling wagon, and broil in the beating sun^ was 
an object to be pitied. We could dodge among the 
bushes, and have the relief of shade, but those 
people could not. They paid for a conveyance, and 
to get their money's worth they rode. 

We went by the way of the Tete Noir, and after 
we reached high ground there was no lack of fine 
scenery. In one place the road was tunneled 
through a shoulder of the mountain; from there 



l8i A Tratrip Abroad 

one looked down into a gorge with a rushing torrent 
in it, and on every hand was a charming view of 
rocky buttresses and wooded heights. There was a 
Hberal allowance of pretty waterfalls, too, on the 
Tete Noir route. 

About half an hour before we reached the village 
of Argentiere a vast dome of snow with the sun 
blazing on it drifted into view and framed itself in a 
strong V-shaped gateway of the mountains, and we 
recognized Mont Blanc, the " monarch of the Alps." 
With every step, after that, this stately dome rose 
higher and higher into the blue sky, and at last 
seemed to occupy the zenith. 

Some of Mont Blanc's neighbors — bare, light- 
brown, steeple-like rocks, — were very peculiarly 
shaped. Some were whittled to a sharp point, and 
slightly bent at the upper end, like a lady's finger; 
one monster sugar-loaf resembled a bishop's hat; it 
was too steep to hold snow on its sides, but had 
some in the division. 

While we were still on very high ground, and 
before the descent toward Argentiere began, we 
looked up toward a neighboring mountain-top, and 
saw exquisite prismatic colors playing about some 
white clouds which were so delicate as to almost 
resemble gossamer webs. The faint pinks and 
greens were peculiarly beautiful ; none of the colors 
were deep, they were the lightest shades. They 
were bewitchingly commingled. We sat down to 
study and enjoy this singular spectacle. The tints 



A Tramp Abroad 183 

remained during several minutes — flitting, chang- 
ing, melting into each other; paling almost away 
for a moment, then re-flushing, — a shifting, rest- 
less, unstable succession of soft opaline gleams, 
shimmering over that airy film of white cloud, and 
turning it into a fabric dainty enough to clothe an 
angel with. 

By and by we perceived what those super-delicate 
colors, and their continuous play and movement, re- 
minded us of; it is what one sees in a soap-bubble 
that is drifting along, catching changes of tint from 
the objects it passes. A soap-bubble is the most 
beautiful thing, and the most exquisite, in nature; 
that lovely phantom fabric in the sky was suggestive 
of a soap-bubble split open, and spread out in the 
sun. I wonder how much it would take to buy a 
soap-bubble, if there was only one in the world? 
One could buy a hatful of Koh-i-Noors with the 
same money, no doubt. 

We made the tramp from Martigny to Argenti^re 
in eight hours. We beat all the mules and wagons; 
we didn't usually do that. We hired a sort of open 
baggage-wagon for the trip down the valley to 
Chamonix, and then devoted an hour to dining. 
This gave the driver time to get drunk. He had a 
friend with him, and this friend also had had time 
to get drunk. 

Wheti we drove off, the driver said all the tourists 
had arrived and gone by while we were at dinner; 
"but," said he, impressively, "be not disturbed 



184 A Iramp Abroad 

by that — remain tranquil — give yourselves no un« 
easiness — their dust rises far before us, you shall 
see it fade and disappear far behind us — rest you 
tranquil, leave all to me — I am the king of drivers. 
Behold!" 

Down came his whip, and away we clattered. I 
never had such a shaking up in my life. The recent 
flooding rains had washed the road clear away in 
places, but we never stopped, we never slowed 
down for anything. We tore right along; over 
rocks, rubbish, gullies, open fields — sometimes 
with one or two wheels on the ground, but generally 
with none. Every now and then that calm, good- 
natured madman would bend a majestic look over 
his shoulder at us and say, " Ah, you perceive? It 
is as I have said — I am the king of drivers." 
Every time we just missed going to destruction, he 
would say, with tranquil happiness, "Enjoy it, 
gentlemen, it is very rare, it is very unusual — it is 
given to few to ride with the king of drivers — and 
observe, it is as I have said, /am he." 

He spoke in French, and punctuated with hic- 
coughs. His friend was French, too, but spoke in 
German — using the same system of punctuation, 
however. The friend called himself the " Captain 
of Mont Blanc," and wanted us to make the ascent 
with him. He said he had made more ascents than 
any other man, — forty-seven, — and his brother had 
made thirty-seven. His brother was the best guide 
in the world, except himself — but he, yes, observe 



A Tiamp Abroad 185 

him well,^-he was the " Captain of Mont Blanc "— 
that title belonged to none other. 

The " king " was as good as his word — he over- 
took that long procession of tourists and went by it 
like a hurricane. The result was that we got choicer 
rooms at the hotel in Chamonix than we should have 
done if his majesty had been a slower artist — or 
rather, if he hadn't most providentially got drunk 
before he left Argenti^re. 



CHAPTER XIV. 

EVERYBODY was out of doors ; everybody was 
in the principal street of the village, — not on 
the sidewalks, but all over the street; everybody 
was lounging, loafing, chatting, waiting, alert, ex- 
pectant, interested, — for it was train-time. That is 
to say, it was diligence-time, — the half dozen big 
diligences would soon be arriving from Geneva, and 
the village was interested, in many ways, in knowing 
how many people were coming and what sort of folk 
they might be. It was altogether the livest looking 
street we had seen in any village on the continent. 

The hotel was by the side of a booming torrent, 
whose music was loud and strong; we could not see 
this torrent, for it was dark, now, but one could 
locate it without a light. There was a large en- 
closed yard in front of the hotel, and this was filled 
with groups of villagers waiting to see the diligences 
arrive, or to hire themselves to excursionists for the 
morrow. A telescope stood in the yard, with its 
huge barrel canted up toward the lustrous evening 
star. The long porch of the hotel was populous 
with tourists, who sat in shawls and wraps under the 



A tramp Abroad 48^ 

vast overshadowing bulk of Mont Blanc, and gos^- 
siped or meditated. 

Never did a mountain seem so close ; its big sides 
seemed at one's very elbov/, and its majestic dome, 
and the lofty cluster of slender minarets that were its 
neighbors, seemed to be almost over one's head. It 
was night in the streets, and the lamps were sparkling 
everywhere; the broad bases and shoulders of the 
mountains were in a deep gloom, but their summits 
swam in a strange rich glow which was really day- 
light, and yet had a mellow something about it which 
was very different from the hard white glare of the 
kind of daylight I was used to. Its radiance was 
strong and clear, but at the same time it was singu- 
larly soft, and spiritual, and benignant. No, it was 
not our harsh, aggressive, realistic daylight; it 
seemed properer to an enchanted land — or to 
heaven. 

I had seen moonlight and daylight together before, 
but I had" not seen daylight and black night elbow to 
elbow before. At least I had not seen the daylight 
resting upon an object sufficiently close at hand, be- 
fore, to make the contrast startling and at war with 
nature. 

The daylight passed away. Presently the moon 
rose up behind some of those sky-piercing fingers or 
pinnacles of bare rock of which I have spoken — ■ 
they were a little to the left of the crest of Mont 
Blanc, and right over our heads, — but she couldn't 
manage to climb high enough toward heaven to get 



188 A Tramp Abroad 

entirely above them. She would show the glittering 
arch of her upper third, occasionally, and scrape it 
along behind the comb-like row; sometimes a pin- 
nacle stood straight up, like a statuette of ebony, 
against that glittering white shield, then seemed to 
glide out of it by its own volition and power, and 
become a dim specter, while the next pinnacle 
glided into its place and blotted the spotless disk 
with the black exclamation point of its presence. 
The top of one pinnacle took the shapely, clean-cut 
form of a rabbit's head, in the inkiest silhouette, 
while it rested against the moon. The unillumined 
peaks and minarets, hovering vague and phantom- 
like above us while the others were painfully white 
and strong with snow and moonlight, made a 
peculiar effect. 

But when the moon, having passed the line of 
pinnacles, was hidden behind the stupendous white 
swell of Mont Blanc, the masterpiece of the evening 
was flung on the canvas. A rich greenish radiance 
sprang into the sky from behind the mountain, and 
in this some airy shreds and ribbons of vapor floated 
about, and being flushed with that strange tint, went 
waving to and fro like pale green flames. After a 
while, radiating bars, — vast broadening fan-shaped 
shadows, — grew up and stretched away to the zenith 
from behind the mountain. It was a spectacle to 
take one's breath, for the wonder of it, and the 
sublimity. 

Indeed, those mighty bars of alternate light and 



A Tramp Abroad 189 

shadow streaming up from behind that, dark and pro- 
digious form and occupying the half of the dull and 
opaque heavens, was the most imposing and impres- 
sive marvel I had ever looked upon. There is no 
simile for it, for nothing is like it. If a child had 
asked me what it was, I should have said, " Humble 
yourself, in this presence, it is the glory flowing from 
the hidden head of the Creator." One falls shorter 
of the truth than that, sometimes, in trying to ex- 
plain mysteries to the little people. I could have 
found out the cause of this awe-compelling miracle 
by inquiring, for it is not infrequent at Mont Blanc, 
— but I did not wish to know. We have not the 
reverent feeling for the rainbow that a savage has, 
because we know how it is made. We have lost as 
much as we gained by prying into that matter. 

We took a walk down street, a block or two, and 
at a place where four streets met and the principal 
shops were clustered; found the groups of men in 
the roadway thicker than ever — for this was the 
Exchange of Chamonix. These men were in the 
costumes of guides and porters, and were there to 
be hired. 

The office of that great personage, the Guide-in- 
Chief of the Chamonix Guild of Guides, was near 
by. This guild is a close corporation, and is gov- 
erned by strict laws. There are many excursion 
routes, some dangerous and some not, som.e that can 
be made safely without a guide, and some that can- 
not. The bureau determines these things. Where 



190 A Tramp Abroad 

it decides that a guide is necessary, you are forbid- 
den to go without one. Neither are you allowed to 
be a victim of extortion : the law states what you 
are to pay. The guides serve in rotation ; you can- 
not select the man who is to take your life into his 
handS; you must take the worst in the lot, if it is 
his turn. A guide's fee ranges all the way up from 
a half dollar (for some trifling excursion of a few 
rods) to twenty dollars, according to the distance 
tiaversed and the nature of the ground. A guide's 
fee for taking a person to the summit of Mont Blanc 
and back, is twenty dollars — and he earns it. The 
time employed is usually three days, and there is 
enough early rising in it to make a man far more 
" healthy and wealthy and wise " than any one man 
has any right to be. The porter's fee for the same 
trip is ten dollars. Several fools, — no, I mean sev- 
eral tourists, — usually go together, and divide up the 
expense, and thus make it light; for if only one f — 
tourist, I mean — went, he would have to have 
several guides and porters, and that would make the 
matter costly. 

We went into the Chief's office. There were maps 
of mountains on the walls; also one or two litho- 
graphs of celebrated guides, and a portrait of the 
scientist De Saussure. 

In glass cases were some labeled fra'gments of 
boots and batons, and other suggestive relics and 
remembrancers of casualties on Mont Blanc. In a 
book was a record of all the ascents which have ever 



A Tramp Abroad 191 

been made, beginning with Nos. i and 2, — being 
those of Jacques Balmat and De Saussure, in 1787, 
and ending with No. 685, which wasn't cold yet. 
In fact No. 685 was standing by the official table 
waiting to receive the precious official diploma which 
should prove to his German household and to his 
descendants that he had once been indiscreet enough 
to climb to the top of Mont Blanc. He looked very 
happy when he got his document ; in fact, he spoke 
up and said he was happy. 

I tried to buy a diploma for an invalid friend at 
home who had never traveled, and whose desire all 
his life has been to ascend Mont Blanc, but the 
Guide-in-Chief rather insolently refused to sell me 
one. I was very much offended. I said I did not 
propose to be discriminated against on account of 
my nationality; that he had just sold a diploma to 
this German gentleman, and my money was as good 
as his; I would see to it that he couldn't keep shop 
for Germans and deny his produce to Americans; I 
would have his license taken away from him at the 
dropping of a handkerchief; if France refused to 
break him, I would make an international matter of 
it and bring on a war; the soil should be drenched 
with blood ; and not only that, but I would set up 
an opposition shop and sell diplomas at half price. 

For two cents I would have done these things, 
too ; but nobody offered me the two cents. I tried 
to move that German's feelings, but it could not be 
done; he would not give me his diploma, neithe: 



192 A Tramp Abroad 

would he sell it to me. I told him my friend was 
sick and could not come himself, but he said he did 
not care a verdammtes pfennig, he wanted his 
diploma for himself— did I suppose he v/as going 
to risk his neck for that thing and then give it to a 
sick stranger? Indeed he wouldn't, so he wouldn't. 
I resolved, then, that I would do all I could to 
injure Mont Blanc. 

In the record book was a list of all the fatal 
accidents which had happened on the mountain. It 
began with the one in 1820 when the Russian Dr. 
Hamel's three guides were lost in a crevasse of the 
glacier, and it recorded the delivery of the remains 
in the valley by the slow-moving glacier 41 years 
later. The latest catastrophe bore date 1877. 

We stepped out and roved about the village a 
while. In front of the little church was a monument 
to the memory of the bold guide Jacques Balmat, 
the first man who ever stood upon the summit of 
Mont Blanc. He made that wild trip solitary and 
alone. He accomplished the ascent a number of 
times afterward. A stretch of nearly half a century 
lay between his first ascent and his last one. At the 
ripe old age of 72 he was climbing around a corner 
of a lofty precipice of the Pic du Midi — nobody 
with him — when he slipped and fell. So he died 
in the harness. 

He had grown very avaricious in his old age, and 
used to go off stealthily to hunt for non-existent and 
impossible gold among those perilous peaks and 



A Tramp Abroad I93 

precipices. He was on a quest of that kind when he 
lost his Hfe. There was a statue to him, and another 
to De Saussure, in the hall of our hotel, and a metal 
plate on the door of a room up stairs bore an inscrip- 
tion to the effect that that room had been occupied 
by Albert Smith. Balmat and De Saussure discov- 
ered Mont Blanc — so to speak — but it was Smith 
who made it a paying property. His articles in 
Blackwood and his lectures on Mont Blanc in 
London advertised it and made people as anxious to 
see it as if it owed them money. 

As we strolled along the road we looked up and 
saw a red signal light glowing in the darkness of the 
mountain side. It seemed but a trifling way up, — ■ 
perhaps a hundred yards, a climb of ten minutes. 
It was a lucky piece of sagacity in us that we con- 
cluded to stop a man whom we met and get a light 
for our pipes from him instead of continuing the 
climb to that lantern to get a light, as had been our 
purpose. The man said that that lantern was on 
the Grands Mulcts, some 6,500 feet above the valley ! 
I know by our Riffelberg experience, that it would 
have taken us a good part of a week to go up there. 
I would sooner not smoke at all, than take all that 
trouble for a light. 

Even in the daytime the foreshortening effect of 
this mountain's close proximity creates curious decep- 
tions. For instance, one sees with the naked eye a 
cabin up there beside the glacier, and a little above 
and beyond he sees the spot where that red light was 



13 



»» 



194 A Tramp Abroad 

located ; he thinks he could throw a stone from the 
one place to the other. But he couldn't, for the 
difference between the two altitudes is more than 
3,000 feet. It looks impossible, from below, that 
this can be true, but it is true, nevertheless. 

While strolling about, we kept the run of the 
moon all the time, and we still kept an eye on her 
after we got back to the hotel portico. I had a 
theory that the gravitation of refraction, being sub- 
sidiary to atmospheric compensation, the refrangi- 
bility of the earth's surface would emphasize this 
effect in regions where great mountain ranges occur, 
and possibly so even-handedly impact the odic and 
idyllic forces together, the one upon the other, ab to 
prevent the moon from rising higher than 12,200 feet 
above sea level. This daring theory had been re- 
ceived with frantic scorn by some of my fellow- 
scientists, and with an eager silence by others. 

Among the former I may mention Prof. H y ; 

and among the latter Prof. T 1. Such is pro- 
fessional jealousy; a scientist will never show any 
kindness for a theory which he did not sl«rt himself. 
There is no feeling of brotherhood among these 
people. Indeed, they always resent it when I call 
them brother. To show how far their ungenerosity 
can carry them, I will state that I offered to let Prof. 
H y publish my great theory as his own dis- 
covery; I even begged him to do it; I even pro- 
posed to print it myself as his theory. Instead of 
thanking me. he said th^t if I tried to far.teiy that 



A Tramp Abroad 195 

theory on him he would sue me for slander. I was 
going to offer it to Mr. Darwin, whom I understood 
to be a man without prejudices, but it occurred to 
me that perhaps he would not be interested in it 
since it did not concern heraldry. 

But I am glad, now, that I was forced to father 
my intrepid theory myself, for, on the night of which 
I am writing, it was triumphantly justified and estab- 
lished. Mont Blanc is nearly 16,000 feet high; he 
hid the moon utterly ; near him is a peak which is 
12,216 feet high; the moon slid along behind the pin- 
nacles, and when she approached that one I. watched 
her with intense interest, for my reputation as a 
scientist must stand or fall by its decision. I cannot 
describe the emotions which surged like tidal waves 
through my breast when I saw the moon glide be- 
hind that lofty needle and pass it by without expos- 
ing more than two feet four inches of her upper 
rim above it ! I was secure, then. I knew she 
could rise no higher, and I was right. She sailed 
behind all the peaks and never succeeded in hoisting 
her disk above a single one of them. 

While the moon was behind one of those sharp 
fingers, its shadow was flung athwart the vacant 
heavens — a long, slanting, clean-cut, dark ray — 
with a streaming and energetic suggestion oi force 
about it, such as the ascending jet of water from a 
powerful fire engine affords. It was curious to see a 
good strong shadow of an earthly object cast upon 
so intangible a field as the atmosphere. 



196 A Iramp Abroad 

We went to bed, at last, and went quickly to 
sleep, but I woke up, after about three hours, with 
throbbing temples, and a head which was physically 
sore, outside and in. I was dazed, dreamy, 
wretched, seedy, unrefreshed. I recognized the 
occasion of all this : it was that torrent. In the 
mountain villages of Switzerland, and along the 
roads, one has always the roar of the torrent in his 
ears. He imagines it is music, and he thinks poetic 
things about it; he lies in his comfortable bed and 
is lulled to sleep by it. But by and by he begins to 
notice that his head is very sore — he cannot account 
for it; in solitudes where the profoundest silence 
reigns, he notices a sulfen, distant, continuous roar 
in his ears, which is like what he would experience 
if he had sea shells pressed against them — he cannot 
account for it; he is drov/sy and absent-minded; 
there is no tenacity to his mind, he cannot keep 
hold of a thought and follow it out; if he sits down 
to write, his vocabulary is empty, no suitable words 
will come, he forgets what he started to do, and 
remains there, pen in hand, head tilted up, eyes 
closed, listening painfully to the muffled roar of a 
distant train in his ears; in his soundest sleep the 
strain continues, he goes on listening, always listening 
intently, anxiously, and wakes at last, harassed, irri- 
table, unrefreshed. He cannot manage to account 
for these things. Day after day he feels as if he had 
spent his nights in a sleeping car. It actually takes 
him weeks to find out that it is those persecuting 



A Tramp Abroad 197 

torrents that have been making all the mischief. It 
is time for him to get out of Switzerland, then, for 
as soon as he has discovered the cause, the misery- 
is magnified several fold. The roar of the torrent is 
maddening, then, for his imagination is assisting; 
the physical pain it inflicts is exquisite. When he 
finds he is approaching one of those streams, his 
dread is so lively that he is disposed to fly the track 
and avoid the implacable foe. 

Eight or nine months after the distress of the 
torrents had departed from, me, the roar and thunder 
of the streets of Paris brought it all back again. I 
moved to the sixth story of the hotel to hunt for 
peace. About midnight the noises dulled away, and 
I was sinking to sleep, when I heard a new and 
curious sound ; 1 Hstened : evidently some joyous 
lunatic was softly dancing a "double shuffle" in 
the room over my head. I had to wait for him to 
get throt^gh, of course. Five long, long minutes 
he smoothly shuffled away — a pause followed, then 
something fell with a heavy thump on the floor. I 
said to myself "There — he is pulling off his boots 

— thank heavens he is done." Another shght pause 

— he went to shuffling again ! I said to myself, " Is 
he trying to see what he can do with only one boot 
on?" Presently came another pause and another 
thumip on the floor. I said " Good, he has pulled 
off his other boot — now he is done." But he 
wasn't. The next moment he was shuffling again. 
I said, " Confound him, he is at it in his slippers 1 " 



198 A tramp Abroad 

After a little came that same old pause, and right 
after it that thump on the floor once more. I said, 
•* Hang him, he had on two pair of boots ! " For an 
hour that magician went on shuffling and pulling off 
boots till he had shed as many as twenty-five pair, and 
I was hovering on the verge of lunacy. I got my 
gun and stole up there. The fellow was in the midst 
of an acre of sprawling boots, and he had a boot in 
his hand, shuffling it — no I mean polishing it. The 
mystery was explained. He hadn't been dancing. 
He was the " Boots " of the hotel, and was attend- 
ing to business. 



CHAPTER XV. 

AFTER breakfast, that next morning in Chamonix, 
we went out in the yard and watched the gangs 
of excursionizing tourists arriving and departing with 
their mules and guides and porters ; then we took a 
look through the telescope at the snowy hump of 
Mont Blanc. It was brilliant with sunshine, and the 
vast smooth bulge seemed hardly five hundred yards 
away. With the naked eye we could dimly make 
out the house at the Pierre Pointue, which is located 
by the side of the great glacier, and is more than 
3,000 feet above the level of the valley; but with 
the telescope we could see all its details. While I 
looked, a woman rode by the house on a mule, and 
I saw her with sharp distinctness ; I could have, de- 
scribed her dress. I saw her nod to the people of 
the house, and rein up her mule, and put her hand 
up to shield her eyes from the sun. I was not used 
to telescopes ; in fact, I had never looked through a 
good one before ; it seemed incredible to me that 
this woman could be so far away. I was satisfied 
that I could see all these details with my naked eye ; 
but when I tried it, that mule and those vivid people 

(199) 



200 A Tramp Abroad 

had wholly vanished, and the house itself was be- 
come small and vague. I tried the telescope again, 
and again everything was vivid. The strong black 
shadows of the mule and the woman were flung 
against the side of the house, and I saw the mule's 
silhouette wave its ears. 

The telescopulist, — - or the telescopulariat, — I do 
not know which is right, — said a party were making 
a grand ascent, and would come in sight on the re- 
mote upper heights, presently; so we waited to ob- 
serve this performance. 

Presently I had a superb idea. I wanted to stand 
with a party on the summit of Mont Blanc, merely 
to be able to say I had done it, and I believed the. 
telescope could set me within seven feet of the 
uppermost man. The telescoper assured me that it 
could. I then asked him how much I owed him for 
as far as I had got? He said, one franc. I asked 
him how much it would cost me to m.ake the entire 
ascent? Three francs. I at once determined to 
make the entire ascent. But first I inquired if there 
was any danger? He said no, — net by telescope; 
said he had taken a great many parties to the sum- 
mit, and never lost a man. I asked what he would 
charge to let my agent go with me, together with 
such guides and porters as might be necessary? He 
said he would let Harris go for two francs ; and that 
unless we were unusually timid, he should consider 
guides and porters unnecessary; it was not customary 
to take them, when going by telescope, for they were 



A Tramp Abroad 201 

rather an incumbrance than a help. He said that 
the party now on the mountain were approaching 
the most difficult part, and if we hurried we should 
overtake them within ten minutes, and could then 
join them and have the benefit of their guides and 
porters without their knowledge, and without ex- 
pense to us. 

I then said we would start immediately. I believe 
I said it calmly, though I was conscious of a shudder 
and of a paling cheek, in view of the nature of the 
exploit I was so unreflectingly engaging in. But the 
old dare-devil spirit was upon me, and I said that as 
I had committed myself I would not back down ; I 
would ascend Mont Blanc if it cost me my life. I 
told the man to slant his machine in the proper 
direction and let us be off. 

Harris was afraid and did not want to go, but I 
heartened him up and said I would hold his hand 
all the way; so he gave his consent, though he 
trembled a little at first. I took a last pathetic look 
upon the pleasant summer scene about me, then 
boldly put my eye to the glass and prepared to 
mount among the grim glaciers and the everlasting 
snows. 

We took our way carefully and cautiously across 
the great Glacier des Bossons, over yawning and 
terrific crevasses and amongst imposing crags and 
buttresses of ice which were fringed with icicles of 
gigantic proportions. The desert of ice that 
Stretched far and wide about us was wild and 



202 A Tramp Abroad 

desolate beyond description, and the perils which 
beset us were so great that at times I was minded to 
turn back. But I pulled my pluck together and 
pushed on. 

We passed the glacier safely and began to mount 
the steeps beyond, with great celerity. When we 
were seven minutes out from the starting point, we 
leached an altitude where the scene took a new 
aspect; an apparently limitless continent of gleam- 
ing snow was tilted heavenward before our faces. 
As my eye followed that awful acclivity far away up 
into the remote skies, it seemed to me that all I had 
ever seen before of sublimity and magnitude was 
small and insignificant compared to this. 

We rested a moment, and then began to mount 
with speed. Within three minutes we caught sight 
of the party ahead of us, and stopped to observe 
them. They were toiling up a long, slanting ridge 
of snow — twelve persons, roped together some 
fifteen feet apart, marching in single file, and strongly 
marked against the clear blue sky. One was a 
woman. We could see them lift their feet and put 
them down; we saw them swing their alpenstocks 
forward in unison, like so many pendulum^s, and 
then bear their weight upon them ; we saw the lady 
wave her handkerchief. They dragged themselves 
upward in a worn and weary way, for they had been 
climbing steadily from the Grands Mulcts, on the 
Glacier des Bossons, since three in the morning, and 
it was eleven, now. We saw them sink down in the 



A Tramp Abroad iOj 

&rtow and rest, and drink something from a bottle. 
After a while they moved on, and as they approached 
the final short dash of the home-stretch we closed up 
on them and joined them. 

Presently we all stood together on the summit! 
What a view was spread out below ! Away off under 
the northwestern horizon rolled the silent billows of 
the Farnese Oberland, their snowy crests glinting 
softly in the subdued lights of distance ; in the north 
rose the giant form of the Wobblehorn, draped from 
peak to shoulder in sable thunder-clouds; beyond 
him, to the right, stretched the grand processional 
summits of the Cisalpine Cordillera, drowned in a 
sensuous haze; to the east loomed the colossal 
masses of the Yodelhorn, the Fuddlehorn, and the 
Dinnerhorn, their cloudless summits flashing white 
and cold in the sun ; beyond them shimmered the 
faint far line of the Ghauts of Jubbelpore and the 
Aiguilles des AUeghenies ; in the south towered the 
smoking peak of Popocatapetl and the unapproach- 
able altitudes of the peerless Scrabblehorn ; in the 
west-southwest the stately range of the Himalayas 
lay dreaming in a purple gloom ; and thence all 
around the curving horizon the eye roved over a 
troubled sea of sun-kissed Alps, and noted, here and 
there, the noble proportions and soaring domes of 
the Bottlehorn, and the Saddlehorn, and the Shovel- 
horn, and the Powderhorn, all bathed in the glory of 
noon and mottled with softly-gliding blcts, the 
shadows flung from drifting clouds. 



204 A Tramp Abroad 

Overcome by the scene, we all raised a triumphant, 
tremendous shout, in unison. A startled man at my 
elbow said : 

** Confound you, what do you yell like that for, 
right here in the street? " 

That brought me down to Chamonix, like a flirt. 
I gave that man some spiritual advice and disposed 
of him, and then paid the telescope man his full fee, 
and said that we were charmed with the trip and 
would remain down, and not re-ascend and require 
him to fetch us down by telescope. This pleased 
him very much, for of course we could have stepped 
back to the summit and put him to the trouble of 
bringing us home if we had wanted to. 

I judged we could get diplomas, now, anyhow; so 
we went after them, but the Chief Guide put us off, 
with one pretext or another, during all the time we 
staid in Chamonix, and we ended by never getting 
them at all. So much for his prejudice against peo- 
ple's nationality. However, we worried him enough 
to make him remember us and our ascent for some 
time. He even said, once, that he wished there was 
a lunatic asylum in Chamonix. This shows that he 
really had fears that we were going to drive him 
mad. It was what we intended to do, but lack of 
time defeated it. 

I cannot venture to advise the reader one way or 
the other, as to ascending Mont Blanc. I say only 
this: if he is at all timid, the enjoyments of the trip 
will hardly make up for the hardships and sufferings 



A Tramp Abroad 205 

he will have to endure. But if he has good nerve, 
youth, health, and a bold, firm will, and could leave 
his family comfortably provided for in case the worst 
happened, he would find the ascent a wonderful ex- 
perience, and the view from the top a vision to dream 
about, and tell about, and recall with exultation all 
the days of his life. 

While I do not advise such a person to attempt the 
ascent, I do not advise him against it. But if he 
elects to attempt it, let him be warily careful of two 
things : choose a calm, clear day; and do not pay the 
telescope man in advance. There are dark stories 
of his getting advance payers on the summit and 
then leaving them there to rot. 

A frightful tragedy was once witnessed through 
the Chamonix telescopes. Think of questions and 
answers like these, on an inquest: 

Coroner. You saw deceased lose his life? 

Witness. I did. 

C. Where was he, at the time? 

W. Close to the summit of Mont Blanc. 

C. Where were you? 

W. In the main street of Chamonix. 

C. What was the distance between you ? 

W. A little over five miles, as the bird flies. 

This accident occurred in 1866, a year and a month 
after the disaster on the Matterhorn. Three adven- 
turous English gentlemen,* of great experience in 
mountain climbing, made up their minds to ascend 

* Sir George Young and his brothers James and Albert. 
14** 



206 A Tramp Abroad 

Mont Blanc without guides or porters. All en- 
deavors to dissuade them from their project failed. 
Powerful telescopes are numerous in Chamonix. 
These huge brass tubes, mounted on their scaffold- 
ings and pointing skyward from every choice vantage- 
ground, have the formidable look of artillery, and 
give the town the general aspect of getting ready to 
repel a charge of angels. The reader may easily 
believe that the telescopes had plenty of custom on 
that August morning in 1866, for everybody knew 
of the dangerous undertaking which was on foot, 
and all had fears that misfortune would result. All 
the morning the tubes remained directed toward the 
mountain heights, each with its anxious group 
around it ; but the white deserts were vacant. 

At last, toward eleven o'clock, the people who 
were looking through the telescopes cried out 
"There they are! " — -and sure enough, far up, on 
the loftiest terraces of the Grand Plateau, the three 
pygmies appeared, climbing with remarkable vigor 
and spirit. They disappeared in the ** Corridor," 
and were lost to sight during an hour. Then they 
reappeared, and were presently seen standing together 
upon the extreme summit of Mont Blanc. So far, 
all was well. They remained a few minutes on that 
highest point of land in Europe, a target for all the 
telescopes, and were then seen to begin the descent. 
Suddenly all three vanished. An instant after, they 
appeared again, two thousand feet below ! 

Evidently, they had tripped and been shot down 



A Tramp Abroad 207 

an almost perpendicular slope of ice to a point where 
it joined the border of the upper glacier. Naturally, 
the distant witnesses supposed they were now looking 
upon three corpses; so they could hardly believe 
their eyes when they presently saw two of the men 
rise to their feet and bend over the third. During 
two hours and a half they watched the two busying 
themselves over the extended form of their brother, 
who seemed entirely inert. Chamonix's affairs 
stood still ; everybody was in the street, all interest 
was centered upon what was going on upon that 
lofty and isolated stage five miles away. Finallj' the 
two, — one of them walking with great difficulty, — 
were seen to begin the descent, abandoning the third, 
who was no doubt lifeless. Their movements were 
followed, step by step, until they reached the 
" Corridor" and disappeared behind its ridge. Be- 
fore they had had time to traverse the " Corridor" 
and reappear, twilight was come, and the power of 
the telescope was at an end. 

The survivors had a most perilous journey before 
them in the gathering darkness, for they must get 
down to the Grands Mulcts before they would find a 
safe stopping place — a long and tedious descent, 
and perilous enough even in good daylight. The 
oldest guides expressed the opinion that they could 
not succeed ; that all the chances were that they 
would lose their lives. 

Yet those brave men did succeed. They reached 
the Grands Mulcts in safety. Even the fearful shock 



208 A Tramp Abroad 

which their nerves had sustained was not sufficient 
to overcome their coolness and courage. It would 
appear from the official account that they were 
threading their way down through those dangers 
from the closing in of twilight until 2 o'clock in the 
morning, or later, because the rescuing party from 
Chamonix reached the Grands Mulcts about 3 in the 
morning and moved thence toward the scene of the 
disaster under the leadership of Sir George Young, 
*' who had only just arrived." 

After having been on his feet twenty-four hours, 
in the exhausting work of mountain climbing, Sir 
George began the re-ascent at the head of the relief 
party of six guides, to recover the corpse of his 
brother. This was considered a new imprudence, 
as the number was too few for the service required. 
Another relief party presently arrived at the cabin 
on the Grands Mulcts and quartered themselves 
there to await events. Ten hours after Sir George's 
departure toward the summit, this new relief were still 
scanning the snowy altitudes above them from their 
own high perch among the ice deserts 10,000 feet 
above the level of the sea, but the whole forenoon 
had passed without a glimpse of any living thing 
appearing up there. 

This was alarming. Half a dozen of their number 
set out, then early in the afternoon, to seek and succor 
Sir George and his guides. The persons remaining 
at the cabin saw these disappear, and then ensued 
another distressing wait. Four hours passed, with- 



A Tramp Abroad 209 

Out tidings. Then at 5 o'clock another reUef, con- 
sisting of three guides, set forward from the cabin. 
They carried food and cordials for the refreshment 
of their predecessors ; they took lanterns with them, 
too ; night was coming on, and to make matters 
worse, a fine, cold rain had begun to fall. 

At the same hour that these three began their 
dangerous ascent, the official Guide-in-Chief of the 
Mont Blanc region undertook the dangerous descent 
to Chamonix, all alone, to get reinforcements. 
However, a couple of hours later, at 7 P. M., the 
anxious solicitude came to an end, and happily. A 
bugle note was heard, and a cluster of black specks 
was distinguishable against the snows of the upper 
heights. The watchers counted these specks eagerly 
— 14, — nobody was missing. An hour and a half 
later they were all safe under the roof of the cabin. 
They had brought the corpse with them. Sir 
George Young tarried there but a few minutes, and 
then began the long and troublesome descent from 
the cabin to Chamonix. He probably reached there 
about 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning, after having 
been afoot among the rocks and glaciers during two 
days and two nights. His endurance was equal to 
his daring. 

The cause of the unaccountable delay of Sir George 
and the relief parties among the heights where the 
disaster had happened was a thick fog — or, partly 
that and partly the slow and difficult work of convey- 
ing the dead body down the perilous steeps. 
14*« 



210 A Tramp Abroad 

The corpse, upon being viewed at the inquest, 
showed no bruises, and it was some time before the 
surgeons discovered that the neck was broken. One 
of the surviving brothers had sustained some unim- 
portant injuries, but the other had suffered no hurt 
at all. How these men could fall 2,000 feet, almost 
perpendicularly, and live afterward, is a most strange 
and unaccountable thing. 

A great many women have made the ascent of 
Mont Blanc. An English girl. Miss Stratton, con- 
ceived the daring idea, two or three years ago, of 
attempting the ascent in the middle of winter. She 
tried it — and she succeeded. Moreover, she froze 
two of her fingers on the way up, she fell in love 
with her guide on the summit, and she married him 
when she got to the bottom again. There is noth- 
ing in romance, in the way of a striking " situation," 
which can beat this love scene in mid-heaven on an 
isolated ice-crest with the thermometer at zero and 
an Arctic gale blowing. 

The first woman who ascended Mont Blanc was a 
girl aged 22 — Mile. Maria Paradls — 1809. No- 
body was w^ith her but her sweetheart, and he was 
not a guide. The sex then took a rest for about 30 
years, when a Mile. d'Angeville made the ascent — > 
1838. In Chamonix I picked up a rude old litho- 
graph of diat day which pictured her " in the act." 

However, I value it less as a work of art than as 
a fashion plate. Miss d'Angeville put on a pair of 
men's pantaloons to climb m, which was wise; but 



A Tramp Abroad 211 

she cramped their utility by adding her petticoat, 
which was idiotic. 

One of the mournfulest calamities which men's 
disposition to climb dangerous mountains has re- 
sulted in, happened on Mont Blanc in September, 
1870. M. D'Arve tells the story briefly in his 
" Histoire du Mont Blanc." In the next chapter 
I will copy its chief features. 



CHAPTER XVI. 

A CATASTROPHE WHICH COST ELEVEN LIVES 

ON the 5th of September, 1870, a caravan of 
eleven persons departed from Chamonix to 
make the asc>ent of Mont Blanc. Three of the party 
were tourists: Messrs. Randall and Bean, Ameri- 
cans, and Mr. George Corkindale, a Scotch gentle- 
man ; there were three guides and five porters. The 
cabin on the Grands Mulcts was reached that day; 
the ascent was resumed early the next morning, 
September 6. The day was fine and clear, and the 
movements of the party were observed through the 
telescopes of Chamonix; at two o'clock in the after- 
noon they were seen to reach the summit. A few 
minutes later they were seen making the first steps 
of the descent; then a cloud closed around them 
and hid them from view. 

Eight hours passed, the cloud still remained, night 
came, no one had returned to the Grands Mulcts. 
Sylvain Couttet, keeper of the cabin there, suspected 
a misfortune, and sent down to the valley for help. 
A detachment of guides went up, but by the time 
they had made the tedious trip and reached the 



A Tramp Abroad 213 

cabin, a raging storm had set in. They had to 
wait; nothing could be attempted in such a tempest. 

The wild storm lasted more than a week, without 
ceasing; but on the 17th, Couttet, with several 
guides, left the cabin and succeeded in making the 
ascent. In the snowy wastes near the summit they 
came upon five bodies, lying upon their sides in a 
reposeful attitude which suggested that possibly they 
had fallen asleep there, while exhausted with fatigue 
and hunger and benumbed with cold, and never 
knew when death stole upon them. Couttet moved 
a few steps further and discovered five more bodies. 
The eleventh corpse, — that of a porter, — was not 
found, although diligent search was made for it. 

In the pocket of Mr. Bean, one of the Americans, 
was found a note-book in which had been penciled 
some sentences which admit us, in flesh and spirit, 
as it were, to the presence of these men during their 
last hours of life, and to the grisly horrors which 
their fading vision looked upon and their failing 
consciousness took cognizance of: 

Tuesday, Sept. 6. I have made the ascent of Mont Blanc, with ten 
persons — eight guides, and Mr. Corkindale and Mr. Randall. We 
reached the summit at half past 2. Immediately after quitting it, we 
were enveloped in clouds of snow. We passed the night in a grotto 
hollowed in the snow, which afforded but poor shelter, and I was ill all 
night. 

Sept. 7 — Morning. The cold is excessive. The snow falls heavily 
and without interruption. The guides take no rest. 

Evening. My Dear Hessie, we have been two days on Mont 
Blanc, in the midst of a terrible hurricane of snow, we have lost our 
way, and are in a hole scooped in the snow, at an altitude of 15,000 
feet. I have no longer any hope of descending. 



214 A tramp Abroad 

They had wandered around, and around, in that 
blinding snow storm, hopelessly lost, in a space 
only a hundred yards square ; and when cold and 
fatigue vanquished them at last, they scooped 
their cave and lay down there to die by inches, 
unaware that five steps more would have brought 
them into the trtie path. They were so near to life 
and safety as that, and did not suspect it. The 
thought of this gives the sharpest pang that the 
tragic story conveys. 

The author of the " Histoire du Mont Blanc" 
introduces the closing sentences of Mr. Bean's 
pathetic record thus : 

" Here the characters are large and unsteady; the 

hand which traces them is become chilled and torpid ; 

but the spirit survives, and the faith and resignation 

of the dying man are expressed with a sublime 

simplicity." 

Perhaps this note-book will be found and sent to you. We have 
nothing to eat, my feet are already frozen, and I am exhausted; I have 
strength to write only a few words more. I have left means for C.'s 
education; I know you will employ them wisely. I die with faith in 
God, and with loving thoughts of you. Farewell to all. We shall 
meet again, in Heaven. ... I think of you always. 

It is the way of the Alps to deliver death to their 
victims with a merciful swiftness, but here the rule 
failed. These men suffered the bitterest death that 
has been recorded in the history of those mountains, 
freighted as that history is with grisly tragedies. 



CHAPTER XVII. 

MR. HARRIS and I took some guides and porters 
and ascended to the Hotel des Pyramides, 
which is perched on the high moraine which borders 
the Glacier des Bossons. The road led sharply up 
hill, all the way, through grass and flowers and 
woods, and was a pleasant walk, barring the fatigue 
of the climb. 

From the hotel we could view the huge glacier st 
very close range. After a rest we followed down a 
path which had been made in the steep inner 
frontage of the moraine, and stepped upon the 
glacier itself. One of the shows of the place was a 
tunnel-like cavern, which had been hewn in the 
glacier. The proprietor of this- tunnel took candles 
and conducted us into it. It was three or four feet 
wide and about six feet high. Its walls of pure and 
solid ice emitted a soft and rich blue light that pro- 
duced a lovely effect, and suggested enchanted 
caves, and that sort of thing. When we had pro- 
ceeded some yards and were entering darkness, we 
turned about and had a dainty sunlit picture of 
distant woods and heights framed in the strong arch 
T (215) 



216 A Tramp Abroad 

of the tunnel and seen through the tender blue radi- 
ance of the tunnel's atmosphere. 

The cavern was nearly a hundred yards long, and 
when we reached its inner limit the proprietor 
stepped into a branch tunnel with his candles and 
left us buried in the bowels of the glacier, and in 
pitch darkness. We judged his purpose was murder 
and robbery; so we got out our matches and pre- 
pared to sell our Hves as dearly as possible by setting 
the glacier on fire if the worst came to the worst — 
but we soon perceived that this man had changed 
his mind ; he began to sing, in a deep, melodious 
voice, and woke some curious and pleasing echoes. 
By and by he came back and pretended that that 
was what he had gone behind there for. We be- 
lieved as much of that as we wanted to. 

Thus our lives had been once more in imminent 
peril, but by the exercise of the swift sagacity and 
cool courage which had saved us so often, we had 
added another escape to the long list. The tourist 
should visit that ice-cavern, by all means, for it is 
well worth the trouble ; but I would advise him to 
go only with a strong and well-armed force. I do 
not consider artillery necessary, yet it would not be 
unadvisable to take it along, if convenient. The 
journey, going and coming, is about three miles and 
a half, three of which are on level ground. We 
made it in less than a day, but I would counsel the 
unpracticed, — if not pressed for time, — to allow 
themselves two. Nothing is gained in the Alps by 



A Tramp Abroad 217 

over-exertion; nothing is gained by crowding two 
days' work into one for the poor sake of being able 
to boast of the exploit afterward. It will be found 
much better, in the long run, to do the thing in two 
days, and then subtract one of them from the 
narrative. This saves fatigue, and does not injure 
the narrative. All the more thoughtful among the 
Alpine tourists do this. 

We now called upon the Guide-in-Chief, and 
asked for a squadron of guides and porters for the 
ascent of the Montanvert. This idiot glared at us, 
and said: 

" You don't need guides and porters to go to the 
Montanvert," 

" What do we need, then?" 

'* Such 2^ yon ? — an ambulance !" 

I was so stung by this brutal remark that I took 
my custom elsewhere. 

Betimes, next morning, we had reached an alti- 
tude of 5 ,ooo feet above the level of the sea. Here 
we camped and breakfasted. There was a cabin 
there — the spot is called the Caillet — -and a spring 
of ice-cold water. On the door of the cabin was a 
sign, in French, to the effect that " One may here 
see a living chamois for fifty centimes." We did 
not invest ; what we wanted was to see a dead one. 

A little after noon we ended the ascent and 
arrived at the new hotel on the Montanvert, and 
had a view of six miles, right up the great glacier, 
the famous Mer de Glace. At this point it is like a 



218 A Tramp Abroad 

sea whose deep swales and long, rolling swells have 
been caught in mid-movement and frozen solid ; but 
further up it is broken up into wildly-tossing billows 
of ice. 

We descended a ticklish path in the steep side of 
the moraine, and invaded the glacier. There were 
tourists of both sexes scattered far and wide over it, 
everywhere, and it had the festive look of a skating 
rink. 

The Empress Josephine came this far, once. She 
ascended the Montanvert in 1810 — but not alone; 
a small army of men preceded her to clear the 
path — and carpet it, perhaps, — and she followed, 
under the protection of sixty-eight guides. 

Her successor visited Chamonix later, but in far 
different style. It was seven weeks after the first 
fall of the Empire, and poor Marie Louise, ex- 
Empress, was a fugitive. She came at night, and in 
a storm, with only two attendants, and stood before 
a peasant's hut, tired, bedraggled, soaked with 
rain, "the red print of her lost crown still girdling 
her brow," and implored admittance — and was 
refused ! A few days before, the adulations and 
applauses of a nation were sounding in her ears, and 
now she was come to this ! 

We crossed the Mer de Glace in safety, but »ve 
had misgivings. The crevasses in the ice yawned 
deep and blue and mysterious, and it made one 
nervous to traverse them. The huge round waves 
of ice were slippery and difficult to climb, and the 



A Tramp Abroad 219 

chances of tripping and sliding down them and 
darting into a crevasse were too many to be com- 
fortable. 

In the bottom of a deep swale between two of the 
biggest of the ice-waves, we found a fraud who pre- 
tended to be cutting steps to insure the safety of 
tourists. He was " soldiering " when we came upon 
him, but he hopped up and chipped out a couple of 
steps about big enough for a cat, and charged us a 
franc or two for it. Then he sat down again, to 
doze till the next party should come along. He 
had collected blackmail from two or three hundred 
people already, that day, but had not chipped out 
ice enough to impair the glacier perceptibly. I 
have heard of a good many soft sinecures, but it 
seems to me that keeping toll-bridge on a glacier is 
the softest one I have encountered yet. 

That was a blazing hot day, and it brought a 
persistent and persecuting thirst with it. What an 
unspeakable luxury it was to slake that thirst with 
the pure and limpid ice-water of the glacier ! Down 
the sides of every great rib of ice poured limpid rills 
in gutters carved by their own attrition; better still, 
wherever a rock had lain, there was now a bowl- 
shaped hole, with smooth white sides and bottom of 
ice, and this bowl was brimming with water of such 
absolute clearness that the careless observer would 
not see it at all, but would think the bowl was 
empty. These fountains had such an alluring look 
that I often stretched myself out when I was not 



220 A Tramp Abroad 

thirsty and dipped my face in and drank till my 
teeth ached. Everywhere among the Swiss moun- 
tains we had at hand the blessing — not to be found 
in Europe except in the mountains — of water capa- 
ble of quenching thirst. Everywhere in the Swiss 
highlands brilliant little rills of exquisitely cold water 
went dancing along by the roadsides, and my com- 
rade and I were always drinking and always deliver- 
ing our deep gratitude. 

But in Europe everywhere except in the moun- 
tains, the water is flat and insipid beyond the power 
of words to describe. It is served lukewarm; but 
no matter, ice could not help it; it is incurably flat, 
incurably insipid. It is only good to wash with; I 
wonder it doesn't occur to the average inhabitant to 
try it for that. In Europe the people say con- 
temptuously, "Nobody drinks water here." In- 
deed, they have a sound and sufficient reason. In 
many places they even have what may be called 
prohibitory reasons. In Paris and Munich, for in- 
stance, they say, "Don't drink the water, it is 
simply poison." 

Either America is healthier than Europe, notwith- 
standing her "deadly" indulgence in ice-water, or 
she does not keep the run of her death rate as 
sharply as Europe does. I think we do keep up the 
death statistics accurately ; and if we do, our cities 
are healthier than the cities of Europe. Every 
month the German government tabulates the death 
rate of the world and publishes it. I scrap-booked 



A Tramp Abroad 221 

these reports during several months, and it was 
curious to see how regular and persistently each city 
repeated its same death rate month after month. 
The tables might as well have been stereotyped, 
they varied so httle. These tables were based upon 
weekly reports showing the average of deaths in 
each i,ooo of population for a year. Munich was 
always present with her 33 deaths in each 1,000 of 
her population (yearly average), Chicago was as 
constant with her 15 or 17, Dublin with her 48 — 
and so on. 

Only a few American cities appear in these tables, 
but they are scattered so widely over the country 
that they furnish a good general average of city health 
in the United States ; and I think it will be granted 
that our towns and villages are healthier than our 
cities. 

Here is the average of the only American cities 
reported in the German tables : 

Chicago, deaths in 1,000 of population annually, 
16; Philadelphia, 18; St. Louis, 18; San Fran- 
cisco, 19; New York (the Dublin of America),. 23. 

See how the figures jump up, as soon as one 
arrives at the transatlantic list : 

Paris, 27; Glasgow, 27; London, 28; Vienna, 
28; Augsburg, 28; Braunschweig, 28; Konigs- 
berg, 29; Cologne, 29; Dresden, 29; Hamburg, 
29; Berlin, 30; Bombay, 30; Warsaw, 31; Bres- 
lau, 31; Odessa, 32; Munich, 33; Strasburg, 33; 
Pesth, 35; Cassel, 35; Lisbon, 36; Liverpool, 36; 



222 A Tramp Abroad 

Prague, 37; Madras, 37; Bucharest, 39; St. Peters- 
burg, 40; Trieste, 40; Alexandria (Egypt), 43; 
Dublin, 48; Calcutta, 55. 

Edinburgh is as healthy as New York — 23; but 
there is no city in the entire list which is healthier, 
except Frankfort-on-the-Main — 20. But Frankfort 
is not as healthy as Chicago, San Francisco, St. 
Louis, or Philadelphia. 

Perhaps a strict average of the world might de- 
velop the fact that where i in 1,000 of America's 
population dies, 2 in 1,000 of the other populations 
of the earth succumb. 

I do not like to make insinuations, but I do think 
the above statistics darkly suggest that these people, 
over here drink this detestable water " on the sly." 

We climbed the moraine on the opposite side of 
the glacier, and then crept along its sharp ridge a 
hundred yards or so, in pretty constant danger of a 
tumble to the glacier below. The fall would have 
been only 100 feet, but it would have closed me out 
as effectually as 1,000, therefore I respected the 
distance accordingly, and was glad when the trip 
was done. A moraine is an ugly thing to assault 
head-first. At a distance it looks like an endless 
grave of fine sand, accurately shaped and nicely 
smoothed; but close by, it is found to be made 
mainly of rough bowlders of all sizes, from that of 
a man's head to that of a cottage. 

By and by we came to the Mauvais Pas, or the 
Villainous Road, to translate it feehngly. It was a 



A Tramp Abroad 223 

breakneck path around the face of a precipice forty 
or fifty feet high, and nothing to hang on to but 
some iron railings. I got along, slowly, safely, and 
uncomfortably, and finally reached the middle. My 
hopes began to rise a little, but they were quickly 
blighted; for there I met a hog — a long-nosed, 
bristly fellow, that held up his snout and worked his 
nostrils at me inquiringly. A hog on a pleasure 
excursion in Switzerland — think of it. It is striking 
and unusual; a body might write a poem about it. 
He could not retreat, if he had been disposed to do 
it. It would have been foolish to stand upon our 
dignity in a place where there was hardly room to 
stand upon our feet, so we did nothing of the sort. 
There were twenty or thirty ladies and gentlemen 
behind us ; we all turned about and went back, and 
the hog followed behind. The creature did not 
seem set up by what he had done ; he had probably 
done it before. 

We reached the restaurant on the height called 
the Chapeau at four in the afternoon. It was a 
memento-factory, and the stock was large, cheap, 
and varied. I bought the usual paper-cutter to re- 
member the place by, and had Mont Blanc, the 
Mauvais Pas, and the rest of the region branded on 
my alpenstock; then we descended to the valley 
and walked home without being tied together. This 
was not dangerous, for the valley was five miles 
wide, and quite level. 

We reached the hotel before nine o'clock. Next 



224 A Tramp Abroad 

morning we left for Geneva on top of the diligence, 
under shelter of a gay awning. If I remember 
rightly, there were more than twenty people up 
there. It was so high that the ascent was made by 
ladder. The huge vehicle was full everywhere, in- 
side and out. Five other diligences left at the same 
time, all full. We had engaged our seats two days 
beforehand, to make sure, and paid the regulation 
price, five dollars each; but the rest of the company 
were wiser; they had trusted Baedeker, and waited; 
consequently some of them got their seats for one 
or two dollars. Baedeker knows all about hotels, 
railway and diligence companies, and speaks his 
mind freely. He is a trustworthy friend of the 
traveler. 

We never saw Mont Blanc at his best until we 
were many miles away; then he lifted his majestic 
proportions high into the heavens, all white and cold 
and solemn, and made the rest of the world seem 
little and plebeian, and cheap and trivial. 

As he passed out of sight at last, an old English- 
man settled himself in his seat and said : 

"Well, I am satisfied, I have seen the principal 
features of Swiss scenery — Mont Blanc and the 
goitre — now for home!" 



CHAPTER XVin. 

WE spent a few pleasant restful days at Geneva, 
that delightful city where accurate time-pieces 
are made for all the rest of the world, but whose 
own clocks never give the correct time of day by 
any accident. 

Geneva is filled with pretty little shops, and the 
shops are filled with the most enticing gimcrackery, 
but if one enters one of these places he is at once 
pounced upon, and followed up, and so persecuted 
to buy this, that, and the other thing, that he is very 
grateful to get out again, and is not at all apt to 
repeat his experiment. The shopkeepers of the 
smaller sort, in Geneva, are as troublesome and 
persistent as are the salesmen of that monster hive 
in Paris, the Grands Magasins du Louvre — an 
establishment where ill-mannered pestering, pur- 
suing, and insistence have been reduced to a science. 

In Geneva, prices in the smaller shops are very 
elastic — that is another bad feature. I was looking 
in at a window at a very pretty string of beads, 
suitable for a child. I was only admiring them ; I 
had no use for them; I hardly ever wear beads. 

15 #* (225) 



226 A Tramp Abroad 

The shopwoman came out and offered them tc me 
for thirty-five francs. I said it was cheap, but I did 
not need them. 

" Ah, but monsieur, they are so beautiful !" 

I confessed it, but said they were not suitable for 
one of my age and simplicity of character. She 
darted in and brought them out and tried to force 
them into my hands, saying: 

" Ah, but only see how lovely they are ! Surely 
monsieur will take them ; monsieur shall have them 
for thirty francs. There, I have said it — it is a 
loss, but one must live." 

I dropped my hands, and tried to move her to 
respect my unprotected situation. But no, she 
dangled the beads in the sun before my face, ex- 
claiming, " Ah, monsieur cannot resist them !" She 
hung them on my coat button, folded her hands 
resignedly, and said: "Gone, — and for thirty 
francs, the lovely things — it is incredible! — but 
the good God will sanctify the sacrifice to me.** 

1 removed them gently, returned them, and walked 
away, shaking my head and smiling a smile of silly 
embarrassment while the passers-by halted to ob- 
serve. The woman leaned out of her door, shook 
the beads, and screamed after me: 

*' Monsieur shall have them for twenty-eight!** 

1 shook my head. 

"Twenty-seven! It is a cruel loss, it is ruin — 
but take them, only take them." 

I still retreated, still wagging my head. 



A Tramp Abroad 22? 

*' Mon Dieu, they shall even go for twenty-six! 
There, I have said it. Come!" 

I wagged another negative. A nurse and a little 
EngUsh girl had been near me, and were following 
me, now. The shopwoman ran to the nurse, thrust 
the beads into her hands, and said : 

"Monsieur shall have them for twenty-five! 
Take them to the hotel — he shall send me the 
money to-morrow — next day — when he hkes." 
Then to the child: " When thy father sends me the 
money, come thou also, my angel, and thou shalt 
have something oh so pretty!" 

I was thus providentially saved. The nurse re- 
fused the beads squarely and firmly, and that ended 
the matter. 

The " sights " of Geneva are not numerous. I 
made one attempt to hunt up the houses once in- 
habited by those two disagreeable people, Rousseau 
and Calvin, but had no success. Then I concluded 
to go home. I found it was easier to propose to do 
that than to do it; for that town is a bewildering 
place. I got lost in a tangle of narrow and crooked 
streets, and stayed lost for an hour or two. Finally 
I found a street which looked somewhat familiar, 
and said to myself, *' Now I am at home, 1 judge." 
But I was wrong; this was ''* Hell street." Pres- 
ently I found another place which had a familiar look, 
and said to myself, "Now I am at home, sure." 
It was another error. This was *' Purgatory street." 
After a little I said, " Now I've got the right place, 
o** 



228 A Tramp Abroad 

anyway no, this is ' Paradise street * ; I'm 

further from home than I was in the beginning." 
Those were queer names — Calvin was the author of 
them, hkely. "Hell" and "Purgatory" fitted 
those two streets like a glove, but the *' Paradise" 
appeared to be sarcastic. 

I came out on the lake front, at last, and then I 
knew where I was. I was walking along before the 
glittering jewelry shops when I saw a curious per- 
formance. A lady passed by, and a trim dandy 
lounged across the walk in such an apparently care- 
fully-timed way as to bring himself exactly in front 
of her when she got to him ; he made no offer to 
step out of the way; he did not apologize; he did 
not even notice her. She had to stop still and let 
him lounge by. I wondered if he had done that 
piece of brutality purposely. He strolled to a chair 
and seated himself at a small table ; two or three 
other males were sitting at similar tables sipping 
sweetened water. I waited ; presently a youth came 
by, and this fellow got up and served him the same 
trick. Still, it did not seem possible that any one 
could do such a thing deliberately. To satisfy my 
curiosity I went around the block, and sure enough, 
as I approached, at a good round speed, he got up 
and lounged lazily across my path, fouling my 
course exactly at the right moment to receive all my 
weight. This proved that his previous performances 
had not been accidental, but intentional. 

I saw that dandy's curious game played after- 



A Tramp Abroad 229 

wards, in Paris, but not for amusement; not with a 
motive of any sort, indeed, but simply from a selfish 
indifference to other people's comfort and rights. 
One does not see it as frequently in Paris as he 
might expect to, for there the law says, in effect, 
"it is the business of the weak to get out of the 
way of the strong." We fine a cabman if he runs 
over a citizen ; Paris fines the citizen for being run 
over. At least so everybody says — but I saw 
something which caused me to doubt; I saw a 
horseman run over an old woman one day, — the 
police arrested him and took him away. That 
looked as if they meant to punish him. 

It will not do for me to find merit in American 
manners — for are they not the standing butt for the 
jests of critical and polished Europe? Still, I must 
venture to claim one little matter of superiority in 
our manners; a lady may traverse our streets all 
day, going and coming as she chooses, and she will 
never be molested by any man ; but if a lady, un- 
attended, walks abroad in the streets of London, 
even at noonday, she will be pretty likely to be -ac- 
costed and insulted — and not by drunken sailors, 
but by men who carry the look and wear the dress 
of gentlemen. It is maintained that these people 
are not gentlemen, but are a lower sort, disguised as 
gentlemen. The case of Colonel Valentine Baker 
obstructs that argument, for a man cannot become 
an officer in the British army except he hold the 
rank of gentleman. This person, finding himself 



230 A Tramp Abroad 

alone in a railway compartment with an unprotected 
girl, — but it is an atrocious story, and doubtless the 
reader remembers it well enough. London must 
have been more or less accustomed to Bakers, and 
the ways of Bakers, else London would have been 
offended, and excited. Baker was " imprisoned " — 
in a parlor; and he could not have been more 
visited, or more overwhelmed with attentions, if he 
had committed six murders and then — while the 
gallows was preparing — "got religion" — after the 
manner of the holy Charles Peace, of saintly mem- 
ory. Arkansaw — it seems a little indelicate to be 
trumpeting forth our own superiorities, and com- 
parisons are always odious, but still — Arkansaw 
would certainly have hanged Baker. I do not say 
she would have tried him first, but she would have 
hanged him, anyway. 

Even the most degraded woman can walk our 
streets unmolested, her sex and her weakness being 
her sufficient protection. She will encounter less 
polish than she would in the old world, but she will 
run across enough humanity to make up for it. 

The music of a donkey awoke us early in the 
morning, and we rose up and made ready for a 
pretty formidable walk — to Italy ; but the road was 
so level that we took the train. We lost a good 
deal of time by this, but it was no matter, we were 
not in a hurry. We were four hours going to 
Chamb^ry. The Swiss trains go upwards of three 
miles an hour, in places, but they are quite safe. 



A Tramp Abroad 23 1 

That aged French town of Chamb^ry was as 
quaint and crooked as Heilbronn. A drowsy re- 
poseful quiet reigned in the back streets which made 
strolh'ng through them very pleasant, barring the 
almost unbearable heat of the sun. In one of these 
streets, which was eight feet wide, gracefully curved, 
and built up with small antiquated houses, I saw 
three fat hogs lying asleep, and a boy (also asleep) 
taking care of them. From queer old-fashioned 
windows along the curve projected boxes of bright 
flowers, and over the edge of one of these boxes 
hung the head and shoulders of a cat — asleep. 
The five sleeping creatures were the only living 
things visible in that street. There was not a sound ; 
absolute stillness prevailed. It was Sunday; one 
is not used to such dreamy Sundays on the Conti- 
nent. In our part of the town it was different that 
night. A regiment of brown and battered soldiers 
had arrived home from Algiers, and I judged they 
got thirsty on the way. They sang and drank till 
dawn, in the pleasant open air. 

We left for Turin at ten the next morning by a 
railway which was profusely decorated with tunnels. 
We forgot to take a lantern along, consequently we 
missed all the scenery. Our compartment was full. 
A ponderous tow-headed Swiss woman, who put on 
many fine-lady airs, but was evidently more used to 
washing linen than wearing it, sat in a corner seat 
and put her legs across into the opposite one, prop- 
ping them intermediately with her up-ended valise 



232 A Tramp Abroad 

In the seat thus pirated, sat two Americans, greatly 
incommoded by that woman's majestic coffin-clad 
feet. One of them begged her, politely, to remove 
them. She opened her wide eyes and gave him a 
stare, but answered nothing. By and by he pre- 
ferred his request again, with great respectfulness. 
She said, in good English, and in a deeply offended 
tone, that she had paid her passage and was not 
going to be bullied out of her " rights " by ill-bred 
foreigners, even if she was alone and unprotected. 

'*But I have rights, also, madam. My ticket 
entitles me to a seat, but you are occupying half 
of it." 

** I will not talk with you, sir. What right have 
you to speak to me? I do not know you. One 
would know you came from a land where there are 
no gentlemen. No gentleman would treat a lady as 
you have treated me." 

" I come from a region where a lady would hardly 
give me the same provocation." 

"You have insulted me, sir! You have intimated 
that I am not a lady — and I hope I am not one, 
after the pattern of your country." 

" I beg that you will give yourself no alarm on 
that head, madam; but at the same time I must 
insist — always respectfully — that you let me have 
my seat." 

Here the fragile laundress burst into tears and 
sobs. 

" I never was so insulted before! Never, never! 



A Tramp Abroad 233 

It is shameful, it is brutal, it is base, to bully and 
abuse an unprotected lady who has lost the use of 
her limbs and cannot put her feet to the floor with 
out agony !" 

" Good heavens, madam, why didn't you say that 
at first ! I offer a thousand pardons. And I offer 
them mxost sincerely. I did not know — I could not 
know — that anything was the matter. You are 
most welcome to the seat, and would have been 
from the first if I had only known. I am truly sorry 
it all happened, I do assure you." 

But he couldn't get a word of forgiveness out of 
her. She simply sobbed and snufifled in a subdued 
but wholly unappeasable way for two long hours, 
meantime crowding the man more than ever with 
her undertaker-furniture and paying no sort of atten- 
tion to his frequent and humble little efforts to do 
something for her comfort. Then the tiain halted 
at the Italian line and she hopped up and marched 
out of the car with as firm a leg as any washer- 
woman of all her tribe ! And how sick I was, to 
see how she had fooled me. 

Turin is a very fine city. In the matter of roomi- 
ness it transcends anything that was ever dreamed of 
before, I fancy. It sits in the midst of a vast dead- 
level, and one is obliged to imagine that land may 
be had for the asking, and no taxes to pay, so 
lavishly do they use it. The streets are extrava- 
gantly wide, the paved squares are prodigious, the 
houses are huge and handsome, and compacted into 



234 A Tramp Abroad 

uniform blocks that stretch away as straight as an 
arrow, into the distance. The sidewalks are about 
as wide as ordinary European streets, and are cov- 
ered over with a double arcade supported on great 
stone piers oi columns. One walks from one end 
to the other of these spacious streets, under shelter 
all the time, and all his course is lined with the 
prettiest of shops and the most inviting dining- 
houses. 

There is a wide and lengthy court, glittering with 
the most wickedly-enticing shops, which is roofed 
with glass, high aloft overhead, and paved with 
soft-toned marbles laid in graceful figures; and at 
night when this place is brilliant with gas and 
populous with a sauntering and chatting and laugh- 
ing multitude of pleasure-seekers, it is a spectacle 
worth seeing. 

Everything is on a large scale ; the public build- 
ings, for instance — and they are architecturally im- 
posing, too, as well as large. The big squares have 
big bronze monuments in them. At the hotel they 
gave us rooms that were alarming, for size, and a 
parlor to match It was well the weather required 
no fire in the parlor, for I think one might as well 
have tried to warm a park. The place would have 
a warm look, though, in any weather, for the win- 
dow curtains were of red silk damask, and the walls 
were covered with the same fire-hued goods — so, 
also, were the four sofas and the brigade of chairs. 
The furniture, the ornaments, the chandeliers, the 



A Tramp Abroad 235 

carpets, were all new and bright and costly. We 
did not need a parlor, at all, but they said it be- 
longed to the two bedrooms and we might use it if 
we chose. Since it was to cost nothing, we were 
not averse from using it, of course. 

Turin must surely read a good deal, for it has 
more bookstores to the square rod than any other 
town I know of. And it has its own share of mili- 
tary folk. The Italian officers' uniforms are very 
much the most beautiful I have ever seen; and, as 
a general thing, the men in them were as handsome 
as the clothes. They were not large men, but they 
had fine forms, fine features, rich olive complexions, 
and lustrous black eyes. 

For several weeks I had been culling all the in- 
formation I could about Italy, from tourists. The 
tourists were all agreed upon one thing — one must 
expect to be cheated at every turn by the Italians. 
I took an evening walk in Turin, and presently came 
across a little Punch and Judy show in one of the 
great squares. Twelve or fifteen people constituted 
the audience. This miniature theater was not much 
bigger than a man's coffin stood on end; the upper 
part was open and displayed a tinseled parlor — a 
good-sized handkerchief would have answered for a 
drop-curtain ; the footlights consisted of a couple of 
candle-ends an inch long ; various manikins the size 
of dolls appeared on the stage and made long 
speeches at each other, gesticulating a good deal, 
and they generally had a fight before they got 



236 A tramp Abroad 

through. They were worked by strings from above, 
and the illusion was not perfect, for one saw not only 
the strings but the brawny hand that manipulated 
them — and the actors and actresses all talked in the 
same voice, too. The audience stood in front of the 
theater, and seemed to enjoy the performance heartily. 

When the play was done, a youth in his shirt- 
sleeves started around with a small copper saucer to 
make a collection. I did not know how much to 
put in, but thought I would be guided by my pre- 
decessors. Unluckily, I only had two of these, and 
they did not help me much because they did not 
put in anything. I had no Italian money, so I put 
in a small Swiss coin worth about ten cents. The 
youth finished his collection-trip and emptied the 
result on the stage; he had some very animated 
talk with the concealed manager, then he came 
working his way through the little crowd — seeking 
me, I thought. I had a mind to slip away, but 
concluded I wouldn't; I would stand my ground, 
and confront the villainy, whatever it was. The 
youth stood before me and held up that Swiss coin, 
sure enough, and said something. I did not under- 
stand him, but I judged he was requiring Itahan 
money of me. The crowd gathered close, to listen. 
I was irritated, and said, — in English, of course: 

" I know it's Swiss, but you'll take that or none. 
I haven't any other." 

He tried to put the coin in my hand, and spoke 
again. I drew my hand away, and said; 



A Tramp Abroad 237 

** No, sir. I know all about you people, You 
can't play any of your fraudful tricks on me. If 
there is a discount on that coin, I am sorry, but I 
am not going to make it good. I noticed that some 
of the audience didn't pay you anything at all. You 
let them go, without a word, but you come after m^: 
because you think I'm a stranger and will put up 
with an extortion rather than have a scene. But 
you are mistaken this time — you'll take that Swiss 
money or none." 

The youth stood there with the coin in his fingers, 
nonplussed and bewildered; of course he had not 
understood a word. An English-speaking Italian 
spoke up, now, and said : 

"You are misunderstanding the boy. He does 
not mean any harm. He did not suppose you gave 
him so much money purposely, so he hurried back 
to return you the coin lest you might get away 
before you discovered your mistake. Take it, and 
give him a penny — that will make everything 
smooth again." 

I probably blushed, then, for there was occasion. 
Through the interpreter I begged the boy's pardon, 
but I nobly refused to take back the ten cents. I 
said I was accustomed to squandering large sums in 
that way — it was the kind of person I was. Then 
I retired to make a note to the effect that in Italy 
persons connected with the drama do not cheat. 

The episode with the showman reminds me of a 
dark chapter m my history. I once robbed an aged 



238 A Tramp Abroad 

and blind beggar-woman of four dollars — ^ in a 
church. It happened in this way. When I was 
out with the Innocents Abroad, the ship stopped in 
the Russian port of Odessa ^nd I went ashore, with 
others, to view the town. I got separated from the 
rest, and wandered about alone, until late in the 
afternoon, when I entered a Greek church to see 
what it was like. When I was ready to leave, I 
observed two wrinkled old women standing stiffly 
upright against the inner wall, near the door, with 
their brown palms open to receive alms. I con- 
tributed to the nearer one, and passed out. I had 
gone fifty yards, perhaps, when it occurred to me 
that I must remain ashore all night, as I had heard 
that the ship's business would carry her away at 
four o'clock and keep her away until morning. It 
was a little after four now. I had come ashore with 
only two pieces of money, both about the same size, 
but differing largely in value — one was a French 
gold piece worth four dollars, the other a Turkish 
coin worth two cents and a half. With a sudden 
and horrified misgi/ing, I put my hand in my 
pocket, now, and, sure enough, I fetched out that 
Turkish penny ! 

Here was a situation. A hotel would require pay 
in advance — I must walk the street all night, and 
perhaps be arrested as a suspicious character. 
There was but one way out of the difficulty — I flew 
back to the church, and softly entered. There 
stood the old woman yet, and in the palm of the 



A Tiamp Abroad 239 

nearest one still lay my gold piece. 1 was grateful. 
I crept close, feeling unspeakably mean ; I got my 
Turkish penny ready, and was extending a trembling 
hand to make the nefarious exchange, when I heard 
a cough behind me. I jumped back as if I had 
been accused, and stook quaking while a worshiper 
entered and passed up the aisle. 

I was there a year trying to steal that money ; 
that is, it seemed a year, though, of course, it must 
have been much less. The worshipers went and 
came ; there were hardly ever three in the church at 
once, but there was always one or more. Every 
time I tried to commit my crime somebody came in 
or somebody started out, and I was prevented ; but 
at last my opportunity came ; for one moment there 
was nobody in the church but the two beggar-women 
and me. I whipped the gold piece out of the poor 
old pauper's palm and dropped my Turkish penny 
in its place. Poor old thing, she murmured her 
thanks — they smote me to the heart. Then I sped 
away in a guilty hurry, and even when I was a mile 
from the church I was still glancing back, every 
moment, to see if I was being pursued. 

That experience has been of priceless value and 
benefit to me; for I resolved then, that as long as I 
lived I would never again rob a blind beggar-woman 
in a church; and I have always kept my word. 
The most permanent lessons in morals are those 
which come, not of booky teaching, but of experi- 
ence. 



CHAPTER XIX. 

IN Milan we spent most of our time in the vast and 
beautiful Arcade or Gallery, or whatever it is 
called. Blocks of tall new buildings of the most 
sumptuous sort, rich with decoration and graced with 
statues, the streets between these blocks roofed over 
with glass at a great height, the pavements all of 
smooth and variegated marble, arranged in tasteful 
patterns — little tables all over these marble streets, 
people sitting at them, eating, drinking, or smokmg 
— crowds of other people strolling by — such is the 
Arcade. I should like to live in it all the time. The 
windows of the sumptuous restaurants stand open, 
and one breakfasts there and enjoys the passing 
show. 

We wandered all over tiiC town, enjoying whatever 
was going on in the streets. We took one omnibus 
ride, and as I did not speak Italian and could not 
ask the price, I held out some copper coins to the 
conductor, and he took two. Then he went and got 
his tariff card and showed me that he had taken only 
the right sum. So I made a note — Italian omnibus 
conductors do not cheat. 

(240) 



A Tramp Abroad 241 

Near the Cathedral I saw another instance of 
probity An old man was peddling dolls and toy- 
fans. Two small American children bought fans, 
and one gave the old man a franc and three copper 
coins, and both started away ; but they were called 
back, and the franc and one of the coppers were 
restored to them. Hence it is plain that in Italy, 
parties connected with the drama and with the omni- 
bus and toy interests do not cheat. 

The stocks of goods in the shop were not exten- 
sive, generally. In the vestibule of what seemed to 
be a clothing store, we saw eight or ten wooden 
dummies grouped together, clothed in woolen busi- 
ness suits and each marked with its price. One suit 
was marked 45 francs — nine dollars. Harris step- 
ped in and said he wanted a suit like that. Nothing 
easier: the old merchant dragged in the dummy, 
brushed him off with a broom, stripped him, and 
shipped the clothes to the hotel. He said he did 
not keep two suits of the same kind in stock, but 
manufactured a second when it was needed to re- 
clothe the dummy. 

In another quarter we found six Italians engaged 
in a violent quarrel. They danced fiercely about, 
gesticulating with their heads, their arms, their legs, 
their whole bodies ; they would rush forward oc- 
casionally in a sudden access of passion and shake 
their fists in each other's very faces. We lost half 
an hour there, waiting to help cord up the dead, but 
they finally embraced each other affectionately, and 
16 ** 



242 A Tramp Abroad 

the trouble was all over. The episode was interest- 
ing, but we could not have afforded all that time to 
it if we had known nothing was going to come of it 
but a reconciliation. Note made — in Italy, people 
who quarrel cheat the spectator. 

We had another disappointment afterward. We 
approached a deeply interested crowd, and in the 
midst of it found a fellow wildly chattering and 
gesticulating over a box on the ground which was 
covered with a piece of old blanket. Every little 
while he would bend down and take hold of the edge 
of the blanket with the extreme tips of his fingers, 
as if to show there was no deception — chattering 
away all the while, — but always, Just as I was ex- 
pecting to see a wonderful feat of legerdemain, he 
would let go the blanket and rise to explain further. 
However, at last he uncovered the box and got out 
a spoon with a liquid in it, and held it fair and 
frankly around, for people to see that it was all 
right and he was taking no advantage — ^his chatter 
became more excited than ever. I supposed he was 
going to set fire to the liquid and swallow it, so I 
was greatly wrought up and interested. I got a cent 
ready in one hand and a florin in the other, intend- 
ing to give him the former if he survived and the 
latter if he killed himself — for his loss would be my 
gain in a literary way, and I was willing to pay a fair 
price for the item — but this impostor ended his in- 
tensely moving performance by simply adding some 
powder to the liquid and polishing the spoon I 



A Tramp Abroad 243 

Then he held it aloft, and he could not have shown 
a wilder exultation if he had achieved an immortal 
miracle. The crowd applauded in a gratified way, 
and it seemed to me that history speaks the truth 
when it says these children of the south are easily 
entertained. 

We spent an impressive hour in the noble cathe- 
dral, where long shafts of tinted light were cleaving 
through the solemn dimness from the lofty windows 
and falling on a pillar here, a picture there, and a 
kneeling worshiper yonder. The organ was mutter- 
ing, censers were swinging, candles were glinting on 
the distant altar and robed priests were filing silently 
past them ; the scene was one to sweep all frivolous 
thoughts away and steep the soul in a holy calm. 
A trim young American lady paused a yard or two 
from me, fixed her eyes on the mellow sparks fleck- 
ing the far-off altar, bent her head reverently a 
moment, then straightened up, kicked her train into 
the air with her heel, caught it deftly in her hand, 
and marched briskly out. 

We visited the picture gallenes and the other regu- 
lation '■ sights " of Milan — not because I wanted to 
write about them again, but to see if I had learned 
anything in twelve years. I afterwards visited the 
great galleries of Rome and Florence for the same 
purpose. I found I had learned one thing. When 
I wrote about the Old Masters before, I said the 
copies were better than the originals. That was a 
mistake of large dimensions. The Old Masters were 



244 A Tramp Abroad 

still unpleasing to me, but they weie truly divine 
contrasted with the copies. The copy is to the 
original as the pallid, smart, inane new waxwork 
group is to the vigorous, earnest, dignified group of 
living men and women whom it professes to duplicate. 
There is a mellow richness, a subdued color, in the 
old pictures, which is to the eye what muffled and 
mellowed sound is to the ear. That is the merit 
which is most loudly praised in the old picture, and 
is the one which the copy most conspicuously 
lacks, and which the copyist must not hope to com- 
pass. It was generally conceded by the artists with 
whom I talked, that that subdued splendor, that 
mellow richness, is imparted to the picture by age. 
Then why should we worship the Old Master for 
it, who didn't impart it, instead of worshiping Old 
Time, who did? Perhaps the picture was a clanging 
bell, until Time muffled it and sweetened it. 

In conversation with an artist in Venice, I asked : 
•* What is it that people see in the Old Masters? I 
have been in the Doge's palace and I saw several 
acres of very bad drawing, very bad perspective, 
and very incorrect proportions. Paul Veronese's 
dogs do not resemble dogs ; all the horses look like 
bladders on legs; one man had a right leg on the 
left side of his body ; in the large picture where the 
Emperor (Barbarossa?) is prostrate before the Pope, 
there are three men in the foreground who are over 
thirty feet high, if one may judge by the size of a 
kneeling little boy in the center of the foreground ; 



A Tramp Abroad 245 

and according to the same scale, the Pope is 7 feet 
high and the Doge is a shriveled dwarf of 4 feet." 

The artist said : 

"Yes, the Old Masters often drew badly; they 
did not care much for truth and exactness in minor 
details; but after all, in spite of bad drawing, bad 
perspective, bad proportions, and a choice of sub- 
jects which no longer appeal to people as strongly 
as they did three hundred years ago, there is a some- 
thing about their pictures which is divine — a some- 
thing which is above and beyond the art of any 
epoch since — a something which would be the 
despair of artists but that they never hope or expect 
to attain it, and therefore do not worry about it." 

That is what he said — and he said what he be- 
lieved ; and not only believed, but felt. 

Reasoning, — especially reasoning without tech- 
nical knowledge, — must be put aside, in cases of 
this kind. It cannot assist the inquirer. It will lead 
him, in the most logical progression, to what, in the 
eyes of artists, would be a most illogical conclusion. 
Thus: bad drawing, bad proportion, bad perspec- 
tive, indifference to truthful detail, color which 
gets its merit from time, and not from the artist — 
these things constitute the Old Master; conclusion, 
the Old Master was a bad painter, the Old Master 
was not an Old Master at all, but an Old Apprentice. 
Your friend the artist will grant your premises, but 
deny your conclusion ; he will maintain that notwith- 
standing this formidable list of confessed defects, 



246 A Tramp Abroad 

there is still a something that is divine and unap- 
proachable about the Old Master, and that there is 
no arguing the fact away by any system of reason- 
ing whatever. 

I can believe that. There are women who have 
an indefinable charm in their faces which makes them 
beautiful to their intimates ; but a cold stranger who 
tried to reason the matter out and find this beauty 
would fail. He would say of one of these women: 
This chin is too short, this nose is too long, this fore- 
head is too high, this hair is too red, this complexion 
is too pallid, the perspective of the entire composi- 
tion is incorrect; conclusion, the woman is not 
beautiful. But her nearest friend might say, and 
say truly, "Your premises are right, your logic is 
faultless, but your conclusion is wrong, nevertheless; 
she is an Old Master — she is beautiful, but only to 
such as know her; it is a beauty which cannot be 
formulated, but it is there, just the same." 

I found more pleasure in contemplating the Old 
Masters this time than I did when I was in Europe 
in former years, but still it was a calm pleasure; 
there was nothing overheated about it. When I was 
in Venice before, I think I found no picture which 
stirred me much, but this time there were two which 
enticed me to the Doge's palace day after day, and 
kept me there hours at a time. One of these was 
Tintoretto's three-acre picture in the Great Council 
Chamber. When I saw it twelve years ago I was 
not strongly attracted to it — the guide told me it 



A Tramp Abroad 



247 



was an insurrection in heaven — but this was an 
error. 

The movement of this great work is very fine. 
There are ten thousand figures, and they are all 
doing something. There is a wonderful "go " to the 
whole composition. Some of the figures are diving 
headlong downward, with clasped hands, others are 
swimming through the cloud-shoals, — some on their 
faces, some on their backs — great processions of 
bishops, martyrs, and angels are pouring swiftly 
centerwards from various 
outlying directions — every- 
where is enthusiastic joy, 
there is rushing movement 
everywhere. There are fif- 
teen or twenty figures scat- 
tered here and there, with 
books, but they cannot keep 
their attention on their read- 
ing — they offer the books 
to others, but no one wishes 
to read, now. The Lion of 
St. Mark is there with his 
book; St. Mark is there 
with his pen uplifted; he [X*"" 
and the Lion are looking L ^ 
each other earnestly in the 
face, disputing about the way to spell a word — the 
Lion looks up in rapt admiration while St. Mark 
spells. This is wonderfully interpreted by the 




THE LION OF ST. MARK 



248 A Tramp Abroad 

artist. It Is the master stroke of this incomparable 
painting. 

I visited the place daily, and never grew tired of 
looking at that grand picture. As I have intimated, 
the movement is almost unimaginably vigorous ; the 
figures are singing, hosannahing, and many are blow- 
ing trumpets. So vividly is noise suggested, that 
spectators who become absorbed in the picture 
almost always fall to shouting comments in each 
other's ears, making ear trumpets of their curved 
hands, fearing they may not otherwise be heard. 
One often sees a tourist, with the eloquent tears 
pouring down his cheeks, funnel his hands at his 
wife's ear, and hears him roar through them, 
"OH, TO BE THERE AND AT REST!" 

None but the supremely great in art can produce 
effects like these with the silent brush. 

Twelve years ago I could not have appreciated this 
picture. One year ago I could not have appreciated 
it. My study of Art in Heidelberg has been a noble 
education to me. All that I am to-day in Art, I 
owe to that. 

The other great work which fascinated me was 
Bassano's immortal Hair Trunk. This is in the 
Chamber of the Council of Ten. It is in one of the 
three forty-foot pictures which decorate the walls of 
the room. The composition of this picture is be- 
yond praise. The Hair Trunk is not hurled at the 
stranger's head, — so to speak — as the chief feature 
of an immortal work so often is; no, it is carefully 



A Tramp Abroad 249 

guarded from prominence, it is subordinated, it is 
restrained, it is most deftly and cleverly held in re- 
serve, it is most cautiously and ingeniously led up 
to, by the master, and consequently when the spec- 
tator reaches it at last, he is taken unawares, he is 
unprepared, and it bursts upon him with a stupefy- 
ing surprise. 

One is lost in wonder at all the thought and care 
which this elaborate planning must have cost. A 
general glance at the picture could never suggest 
that there was a hair trunk in it ; the Hair Trunk is 
not mentioned in the title even, — which is, "Pope 
Alexander III and the Doge Ziani, the Conqueror of 
the Emperor Frederick Barbarossa; " you see, the 
title is actually utilized to help divert attention from 
the Trunk; thus, as I say, nothing suggests the 
presence of the Trunk, by any hint, yet everything 
studiedly leads up to it, step by step. Let us ex- 
amine into this, and observe the exquisitely artful 
artlessness of the plan. 

At the extreme left end of the picture are a couple 
of women, one of them with a child looking over her 
shoulder at a wounded man sitting with bandaged 
head on the ground. These people seem needless, 
but no, they are there for a purpose; one cannot 
look at them without seeing the gorgeous procession 
of grandees, bishops, halberdiers, and banner-bear- 
ers which is passing along behind them ; one cannot 
see the procession without feeling a curiosity to fol- 
low it and learn whither it is going; it leads him to 



250 A Tramp Abroad 

the Pope, in the center of the picture, who is talk- 
ing with the bonnetless Doge — talking tranquilly, 
too, although within 12 feet of them a man is beat- 
ing a drum, and not far from the drummer two per- 
sons are blowing horns, and many horsemen are 
plunging and rioting about — indeed, 22 feet of this 
great work is all a deep and happy holiday serenity 
and Sunday-school procession, and then we come 
suddenly upon 1 1 ^ feet of turmoil and racket and 
insubordination. This latter state of things is not 
an accident, it has its purpose. But for it, one would 
linger upon the Pope and the Doge, thinking them 
to be the motive and supreme feature of the picture ; 
whereas one is drawn along, almost unconsciously, 
to see what the trouble is about. Now at the very 
end of this riot, within 4 feet of the end of the 
picture, and full 36 feet from the beginning of it, 
the Hair Trunk bursts with an electrifying sudden- 
ness upon the spectator, in all its matchless perfec- 
tion, and the great master's triumph is sv/eeping and 
complete. From that moment no other thing in those 
forty feet of canvas has any charm; one sees the 
Hair Trunk, and the Hair Trunk only — and to see 
it is to worship it. Bassano even placed objects in 
the immediate vicinity of the Supreme Feature whose 
pretended purpose was to divert attention from it 
yet a little longer and thus delay and augment the 
surprise; for instance, to the right of it he has 
placed a stooping man with a cap so red that it is 
sure to hold the eye for a moment — to the left of 



A Tramp Abroad 251 

it, some 6 feet away, he has placed a red-coated man 
on an inflated horse, and that coat plucks your eye 
to that locality the next moment — then, between the 
Trunk and the red horseman he has intruded a man, 
naked to his waist, who is carrying a fancy flour- 
sack on the middle of his back instead of on his 
shoulder — this admirable feat interests you, of 
course — keeps you at bay a little longer, like a 
sock or a jacket thrown to the pursuing wolf — but 
at last, in spite of all distractions and detentions, 
the eye of even the most dull and heedless spectator 
is sure to fall upon the World's Masterpiece, and in 
.that moment he totters to his chair or leans upon 
his guide for support. 

Descriptions of such a work as this must necessarily 
be imperfect, yet they are of value. The top of the 
Trunk is arched ; the arch is a perfect half circle, in 
the Roman style of architecture, for in the then rapid 
decadence of Greek art, the rising influence of Rome 
was already beginning to be felt in the art of the 
Republic. The Trunk is bound or bordered with 
leather all around where the lid joins the main body. 
Many critics consider this leather too cold in tone ; 
but I consider this its highest merit, since it was 
evidently made so to emphasize by contrast the im- 
passioned fervor of the hasp. The high lights in 
this part of the work are cleverly managed, the moiij 
is admirably subordinated to the ground tints, and 
the technique is very fine. The brass nail-heads are 
in the purest style of the early Renaissance. The 



252 A Tramp Abroad 

strokes, here, are very firm and bold — every nail- 
head is a portrait. The handle on the end of the 
Trunk has evidently been retouched — I think, with 
a piece of chalk — but one can still see the inspira- 
tion of the Old Master in the tranquil, almost too 
tranquil, hang of it. The hair of this Trunk is real 
hair — so to speak — white in patches, brown in 
patches. The details are finely worked out; the 
repose proper to hair in a recumbent and inactive 
attitude is charmingly expressed. There is a feeling 
about this part of the work which lifts it to the high- 
est altitudes of art ; the sense of sordid realism van- 
ishes away — one recognizes that there is soul here. 

View this Trunk as you will, it is a gem, it is a 
marvel, it is a miracle. Some of the effects are very 
daring, approaching even to the boldest flights of the 
rococo, the sirocco, and the Byzantine schools — 
yet the master's hand never falters — it moves on, 
calm, majestic, confident, — and, with that art which 
conceals art, it finally casts over the tout eiisemble, 
by mysterious methods of its own, a subtle some- 
thing which refines, subdues, etherealizes the arid 
components and endues them with the deep charm 
and gracious witchery of poesy. 

Among the art treasures of Europe there are pic- 
tures which approach the Hair Trunk — there are 
two which may be said to equal it, possibly — but 
there is none that surpasses it. So perfect is the 
Hair Trunk that it moves even persons who or- 
dinarily have no feeling for art. When an Erie bag- 



A Tramp Abroad 253 

gagemaster saw it two years ago, he could hardly 
keep from checking it; and once when a customs 
inspector was brought into its presence, he gazed 
upon it in silent rapture for some moments, then 
slowly and unconsciously placed one hand behind 
him with the palm uppermost, and got out his chalk 
with the other. These facts speak for themselves. 



CHAPTER XX. 

ONE lingers about the Cathedral a good deal, in 
Venice. There is a strong fascination about 
it — partly because it is so old, and partly because 
it is so ugly. Too many of the world's famous 
buildings fail of one chief virtue — harmony; they 
are made up of a methodless mixture of the ugly 
and the beautiful ; this is bad ; it is confusing, it is 
unrestful. One has a sense of uneasiness, of dis- 
tress, without knowing why. But one is calm before 
St. Mark, one is calm within it, one would be calm 
on top of it, calm in the cellar ; for its details are 
masterfully ugly, no misplaced and impertinent 
beauties are intruded anywhere ; and the consequent 
result is a grand harmonious whole, of soothing, 
entrancing, tranquilizing, soul-satisfying ugliness. 
One's admiration of a perfect thing always grows, 
never decHnes; and this is the surest evidence to 
him that it is perfect. St. Mark is perfect. To me 
it soon grew to be so nobly, so augustly ugly, that it 
was difficult to stay away from it, even for a little 
while. Every time its squat domes disappeared 
from my view, I had a despondent feeling ; when- 

(254) 



A Tramp Abroad 255 

ever they reappeared, I felt an honest rapture — I 
have not known any happiei hours than those I 
daily spent in front of Florian's, looking across the 
Great Square at it. Propped on its long row of low 
thick-legged columns, its back knobbed with domes, 
it seemed like a vast warty bug taking a meditative 
walk. 

St. Mark is not the oldest building in the world, 
of course, but it seems the oldest, and looks the 
oldest — especially inside. When the ancient mo- 
saics in its* walls become damaged, they are repaired 
but not altered; the grotesque old pattern is pre- 
served. Antiquity has a charm of its own, and to 
smarten it up would only damage it. One day I 
was sitting on a red marble bench in the vestibule 
looking up at an ancient piece of apprentice-work, 
in mosaic, illustrative of the command to " multiply 
and replenish the earth.''' The Cathedral itself had 
seemed very old; but this picture was illustrating a 
period in history which made the building seem 
young by comparison. But I presently found an 
antique which was older than either the battered 
Cathedral or the date assigned to that piece of his- 
tory; it was a spiral-shaped fossil as large as the 
crown of a hat; it was embedded in the marble 
bench, and had been sat upon by tourists until it 
was worn smooth. Contrasted with the inconceiv- 
able antiquity of this modest fossil, those other 
things were flippantly modern — jejune — mere mat- 
ters of day-before-yesterday. The sense of the old 



256 A Tramp Abroad 

ness of the Cathedral vanished away under the 
influence of this truly venerable presence. 

St. Mark's is monumental ; it is an imperishable 
remembrancer of the profound and simple piety of 
the Middle Ages. Whoever could ravish a column 
from a pagan temple, did it and contributed his 
swag to this Christian one. So this fane is upheld 
by several hundred acquisitions procured in that 
peculiar way. In our day it would be immoral to 
go on the highway to get bricks for a church, but 
it was no sin in the old times. St. Mark's was itself 
the victim of a curious robbery once. The thing is 
set down in the history of Venice, but it might be 
smuggled into the Arabian Nights and not seem out 
of place there : 

Nearly four hundred and fifty years ago, a 
Candian named Stammato, in the suite of a prince 
of the house of Este, was allowed to view the riches 
of St. Mark. His sinful eye was dazzled and he hid 
himself behind an altar, with an evil purpose in his 
heart, but a priest discovered him and turned him 
out. Afterward he got in again — by false keys, 
this time. He went there, night after night, and 
worked hard and patiently, all alone, overcoming 
difficulty after difficulty with his toil, and at last 
succeeded in removing a great block of the marble 
paneling which walled the lower part of the treasury ; 
this block he fixed so that he could take it out and 
put it in at will. After that, for weeks, he spent all 
his midnights in his magnificent mine, inspectmg it 



A Tramp Abroad 257 

in security, gloating over its marvels at his leisure, 
and always slipping back to his obscure lodgings 
before dawn, with a duke's ransom under his cloak. 
He did not need to grab, haphazard, and run — 
there was no hurry. He could make deliberate and 
well-considered selections; he could consult his 
aesthetic tastes. One comprehends hew undisturbed 
he was, and how safe from any danger of interrup- 
tion, when it is stated that he even carried off a 
unicorn's horn — a mere curiosity — which would 
not pass through the egress entire, but had to be 
sawn in two — a bit of work which cost him hours 
of tedious labor. He continued to store up his 
treasures at home until his occupation lost the charm 
of novelty and became monotonous ; then he ceased 
from it, contented. Well he might be; for his col- 
lection, raised to modern values, represented nearly 
$50,000,000 ! 

He could have gone home much the richest citizen 
of his country, and it might have been years before 
the plunder was missed ; but he was human — he 
could not enjoy his delight alone, he must have 
somebody to talk about it with. So he exacted a 
solemn oath from a Candian noble named Crioni, 
then led him to his lodgings and nearly took his 
breath away with a sight of his glittering hoard. 
He detected a look in his friend's face v/hich excited 
his suspicion, and was about to slip a stiletto into 
him when Crioni saved himself by explaining that 
that look was only an expression of supreme and 
17*» 



258 A Tramp Abroad 

happy astonishment. Stammato made Crioni a 
present of one of the state's principal jew .»ls — a 
huge carbuncle, which afterward figured in the 
Ducal cap of state — and the pair parted. Crioni 
went at once to the palace, denounced the criminal, 
and handed over the carbuncle as evidence. Stam- 
mato was arrested, tried, and condemned, with the 
old-time Venetian promptness. He was hanged 
between the two great columns in the Piazza — with 
a gilded rope, out of compliment to his love of 
gold, perhaps. He got no good of his booty at 
all — it was all recovered. 

In Venice we had a luxury which very seldom fell 
to our lot on the Continent — a home dinner with a 
private family. If one could always stop with 
private families, when traveling, Europe would have 
a charm which it now lacks. As it is, one must 
live in the hotels, of course, and that is a sorrowful 
business. A man accustomed to American food 
and American domestic cookery would not starve to 
death suddenly in Europe; but I think he would 
gradually waste away, and eventually die. 

He would have to do without his accustomed 
morning meal. That is too formidable a change 
altogether; he would necessarily suffer from it. He 
could get the shadow, the sham, the base counter- 
feit cf that meal ; but that would do him no good, 
and money could not buy the reality. 

To particularize: the average American's simplest 
and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee 



A Tramp Abroad 259 

and beefsteak; wells in Europe, toffee is an un- 
known beverage. You can get what the European 
hotel-keeper thinks is coffee, but it resembles the 
real thing as hypocrisy resembles holiness. It is a 
feeble, characterless, uninspiring sort of stuff, and 
almost as undrinkable as if it had been made In an 
American hotel. The milk used for it is what the 
French call "Christian" milk, — milk which has 
been baptized. 

After a few months' acquaintance with European 
"coffee," one's mind weakens, and his faith with 
it, and he begins to wonder if the rich beverage of 
home, with its clotted layer of yellow cream on top 
of it, is not a mere dream, after all, and a thing 
which never existed. 

Next comes the European bread, — fair enough, 
good enough, after a fashion, but cold ; cold and 
tough, and unsympathetic; and never any change, 
never any variety, — always the same tiresome thing. 

Next, the butter, — the sham and tasteless butter; 
no salt in it, and made of goodness knows what. 

Then there is the beefsteak. They have it' in 
Europe, but they don't know how to cook it. 
Neither will they cut it right. It comes on the table 
in a small, round, pewter platter. It lies in the 
center of this platter, in a bordering bed of grease- 
soaked potatoes ; it is the size, shape, and thickness 
of a man's hand with the thumb and fingers cut 
off. It is a little overdone, is rather dry, it tastes 
pretty insipidly, it rouses no enthusiasm. 



260 A Tramp Abroad 

Imagine a poor exile contemplating that inert 
thing; and imagine an angel suddenly sweeping 
down out of a better land and setting before him a 
mighty porterhouse steak an inch and a half thick, 
hot and sputtering from the griddle; dusted with 
fragrant pepper ; enriched with Httle melting bits of 
butter of the most unimpeachable freshness and 
genuineness; the precious juices of the meat trick- 
ling out and joining the gravy, archipelagoed with 
mushrooms ; a township or two of tender, yellowish 
fat gracing an outlying district of this ample county 
of beefsteak ; the long white bone which divides the 
sirloin from the tenderloin still in its place; and 
imagine that the angel also adds a great cup of 
American home-made coffee, with the cream a-froth 
on top, some real butter, firm and yellow and fresh, 
some smoking-hot biscuits, a plate of hot buckwheat 
cakes, with transparent syrup, — could words de- 
scribe the gratitude of this exile? 

The European dinner is better than the European 
breakfast, but it has its faults and inferiorities; it 
does not satisfy. He comes to the table eager and 
hungry; he swallows his soup, — there is an unde- 
finable lack about it somewhere; thinks the fish is 
going to be the thing he wants, — eats it and isn't 
sure ; thinks the next dish is perhaps the one that 
will hit the hungry place, — tries it, and is conscious 
that there was a something wanting about it, also. 
And thus he goes on, from dish to dish, like a boy 
after a butterfly which just misses getting caught 



A Tramp Abroad 261 

every time it alights, but somehow doesn't get 
caught after all ; and at the end the exile and the 
boy have fared about alike; the one is full, but 
grievously unsatisfied, the other has had plenty of 
exercise, plenty of interest, and a fine lot of hopes, 
but he hasn't got any butterfly. There is here and 
there an American who will say he can remember 
rising from a European table d'hote perfectly satis- 
fied ; but we must not overlook the fact that there is 
also here and there an American who will lie. 

The number of dishes is sufficient; but then it is 
such a monotonous variety of unstriking dishes. It 
is an inane dead level of " fair-to-middhng." There 
is nothing to accent it. Perhaps if the roast of 
mutton or of beef, — a big, generous one, — were 
brought on the table and carved in full view of the 
chent, that might give the right sense of earnestness 
and reality to the thing; but they don't do that, 
they pass the sliced meat around on a dish, and so 
you are perfectly calm, it does not stir you in the 
least. Now a vast roast turkey, stretched on the 
broad of his back, with his heels in the air and the 
rich juices oozing from his fat sides. .... .but I may 

as well stop there, for they would not know how to 
cook him. They can't even cook a chicken respect- 
ably; and as for carving it, they do that with a 
hatchet. 

This is about the customary table d'hote bill in 
summer : 

Soup (characterless). 



262 A Tramp Abroad 

Fish — sole, salmon, or whiting — usually toler- 
ably good. 

Roast — mutton or beef — tasteless — and some 
last year's potatoes. 

A pate, or some other made dish — usually good 
— "considering." 

One vegetable — brought on in state, and all 
alone — usually insipid lentils, or string beans, or 
indifferent asparagus. 

Roast chicken, as tasteless as paper. 

Lettuce-salad — tolerably good. 

Decayed strawberries or cherries. 

Sometimes the apricots and figs are fresh, but this 
is no advantage, as these fruits are of no account 
anyway. 

The grapes are generally good, and sometimes 
there is a tolerably good peach, by mistake. 

The variations of the above bill are trifling. After 
a fortnight one discovers that the variations are only 
apparent, not real ; in the third week you get what 
you had the first, and in the fourth week you get 
what you had the second. Three or four months of 
this weary sameness will kill the robustest appetite. 

It has now been many months, at the present 
writing, since I have had a nourishing meal, but I 
shall soon have one, — a modest, private affair, all 
to myself. I have selected a few dishes, and made 
out a little bill of fare, which will go home in the 
steamer that precedes me, and be hot when I arrive 
•^ as follows : 



A Tramp Abroad 



263 



RadisheSo Baked apples, with 

cream. 
Fried oysters; stewed oysters. 

Frogs. 
American coffee, with real cream. 
American butter. 
Fried chicken, Southern style. 
Porter-house steak. 
Saratoga potatoes. 
Broiled chicken, American style. 
Hot biscuits. Southern style. 
Hot wheat-bread. Southern style. 
Hot buckwheat cakes. 
American toast. Clear maple 

syrup. 
Virginia bacon, broiled. 
Blue points, on the half shell. 
Cherry-stone clams. 
San Francisco mussels, steamed. 
Oyster soup. Clam soup. 
Philadelphia Terrapin soup. 
Oysters roasted in shell — Northern 

style. 
Soft-shell crabs. Connecticut shad. 
Baltimore perch. 

Brook trout, from Sierra Nevadas. 
Lake trout, from Tahoe. 
Sheephead and croakers from New 

Orleans. 
Black bass from the Mississippi. 
American roast beef. 
Roast turkey. Thanksgiving style. 
Cranberry sauce. Celery. 
Roast wild turkey. Woodcock. 



Prairie hens, from Illinois. 

Missouri partridges, broiled. 

' Possum, Coon. 

Boston bacon and beans. 

Bacon and greens. Southern style. 

Hominy. Boiled onions. Tur- 
nips. 

Pumpkin. Squash. Asparagus. 

Butter Beans. Sweet potatoes. 

Lettuce. Succotash. String beans. 

Mashed potatoes. Catsup. 

Boiled potatoes, in their skins. 

New potatoes, minus the skins. 

Early rose potatoes, roasted in the 
ashes. Southern style, served 
hot. 

Sliced tomatoes, with sugar or vine- 
gar. Stewed tomatoes. 

Green com, cut from the ear and 
served with butter and pepper. 

Green corn, on the ear. 

Hot corn-pone, with chitlings, 
Southern style. 

Hot hoe-cake, Southern style. 

Hot egg-bread, Southern style. 

Hot light-bread. Southern style. 

Buttermilk. Iced sweet milk. 

Apple dumplings, with real cream. 

Apple pie. Apple fritters. 

Apple puffs. Southern style. 

Peach cobbler, Southern style. 

Peach pie. American mince pie. 

Pumpkin pie. Squash pie. 

All sorts of American pastry. 



Canvasback-duck, from Baltimore. 

Fresh American fruits of all sorts, including strawberries, which are 
not to be doled out as if they were jewelry, but in a more liberal way. 

Ice- water — not prepared in the ineffectual goblet, but in the sincere 
and capable refrigerator. 



264 A Tramp Abroad 

Americans Intending to spend a year or so in 
European hotels, will do well to copy this bill and 
carry it along. They will find it an excellent thing 
to get up an appetite with, in the dispiriting pres- 
ence of the squalid table d'hote. 

Foreigners cannot enjoy our food, I suppose, any 
more than we can enjoy theirs. It is not strange; 
for tastes are made, not born. I might glorify my 
bill of fare until I was tired; but after all, the 
Scotchman would shake his head and say, " Where's 
your haggis?" and the Fijian would sigh and say, 
" Where's your missionary?" 

I have a neat talent in matters pertaining to 
nourishment. This has met with professional recog- 
nition. I have often furnished recipes for cook- 
books. Here are some designs for pies and things, 
which I recently prepared for a friend's projected 
cook-book, but as I forgot to furnish diagrams and 
perspectives, they had to be left out, of course. 
Recipe for an Ash-Cake. 

Take a lot of water and add to it a lot of coarse 
Indian meal and about a quarter of a lot of salt. 
Mix well together, knead into the form of a 
"pone," and let the pone stand a while, — not on 
its edge, but the other way. Rake away a place 
among the embers, lay it there, and cover it an inch 
deep with hot ashes. When it is done, remove it ; 
blow off all the ashes but one layer; butter that 
one and eat. 

N. B. No household should ever be without this 



A Tramp Abroad 265 

talisman. It has been noticed that tramps never 
return for another ash-cake. 



Recipe for New England Pie, 
To make this excellent breakfast dish, proceed as 
follows : Take a sufficiency of water and a sufficiency 
of flour, and construct a bullet-proof dough. Work 
this into the form of a disk, with the edges turned 
up some three-fourths of an inch. Toughen and 
kiln-dry it a couple of days in a mild but unvarying 
temperature. Construct a cover for this redoubt in 
the same way and of the same material. Fill with 
stewed dried apples ; aggravate with cloves, lemon- 
peel, and slabs of citron; add two portions of New 
Orleans sugar, then solder on the lid and set in a 
safe place till it petrifies. Serve cold at breakfast 
and invite your enemy. 



Recipe for German Coffee. 
Take a barrel of water and bring it to a boil ; rub 
a chiccory berry against a coffee berry, then convey 
the former into the water. Continue the boiling and 
evaporation until the intensity of the flavor and 
aroma of the coffee and chiccory has been diminished 
to a proper degree; then set aside to cool. Now 
unharness the remains of a once cow from the plow, 
insert them in a hydraulic press, and when you shall 
have acquired a teaspoonful of that pale blue juice 
which a German superstition regards as milk, modify 



266 A Tramp Abroad 

the malignity of its strength in a bucket of tepid 
water and ring up the breakfast. Mix the beverage 
in a cold cup, partake with moderation, and keep a 
wet rag around your head to guard against over- 
excitement. 



To Carve Fowls hi the German Fashion. 
Use a club, and avoid the joints. 



CHAPTER XXI. 

I WONDER why some things are? For instance, 
Art is allowed as much indecent license to-day 
as in earlier times — but the privileges of Literature 
in this respect have been sharply curtailed within 
the past eighty or ninety years. Fielding and 
Smollett could portray the beastliness of their day 
in the beastliest language ; we have plenty of foul 
subjects to deal with in our day, but we are not 
allowed to approach them very near, even with nice 
and guarded forms of speech. But not so with Art. 
The brush may still deal freely with any subject, 
however revolting or indelicate. It makes a body 
ooze sarcasm at every pore, to go about Rome and 
Florence and see what this last generation has been 
doing with the statues. These works, which had 
stood in innocent nakedness for ages, are all fig- 
leaved now. Yes, every one of them. Nobody 
noticed their nakedness before, perhaps; nobody 
can help noticing it now, the fig-leaf makes it so 
conspicuous. But the comical thing about it all, is, 
that the fig-leaf is confined to cold and pallid marble, 
which would be still cold and unsuggestive without 

(267) 



268 A Tramp Abroad 

this sham and ostentatious symbol of modesty, 
whereas warm-blooded paintings which do really 
need it have in no case been furnished with it. 

At the door of the Uffizzi, in Florence, one is 
confronted by statues of a man and a woman, nose- 
less, battered, black with accumulated grime, — they 
hardly suggest human beings — yet these ridiculous 
creatures have been thoughtfully and conscientiously 
fig-leaved by this fastidious generation. You enter, 
and proceed to that most-visited little gallery that 
exists in the world — the Tribune — and there, 
against the wall, without obstructing rag or leaf, 
you may look your fill upon the foulest, the vilest, 
the obscenest picture the world possesses — Titian's 
Venus. It isn't that she is naked and stretched out 
on a bed — no, it is the attitude of one of her arms 
and hand. If I ventured to describe that attitude, 
there would be a fine howl — but there the Venus 
lies, for anybody to gloat over that wants to — and 
there she has a right to lie, for she is a work of art, 
and Art has its privileges. I saw young girls steal- 
ing furtive glances at her; I saw young men gaze 
long and absorbedly at her; I saw aged, infirm men 
hang upon her charms with a pathetic interest. 
How I should like to describe her — just to see what 
a holy indignation I could stir up in the world — 
just to hear the unreflecting average man deliver 
himself about my grossness and coarseness, and all 
that. The world says that no worded description of 
a moving spectacle is a hundredth part as moving as 



A Tramp Abroad 269 

the same spectacle seen with one's own eyes — yet 
the world is willing to let its son and its daughter 
and itself look at Titian's beast, but won't stand a 
description of it in words. Which shows that the 
world is not as consistent as it might be. 

There are pictures of nude women which suggest 
no impure thought — I am well aware of that. I 
am not railing at such. What I am trying to em- 
phasize is the fact that Titian's Venus is very far 
from being one of that sort. Without any question 
it was painted for a bagnio and it was probably re- 
fused because it was a trifle too strong. In truth, 
it is too strong for any place but a public Art 
Gallery. Titian has two Venuses in the Tribune; 
persons who have seen them will easily remember 
which one I am referring to. 

In every gallery in Europe there are hideous pic- 
tures of blood, carnage, oozing brains, putrefaction 
— pictures portraying intolerable suffering — pic- 
tures alive with every conceivable horror, wrought 
out in dreadful detail — and similar pictures are 
being put on the canvas every day and publicly -ex- 
hibited — without a growl from anybody — for they 
are innocent, they are inoffensive, being works of 
art. But suppose a literary artist ventured to go 
into a painstaking and elaborate description of one 
of these grisly things — the critics would skin him 
alive. Well, let it go, it cannot be helped; Art 
retains her privileges, Literature has lost hers. 
Somebody else may cipher out the whys and the 

1 8** 



270 A Tramp Abroad 

wherefores and the consistencies of it — I haven't 
got time. 

Titian's Venus defiles and disgraces the Tribune, 
there is no softening that fact, but his "Moses" 
glorifies it. The simple truthfulness of this noble 
work wins the heart and the applause of every 
visitor, be he learned or ignorant. After wearying 
one's self with the acres of stuffy, sappy, expression- 
less babies that populate the canvases of the Old 
Masters of Italy, it is refreshing to stand before this 
peerless child and feel that thrill which tells you you 
are at last in the presence of the real thing. This is 
a human child, this is genuine. You have seen him 
a thousand times — you have seen him just as he is 
here — and you confess, without reserve, that Titian 
was a Master. The doll-faces of other painted 
babes may mean one thing, they may mean another, 
but with the "Moses" the case is different. The 
most famous of all the art critics has said, " There 
is no room for doubt, here — plainly this child is in 
trouble." 

I consider that the " Moses " has no equal among 
the works of the Old Masters, except it be the 
divine Hair Trunk of Bassano. I feel sure that if 
all the other Old Masters were lost and only these 
two preserved, the world would be the gainer by it. 

My sole purpose in going to Florence was to see 
this immortal " Moses," and by good fortune I was 
just in time, for they were already preparing to 
remove it to a more private and better protected 



A Tramp Abroad 271 

place because a fashion of robbing the great galleries 
was prevailing in Europe at the time. 

I got a capable artist to copy the picture ; Panne- 
maker, the engraver of Dore's books, engraved it 
for me, and I have the pleasure of laying it before 
the reader in this volume. 

We took a turn to Rome and some other Italian 
cities — then to Munich, and thence to Paris — 
partly for exercise, but mainly because these things 
were in our projected program, and it was only 
right that we should be faithful to it. 

From Paris I branched out and walked through 
Holland and Belgium, procuring an occasional lift 
by rail or canal when tired, and I had a tolerably 
good time of it " by and large." I worked Spain 
and other regions through agents to save time and 
shoe leather. 

We crossed to England, and then made the 
homeward passage in the Cunarder Gallia, a very 
fine ship. I was glad to get home — immeasurably 
glad; so glad, in fact, that it did not seem possible 
that anything could ever get me out of the country 
again. I had not enjoyed a pleasure abroad which 
seemed to me to compare with the pleasure I felt in 
seeing New York harbor again. Europe has many 
advantages which we have not, but they do not 
compensate for a good many still more valuable 
ones which exist nowhere but in our own country. 
Then we are such a homeless lot when we are over 



272 A Tramp Abroad 

there! So are Europeans themselves, for that 
matter. They live in dark and chilly vast tombs,— 
costly enough, maybe, but without conveniences. 
To be condemned to live as the average European 
family lives would make life a pretty heavy burden 
to the average American family. 

On the whole, I think that short visits to Europe 
are better for us than long ones. The former pre- 
serve us from becoming Europeanized ; they keep 
our pride of country intact, and at the same time 
they intensify our affection for our country and our 
people ; whereas long visits have the effect of dull- 
ing those feelings, — at least in the majority of 
cases. I think that one who mixes much with 
Americans long resident abroad must arrive at this 
conclusion. 

THE END 



APPENDIX 



Nothing gives such weight and 

dignity to a book as an Appendix. 

Herodotus. 

THE PORTIER 

Omar KhayXm, the poet-prophet of Persia, Avriting more than eight 
hundred years ago, has said : 

"In the four parts of the earth are many that are able to write 
learned books, many that are able to lead armies, and many also that 
are able to govern kingdoms and empires; but few there be that can 
keep a hotel." 

A word about the European hotel portier. He is a most admirable 
invention, a most valuable convenience. He always wears a con- 
spicuous uniform; he can always be found when he is wanted, for he 
sticks closely to his post at the front door; he is as polite as a duke; he 
speaks from four to ten languages; he is your surest help and refuge 
in time of trouble or perplexity. He is not the clerk, he is not the 
landlord; he ranks above the clerk, and represents the landlord, who 
is seldom seen. Instead of going to the clerk for information, as we do 
at home, you go to the portier. It is the pride of our average hotel 
clerk to know nothing whatever; it is the pride of the portier to know 
everything. You ask the portier at what hours the trains leave, — he 
tells you instantly; or you ask him who is the best physician in town; or 
what is the hack tariff; or how many children the mayor has; or what 
days the galleries are open, and whether a permit is required, and where 
you are to get it, and what you must pay for it; or when the theaters 
18 »* (273) 



274 A Tramp Abroad 

open and close, what the plays are to be, and the price ot seats; or 
what is the newest thing in hats; oi how the bills of mortality average; 
or "who struck Billy Patterson." It does not matter what you ask 
him: in nine cases out of ten be knows, and in the tenth case he will 
find out for you before you can turn around three times. There is noth- 
ing he will not put his hand to. Suppose you tell him you wish to go 
from Hamburg to Peking by the way of Jericho, and are ignorant of 
routes and prices, — the next morning he will hand you a piece of paper 
with the whole thing worked out on it to the last detail. Before you 
have been long on European soil, you find yourself still saying you are 
relying on Providence, but when you come to look closer you will see 
that in reality you are relying on the portier. He discovers what is 
puzzling you, or what is troubling you, or what your need is, before you 
can get the half of it out, and he promptly says, " Leave that to me." 
Consequently, you easily drift into the habit cf leaving everything to him. 
There is a certain embarrassment about applying to the average American 
hotel clerk, a certain hesitancy, a sense of insecurity against rebuff; but 
you feel no embarrassment in your intercourse with the portier; he 
receives your propositions with an enthusiasm which cheers, and plunges 
into their accomplishment with an alacrity which almost inebriates. The 
more requirements you can pile upon him., the better he likes it. Of 
course the result is that you cease from doing anything for yourself. He 
calls a hack when you want one; puts you into it; tells the driver 
whither to take you; iccci"ps you like a lonq lost child when you return; 
sends you about your business, does all the quarreling with the hack- 
man himself, and pays him his money out of his own pocket. He sends 
for your theater tickets, and pays for them; he sends for any possible 
article you can require, be it a doctor, an elephant, or a postage stamp; 
and when you leave, at last, you will find a subordinate seated with the 
cab driver who will put you in your railway compartment, buy your 
tickets, have your baggage weighed, bring you the printed tags, and tell 
you everything is in your bill and paid for. At home you get such 
elaborate, excellent, and willing service as this only in the best hotels of 
our large cities; but in Europe you get it in the mere back country 
towns just as well. 

What is the secret of the portier's devotion? It is very simple: he 
gtis fees, attd no salary. His fee is pretty closely regulated, too. If 
you stay a week in the house, you give him five marks — a dollar and a 
quarter, or about eighteen cents a day. If you stay a month, you 



A Tramp Abroad 275 

reduce this average somewhat. If you stay two or three months or 
longer, you cut it down half, or even more than half. If you stay only 
one day, you give the portier a mark. 

The head waiter's fee is a shade less than the portier's; the Boots, 
who not only blacks your boots and brushes your clothes, but is usually 
the porter and handles your baggage, gets a somewhat smaller fee than 
the head waiter; the chambermaid's fee ranks below that of the Boots. 
You fee only these four, and no one else. A German gentleman told 
me that when he remained a week in a hotel, he gave the portier five 
marks, the head waiter four, the Boots three, and the chambermaid 
two; and if he staid three months he divided ninety marks among 
them, in about the above proportions. Ninety marks make $22.50. 

None of these fees are ever paid until you leave the hotel, though it 
be a year, — except one of these four servants should go away in the 
meantime; in that case he will be sure to come and bid you good-bye 
and give you the opportunity to pay him what is fairly coming to him. 
It is considered very bad policy to fee a servant while you are still to 
remain longer in the hotel, because if you gave him too little he might 
neglect you afterward, and if you gave him too much he might neglect 
somebody else to a'.tend to you. It is considered best to keep his 
expectations " on a string " until your stay is concluded. 

I do not know whether hotel servants in New York get any wages 
or not, but I do know that in some of the hotels there the feeing system 
in vogue is a heavy burden. The waiter expects a quarter at breakfast, 
— and gets it. You have a different waiter at luncheon, and so he gets 
a quarter. Your waiter at dinner is another stranger, — consequently 
he gets a quarter. The boy who carries your satchel to your room and 
lights your gas fumbles around and hangs around significantly, and you 
fee him to get rid of him. Now you may ring for ice water; and ten 
minutes later for a lemonade; and ten minutes afterwards, for a cigar; 
and by and by for a newspaper, — and what is the result? Why, a new 
boy has appeared every time and fooled and fumbled around until you 
have paid him something. Suppose you boldly put your foot down, 
and say it is the hotel's business to "pay its servants? — and suppose you 
stand your ground and stop feeing? You wUl have to ring your bell ten 
or fifteen times before yon get a servant there; and when he goes off to 
fill your order you will grow old and infirm before you see him aga^n. 
You may struggle nobly for twenty-four hours, maybe, if you are an 
ladamantine sort of person, but in the meantime you will have been so 



276 A Tramp Abroad 

wretchedly served, and so insolently, that yoa will haul down youi 
colors, and go to impoverishing yourself with fees. 

It seems to me that it would be a happy idea to import the European 
feeing system into America. I believe it would result in getting even 
the bells of the Philadelphia hotels answered, and cheerful service 
rendered. 

The greatest American hotels keep a number of clerks and a cashier, 
and pay them salaries which mount up to a considerable total in the 
course of a year. The great continental hotels keep a cashier on a 
trifling salary, and a portier who pays the hotel a salary. By the latter 
system both the hotel and the public save money and are better served 
than by our system. One of our consuls told me that the portier of a 
great Berlin hotel paid $5,000 a year for his position, and yet cleared 
$6,000 for himself. The position of portier in the chief hotels of 
Saratoga, Long Branch, New York, and similar centers of resort, would 
be one which the holder could afford to pay even more than $5,000 for, 
perhaps. 

When we borrowed the feeing fashion from Europe a dozen years 
ago, the salary system ought to have been discontinued, of course. We 
might make this correction now, I should think. And we might add 
the portier, too. Since I first began to study the portier, I have had 
opportunities to observe him in the chief cities of Germany, Switzer- 
land, and Italy; and the more I have seen of him the more I have 
wished that he might be adopted in America, and become there, as he 
is in Europe, the stranger's guardian angel. 

Yes, what was true eight hundred years ago, is just as true to-day : 
" Few there be that can keep hotel." Perhaps it is because the land- 
lords and their subordinates have in too many cases taken up their trade 
without first learning it. In Europe the trade of hotel-keeper is taught. 
The apprentice begins at the bottom of the ladder and masters the 
several grades one after the other. Just as in our country printing- 
offices the apprentice first learns how to sweep out and bring water; 
then learns to "roll"; then to sort "pi"; then to set type; and 
finally rounds and completes his education with job-work and press- 
work; so the landlord-apprentice serves as call-boy; then as under- 
waiter; then as a parlor waiter; then as head-waiter, in which position he 
often has to make out all the bills; then as clerk or cashier; then as portier. 
His trade is learned now, and by and by he will assume the style and 
dignity of landlord, and be found conducting a hotel of his own. 



A Tramp Abroad 27? 

Now in Europe, the same as in America, when a man has kept a 
hotel so thoroughly well during a number of years as to give it a great 
reputation, he has his reward. He can live prosperously on that reputa- 
tion. He can let his hotel run down to the last degree of shabbiness 
and yet have it full of people all the time. For instance, there is the 
Hotel de Ville, in Milan. It swarms with mice and fleas, and if the 
rest of the world were destroyed it could furnish dirt enough to start 
another one with. The food would create an insurrection in a poor- 
house; and yet if you go outside to get your meals that hotel makes up 
its loss by over-charging you on all sorts of trifles, — and without 
making any denials or excuses about it, either. But the Hotel de Ville's 
old excellent reputation still keeps its dreary rooms crowded with 
travelers who would be elsewhere if they had only had some wise friend 
to warn them. 



B 

HEIDELBERG CASTLE 

Heidelberg Castle must have been very beautiful before the French 
battered and bruised and scorched it two hundred years ago. The stone 
is brown, with a pinkish tint, and does not seem to stain easily. The 
dainty and elaborate ornamentation upon its two chief fronts is as 
delicately carved as if it had been intended for the interior of a draw- 
ing-room rather than for the outside of a house. Many fruit and 
flower-clusters, human heads and grim projecting lion's heads are still 
as perfect in every detail as if they were new. But the statues which 
are ranked between the windows have suffered. These are life-size 
statues of old-time emperors, electors, and similar grandees, clad in 
mail and bearing ponderous swords. Some have lost an arm, some a 
head, and one poor fellow is chopped off at the middle. There is a 
saying that if a stranger will pass over the drawbridge and walk across 
the court to the castle front without saying anything, he can make a 
wish and it will be fulfilled. But they say that the truth of this thing 
has never had a chance to be proved, for the reason that before any 
stranger can walk from the drawbridge to the appointed place, the 
beauty of the palace front will extort an exclamation of delight from 
him. 

A ruin must be rightly situated, to be effective. This one could not 
have been better placed. It stands upon a commanding elevation, it is 
buried in green woods, there is no level ground about it, but, on the 
contrary, there are wooded terraces upon terraces, and one looks down 
thiough shining leaves into profound chasms and abysses where twilight 
reigns and the sun cannot intrude. Nature knows how to garnish a 
ruin to get the best effect. One of these old towers is split down the 
middle, and one half has tumbled aside. It tumbled in such a way as 
to establish itself in a picturesque attitude. Then all it lacked was a 

(278) 



A Tramp Abroad 279 

fitting drapery, and Nature has furnished that; she has robed the 
rugged mass in flowers and verdure, and made it a charm to the eye. 
The standing half exposes its arched and cavernous rooms to you, hlce 
open, toothless mouths; there, too, the vines and flov/ers have done 
their work of grace. The rear portion of the tower has not been 
neglected^ either, but is clothed with a clinging garment of pohshed ivy 
which hides the wounds and stains of time. Even the top is not left 
bare, but is crowned with a flourishing group of trees and shrubs. 
Misfortune has done for this old tower what it has done for the human 
character sometimes — improved it. 

A gentleman remarked, one day, that it might have been fine to live 
in the castle in the day of its prime, but that we had one advantage 
which its vanished inhabitants lacked — the advantage of having a 
charming ruin to visit and muse over. But that was a hasty idea. 
Those people had the advantage of us. They had the fine castle to live 
in, and they could cross the Rhine valley and muse over the stately ruin 
of Trifels besides. The Trifels people, in their day, five hundred years 
ago, could go and muse over majestic ruins which have vanished, now, 
to the last stone. There have always been ruins, no doubt; and there 
have always been pensive people to sigh over them, and asses to scratch 
upon them their names and the important date of their visit. Within a 
hundred years after Adam left Eden, the guide probably gave the usual 
general flourish with his hand and said: "Place where the animals 
were named, ladies and gentlemen; place where the tree of the forbid- 
den fruit stood; exact spot where Adam and Eve first met; and here, 
ladies and gentlemen, adorned and hallowed by the names and addresses 
of three generations of tourists, we have the crumbling remains of Cain's 
altar, — fine old ruin!" Then, no doubt, he taxed them a shekel 
apiece and let them go. 

An illumination of Heidelberg Castle is one of the sights of Europe, 
The Castle's picturesque shape; its commanding situation, midway up 
the steep and wooded mountain side; its vast size, — these features 
combine to make an illumination a most effective spectacle. It is 
necessarily an expensive show, and consequently rather infrequent. 
Therefore whenever one of these exhibitions is to take place, the news 
goes about in the papers and Heidelberg is sure to be full of people on 
that night. I and my agent had one of these opportunities, and im- 
proved it. 

About half past seven on the appointed evening we crossed tbs 



280 A Tramp Abroad 

lower bridge, with some American students, in a pouring rain, and 
started up the road which borders the Neunheim side of the river. 
This roadway was densely packed with carriages and foot passengers; 
the former of all ages, and the latter of all ages and both sexes. This 
black and solid mass was struggling painfully onward, through the slop, 
the darkness, and the deluge. We waded along for three-quarters of a 
mile, and finally took up a position in an unsheltered beer garden 
directly opposite the Castle. We could not see the Castle, — or any- 
thing else, for that matter, — but we could dimly discern the outlines of 
the mountain over the way, through the pervading blackness, and knew 
whereabouts the Castle was located. We stood on one of the hundred 
benches in the garden, under our umbrellas; the other ninety-nine were 
occupied by standing men and women, and they also had umbrellas. 
All the region round about, and up and down the river-road, was a 
dense wilderness of humanity hidden under an unbroken pavement of 
carriage tops and umbrellas. Thus we stood during two drenching 
hours. No rain fell on my head, but the converging whalebone points 
of a dozen neighboring umbrellas poured little cooling streams of water 
down my neck, and sometimes into my ears, and thus kept me from 
getting hot and impatient. I had the rheumatism, too, and had heard 
that this was good for it. Afterward, however, I was led to believe that 
the water treatment is noi good for rheumatism. There were even little 
girls in that dreadful place. A man held one in his arms, just in front 
of me, for as much as an hour, with umbrella-drippings soaking into 
her clothing all the time. 

In the circumstances, two hours was a good while for us to have to 
wait, but when the illumination did at last come, we felt repaid. It 
came unexpectedly, of course, — things always do, that have been long 
looked and longed for. With a perfectly breath-taking suddenness 
several vast sheaves of varicolored rockets were vomited skyward out of 
the black throats of the castle towers, accompanied by a thundering 
crash of sound, and instantly every detail of the prodigious ruin stood 
revealed against the mountain side and glowing with an almost intoler- 
able splendor of fire and color. For some little time the whole building 
was a blinding crimson mass, the towers continued to spout thick col- 
umns of rockets aloft, and overhead the sky was radiant with arrowy 
bolts which clove their way to the zenith, paused, curved gracefully 
downward, then burst into brilliant fountain sprays of richly-colored 
sparks. The red fires died slowly down, within the castle, and pre- 



A Tramp Abroad 281 

sently the shell grew nearly black outside; the angry glare that shone 
out through the broken arches and innumerable sashless windows, now, 
reproduced the aspect which the Castle must have borne in the old time 
when the French spoilers saw the monster bonfire which they had made 
there fading and smouldering toward extinction. 

While we still gazed and enjoyed, the ruin was suddenly enveloped 
in rolling and tumbling volumes of vaporous green fire ; then in 
dazzling purple ones; then a mixture of many colors followed, and 
drowned the great fabric in its blended splendors. Meantime the 
nearest bridge had been illuminated, and from several rafts anchored in 
the river, meteor showers of rockets, Roman candles, bombs, serpents, 
and Catharine wheels were being discharged in wasteful profusion 
into the sky, — a marvelous sight indeed to a person as Httle used 
to such spectacles as I was. For a while the whole region about us 
seemed as bright as day, and yet the rain was falling in torrents all 
the time. The evening's entertainment presently closed, and we joined 
the innumerable caravan of half-drowned spectators, and waded home 
again. 

The Castle grounds are very ample and very beautiful; and as they 
joined the Hotel grounds, with no fences to climb, but only some nobly 
shaded stone stairways to descend, we spent a part of nearly every day 
in idling through their smooth walks and leafy groves. There was an 
attractive spot among the trees where were a great many wooden tables 
and benches; and there one could sit in the shade and pretend to sip 
at his foamy beaker of beer while he inspected the crowd. I say pre- 
tend, because I only pretended to sip, without really sipping. That is 
the polite way; but when you are ready to go, you empty the beaker at 
a draught. There was a brass band, and it furnished excellent music 
every afternoon. Sometimes so many people came that every seat was 
occupied, every table filled. And never a rough in the assemblage, — 
all nicely dressed fathers and mothers, young gentlemen and ladies and 
children; and plenty of university students and glittering officers; with 
here and there a gray professor, or a peaceful old lady with her knitting; 
and always a sprinkling of gawky foreigners. Everybody had his glass 
of beer before him, or his cup of coffee, or his bottle of wine, or his 
hot cutlet and potatoes; young ladies chatted, or fanned themselves, or 
wrought at their crotcheting or embroidering; the students fed sugar to 
their dogs, or discussed duels, or illustrated new fencing-tricks with their 
little canes; and everywhere was comfort and enjoyment, and every- 



282 A Tramp Abroad 

where peace and good-will to men. The trees were jubilant with birds, 
and the paths with rollicking children. One could have a seat in that 
place and plenty of music, any afternoon, for about eight cents, or a 
family ticket for the season for two dollars. 

For a change, when you wanted one, you could stroll to the castle, 
and burrow among its dungeons, or climb about its ruined towers, or 
visit its interior shows, — the great Heidelberg Tun, for instance. 
Everybody has heard of the great Heidelberg Tun, and most people 
have seen it, no doubt. It is a wine cask as big as a cottage, and some 
traditions say it holds eighteen hundred thousand bottles, and other 
traditions say it holds eighteen hundred million barrels. I think it likely 
that one of these statements is a mistake, and the other one a lie. 
However, the mere matter of capacity is a thing of no sort of conse- 
quence, since the cask is empty, and indeed has always been empty, 
history says. An empty cask the size of a cathedral could excite but 
little emotion in me. I do not see any vidsdom in building a monster 
cask to hoard up emptiness in, when you can get a better quality, out- 
side, any day, free of expense. What could this cask have been built 
for? The more one studies over that, the more uncertain and unhappy 
he becomes. Some historians say that thirty couples, some say thirty 
thousand couples, can dance on the head of this cask at the same time. 
Even this does not seem to me to account for the building of it. It 
does not even throw light on it. A profound and scholarly English- 
man, — a specialist, — who had made the great Heidelberg Tun his sole 
study for fifteen years, told me he had at last satisfied himself that the 
ancients built it to make German cream in. He said that the average 
German cow yielded from one to two and a half teaspoonfuls of milk, 
when she was not worked m the plow or the hay wagon more than 
eighteen or nineteen hours a day. This milk was very sweet and good, 
and of a beautiful transparent bluish tint; but in order to get cream 
from it in the most economical way, a peculiar process was necessary. 
Now he believed that the habit of the ancients was to collect several 
milkings in a teacup, pour it into the Great Tun, fill up with water, and 
then skim off the cream from time to time as the needs of the German 
Empire demanded. 

This began to look reasonable. It certainly began to account for 
the German cream which I had encountered and marveled over in so 
many hotels and restaurants. But a thought struck me, — 

•' Why did not each ancient dairyman take his own teacup of milk 



A Tramp Abroad 283 

and his own cask of water, and mix them, without maMng a govern' 
ment matter of it ? " 

" Where could he get a cask large enough to contain the right pro- 
portion of water?" 

Very true. It was plain that the Englishman had studied the matter 
from all sides. Still I thought I might catch him on one point; so I 
asked him why the modem empire did not make the nation's cream in 
the Heidelberg Tun, instead of leaving it to rot away unused. But he 
answered as one prepared, — 

"A patient and diligent examination of the modem German cream 
has satisfied me that they do not use the Great Tun now, because they 
have got a bigger one hid away somewhere. Either that is the case or 
they empty the spring milkings into the mountain torrents and then skim 
the Rhine all summer." 

There is a museum of antiquities in the castle, and among its most 
treasured relics are ancient manuscripts connected with German history. 
There are hundreds of these, and their dates stretch back through many 
centuries. One of them is a decree signed and sealed by the hand of 
a successor of Charlemagne, in the year 896. A signature made by a 
hand which vanished out of this life near a thousand years ago, is a 
more impressive thing than even a ruined castle. Luther's wedding 
ring was shown me; also a fork belonging to a time anterior to our era, 
and an early bootjack. And there was a plaster cast of the head of a 
man who was assassinated about sixty years ago. The stab-wounds in 
the face were duplicated with unpleasant fidelity. One or two real hairs 
still remained sticking in the eyebrows of the cast. That trifle seemed 
to almost change the counterfeit into a corpse. 

There are many aged portraits, — some valuable, some worthless; 
some of great interest, some of none at all. I bought a couple, — one 
a gorgeous duke of the olden time, and the other a comely blue-eyed 
damsel, a princess, maybe. I bought them to start a portrait gallery of 
my ancestors with. I paid a dollar and a half for the duke and two 
and a half for the princess. One can lay in ancestors at even cheaper 
rates than these, in Europe, if he will mouse among old picture shops 
and look out for chances. 



THE COLLEGE PRISON 

It seems that the student may break a good many of the public 
laws without having to answer to the public authorities. His case 
must come before the University for trial and punishment. If a police- 
man catches him in an unlawful act and proceeds to arrest him, the 
offender proclaims that he is a student, and perhaps shows his matricu- 
lation card, whereupon the officer asks for his address, then goes his 
way, and reports the matter at headquarters. If the offense is one over 
which the city has no jurisdiction, the authorities report the case officially 
to the University, and give themselves no further concern about it. The 
University court send for the student, listen to the evidence, and pro- 
nounce judgment. The punishment usually inflicted is imprisonment in 
the University prison. As I understand it, a student's case is often 
tried without his being present at all. Then something like this hap- 
pens : A constable in the service of the University visits the lodgings 
of the said student, knocks, is invited to come in, does so, and says 
politely, — 

" If you please, I am here to conduct you to prison." 

"Ah," says the student, "I was not expecting it. What have I 
been doing? " 

•' Two weeks ago the public peace had the honor to be disturbed by 
you." 

"It is true; I had forgotten it. Very well: I have been com- 
plained of, tried, and found guilty — is that it? " 

"Exactly. You are sentenced to two days' solitary confinement in 
the College prison, and I am sent to fetch you." 

Student. " O, I can ' t go to-day ! " 

Officer. " If you please, — why ? " 

Student. " Because I've got an engagement." 

Officer, "To-morrow, then, perhaps?" 

(284) 



A Tramp Abroad 285 

Student. " No, I am going to the opera, to-morrow." 

Officer. " Could you come Friday? " 

Student. (Reflectively.) "Let me see, — Friday — Friday. I 
don't seem to have anything on hand Friday." 

Officer. "Then, if you please, I will expect you on Friday." 

Student. " All right, I'll come around Friday." 

Officer. "Thank you. Good day, sir.". 

Student. "Good day." 

So on Friday the student goes to the prison of his own accord, and 
is admitted. 

It is questionable if the world's criminal history can show a custom 
more odd than this. Nobody knows, now, how it originated. There 
have always been many noblemen among the students, and it is pre- 
sumed that all students are gentlemen; in the old times it was usual to 
mar the convenience of such folk as little as possible; perhaps this 
indulgent custom owes its origin to this. 

One day I was listening to some conversation upon this subject when 
an American student said that for some time he had been under sentence 
for a slight breach of the peace and had promised the constable that he 
would presently find an unoccupied day and betake himself to prison. 
I asked the young gentleman to do me the kindness to go to jail as soon 
as he conveniently could, so that I might try to get in there and visit 
him, and see what college captivity was like. He said he would appoint 
the very first day he could spare. 

His confinement was to endure twenty-four hours. He shortly 
chose his day, and sent me word. I started immediately. When I 
reached the University Place, I saw two gentlemen talking together, 
and, as they had portfolios under their arms, I judged they were tutors 
or elderly students; so I asked them in English to show me the college 
jail. I had learned to take it for granted that anybody in Germany who 
knows anything, knows English, so I had stopped afflicting people with 
my German. These gentlemen seemed a trifle amused, — and a trifle 
confused, too, — but one of them said he would walk around the corner 
with me and show me the place. He asked me why I wanted to get in 
there, and I said to see a friend, — and for curiosity. He doubted if I 
would be admitted, but volunteered to put in a word or two for me with 
the custodian. 

He rang the bell, a door opened, and we stepped into a paved way 
and then into a small living-room, where we were received by a hearty 



286 A Tramp Abroad 

and good-natured German woman of fifty. She threw up her hands 
with a surprised " Ach Gott, Herr Professor ! " and exhibited a mighty 
deference for my new acquaintance. By the sparkle in her eye I judged 
she was a good deal amused, too. The "Herr Professor" talked to 
her in German, and I understood enough of it to know that he was 
bringing very plausible reasons to bear for admitting me. They were 
successful. So the Herr Professor received my earnest thanks and 
departed. The old dame got her keys, took me up two or three flights 
of stairs, unlocked a door, and we stood in the presence of the criminal. 
Then she went into a jolly and eager description of all that had occurred 
downstairs, and what the Herr Professor had said, and so forth and so 
on. Plainly, she regarded it as quite a superior joke that I had waylaid 
a Professor and employed him in so odd a service. But I wouldn't have 
done it if I had known he was a Professor; therefore my conscience 
was not disturbed. 

Now the dame left us to ourselves. The cell was not a roomy one; 
still it was a little larger than an ordinary prison cell. It had a window 
of good size, iron-grated; a small stove; two wooden chairs: two 
oaken tables, very old and most elaborately carved with names, mottoes, 
faces, armorial bearings, etc., — the work of several generations of 
imprisoned students; and a narrow wooden bedstead with a villainous 
old straw mattress, but no sheets, pillows, blankets, or coverlets, — for 
these the student must furnish at his own cost if he wants them. There 
was no carpet, of course. 

The ceiling was completely covered with names, dates, and mono- 
grams, done with candle smoke. The walls were thickly covered with 
pictures and portraits (in profile), some done with ink, some with soot, 
some with a pencil, and some with red, blue, and green chalks; and 
wherever an inch or two of space had remained between the pictures, 
the captives had written plaintive verses, or names and dates. I do not 
think I was ever in a more elaborately frescoed apartment. 

Against the wall hung a placard containing the prison laws. I m.ade 
a note of one or two of these. For instance: The prisoner must pay, 
for the "privilege" of entering, a sum equivalent to 20 cents of our 
money; for the privilege of leaving, when his term has expired, 20 
cents; for every day spent in the prison, 12 cents; for fire and light, 12 
cents a day. The jailer furnishes coffee, mornings, for a small sum; 
dinners and suppers may be ordered from outside if the prisonei 
chooses, — and he is allowed to pay for them, too. 



A Tramp Abroad 287 

Here and there, on the walls, appeared the names of American 
students, and in one place the American arms and motto were displayed 
in colored chalks. 

With the help of my friend I translated many of the inscriptions. 
Some of them were cheerful, others the reverse. I will give the reader 
a few specimens : 

" In my tenth semestre (my best one), I am cast here through the 
complaints of others. Let those who follow me take warning." 

"Ill Tage ohne Grund angeblich aus Neugierde." Which is to 
say, he had a curiosity to know what prison life was like; so he made a 
breach in some law and got three days for it. It is more than likely 
that he never had the same curiosity again. 

(^Translation.') *' E. Glinicke, four days for being too eager a 
spectator of a row." 

"F. Graf Bismarck, — 27-29, II, '74." Which means that Count 
Bismarck, son of the great statesman, was a prisoner two days in 1874. 

(^Translation.') " R, Diergandt, — for Love, — 4 days." Many 
people in this world have caught it heavier than that for the same 
indiscretion. 

This one is terse. I translate : 

" Four weeks for misinterpreted gallantry.''* 

I vnsh the sufferer had explained a little more fully. A four-weeks 
term is a rather serious matter. 

There were many uncomplimentary references, on the walls, to a 
certain unpopular college dignitary. One sufferer had got three days 
for not saluting him. Another had "here two days slept and three 
nights lain awake," on account of this same '* Dr. K." In one place 
was a picture of Dr. K. hanging on a gallows. 

Here and there, lonesome prisoners had eased the heavy time by 
altering the records left by predecessors. Leaving the name standing, 
and the date and length of the captivity, they had erased the descrip- 
tion of the misdemeanor, and written in its place, in staring capitals, 
" FOJR THEFT ! " or " FOR MURDER ! " or somc Other gaudy crime. In 
one place, all by itself, stood this blood-curdling word : 
"Rache !"* 

There was no name signed, and no date. It was an inscription well 
calculated to pique curiosity. One would greatly like to know the 

* " Revenge! " 



288 A Tramp Abroad 

nature of the wrong that had been done, and what sort of vengeance 
was wanted, and whether the prisoner ever achieved it or not. But 
there was no way of finding out these things. 

Occasionally, a name was followed simply by the remark, " II days, 
for disturbing the peace," and without comment upon the justice or in- 
justice of the sentence. 

In one place was a hilarious picture of a student of the green-cap 
corps with a bottle of champagne in each hand; and below was the 
legend: "These make an evil fate endurable." 

There were two prison cells, and neither had space left on walls or 
ceiling for another name or portrait or picture. The inside surfaces of 
the two doors were completely covered with cartes de visite of former 
prisoners, ingeniously let into the wood and protected from dirt and 
injuiy by glass. 

I very much wanted one of the sorry old tables which the prisoners 
had spent so many years in ornamenting with their pocket-knives, but 
red tape was in the way. The custodian could not sell one without an 
order from a superior; and that superior would have to get it from his 
superior; and this one would have to get it from a higher one, — and 
so on up and up until the faculty should sit oh the matter and deliver 
final judgment. The system was right, and nobody could find fault 
with it; but it did not seem justifiable to bother so many people, so I 
proceeded no further. It might have cost me more than I could afford, 
anyway; for one of those prison tables, which was at that time in a 
private museum in Heidelberg, was afterwards sold at auction for two 
hundred and fifty dollars. It was not worth more than a dollar, or 
possibly a dollar and a half, before the captive students began their 
work on it. Persons who saw it at the auction said it was so curiously 
and wonderfully carved that it was worth the money that was paid for it. 

Among the many who have tasted the college prison's dreary 
hospitality was a lively young fellow from one of the Southern States of 
America, whose first year's experience of German university life was 
rather peculiar. The day he arrived in Heidelberg he enrolled his name 
on the college books, and was so elated with the fact that his dearest 
hope had found fruition and he was actually a student of the old and 
renowned university, that he set to work that very night to celebrate the 
event by a grand lark in company with some other students. In the 
course of his lark he managed to make a wide breach in one of the 
university's most stringent laws. Sequel: before noon, next day, h« 



A Tramp Abroad 289 

was in the college prison, — booked for three months. The twelve long 
weeks dragged slowly by, and the day of deliverance came at last. A ■ 
great crowd of sympathizing fellow-students received him with a rousing 
demonstration as he came forth, and of course there was another grand 
lark, — in the course of which he managed to make a wide breach in 
one of the city^s most stringent laws. Sequel : before noon, next day, 
he was safe in the city lockup, — booked for three months. This 
second tedious captivity drew to an end in the course of time, and again 
a great crowd of sympathizing fellow-students gave him a rousing 
reception as he came forth; but his delight in his freedom was so 
boundless that he could not proceed soberly and calmly, but must go 
hopping and skipping and jumping down the sleety street from sheer 
excess of joy. Sequel : he slipped and broke his leg, and actually lay 
in the hospital during the next three months ! 

When he at last became a free man again, he said he believed he 
would hunt up a brisker seat of learning; the Heidelberg lectures might 
be good, but the opportunities of attending them were too rare, the 
educational process too slow; he said he had come to Europe with the 
idea that the acquirement of an education was only a matter of time, 
but if he had averaged the Heidelburg system conectly, it was rather a 
matter of eternity. 



D 



THE AWFUL GERMAN LANGUAGE 
A little learning makes the whole world kin. — Proverbs xxxii, J, 

I WENT often to look at the collection of curiosities in Heidelberg 
Castle, and one day I surprised the keeper of it with my German. I 
spoke entirely in that language. He was greatly interested; and after 
I had talked awhile he said my German was very rare, possibly a 
" unique " ; and wanted to add it to his museum. 

If he had known what it had cost me to acquire my art, he would 
also have known that it would break any collector to buy it. Harris 
and I had been hard at work on our German during several weeks at 
that time, and although we had made good progress, it had been 
accomplished under great difficulty and annoyance, for three of our 
teachers had died in the meantime. A person who has not studied 
German can form no idea of what a perplexing language it is. 

Surely there is not another language that is so slipshod and system- 
less, and so slippery and elusive to the grasp. One is washed about in 
it, hither and hither, in the most helpless way; and when at last he 
thinks he has captured a rule which offers firm ground to take a rest on 
amid the general rage and turmoil of the ten parts of speech, he turns 
over the page and reads, "Let the pupil make careful note of the fol- 
lowing exceptions." He runs his eye down and finds that there are 
more exceptions to the rule than instances of it. So overboard he goes 
again, to hunt for another Ararat and find another quicksand. Such 
has been, and continues to be, my experience. Every time I think I 
have got one of these four confusing " cases '* where I am master of it, 
a seemingly insignificant preposition intrudes itself into my sentence, 
clothed with an awful and unsuspected power, and crumbles the ground 
from under me. For instance, my book inquires after a certain bird — 

(290) 



A Tramp Abroad 291 

(it is always inquiring after tilings wliich are of no sort of consequence 
to anybody) : " Where is tlie bird? " Now tiie answer to tiiis question, 

— according to ttie booli, — is that the bird is waiting in the blacksmith 
shop on account of the rain. Of course no bird would do that, but then 
you must stick to the book. Very well, I begin to cipher out the 
German for that answer. I begin at the wrong end, necessarily, for 
that is the German idea. I say to myself, " Regen (rain) is masculine 

— or maybe it is feminine — or possibly neuter — it is too much trouble 
to look now. Therefore, it is either der (the) Regen, or die (the) 
Regen, or das (the) Regen, according to which gender it may turn out 
to be when I look. In the interest of science, I will cipher it out on the 
hypothesis that it is masculine. Very well — then the rain is der Regen, 
if it is simply in the quiescent state of being mentioned, without enlarge- 
ment or discussion — Nominative case; but if this rain is lying around, 
in a kind of a general way on the ground, it is then definitely located, it 
is doing something — that is, resting (which is one of the German gram- 
mar's ideas of doing something), and this throws the rain into the 
Dative case, and makes it dem Regen. However, this rain is not rest- 
ing, but is doing something actively, — it is falling, — to interfere with 
the bird, likely, — and this indicates movement, which has the effect of 
sliding it into the Accusative case and changing dem Regen into den 
Regen." Having completed the grammatical horoscope of this matter, 
I answer up confidently and state in German that the bird is staying in 
the blacksmith j«hop "wegen (on account of) den Regen." Then the 
teacher lets me softly down with the remark that whenever the word 
"wegen" drops into a sentence, it always throws that subject into the 
Genitive case, regardless of consequences — and that therefore this bird 
staid in the blacksmith shop " wegen des Regens." 

N. B. I was informed, later, by a higher authority, that there was 
an " exception " which permits one to say " wegen den Regen " in cer- 
tain peculiar and complex circumstances, but that this exception is not 
extended to anything but rain. 

There are ten parts of speech, and they are all troublesome. Ad 
average sentence, in a German newspaper, is a sublime and impressive 
curiosity; it occupies a quarter of a column; it contains all the ten part* 
of speech — not in regular order, but mixed; it is built mainly of com- 
pound words constructed by the writer on the spot, and not to be found i» 
any dictionary — six or seven words compacted into one, without joint ox 
seam — that is, without hyphens; it treats of fourteen or fifteen different 

8»» 



292 A Tramp Abroad 

subjects, each enclosed in a parenthesis of its own, with here and there 
extra parentheses which re-enclose three or four of the minor parenthe- 
ses, making pens within pens: finally, all the parentheses and reparen- 
theses are massed together between a couple of king-parentheses, one of 
which is placed in the first line of the majestic sentence and the other in 
the middle of the last line of it — after which comes the verb, and you 
find out for the first time what the man has been talking about ; and 
after the verb — merely by way of ornament, as far as I can make out, 

— the writer shovels in ^' haben sind gewesen gehabt haben geworden 
sein,^' or words to that effect, and the monument is finished. I suppose 
that this closing hurrah is in the nature of the flourish to a man's signa- 
ture — not necessary, but pretty. German books are easy enough to 
read when you hold them before the looking-glass or stand on your 
head, — so as to reverse the construction, — but I think that to learn to 
read and understand a German newspaper is a thing which must always 
remain an impossibility to a foreigner. 

Yet even the German books are not entirely free from attacks of the 
Parenthesis distemper — though they are usually so mild as to cover 
only a few lines, and therefore when you at last get down to the verb it 
carries some meaning to your mind because you are able to remember a 
good deal of what has gone before. 

Now here is a sentence from a popular and excellent German novel, 

— with a slight parenthesis in it. I will make a perfectly literal trans- 
lation, and throw in the parenthesis-marks and some hyphens for the 
assistance of the reader, — though in the original there are no parenthe- 
sis-marks or hyphens, and the reader is left to flounder through to the 
remote verb the best way he can : 

" But when he, upon the street, the (in-satin-and-silk-covered-now- 
very-unconstrainedly-after-the-newest-fashion-dressed) government coun- 
sellor's wife met," etc., etc.* 

That is from " The Old Mamselle's Secret," by Mrs. Marlitt. And 
that sentence is constructed upon the most approved German model. 
You observe how far that verb is from the reader's base of operations; 
well, in a German newspaper they put their verb away over on the next 
page; and I have heard that sometimes after stringing along on exciting 
preliminaries and parentheses for a column or two, they get in a hurry 

* Wenn er aber auf der Strasse der in Sammt und Seide gehiillten 
jetz sehr ungenirt nach der neusten mode gekleideten Regierungsrathin 
begegnet." 



A Tramp Abroad '295 

and have to go to press without getting to the verb at all. Of course, 
then, the reader is left in a very exhausted and ignorant state. 

We have the Parenthesis disease in our literature, too; and one may 
see cases of it every day in our books and newspapers : but with us it is 
the mark and sign of an unpracticed writer or a cloudy intellect, where- 
as with the Germans it is doubtless the mark and sign of a practiced pen 
and of the presence of that sort of luminous intellectual fog which stands 
for clearness among these people. For surely it is not clearness, — it 
necessarily can't be clearness. Even a jury would have penetration 
enough to discover that. A writer's ideas must be a good deal confused, 
a good deal out of line and sequence, when he starts out to say that a 
man met a counsellor's wife in the street, and then right in the midst of 
this so simple undertaking halts these approaching people and makes 
them stand still until he jots down an inventory of the woman's dress. 
That is manifestly absurd. It reminds a person of those dentists who 
secure your instant and breathless interest in a tooth by taking a grip on 
it with the forceps, and then stand there and drawl through a tedious 
anecdote before they give the dreaded jerk. Parentheses in literature 
and dentistry are in bad taste. 

The Germans have another kind of parenthesis, which they make by 
splitting a verb in two and putting half of it at the beginning of an excit- 
ing chapter and the other half at the end of it. Can any one conceive 
of anything more confusing than that? These things are called " separ- 
able verbs." The German grammar is blistered all over with separable 
verbs; and the wider the two portions of one of them are spread apart, 
the better the author of the crime is pleased with his performance. A 
favorite one is reiste ab, — which means departed. Here is an example 
which I culled from a novel and reduced to English : 

" The trunks being now ready, he DE- after kissing his mother and 
sisters, and once more pressing to his bosom his adored Gretchen, who, 
dressed in simple white muslin, with a single tuberose in the ample 
folds of her rich brown hair, had tottered feebly down the stairs, still 
pale from the terror and excitement of the past evening, but longing to 
lay her poor aching head yet once again upon the breast of him whom 
she loved more dearly than life itself, PARTED." 

However, it is not well to dwell too much on the separable verbs. 
One is sure to lose his temper early; and if he sticks to the subject, 
and will not be warned, it will at last either soften his brain or petrify it. 
Personal pronouns and adjectives are a fruitful nuisance in this language, 



294 A Tramp Abroad 

and should have been left out. For instance, the same sound, sie, 
means you, and it means she, and it means her, and it means ii, and it 
means t/iey, and it means them. Think of the ragged poverty of a lan- 
guage which has to make one word do the work of six, — and a poor 
little weak thing of only three letters at that. But mainly, think of the 
exasperation of never knowing which of these meanings the speaker is 
trying to convey. This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, 
I generally try to kill him, if a stranger. 

Now observe the Adjective. Here was a case where simplicity 
would have been an advantage; therefore, for no other reason, the in- 
ventor of this language complicated it all he could. When we wish to 
speak of our *' good friend or friends," in our enlightened tongue, we 
stick to the one form and have no trouble or hard feeling about it ; but 
with the German tongue it is different. When a German gets his hands 
on an adjective, he declines it, and keeps on declining it until the com- 
mon sense is all declined out of it. It is as bad as Latin. He says, for 
instance : 

SINGULAR. 

Nominative — Mein guti?r Freund, my good friend. 
Genitive — Mein^j gu/'f « Freund^j, of my good friend. 
Dative — Meinifw gut^w Freund, to my good friend. 
Accusative — Mein<f« gut^« Freund, my good friend. 

PLURAL. 

N. — Mein^ gut^w Freundf, my good friends. 

G. — Mein<fr gut^;? Freund,?, of my good friends. 

D. — Mein(f« gut^w Freundi?«, to my good friends. 

A. — Mein^ gut^w Freund^", my good friends. 

Now let the candidate for the asylum try to memorize those varia- 
tions, and see how soon he will be elected. One might better go with- 
out friends in Germany than take all this trouble about them. I have 
shown what a bother it is to decline a good (male) friend; well this is 
only a third of the work, for there is a variety of new distortions of the 
adjective to be learned when the object is feminine, and still another 
when the object is neuter. Now there are more adjectives in this lan- 
guage than there are black cats in Switzerland, and they must all be as 
elaborately declined as the examples above suggested. Difficult? — 
troublesome? — these words cannot describe it. I heard a Californian 
student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would 
rather decline two drinks than one German adjective. 



A Tramp Abroad 295 

The inventor of the language seems to have taken pleasure in com- 
plicating it in every way he could think of. For instance, if one is cas- 
ually referring to a house, Haus, or a horse, Pferd, or a dog, Hund, he 
spells these words as I have indicated; but if he is referring to them in 
the Dative case, he sticks on a foolish and unnecessary e and spells 
them Hause, Pferde, Hunde. So, as an added e often signifies the 
plural, as the j does with us, the new student is likely to go on for a 
month making twins out of a Dative dog before he discovers his mis- 
take; and on the other hand, many a new student who could ill afford 
loss, has bought and paid for two dogs and only got one of them, 
because he ignorantly bought that dog in the Dative singular when he 
really supposed he was talking plural, — which left the law on the seller's 
side, of course, by the strict rules of grammar, and therefore a suit for 
recovery could not lie. 

In German, all the Nouns begin with a capital letter. Now that is a 
good idea; and a good idea, in this language, is necessarily conspicuous 
from its lonesomeness. I consider this capitalizing of nouns a good 
idea, because by reason of it you are almost always able to tell a noun 
the minute you see it. You fall into error occasionally, because you 
mistake the name of a person for the name of a thing, and waste a good 
deal of time trying to dig a meaning out of it. German names almost 
always do mean something, and this helps to deceive the student. I 
translated a passage one day, which said that " the infuriated tigress 
broke loose and utterly ate up the unfortunate fir- forest " ( Tannenwald), 
When I was girding up my loins to doubt this, I found out that Tannen- 
wald in this instance, was a man's name. 

Every noun has a gender, and there is no sense or system in the 
distribution; so the gender of each must be learned separately and by 
heart. There is no other way. To do this one has to have a memory 
like a memorandum book. In German, a young lady has no sex, while 
a turnip has. Think what overwrought reverence that shows for the 
turnip, and what callous disrespect for the girl. See how it looks in 
print — I translate this from a conversation in one of the best of the 
German Sunday-school books : 

" Gretchen, Wilhelm, where is the turnip? 

" Wilhelm. She has gone to the kitchen. 

" Gretchen. Where is the accomplished and beautiful English 
maiden ? 

" Wilhelm. It has gone to the opera." 



296 A Tramp Abroad 

To continue with the German genders : a tree is male, its buds are 
female, its leaves are neuter; horses are sexless, dogs are male, cats are 
female, — Tom-cats included, of course; a person's mouth, neck, 
bosom, elbows, fingers, nails, feet, and body, are of the male sex, and 
his head is male or neuter according to the word selected to signify it, 
and not according to the sex of the individual who wears it, — for in 
Germany all the women wear either male heads or sexless ones; a per- 
son's nose, lips, shoulders, breast, hands, hips, and toes are of the 
female sex; and his hair, ears, eyes, chin, legs, knees, heart, and con- 
science, haven't any sex at all. The inventor of the language probably 
got what he knew about a conscience from hearsay. 

Now, by the above dissection, the reader will see that in Germany a 
man may think he is a man, but when he comes to look into the matter 
closely, he is bound to have his doubts; he finds that in sober truth he 
is a most ridiculous mixture; and if he ends by trying to comfort himself 
with the thought that he can at least depend on a third of this mess as 
being manly and masculine, the humiliating second thought will quickly 
remind him that in this respect he is no better off than any woman or 
cow in the land. 

In the German it is true that by some oversight of the inventor of 
the language, a Woman is a female; but a Wife ( Weib) is not, — 
which is unfortunate. A Wife, here, has no sex; she is neuter; so, 
according to the grammar, a fish is he, his scales are she, but a fishwife 
is neither. To describe a wife as sexless may be called under-descrip- 
tion; that is bad enough, but over-description is surely worse. A 
German speaks of an Englishman as the Englander ; to change the 
sex, he adds inn, and that stands for Englishwoman, — Engldnderinn. 
That seems descriptive enough, but still it is not exact enough for a 
German; so he precedes the word with that article which indicates that 
the creature to follow is feminine, and writes it down thus: '^^ die 
Englandermw," — which means "the she-Englishwoman.^' I con- 
sider that that person is over-described. 

Well, after the student has learned the sex of a great number of 
nouns, he is still in a difficulty, because he finds it impossible to per- 
suade his tongue to refer to things as " A; " and " she," and " him " 
and " her," which it has been always accustomed to refer to as " it." 
When he even frames a German sentence in his mind, with the hims 
and hers in the right places, and then works up his courage to the 
utterance-point, it is no use, — the moment he begins to speak his 



A Tramp Abroad 297 

tongue flies the track and all those labored males and females come out 
as " its." And even when he is reading German to himself, he always 
calls those things "it"t whereas he ought to read in this way: 

Tale of the Fishwife and Its Sad Fate ♦ 

It is a bleak Day. Hear the Rain, how he pours, and the Hail, how 
he rattles; and see the Snow, how he drifts along, and oh the Mud, 
how deep he is ! Ah the poor Fishwife, it is stuck fast in the Mire ; it 
has dropped its Basket of Fishes; and its Hands have been cut by the 
Scales as it seized some of the falling Creatures; and one Scale has even 
got into its Eye, and it cannot get her out. It opens its Mouth to cay 
for Help; but if any Sound comes out of him, alas he is drowned by the 
raging of the Storm. And now a Tomcat has got one of the Fishes 
and she will surely escape with him. No, she bites off a Fin, she holds 
her in her Mouth, — will she swallow her ? No, the Fishwife's brave 
Mother-dog deserts his Puppies and rescues the Fin, — which he eats, 
himself, as his Reward. O, horror, the Lightning has struck the Fish- 
basket; he sets him on Fire; see the Flame, how she licks the doomed 
Utensil vnth her red and angry Tongue; now she attacks the helpless 
Fishwife's Foot, — she bums him up, all but the big Toe, and even she 
is partly consumed; and still she spreads, still she waves her fiery 
Tongues; she attacks the Fishwife's Leg and destroys it ; she attacks 
its Hand and destroys her ; she attacks its poor worn Garment and 
destroys her also; she attacks its Body and consumes him; she 
wreathes herself about its Heart and it is consumed; next about its 
Breast, and in a Moment she is a Cinder; now she reaches its Neck, 
— he goes; now its Chin, — it goes; now its Nose, — she goes. In 
another Moment, except Help come, the Fishwife will be no more. 
Time presses, — is there none to succor and save ? Yes ! Joy, joy, with 
flying Feet the she-Englishwoman comes ! But alas, the generous she- 
Female is too late : where now is the fated Fishwife ? It has ceased 
from its Sufferings, it has gone to a better Land; all that is left of it for 
its loved Ones to lament over, is this poor smouldering Ash-heap. Ah, 
woful, woful Ash-heap ! Let us take him up tenderly, reverently, upon 
the lowly Shovel, and bear him to his long Rest, with the Prayer that 
when he rises again it will be in a Realm where he will have one good 

*I capitalize the nouns, in the German (and ancient English) 
fashion. 



298 A Tramp Abroad 

square responsible Sex, and have it all to himself, instead of having a 
mangy lot of assorted Sexes scattered all over him in Spots. 



There, now, the reader can see for himself that this pronoun busi* 
ness is a very awkward thing for the unaccustomed tongue. 

I suppose that in all languages the similarities of look and sound 
between words which have no similarity in meaning are a fruitful source 
of perplexity to the foreigner. It is so in our tongue, and it is notably 
the case in the German. Now there is that troublesome word vermahlt: 
to me it has so close a resemblance, — either real or fancied, — to three 
or four other words, that I never know whether it means despised, 
painted, suspected, or married; until I look in the dictionary, and then 
I find it means the latter. There are lots of such words and they are a 
great torment. To increase the difficulty there are words which seem to 
resemble each other, and yet do not; but they make just as much 
trouble as if they did. For instance, there is the word verniiethen (to 
let, to lease, to hire); and the word verheirathen (another way of say- 
ing to marry). I heard of an Englishman who knocked at a man's 
door in Heidelberg and proposed, in the best German he could com- 
mand, to "verheirathen" that house. Then there are some words 
which mean one thing when you emphasize the first syllable, but mean 
something very different if you throw the emphasis on the last syllable. 
For instance, there is a word which means a runaway, or the act of 
glancing through a book, according to the placing of the emphasis; and 
another word which signifies to associate with a man, or to avoid him, 
according to where you put the emphasis, — and you can generally 
depend on putting it in the wrong place and getting into trouble. 

There are some exceedingly useful words in this language. Schlagt 
for example; and Zug. There are three-quarters of a column of Schlags 
in the dictionary, and a column and a half of Zugs. The word Schlag 
means Blow, Stroke, Dash, Hit, Shock, Clap, Slap, Time, Bar, Coin, 
Stamp, Kind, Sort, Manner, Way, Apoplexy, Wood-Cutting, Enclosure, 
Field, Forest-Qearing. This is its simple and exact meaning, — that is 
to say, its restricted, its fettered meaning; but there are ways by which 
you can set it free, so that it can soar away, as on the wings of the 
morning, and never be at rest. You can hang any word you please to 
its tail, and make it mean anything you want to. You can begin with 
Schlag-ader , which means artery, and you can hang on the whole 



A Tramp Abroad 290 

dictionary, word by word, clear through the alphabet to Schlag-wasser, 
which means bilge-water, — and including Schlag-mutter, which means 
mother-in-law. 

Just the same with Zug. Strictly speaking, Zug means Pull, Tug, 
Draught, Procession, March, Progress, Flight, Direction, Expedition, 
Train, Caravan, Passage, Stroke, Touch, Line, Flourish, Trait of Char- 
acter, Feature, Lineament, Chess-move, Organ-stop, Team, Whiff, 
Bias, Drawer, Propensity, Inhalation, Disposition: but that thing which 
it does not mean, — when all its legitimate pendants have been hung on, 
has not been discovered yet. 

One cannot over-estimate the usefulness of Schlag and Zug. Armed 
just with these two, and the word Also, what cannot the foreigner on 
German soil accomplish? The German word Also is the equivalent of 
the English phrase "You know," and does not mean anything at all, — ■ 
in talk, though it sometimes does in print. Every time a German opens 
his mouth an Also falls out; and every time he shuts it he bites one in 
two that was trying to get out. 

Now, the foreigner, equipped with these three noble words, is master 
of the situation. Let him talk right along, fearlessly; let him pour his 
indifferent German forth, and when he lacks for a word, let him heave 
a Schlag into the vacuum; all the chances are that it fits it like a plug, 
but if it doesn't let him promptly heave a Zug3.iiQX it; the two together 
can hardly fail to bung the hole; but if, by a miracle, they should fail, 
let him simply say Also ! and this will give him a moment's chance to 
think of the needful word. In Germany, when you load your conversa- 
tional gun it is always best to throw in a Schlag or two and a Zug or 
two, because it doesn't make any difference how much the rest of the 
charge may scatter, you are bound to bag something with them. Then 
you blandly say Also, and load up again. Nothing gives such an air of 
grace and elegance and unconstraint to a German or an English con- 
versation as to scatter it full of " Also's " or " Vou-knows." 

In my note-book I find this entry : 

July I. — In the hospital yesterday, a word of thirteen syllables was 
successfully removed from a patient, — a North-German from near Ham- 
burg; but as most unfortunately the surgeons had opened him in the 
wrong place, under the impression that he contained a panorama, he 
died. The sad event has cast a gloom over the whole community. 

That paragraph furnishes a text for a few remarks about one of the 
most curious and notable features of my subject, — the length of Germaa 



300 A Tramp Abroad 

words. Some Gennan words are so long that they have a perspective. 
Observe these examples: 

Freundschaftsbezeigungen. 

Dilettantenaufdringlichkeiten. 

Stadtverordnetenversammlungen . 

These things are not words, they are alphabetical processions. And 
they are not rare; one can open a German newspaper any time and see 
them marching majestically across the page, — and if he has any imagin- 
ation he can see the banners and hear the music, too. They impart a 
martial thrill to the meekest subject. I take a great interest in these 
curiosities. Whenever I come across a good one, I stuff it and put it in 
my museum. In this way I have made quite a valuable collection. 
When I get duplicates, I exchange with other collectors, and thus 
increase the variety of my stock. Here are some specimens which I 
lately bought at an auction sale of the effects of a bankrupt bric-a-brac 
hunter : 

Generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen. 

Alterthumswissenschaften. 

kinderbewahrungsanstalten. 

Unabhaengigkeitserklaerungen. 

Wiedererstellungsbestrebungen. 

Waffenstillstandsunterhandlungen. 

Of course when one of these grand mountain ranges goes stretching 
across the printed page, it adorns and ennobles that literary landscape, 
■ — but at the same time it is a great distress to the new student, for it 
blocks up his way; he cannot crawl under it, or climb over it, or tunnel 
through it. So he resorts to the dictionary for help, but there is no 
help there. The dictionary must draw the line somewhere, — so if 
leaves this sort of words out. And it is right, because these long things 
are hardly legitimate words, but are rather combinations of words, and 
the inventor of them ought to have been killed. They are compound 
words with the hyphens left out. The various words used in building 
them are in the dictionary, but in a very scattered condition; so you can 
hunt the materials out, one by one, and get at the meaning at last, but 
it is a tedious and harassing business. I have tried this process upon 
some of the above examples. "Freundschaftsbezeigungen" seems to 
be " Friendship demonstrations," which is only a foolish and clumsy 
way of saying " demonstrations of friendship." "Unabhaengigkeitser- 
klaerungen" seems to be " Independencedeclarations," which is no 



A Tramp Abroad 30I 

Improvement upon "Declarations of Independence," so far as I can 
see. " Generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen " seems to be "Gen- 
eralstatesrepresentativesmeetings," as nearly as I can get at it, — a mere 
rhythmical, gushy euphuism for "meetings of the legislature," I judge. 
We used to have a good deal of this sort of crime in our literature, but 
it has gone out now. We used to speak of a thing as a " never-to-be- 
forgotten " circumstance, instead of cramping it into the simple and 
sufficient word " memorable " and then going calmly about our business 
as if nothing had happened. In those days we were not content to 
embalm the thing and bury it decently, we wanted to build a monument 
over it. 

But in our newspapers the compounding-disease lingers a little to the 
present day, but with the hyphens left out, in the German fashion. 
This is the shape it takes: instead of saying " Mr. Simmons, clerk of 
the county and district courts, was in town yesterday," the new form 
puts it thus: " Clerk of the County and District Court Simmons was in 
town yesterday." This saves neither time nor ink, and has an awkward 
sound besides. One often sees a remark like this in our papers:" Mrs. 
Assistant District Attorney Johnson returned to her city residence yes- 
terday for the season." That is a case of really unjustifiable compound- 
ing; because it not only saves no time or trouble, but confers a title on 
Mrs. Johnson which she has no right to. But these little instances are 
trifles indeed, contrasted with the ponderous and dismal German system 
of piling jumbled compounds together. I wish to submit the following 
local item, from a Mannheim journal, by way of illustration: 

"In the daybeforeyesterdayshortlyaftereleveno' clock Night, the 
inthistownstandingtavern called ' The Wagoner ' was downburnt. When 
the fire to the onthedownburninghouseresting Stork's Nest reached, flew 
the parent Storks away. But when the bytheraging, firesurrounded Nest 
itself caught Fire, straightway plunged the quickreturning Mother Stork 
into the Flames and died, her Wings over her young ones outspread." 

Even the cumbersome German construction is not able to take the 
pathos out of that picture, — indeed, it somehow seems to strengthen it. 
This item is dated away back yonder months ago. I could have used it 
sooner, but I was waiting to hear from the Father-Stork. I am still 
waiting. 

*^ Also !" If I have not shown that the German is a difficult lan- 
guage, I have at least intended to do it. I have heard of aa American 
student who was asked how he was getting along with his German, and 
20** 



302 A Tramp Abroad 

who answered promptly : " I am not getting along at all. I have 
worked at it hard for three level months, and all I have got to show for 
it is one solitary German phrase, — ' Zwei glas,^ " (two glasses of 
beer). He paused a moment, reflectively ; then added with feeling : 
" But I've got that solid!" 

And if I have not also shown that German is a harassing and in- 
furiating study, my execution has been at fault, and not my intent. I 
heard lately of a worn and sorely-tried American student who used to 
fly to a certain German word for relief when he could bear up under 
his aggravations no longer, — the only word in the whole language 
whose sound was sweet and precious to his ear and healing to his lacer- 
ated spirit. This was the word Damit. It was only the .J^MMt/ that 
helped him, not the meaning;* and so, at last, when he learned that 
the emphasis was not on the first syllable, his only stay and support was 
gone, and he faded away and died. 

I think that a description of any loud, stirring, tumultuous episode 
must be tamer in German than in English. Our descriptive words of 
this character have such a deep, strong, resonant sound, while their 
German equivalents do seem so thin and mild and energyless. Boom, 
burst, crash, roar, storm, bellow, blow, thunder, explosion; howl, cry, 
shout, yell, groan; battle, hell. These are magnificent words; they 
have a force and magnitude of sound befitting the things which they 
describe. But their German equivalents would be ever so nice to sing 
the children to sleep with, or else my awe-inspiring ears were made for 
display and not for superior usefulness in analyzing sounds. Would any 
man want to die in a battle which was called by so tame a term as a 
Schlacht? Or would not a consumptive feel too much bundled up, who 
was about to go out, in a shirt collar and a seal ring, into a storm which 
the bird-song word Gewitter was employed to describe? And observe 
the strongest of the several German equivalents for explosion, — Aus- 
bruch. Our word Toothbrush is more powerful than that. It seems to 
me that the Germans could do worse than import it into their language 
to describe particularly tremendous explosions with. The German word 
for hell, — Holle, — sounds more like //<?//>' than anything else ; there- 
fore, how necessarily chipper, frivolous, and unimpressive it is. If a 
man were told in German to go there, could he really rise to the dignity 
of feeling insulted? 



♦ It merely means, in its general sense, " herewith." 



A Tramp Abroad 303 

Having now pointed out, in detail, the several vices of this language, 
I now come to the brief and pleasant task of pointing out its virtues. 
The capitalizing of the nouns I have already mentioned. But far before 
this virtue stands another, — that of spelling a word according to the 
sound of it. After one short lesson in the alphabet, the student can 
tell how any German word is pronounced without having to ask ; 
whereas in our language if a student should inquire of us, ' ' What 
does B, O, W, spell? " we should be obliged to reply, "Nobody can 
tell what it spells when you set it off by itself ; you can only tell by 
referring to the context and finding out what it signifies, — whether it is 
a thing to shoot arrows with, or a nod of one's head, or the forward 
end of a boat." 

There are some German words which are singularly and powerfully 
effective. For instance, those which describe lowly, peaceful, and 
affectionate home life ; those which deal with love, in any and all 
forms, from mere kindly feeling and honest good will toward the pass- 
ing stranger, clear up to courtship ; those which deal with outdoor 
Nature, in its softest and loveliest aspects, — with meadows and forests, 
and birds and flowers, the fragrance and sunshine of summer, and the 
moonlight of peaceful winter nights; in a word, those which deal with 
any and all forms of rest, repose, and peace; those also which deal 
with the creatures and marvels of fairyland; and lastly and chiefly, in 
those words which express pathos, is the language surpassingly rich and 
effective. There are German songs which can make a stranger to the 
language cry. That shows that the sound of the words is correct, — it 
interprets the meanings with truth and with exactness; and so the ear is 
informed, and through the ear, the heart. 

The Germans do not seem to be afraid to repeat a word when it is 
the right one. They repeat it several times, if they choose. That is 
wise. But in English, when we have used a word a couple of times in 
a paragraph, we imagine we are growing tautological, and so we are 
weak enough to exchange it for some other word which only approxi- 
mates exactness, to escape what we wrongly fancy is a greater blemish. 
Repetition may be bad, but surely inexactness is worse. 



There are people in the world who will take a great deal of trouble 
10 point out the faults in a religion or a language, and then go blandly 
about their business without suggesting any remedy. I am not that kino 



304 A Tramp Abroad 

of a person. I have shown that the German language needs reforming. 
Very well, I am ready to reform it. At least I am ready to make the 
proper suggestions. Such a course as this might be immodest in an- 
other; but I have devoted upwards of nine full weeks, first and last, to 
a careful and critical study of this tongue, and thus have acquired a 
confidence in my ability to reform it which no mere superficial culture 
could have conferred upon me. 

In the first place, I would leave out the Dative Case. It confuses 
the plurals ; and, besides, nobody ever knows when he is in the Dative 
Case, except he discover it by accident, — and then he does not know 
when or where it was that he got into it, or how long he has been in it, 
or how he is ever going to get out of it again. The Dative Case is but 
an ornamental folly, — it is better to discard it. 

In the next place, I would move the Verb further up to the front. 
You may load up with ever so good a Verb, but I notice that you never 
really bring down a subject with it at the present German range, — you 
only cripple it. So I insist that this important part of speech should be 
brought forward to a position where it may be easily seen with the 
naked eye. 

Thirdly, I would import some strong words from the English tongue, 
— to swear with, and also to use in describing all sorts of vigorous 
things in a vigorous way.* 

Fourthly, I would reorganize the sexes, and distribute them accord- 
ing to the will of the Creator. This as a tribute of respect, if nothing 
else. 

Fifthly, I would do away with those great long compounded words ; 



• " Verdammt" and its variations and enlargements, are words 
which have plenty of meaning, but the sounds are so mild and in- 
effectual that German ladies can use them without sin. German ladies 
who could not be induced to commit a sin by any persuasion or com- 
pulsion, promptly rip out one of these harmless little words when they 
tear their dresses or don't like the soup. It sounds about as wicked as 
our "My gracious." German ladies are constantly saying, "Ach! 
Gott!" "MeinGott!" "Gott in Himmel ! " «' Herr Gott ! " " Der 
Herr Jesus! "etc. They think our ladies have the same custom, per- 
haps ; for I once heard a gentle and lovely old German lady say to a 
sweet young American girl: "The two languages are so alike — how 
pleasant that is ; we say ' Ach ! Gott I ' you say ' Goddam,^ " 



A Tramp Abroad 305 

or require the speaker to deliver them in sections, with intermissions foi 
refreshments. To wholly do away with them would be best, for ideas 
are more easily received and digested when they come one at a time 
than when they come in bulk. Intellectual food is like any other ; it is 
pleasanter and more beneficial to take it with a spoon than with a 
shovel. 

Sixthly, I would require a speaker to stop when he is done, and not 
hang a string of those useless " haben sind gewesen gehabt haben 
geworden seins " to the end of his oration. This sort of gew-gaws 
undignify a speech, instead of adding a grace. They are, therefore, an 
offense, and should be discarded. 

Seventhly, I would discard the Parenthesis. Also the re-parenthesis, 
the re-re-parenthesis, and the re-re-re-re-re-re-parentheses, and likewise 
the final wide-reaching all-enclosing King-parenthesis. I would require 
every individual, be he high or low, to unfold a plain straightforward 
tale, or else coil it and sit on it and hold his peace. Infractions of this 
law should be punishable with death. 

And eighthly and last, I would retain Zug and Schlag, with their 
pendants, and discard the rest of the vocabulary. This would simplify 
the language. 

I have now named what I regard as the most necessary and impor- 
tant changes. These are perhaps all I could be expected to name for 
nothing ; but there are other suggestions which I can and will make in 
case my proposed application shall result in my being formally employed 
by the government in the work of reforming the language. 

My philological studies have satisfied me that a gifted person ought 
to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, 
French in thirty days, and German in thirty years. It seems manifest, 
then, that the latter tongue ought to be trimmed down and repaired. If 
it is to remain as it is, it ought to be gently and reverently set aside 
among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it. 

A Fourth of July Oration in the German Tongue, delivered 
AT A Banquet of the Anglo-American Club of Students 
BY the Author of this Book. 

Gentlemen : Since I arrived, a month ago, in this old wonderland, 
this vast garden of Germany, my English tongue has so often proved a 
useless piece of baggage to me, and so troublesome to carry around, io 
20 »» 



306 A Tramp Abroad 

a country where they haven't the checking system for luggage, that I 
finally set to work, last week, and learned the German language. Also 1 
Es freut mich dass dies so ist, denn es muss, in ein hauptsachlich degree, 
hoflich sein, dass man auf ein occasion like this, sein Rede in die 
Sprache des Landes worin he boards, aussprechen soli. Dafur habe ich, 
aus reinische Verlegenheit, — no, Vergangenheit, — no, I mean H6f« 
lichkeit, — aus reinische Hoflichkeit habe ich resolved to tackle this 
business in the German language, um Gottes willen ! Also ! Sie miissen 
so freundlich sein, und verzeih mich die interlarding von ein oder zwei 
Englischer Worte, hie und da, denn ich finde dass die deutsche is not a 
very copious language, and so when you've really got anything to say, 
you've got to draw on a language that can stand the strain. 

Wenn aber man kann nicht meinem Rede verstehen, so werde ich 
ihm spater dasselbe i'lbersetz, wenn er solche Dienst verlangen woUen 
haben werden sollen sein hatte. (I don't know what wollen haben werden 
sollen sein hatte means, but I notice they always put it at the end of a 
Gannan sentence — merely for general literary gorgeousness, I sup- 
pose.) 

This is a great and justly honored day, — a day which is worthy of 
the veneration in which it is held by the true patriots of all climes and 
nationalities, — a day which ofters a fruitful theme for thought and 
speech; und meinem Freunde, — no, mein^w Freund^«, — mein« Freun- 
des, — well, take your choice, they're all the same price; I don't know 
which one is right, — also ! ich habe gehabt haben worden gewesen 
sein, as Goethe says in his Paradise Lost, — ich, — ich, — that is to say, 
— ich, — but let us change cars. 

Also ! Die Anblick so viele Grossbrittanischer und Amerikanischer 
hier zusammengetroffen in Bruderliche concord, ist zwar a welcome and 
inspiriting spectacle. And what has moved you to it? Can the terse 
German tongue rise to the expression of this impulse? Is it Freund- 
schaftsbezeigungenstadtverordnetenversammlungenfamilieneigenthiim- 
lichkeiten? Nein, o nein ! This is a crisp and noble word, but it fails 
to pierce the marrow of the impulse which has gathered this friendly 
meeting and produced diese Anblick, — eine Anblick welche ist gut zu 
sehen, — gut flir die Augen in a foreign land and a far country, — eine 
Anblick solche als in die gewohnliche Heidelberger phrase nennt man ein 
" schones Aussicht ! " Ja, freilich natiirlich wahrscheinlich ebensowohl ! 
Also ! Die Aussicht auf dem Konigsstuhl mehr grosserer ist, aber geist- 
lische sprechend nicht so schon, lob' Gott! Because sie sind hier 



A Tramp Abroad 307 

zusammengetroffen, in Bruderlichem concord, ein grossen Tag zu feiern, 
whose high benefits were not for one land and one locahty only, but 
have conferred a measure of good upon all lands that know liberty 
to-day, and love it. Hundert Jahre voruber, waren die Englander und 
die Amerikaner Feinde ; aber heute sind sie herzlichen Freunde, Gott 
sei Dank ! May this good fellowship endure ; may these banners here 
blended in amity so remain ; may they never any more wave over oppos- 
ing hosts, or be stained with blood which was kindred, is kindred, and 
always will be kindred, until a line drawn upon a map shall be able to 
say: " This bars the ancestral blood from flowing in the veins of the 
descendant!" 



LEGEND OF THE CASTLES 

CALLED THE "SWALLOW'S NEST" AND "THE BROTHERS," AS CON- 
DENSED FROM THE CAFFAIN'S TALE 

In the neighborhood of three hundred years ago the Swallow's Nest 
and the larger castle between it and Neckarsteinach were owned and 
occupied by two old knights who were twin brothers, and bachelors. 
They had no relatives. They were very rich. They had fought through 
the wars and retired to private life — covered with honorable scars. 
They were honest, honorable men in their dealings, but the people had 
given them a couple of nicknames which were very suggestive, — Herr 
Givenaught and Herr Heartless. The old knights were so proud of 
these names that if a burgher called them by their right ones they 
would correct them. 

The most renowned scholar in Europe, at that time, was the Herr 
Doctor Franz Reikmann, who lived in Heidelberg. All Germany was 
proud of the venerable scholar, who lived in the simplest way, for great 
scholars are always poor. He was poor, as to money, but very rich in 
his sweet young daughter Hildegarde and his library. He had been all 
his life collecting his library, book by book, and he loved it as a miser 
loves his hoarded gold. He said the two strings of his heart were 
rooted, the one in his daughter, the other in his books ; and that if 
either were severed he must die. Now in an evil hour, hoping to win a 
marriage portion for his child, this simple old man had entrusted his 
small savings to a sharper to be ventured in a glittering speculation. 
But that was not the worst of it : he signed a paper, — vnthout reading 
it. That is the way with poets and scholars ; they always sign without 
reading. This cunning paper made him responsible for heaps o* things, 

(-PS) 



A Tramp Abroad 3O9 

The result was that one night he found himself in debt to the sharper 
eight thousand pieces of gold ! — an amount so prodigious that it simply 
stupefied him to think of it. It was a night of woe in that house. 

"I must part with my library, — I have nothing else. So perishes 
one heartstring," said the old man. 

" What will it bring, father? " asked the girl. 

" Nothing ! It is worth seven hundred pieces of gold; but by auc- 
tion it will go for little or nothing." 

"Then you will have parted with the half of youi heart and the joy 
of your life to no purpose, since so mighty a burden of debt will remain 
behind." 

"There is no help for it, my child. Our darlings must pass under 
the hammer. We must pay what we can," 

" My father, I have a feeling that the dear Virgin will come to our 
help. Let us not lose heart." 

" She cannot devise a miracle that will turn no<Ain§^ into eight thou- 
sand gold pieces, and lesser help will bring us little peace." 

*' She can do even greater things, my father. She will save us, I 
know she will." 

Toward morning, while the old man sat exhausted and asleep in his 
chair where he had been sitting before his books as one who watches by 
his beloved dead and prints the features on his memory for a solace in 
the aftertime of empty desolation, his daughter sprang into the room 
and gently woke him, saying, — 

" My presentiment was true ! She will save us. Three times has 
she appeared to me in my dreams, and said, ' Go to the Herr Give- 
naught, go to the Herr Heartless, ask them to come and bid. There, 
did I not tell you she would save us, the thrice blessed Virgin ! " 

Sad as the old man was, he was obliged to laugh. 

" Thou mightest as well appeal to the rocks their castles stand upon 
as to the harder ones that lie in those men's breasts, my child. TAey 
bid on books writ in the learned tongues ! — they can scarce read their 
own." 

But Hildegarde's faith was in no wise shaken. Bright and early 
she was on her way up the Neckar road, as joyous as a bird. 

Meantune Herr Givenaught and Herr Heartless were having an 
early breakfast in the former's castle, — the Sparrow's Nest, — and 
flavoring it wdth a quarrel; for although these twins bore a love for each 
other which almost amounted to worship, there was one subject upoa 



310 A Tramp Abroad 

which they could not touch without calling each other hard names,— 
and yet it was the subject which they oftenest touched upon. 

"I tell you," said Givenaught, "you will beggar yourself yet witft 
your insane squanderings of money upon what you choose to consider 
poor and worthy objects. All these years I have implored you to stop 
this foolish custom and husband your means, but all in vain. You are 
always lying to me about these secret benevolences, but you never have 
managed to deceive me yet. Every time a poor devil has been set upon 
his feet I have detected your hand in it — incorrigible ass ! " 

"Every time you didn't set him on his feet yourself, you mean. 
Where I give one unfortunate a little private lift, you do the same for a 
dozen. The idea of your swelling around the country and petting 
yourself with the nickname of Givenaught, — intolerable humbug ! 
Before I would be such a fraud as that, I would cut my right hand off. 
Your life is a continual lie. But go on, I have tried my best to save you 
from beggaring yourself by your riotous charities, — now for the thou- 
sandth time I wash my hands of the consequences. A msiundering old 
fool ! that's what you are." 

"And you a blethering old idiot!" roared Givenaught, springing 
up. 

" I won't stay in the presence of a man who has no more delicacy 
than to call me such names. Mannerless swine! " 

So saying, Herr Heartless sprang up in a passion. But some lucky 
accident intervened, as usual, to change the subject, and the daily quar- 
rel ended in the customary daily loving reconciliation. The gray-headed 
old eccentrics parted, and Herr Heartless walked off to his own castle. 

Half an hour later, Hildegarde was standing in the presence of Herr 
Givenaught. He heard her story, and said, — 

" I am sorry for you, my child, but I am very poor, I care nothing 
for bookish rubbish, I shall not be there." 

He said the hard words kindly, but they nearly broke poor Hilde- 
garde's heart, nevertheless. When she was gone the old heart-breaker 
muttered, rubbing his hands, — 

" It was a good stroke. I have saved my brother's pocket this time, 
in spite of him. Nothing else would have prevented his rushing off to 
rescue the old scholar, the pride of Germany, from his troubles. The 
poor child won't venture near hiyn after the rebuff she has received from 
his brother the Givenaught." 

But he was mistaken. The Virgin had commanded, and Hildegarde 



A Tramp Abroad 3H 

would obey. She went to Herr Heartless and told her story. But he 
said coldly, — 

" I am very poor, my child, and books are nothing to me. I wish 
you well, but I shall not come." 

When Hildegarde was gone, he chuckled and said, — 

" How my fool of a soft-headed soft-hearted brother would rage if 
he knew how cunningly I have saved his pocket. How he would have 
flown to the old man's rescue ! But the girl won't venture near him 
now." 

When Hildegarde reached home, her father asked her how she had 
prospered. She said, — 

"The Virgin has promised, and she will keep her word; but not in 
the way I thought. She knows her own ways, and they are best." 

The old man patted her on the head, and smiled a doubting smile, 
but he honored her for her brave faith, nevertheless. 

n 

Next day the people assembled in the great hall of the Ritter tavern, 
to witness the auction, — for the proprietor had said the treasure of Ger- 
many's most honored son should be bartered away in no meaner place. 
Hildegarde and her father sat close to the books, silent and sorrowful, 
and holding each other's hands. There was a great crowd of people 
present. The bidding began, — 

"How much for this precious library, just as it stands, all com- 
plete?" called the auctioneer. 

" Fifty pieces of gold 1 " 

"A hundred! " 

"Two hundred I" 

"Three!" 

" Four ! 

"Five hundred!" 

" Five twenty-five ! 

A brief pause. 

" Five forty ! " 

A longer pause, while the auctioneer redoubled his persuasions. 

"Five forty-five!" 

A heavy drag — 'the auctioneer persuaded, pleaded, implored, — il 
was useless, everybody remained silent, — 

"Well, then, — going, going, — one, — two, — " 



312 A Tramp Abroad 

" Five hundred and fifty ! " 

This in a shrill voice, from a bent old man, all hung with rags, and 
with a green patch over his left eye. Everybody in his vicinity turned 
and gazed at him. It was Givenaught in disguise. He was using a 
disguised voice, too. 

" Good ! " cried the auctioneer. " Going, going, — one, — two, — " 

" Five hundred and sixty I " 

This, in a deep harsh voice, from the midst of the crowd at the other 
end of the room. The people near by turned, and saw an old man, in 
a strange costume, supporting himself on crutches. He wore a long 
white beard, and blue spectacles. It was Herr Heartless, in disguise, 
and using a disguised voice. 

" Good again ! Going, going, — one, — " 

" Six hundred ! " 

Sensation. The crowd raised a cheer, and some one cried out, 
" Go it. Green-patch ! " This tickled the audience and a score of 
voices shouted, " Go it, Green -patch '. " 

" Going, — going, — going, — third and last call, — one, — two, — " 

" Seven hundred ! " 

" Huzzah ! — well done. Crutches!" cried a voice. The crowd 
took it up, and shouted altogether, " Well done, Crutches ! " 

'• Splendid, gentlemen ! you are doing magnificently. Going, 
going,— " 

"A thousand!" 

" Three cheers for Green-patch 1 Up and at him. Crutches ! " 

" Going,— going,— " 

" Two thousand ! " 

And while the people cheered and shouted, "Crutches" muttered, 
" Who can this devil be that is fighting so to get these useless books? — 
But no matter, he shan't have them. The pride of Germany shall have 
his books if it beggars me to buy them for him." 

" Going, going, going,— " 

"Three thousand! " 

" Come, everybody — give a rouser for Green-patch ! " 

And while they did it, "Green-patch" muttered, "This cripple 
is plainly a lunatic; but the old scholar shall have his books, neverthe- 
less, though my pocket sweat for it " 

" Going,— going,— " 

♦• Four thousand 1 " 



A Tramp Abroad 313 

"Huzza!' 

" Five thousand ! " 

"Huzza!" 

"Six thousand! " 

"Huzza!" 

" Seven thousand ! " 

"Huzza!" 

" Eight thousand ! " 

"We are saved, father! I told you the Holy Virgin would keep 
her word!" "Blessed be her sacred name!" said the old scholar, 
with emotion. The crowd roared, ' ' Huzza, huzza, huzza, — at him 
again, Green-patch ! " 

" Going, — going, — " 

" Ten thousand ! " As Givenaught shouted this, his excitement was 
so great that he forgot himself and used his natural voice. His brother 
recognized it, and muttered, under cover of the storm of cheers, — 

"Aha, you are there, are you, besotted old fool? Take the books, 
I know what you'll do with them ! " 

So saying, he slipped out of the place and the auction was at an end. 
Givenaught shouldered his way to Hildegarde, whispered a word in her 
ear, and then he also vanished. The old scholar aud his daughter em- 
braced, and the former said, "Truly the Holy Mother has done more 
than she promised, child, for she has given you a splendid marriage por- 
tion, — think of it, two thousand pieces of gold ! " 

"And more stiU," cried Hildegarde, " for she has given you back 
your books; the stranger whispered me that he would none of them, — 
'the honored son of Germany must keep them,' so he said. I would I 
might have asked his name and kissed his hand and begged his blessing; 
but he was Our Lady's angel, and it is not meet that we of earth should 
venture speech with them that dwell above." 



GERMAN JOURNALS 

The daily journals of Hamburg, Frankfort, Baden, Munich, and 
Ai^sburg are all constructed on the same general plan. I speak of these 
because I am more familiar with them than with any other German 
papers. They contain no "editorials" whatever; no '* personals," — 
and this is rather a merit than a demerit, perhaps; no funny-paragraph 
column; no police court reports; no reports of proceedings of higher 
courts; no information about prize fights or other dog fights, horse 
races, walking matches, yachting contests, rifle matches, or other sport- 
ing matters of any sort; no reports of banquet-speeches; no department 
of curious odds and ends of floating fact and gossip; no "rumors" 
about anything or anybody; no prognostications or prophecies about 
anything or anybody; no lists of patents granted or sought, or any ref- 
erence to such things; no abuse of public officials, big or little, or com- 
plaints against them, or praises of them; no religious columns Satur- 
days, no rehash of cold sermons Mondays; no "weather indications"; 
no " local item " unveilings of what is happening in town, — nothing of 
a local nature, indeed, is mentioned, beyond the movements of some 
prince, or the proposed meeting of some deliberative body. 

After so formidable a list of what one can't find in a German daily, 
the question may well be asked, What can be found in it ? It is easily 
answered: A child's handful of telegrams, mainly about European 
national and international political movements; letter-correspondence 
about the same things; market reports. There you have it. That is 
what a German daily is made of. A German daily is the slowest and 
saddest and dreariest of the inventions of man. Our own dailies infuri- 
ate the reader, pretty often; the German daily only stupefies him. 
Once a week the German daily of the highest class lightens up its heavy 

(314^ 



A Tramp Abroad 315 

columns, — that is, it thinks it lightens them up, — with a profound, an 
abysmal, book criticism; a criticism which carries you down, down, 
down into the scientific bowels of the subject, — for the German critic is 
nothing if not scientific, — and when you come up at last and scent the 
fresh air and see the bonny daylight once more, you resolve without a 
dissenting voice that a book criticism is a mistaken way to lighten up a 
German daily. Sometimes, in place of the criticism, the first-class daily 
gives you what it thinks is a gay and chipper essay, — about ancient 
Grecian funeral customs, or the ancient Egyptian method of tarring a 
mummy, or the reasons for believing that some of the peoples who 
existed before the flood did not approve of cats. These are not un- 
pleasant subjects; they are not uninteresting subjects; they are even 
exciting subjects, — until one of these massive scientists gets hold of 
them. He soon convinces you that even these matters can be handled 
in such a way as to make a person low-spirited. 

As I have said, the average German daily is made up solely of cor- 
respondence, — a trifle of it by telegraph, the rest of it by mail. Every 
paragraph has the side-head, "London," "Vienna," or some other 
town, and a date. And always, before the name of the town, is placed 
a letter or a sign, to indicate who the correspondent is, so that the 
authorities can find him when they want to hang him. Stars, crosses, 
triangles, squares, half-moons, suns, — such are some of the signs used 
by correspondents. 

Some of the dailies move too fast, others too slowly. For instance, 
my Heidelberg daily was always twenty-four hours old when it arrived 
at the hotel ; but one of my Munich evening papers used to come a full 
twenty-four hours before it was due. 

Some of the less important dailies give one a tablespoonful of ji con- 
tinued story every day ; it is strung across the bottom of the page, in 
the French fashion. By subscribing for the paper for five years I judge 
that a man might succeed in getting pretty much all of the story. 

If you ask a citizen of Munich which is the best Munich daily jour- 
nal, he will always tell you that there is only one good Munich daily, 
and that it is published in Augsburg, forty or fifty miles away. It is 
like saying that the best daUy paper in New York is published out in 
New Jersey somewhere. Yes, the Augsburg Allgemeine Zeituttg is 
•' the best Munich paper," and it is the one I had in my mind when I 
was describing a " first-class German daily " above. The entire paper, 
opened out, is not quite as large as a single page of the New York 



316 A Tramp Abroad 

Herald. It is printed on both sides, of course ; but in such large type 
that its entire contents could be put, in Herald type, upon a single page 
of the Herald, — and there would still be room enough on the page for 
the Z(?»V««§-'i " supplement " and some portion of the Zeitung's next 
day's contents. 

Such is the first-class daily. The dailies actually printed in Munich 
are all called second-class by the public. If you ask which is the best 
of these second-class papers they say there is no difference : one is as 
good as another. I have preserved a copy of one of them ; it is called 
the Miinchener Tages-Anzeiger, and bears date January 25, 1879, 
Comparisons are odious, but they need not be nmlicious ; and without 
any maJice I wash to compare this journal, published in a German city 
of I70,0(X) inhabitants, with journals of other countries. I know of no 
other way to enable the reader to " size " the thing. 

A column of an average daily paper in America contains from 1,800 
to 2,500 words; the reading matter in a single issue consists of from 
25,000 to 50,000 words. The reading matter in my copy of the Munich 
journal consists of a total of 1,654 words, — for I counted them. That 
would be nearly a column of one of our daihes. A single issue of the 
bulkiest daily newspaper in the world — the London Times — often 
contains 100,000 words of reading matter. Considering that the Daily 
Anzeiger issues the usual twenty-six numbers per month, the reading 
matter in a single number of the London Times would keep it in 
"copy" two months and a half! 

The Anzeiger is an eight-page paper; its page is one inch wider and 
one inch longer than a foolscap page ; that is to say, the dimensions of 
its page are somewhere between those of a schoolboy's slate and a 
lady's pocket handkerchief. One-fourth of the first page is taken up 
with the heading of the journal ; this gives it a rather top-heavy appear- 
ance ; the rest of the first page is reading matter ; all of the second page 
is reading matter ; the ether six pages are devoted to advertisements. 

The reading matter is compressed into two hundred and five small 
pica lines, and is lighted up with eight pica head-lines. The bill of fare 
is as follows: First, under a pica head-line, to enforce attention and 
respect, is a four-line sermon urging mankind to remember that, 
although they are pilgrims here below, they are yet heirs of heaven ; 
and that " When they depart from earth they soar to heaven." Per- 
haps a four-line sermon in a Saturday paper is the sufficient German 
equivalent of the eight or ten columns of sermons which the Kew 



A Tramp Abroad 31; 

Vorkers get in their Monday morning papers. The latest news (two 
days old) follows the four-line sermon, under the pica head-line "Tele- 
grams," — these are " telegraphed" with a pair of scissors out of the 
Augsburger Zeiiung of the day before. These telegrams consist of 
fourteen and two-thirds lines from Berlin, fifteen lines from Vienna, and 
two and five-eighths lines from Calcutta. Thirty-three small pica lines 
of telegraphic news in a daily journal in a King's Capital of 170,000 
inhabitants is surely not an overdose. Next we have the pica heading, 
" News of the Day," under which the following facts are set forth: 
Prince Leopold is going on a visit to Vienna, six lines \ Prince Arnulph 
is coming back from Russia, two lines ; the Landtag will meet at ten 
o'clock in the morning and consider an election law, three lines and one 
word over ; a city government item, five and one-half lines ; prices of 
tickets to the proposed grand Charity Ball, twenty-three lines, — for 
this one item occupies almost one-fourth of the entire first page ; there 
is to be a wonderful Wagner concert in Frankfurt-on-the-Main, with 
an orchestra of one hundred and eight instruments, seven and one-half 
lines. That concludes the first page. Eighty-five lines, altogether, on 
that page, including three headlines. About fifty of those lines, as one 
perceives, deal with local matters ; so the reporters are not overworked. 

Exactly one-half of the second page is occupied with an opera crit- 
icism, fifty-three lines (three of them being headlines), and " Death 
Notices," ten lines. 

The other half of the second page is made up of two paragraphs 
under the head of " Miscellaneous News." One of these paragraphs 
tells about a quarrel between the Czar of Russia and his eldest son, 
twenty-one and a half lines ; and the other tells about the atrocious 
destruction of a peasant child by its parents, forty lines, or one-fifth of 
the total of the reading matter contained in the paper. 

Consider what a fifth part of the reading matter of an American 
daily paper issued in a city of 1 70,000 inhabitants amounts to ! Think 
what a mass it is. Would any one suppose I could so snugly tuck away 
such a mass in a chapter of this book that it would be difficult to find it 
again if the reader lof*. his place ? Surely not. I will translate that 
child murder word for word, to give the reader a realizing sense of what 
a fifth part of the reading matter of a Munich daily actually is when it 
comes under measurement of the eye : 

"From Oberkreuzberg, January 21, the Donau Zeifung xeceiv&s a 
jong account of a crime, which we shorten as follows : In Rametuach, 



318 A Tramp Abroad 

a village near Eppenschlag, lived a young married couple with two chil- 
dren, one of which, a boy aged five, was born three years before the 
marriage. For this reason, and also because a relative at Iggensbach 
had bequeathed M400 ($100) to the boy, the heartless father consid- 
ered him in the way ; so the unnatural parents determined to sacrifice 
him in the cruelest possible manner. They proceeded to starve him 
slowly to death, meantime frightfully maltreating him, — as the village 
people now make known, when it is too late. The boy was shut up in 
a hole, and when people passed by he cried, and implored them to give 
him bread. His long-continued tortures and deprivations destroyed him 
at last, on the third of January. The sudden (sic) death of the child 
created suspicion, the more so as the body was immediately clothed and 
laid upon the bier. Therefore the coroner gave notice, and an inquest 
was held on the 6th. What a pitiful spectacle was disclosed then ! The 
body was a complete skeleton. The stomach and intestines were utterly 
empty ; they contained nothing whatever. The flesh on the corpse was 
not as thick as the back of a knife, and incisions in it brought not a 
drop of blood. There was not a piece of sound skin the size of a dollar 
on the whole body ; wounds, scars, bruises, discolored extravasated 
blood, everywhere, — even on the soles of the feet there were wounds. 
The cruel parents asserted that the boy had been so bad that they had 
been obliged to use severe punishments, and that he finally fell over a 
bench and broke his neck. However, they were arrested two weeks 
after the inquest and put in the prison at Deggendorf." 

Yes, they were arrested "two weeks after the inquest." What a 
home sound that has. That kind of police briskness rather more re- 
minds me of my native land than German journalism does. 

I think a German daily journal doesn't do any good to speak of, but 
at the same time it doesn't do any harm. That is a very large merit, 
and should not be lightly weighed nor lightly thought of. 

The German humorous papers are beautifully printed upon fine paper, 
and the illustrations are finely drawn, finely engraved, and are not vap- 
idly funny, but deliciously so. So also, generally speaking, are the two 
or three terse sentences which accompany the pictures. I remember 
one of these pictures : A most dilapidated tramp is ruefully contem- 
plating some coins which He in his open palm. He says: " Well, beg- 
ging is getting played out. Only about five marks ($1.25) for the whole 
day ; many an official makes more ! " And I call to mind a picture of a 
commercial traveler who is about to unroll his samples : 



A Tramp Abroad 3 19 

Merchant (pettishly). —-No, don't. I don't want to buy anything! 
Drummer. — If you please, I was only going to show you — 
Merchant. — But I don't wish to see them ! 

Drummer (after a pause, pleadingly). — But do you mind letting 
me look at them I I haven't seen them for three weeks 1 



i 



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